an absolute toxic mess || r/AITA
Greetings guys, gals, and non-binary pals and welcome back to another video! Where I am sat on my couch surrounded by plushies. And today, I also have some recycling behind me, because moving requires a lot of boxes. And so week by week, we take out the rubbish and we still have a ton left.
It's going to take us probably till we have to move out before we can get rid of all of our recycling. And also, I have a hot water bottle that is tied around my waist because I have a sore back, And sitting on the couch makes my back even more sore. So... preventative measures. Anyway! Today, we are going to be taking a look at some posts on Reddit, Made by people wondering, Am I a bad person? Am I The Assh_le? Basically, if you don't know what this is, uh, People do something and there is a reaction, And they're like, wait, am I a bad person? Was what I asked unreasonable? Did I just do something unreasonable? And it's either a resounding, yes, oh my god, that is a terrible thing you did. Or, no, you've been greatly f_cked over, and I'm sorry you think it's your fault. Those are pretty much the two only options. It's pretty extreme in here.
And I did one of these a couple months back, but I wanted to do another one. Because a few weeks ago I did a video for r/NiceGuys and in there I came across a few... Posts from this wonderful little corner of Reddit. And it inspired me to create an entire video for it.
So, yeah. There are a few from r/Nice Guys, and then a few I went in and found myself. Basically, there's a bit of a mix. We're gonna go through and decide who is and who isn't an assh_le.
And just have a fun time together! But before we do get into it, I just want to let you know that today's video is sponsored by LELO And I will be telling you more about them a little bit later. "Am I the assh_le for complimenting a cashier?" Let's see. Really weird thing to say. I really dislike the phrasing of that. And she was 19 to 20?! I can see the discomfort. I have been in that position.
Hmm... Yeah, your sister is right. Don't compliment workers when they're working. Because it's not the appropriate time, we're trying to get our work done, And don't really have the time to be engaged in that. It's not really a- It's not- not really appropriate. Especially when she's 19 or 20 and you're 58! I remember working at the jeans shop for a while, And it was always the older man who came in who made me so uncomfortable.
They'd always call you like "darling", and "good girl", and "sweetheart". I'm like, don't! Don't do that! And they'll try like touch you and stuff too. And they think they're being nice, I'm like, it's weird. Because it feels like you're flirting with me, and I have no interest in this.
I would have no interest in this no matter who you are, what age you are. But especially since you're like old enough to be my dad. You're like the same age as my dad and I don't appreciate it.
And I don't like you asking me to get the tape measure and measure your waist for you when you can do that yourself. Don't. I don't appreciate it. It's just the way you word it.
"You know you're gorgeous, right?" Weird thing to say. It is okay to compliment people in the workplace if you're complimenting their like, Shoes, or their outfit, or their hair, their earrings, etc. Like, if you said to me like, "I really like your hair" because people do that a lot, That's lovely! Thank you. "I really like your outfit." Thank you! Things like that are fine.
If you said to me "You're really gorgeous, you know that right?" Ew, instantly uncomfortable. Because I know that you're like looking at me, and I don't- I'm not here for you to look at me. You can notice me but don't look at me, you know? There's a difference.
And if, you said you weren't flirting, You tried to ask her if she'd ever been on- You're like, "I have a boat, have you ever been on a boat?" How else is that gonna come across other than flirting? That's like, the most flirtatious thing you could say! What are you talking about? "I wasn't flirting" Liar. Liar! I deem him assh_le. Comment your opinions, do you agree? Also assh_le? I think so. I promise you people aren't calling you racist just because you're white, And misogynistic just because you're a man. Uh, and you are, right now, playing the victim real hard. You like, really want to be a victim. You want to be oppressed in the situation.
What it sounds like happened, is that girls didn't like you because you're not just like the best guy. Because clearly, you think you're attractive and you have a lot going for you. Which, cool, but if you don't have a good personality to go with that, it's not going to get you anywhere.
So, you can blame the system and society for hating you as a cis-het white man. But like, if you're only qualities are that you have money... And go to the gym every day, you're not worth my time, or the time of many others. Because people want an emotional connection, and you don't sound like you can provide that.
And playing the victim, and saying "it's society's fault and everyone hates you because you're like in the minority now" That's also just driving people away. No one wants to date you if you're just like, sitting here spewing like misogynistic and racist sh_t, Because you think that's what people assume about you, so therefore you become it. Like, chill out my guy. Do some self-reflection and realize that you need to fix your personality if you want to have girls like you. It's not all about being smart and having money and going to the gym.
You have to be an actual good person too. And that sounds like an area that you need a little bit of work on. He's rated assh_le, right? We all agree? You can't reply to me in real time, so I'm deciding for all of us. Assh_le. I don't even have to read it to tell you the answer is yes.
Yes, you are the assh_le. I- Where- Where- Where did she put it? You wanted to put it in her pocket? What? How is she gonna get it outside of his bathroom? You want her to flush it down the toilet and clog his drains? You want her to like yeet it out the window? Just like throw it out the window into his garden? You want her to stuff a like bloody, soggy, full pad into her pocket? Or- probably doesn't have pockets- into her bra or something? Or in her bag? Why would she- Why would she do that if she could just, I don't know, throw it in the bin where it belongs? Like, where you would put any rubbish? "She yelled at me calling my brother an incel." Fair. "And me an assh_le for getting in her face about it." Also fair. No, because again, what else is she meant to do? You want her to like sit at the table with her pad full? And like leak onto his furniture? Is that better? Throwing it out the window? Stuffing it in her pocket? In your pocket? Flushing it down the toilet? What do you- What do you think she wants to do? This sounds like you don't understand what a period is or how they work at all. Would your brother rather have her blood on his furniture? Like, dude, there's not very many options.
She just put something that was used in the bin. Where it goes. Because that's what you do when you need to throw things away. And if your brother is upset and uncomfortable about a used pad, I understand why he's single.
How could you- How could you possibly think in this situation that your brother is in the right? It made him uncomfortable? Why? How? A natural human bodily function made him uncomfortable? That sounds like a him problem. That's not your wife's problem. You shouldn't back up your brother on this one. I don't care if he's uncomfortable, get over it. Get over it, dude. So much of these subreddits are just stories about shitty relationships.
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This is just a real just quick question here about college, or university, or whatever, because it's confusing to me. What do you mean most guys in your college have a crush on him? Are there not like insane amounts of people that go to universities? I don't really know. I get kind of confused when I realize that my University was kind of different. Because in New Zealand, there are only eight universities in the whole country.
So the university I went to had like 40,000 people, which is the size of a city... In New Zealand. And so like... I can't imagine like, a person that like everyone had a crush on. In a different department, you know what I mean? Like, I'd understand within- You know what? I didn't know most of the music students even.
But like, I would understand more like, within the Fine Arts department, everyone had a crush on this one person. I kind of get that. But in the whole university, everyone has a crush on this one guy? That's just confusing to me. Um, because some of our lectures like psychology had like 5,000 people in them. So like... We all know who your sister is as a person, so this could go one of two ways. Yikes.
That is an incredibly lovely thing to do. He still paid for the whole meal and Venmo'd her cash so she could get home safely? Venmo'ing her money for an Uber to get home safely is a really lovely thing to do. And obviously, he's very aware of like the issues women face, so wanted her to be safe, and that is really lovely. Paying for the meal though? Dude, you're too good. You're too kind. I would have just f_ckin booked it. Like, you left her at the restaurant but like, good for you, man.
Paying for everything? That's too kind. Genuinely. Oooo, okay. You're absolutely not the assh_le.
Um, although, it's like this thing and I've said it before of, like, She wasn't a good match for Dave either. Like, Dave deserves better. Like, yes, she ruined her chance with a date with a nice guy, but she didn't want a nice guy. Like, yeah, she ruined it because she's a "misogynistic pick me" to quote you, But obviously that's just a part of who she is at least at this point, and like, Dave is obviously not like that and he obviously cares about women and understands women's issues to a degree having grown up around women.
And I understand that wanting them to be together makes sense, Because it's like, he is so kind and lovely and he loves women, And she is obviously in a place where she is incredibly insecure within being a woman and she has a lot of internalized misogyny. However, it is not his... Responsibility to change that in her and to fix that. Because, if they ended up together and they did date each other long term, that relationship wouldn't be very healthy. Because it would be just about him changing her, or vice versa, which is not good, you know? And his family wouldn't like her either, obviously.
There's a whole bunch of reasons why that would not be a good relationship. And it is good that it did not proceed. Like yes, she ruined it, but also not a good fit either, you know? Like, if she stopped for a second, she still is that person. It went on to have an update, uh, where she is going out with Dave now. Which is very lovely, I'm happy for her, she seems lovely, he seems lovely.
I hope that it works out. And she talked to her parents about how this is an issue, and Kim, the sister, really needs help working through these insecurities. Because obviously, it is a lot of internalized stuff, and her parents have agreed so they're going to try to help her get some therapy. And I hope that she- she can learn to embrace, you know, womanhood as something that is powerful and equal.
And like, get through whatever she's going through. She might have some trauma or something, I don't know, but I hope she gets help and I hope that it's effective. The person who posted it is not the assh_le.
Sister is the assh_le. But Dave is- deserves the best. Anyway. My God, man. That is manipulative as f_ck.
Sounded like you just didn't want to go to work and you made that your wife's problem. F_ck you. Valid. How is she a hypocrite? I guess like, "you didn't iron my thing so you didn't do your job, so now I'm not gonna go to my job."
Wasn't her job to iron your uniform. She had other sh_t to do and she told you that. Which is totally valid. It wasn't on the list of priorities what you needed to do right now. Your kids are more important, always. And when fathers don't realise or respect, that that is a big flashing red light. Because, bro, your kids are the priority.
And I know you need to work in order to look after your kids, But it's not like you're incapable of picking up an iron. It's not that hard. If you really needed your uniform ironed, you should have done it yourself. It's that weaponized incompetence thing, right? Like, you know how to iron. You know how to do that. Don't make it your wife's fault, being like, well I can't earn money if you don't iron in my uniform exactly when I tell you to.
Shut up, dude. Sit down. Like, do something for yourself. She was busy and she doesn't have to prioritise your job. You even acknowledge like "you are a stay-at-home mum, but my job should be prioritised" No, your kids should be prioritised. If anything, she should be prioritised. Like yeah, you need the money in order to keep your family afloat and whatever obviously.
But you can't use your income and your financial superiority in the situation to manipulate her. Like, that's not part of the deal. That is one thing that is...
Really upsetting and unfortunate about like stay-at-home mum relationships, Is that, you know, a lot of men can use that as a manipulation tactic as he is here. Being like, well if you don't do everything I ask, then I can't earn money and then we're all broke and homeless and it's all your fault. Like no, it's your fault. You could have gone to work in an unironed uniform. Or you could have ironed it yourself. It's not just your wife that wouldn't be earning money, it's your kids too, and yourself. You kind of need that, and like punishing your wife for not doing a basic task, because she had to like, look after your children? That's on you.
Did you offer to look after the kids instead? Maybe cook for them? If you really don't want to iron, go help your kids with their homework and she can do that while you do that. She didn't have the time. She told you that. You can iron your own clothes. I don't give a sh_t if it's one of her normal jobs, she had other sh_t to do. Wasn't a priority. Get over it. Uh, yeah. Anyway. We met a lot of assh_les today.
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