vlogs from paris i never showed you
N: on fait un promenade (we're taking a walk) N: avec la chienne (with the dog) B: I don't have my card. It wants me to add a card. N: Oh la la. "Espace libre d'activité physique de plein air"? Don't mind if I do! [goofy laugh] [yippee yippee yippee yippee yippee yippee hehehehe] N: Le trois de nous (the three of us) N: I think your mom called you earlier B: [indistinct] and then they had, like, their own form that I had to fill out, they wanted my background check, they wanted all my transcripts, they wanted like, all this stuff that you would usually ask for -- N: Mm-hmm B: at the interview-- they want it before, like with my initial application N: That's a little ridiculous. B: yeah...
N: I love it! [laughing] This is so charming; I'm so glad that there was a poster of this in my French classroom so I knew about it. I've never heard about it in any other context. I think I want a picture in front of the church. B: Okay!
B: Just like in "The Unbearable Lightness of Being". N: What? B: [laughing] Just like in the "The Unbearable Lightness of Being"! N: [laughing] B: [laughing] That's what Kundera had in mind when he wrote that. N: That's exactly what he was talking about. N: Um, I like that it looks like a parking garage. B: Ha ha. But it looks like a kids parking garage, made out of Legos how it's got these tubes and-- N: Yeah!
N: Or, um...Kinects B: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. N: This is so cute. N: He's beautiful- oh he's eating something! I brought my bigger purse so he'd fit inside of it. He's so PRETTY Yeah! Isn't it nice? B: [giggles] Hello.
N: I'm like, super zoomed in right now. Oh, my camera quality's really good. Wait-- film *my* face B: Film? N: I have back camera on B: Oh, it's on. N: Yeah.
B: Wahh. N: It's like reall high definition right? B: Yeah, I can see your eyeballs...hello N: Can you see that I'm wearing contacts? B: Yeah! That's crazy! N: ...oh my gosh he's so cute
He looked at me! B: That's our friend. N: Oh, this is pretty. The rose window is on our side. N: Did we figure out what church this was? B: No.
N: You know what I could go for right now? B: Hm? N: Orange juice. B: We could get orange juice. There's like, fresh pressed orange juice everywhere.
N: Can we get some for my little man? B: Sure. N: [sing-songy] Little maaa-aan [laughs] N: ...goodness I wanna touch this one so bad... I wanna roll around on it. Don't you? B: I do.
N: Thank you. B: That's cute. N: Isn't it cute? N: Ooh...let's go that way. B: Kay. N: On this - look at the blue into the yellow B: Ooh, yeah N: That's like, a part of painting that I was never able to really get a grasp on Like, finding how colors melt together when it's not like, the objective color of something N: Look at his pipe B: Peep.
N: [laughs] B: I don't like Chagall that much. N: Hm? B: I don't like Chagall that much. N: Damn...why not?
B: I don't like...his figures. N: You don't like his figures? B: No. N: Why not? B: I don't like their smudgy faces. N: Damn...they're gonna start crying. B: Well...I'm sorry.
N: Damn, so you're just miserable in here, huh? You *hate* it here. B: I *hate* it he[laughs] N: Damn...... N: *That's* why it's cool. N: I don't know how people vlog like, regularly. this is so humiliating N: What? [gasps] I didn't even see there were kittens! N: It's a tortoiseshell cat.
N: It's an Alaïa It's like a super important designer. N: Oh my goddddd N: It just doesn't even seem like a real color. I love it. I want like, my whole body to be this color.
N: What's in here? B: I don't know. N: Hm? B: That's me N: Absolutely N: This is how you feel after you've finished accessorizing for the day B: That's right. N: Do you love it? B: I do. N: Oh my god that hurt my knees to film N: What do you think is gonna happen? B: What if they think I'm a piece of bread? N: [laughing] Why would they think you're a piece of bread? B: They'd peck me... N: ...do you think you look like bread?
B: No... N: Then I think you're gonna be safe. B: ...I'm bigger than bread. N: You're much bigger than bread. ...in a flattering way. B: [laughs] N: I just realized I should be vlogging.
B: Ah. N: Look at her! N: And there's the river... and Bestie I told Bestie she looks like...um an art teacher at a very expensive school N: ...I can cut that out if you want to B: Oh, I don't care. N: Oh lord heavens B: --arrested N: I would love to get arrested right now actually N: It would be so great for my *vlog*.
B: "OOPS! Ended up in a French prison!" N: [laughing] "GUYS! I just got arrested, not clickbait!" B: "Full story, one part" N: They're making me work in the fromage mines. B: [laughs] N: [silly accent] Springtime in Paris... is such a beautiful time of year to visit the most beautiful city in the world-- Oh! Ow! B: [laughs at my pain] N: I walked into a sign B: Aww...I'm sorry N: It's okay....
You know why it's okay? B: Why? N: [silly accent] BECAUSE it is springtime in Paris the most BEAUTIFUL time of year to come to the most beautiful city in the world [normal voice] Do you mind taking the camera for a second? B: Ya. N: Springtime in Paris....... N: I think it might be raining again... B: Ugh...
N: Good thing I have my parapluie (umbrella) N: [B laughing in background] Springtime in Pariiiis B: Aghh!! N: is the most.. the most beautiful time of year [rain pelting the umbrella, wind whipping] N: ...to come to the most beautiful city in Europe N: We love it here. N: [singing] C'est les temps de l'amour les temps des copains et de l'aventurrrrree N: Wait, is it already...it's kinda letting up a little bit B: A little bit B: It's-there's like no clouds up there N: Maybe we should walk faster B: Yeah N: Maybe we should...sprint! [both laughing] N: Oh hell yeah brother [torrential downpour] N: This is my father's Paris...
B: [laughing] N: The Paris of his youth N: The wind is blowing in the other direction now. N: Oh no, she's going N: She's so excited to see us! N: She's like "oh my god I'm so sorry, this never happens to me" N: "You're just so pretty!" [both screaming and laughing] N: Corinthian columns! In Pariiiiis It's beautiful N: Slippery...... Don't faaaall.... B: Centre Pompidou N: Hm? B: The Pompidou's there.
N: Oh it is! N: Ciao, Centre Pompidou! N: We've come up on this observation deck um, Ivana has brought me up here to murder me, clearly. um...but I'm not gonna give her the satisfaction. What she doesn't know is that I have actually uh, replaced all of the sidewalks of the city of Paris with [exaggerated French accent] trampolines and painted them to look like sidewalks. So, when I fall after she pushes me, as she's obviously planning on doing, I will hit the trampolines and bounce back up and punch her in the face. B: [laughs] N: And then, I'm gonna call-- what are the police here called? N: "Gendarme"? B: The gendarme.
N: I'm gonna call the gendarme and I'm going to have her thrown into French prison where she will be forced to work in the cheese mines for the rest of her natural life. What do you have to say for yourself, you criminal? B: I didn't do anything. Innocent. N: [chuckles wryly] We'll see about that.
I'm gonna push her into the ocean. N: Bestie, why are you wearing your coat? B: Uh, it's actually a coat that keeps you cool. It's like a reverse uh...reverse coat. N: Ohhhhh N: Cause it's so warm. B: [laughing] Yeah...it's tropical
N: That's why everyone else around us is also wearing coats. B: [laughing] N: And we.....are d[both laughing] N: Bestie has brought me out to Normady to murder me... B: I'm gonna murder you under the, uh Union Jack.
N: PLEASE don't. B: [laughing] N: I do not want to die looking at the British flag For the love of GOD Grant me that one kindness. N: Okay, it is better now that the sun is out. B: It is better. N: Ivana *claims* to have checked the weather.
for Deauville before we came here. I think it's all part of her plan ...since she divorced me to move to France It wasn't enough If she can't have me, no one can. B: That's right. N: [weary sigh] N: My nose is so cold, I feel like a little dog.
N: Have you been to Normandy before? B: Nope. B: We're basically trying to go all the way across this road. N: Oh...we're never gonna make it. N: Oh, there's a time limit. N: [reading sign in French] (Animals are forbidden on the beach from 10 AM to 7 PM) B: It's already dix-heure (10 AM) N: ...there's literally horses... N: Horsesssssss N: Wow...it is PACKED.
How are we ever going to find a space on the beach on such a beautiful freezing day such as this? N: How could this have happened? [both laughing] B: How...could this...have happened B: Oh there's restrooms here. N: Really! There's water closets. That's my favorite kind of closet.
N: Oh my god, Michael Shannon? Michael Shannon! Michael Shannon, I'm such a fan! I loved you in the Waco miniseries...Boardwalk Empire... What a thespian you are. Will Ferrell?! Will Ferrell, I'm such a fan. Thank you for co-executive producing Succession JESSICA CHASTAIN?! Jessica Chastain, I'm such a fan.
I loved you in that really erotic video of you and Oscar Isaac on the red carpet B: [wheezing laugh] N: James Cameron?! I love um.... submarines. N: [gasps] Patricia Clarkson! B: Patricia Clarkson's here! N: I loved you in Sharp Objects N: Gena Rowlands?! Gena Rowlands, I'm such a fan.
I loved you in A Woman Under The Influence Is there anyone you want to talk to? B: I don't think so. B: I don't believe in celebrities. N: Nicolas Cage?! Guys, Nicolas Cage is here at Deauville beach in the flesh! Nicolas Cage, I loved you in Con Air and The Wicker Man and...being related to Francis Ford Coppola
B: and Face/Off What? B: and Face/Off [laughs] and Face/Off!! B: [laughing] N: RAY LIOTTA?! N: Stanley TUCCI?! Stanley Tucci, I'm such a fan! do you wanna... get divorced? B: [laughs] N: Daniel Radcliffe, it's your best friend! B: Oh there he is!! Do you wanna do one? D'you want me to film you? B: I don't know; I don't-I don't have a bit, sorry. N: Daniel Radcliffe, my best friend is such a fan! Do you..also wanna get divorced? Is he married?
B: I don't think so. N: ...he had a baby out of wedlock? B: I think so, yeah...
N: Hm... Morgan Freeman and John Waters, I'm such a fan! What are these doing here? B: They were just wai--I had them set them up so you could do this. N: Oh, thank you. B: yeah. Um, why'd you put up one for James Franco, though? B: Cause I wanted to-- it was a prank. [menacingly] James Franco...
James Franco, I am NOT a fan. Kick. N: Why'd they have to do Jane Russell like this...
They have her the little one They gave her this tiny one but Johnny Depp got a whole one? That's not fair. B: That's f----d up. N: That is not cool.
[waves crashing, wind blowing] N: [as Lois from Family Guy] Peetah... the horse is heah [in bad English accent] Well everyone We've made it to the shore. I've not died of cold yet even though il fait tres froid (it's very cold outside). Um... The sea on its way to greet me! And it'd be so great if I could just fall right now, B: Could you imagine? It would go--it would just--it would be like, a perfect comedic punchline But I won't do it.
B: If you go back, I'll push you. N: No it's okay. B: You sure? I want my viewers to know that I'm so poised, B: But it would be so funny. N: I'm SO POISED, and elegant, that I won't even fall even if it would make a good bit.
B: Mmh. N: Nothing can knock *me* over That's how graceful I am... [singing] Amaziiiiing grace...hoooow sw-- [drowned out by sound of waves] N: I dunno HOW the people on that boat are gonna get down from there N: The horses are gone! B: I know...it's no longer horse beach... N: [laughs] no longer horse beach..... N: Bestie is walking into the ocean like in "The Awakening" and I can't stop her, so I guess this is goodbye.
N: Goodbye! B: It's very cold... N: Oh, is it cold? B: [quickly] No. N: [laughs] N: It is so peaceful here... It is SO peaceful here [B laughing] N: IT IS SO. PEACEFUL HERE. [B cackling] I am at such peace...
N: [laughing] IT! IS SO! PEACEFUL HERE [shells crunching] We've just eaten Italian food France, famous for its Italian food and now we're back at the beach because there's still three hours until our train leaves and there's nothing else to do. Sooo....here we are [laughs] [gasps] I bought you that mirror! B: You did. N: Do you remember where? B: In-in Dublin.
N: In Dublin! N: The greatest city in the world... N: Paris -- I mean, this isn't Paris but Paris is nice but... it's no Dublin.
N: I wanted to go up to where that like, church looking building was. B: Mm-hm N: But there's so much scaffolding it might not even be like, B: Open? N: -- available ...to steal things from. ...like memories and...gold. B: You know I love stealing.
N: I love stealing too. B: What are you, a tourist or something? N: What? B: What are you, a tourist or something? N: Yeah I am a tourist actually. I was dragged away from my beautiful home city of Boston cause YOU decided to flee here to find yourself.
B: Yup N: So now I'm here at a table in Paris with every single beverage known to man, N: Our waiter's in love with us B: He is. N: [laughs] N: [as the waiter] "How do you say 'pamplemousse' in English?" N: [as us] "Grapefruit!" N: [as the waiter] "Grape-fruit" He's very adorable. N: Yeah, if we wait too long to start filming the...[laughs] the one-two punch of cocktail and lambrusco is gonna...is gonna cause some problems We're at an Italian restaurant B: [laughing] Exactly.
N: Umm...do you wanna--could you take the reins for me please? B: Sure, I'll take the reins for you. N: [English accent] Guys, welcome back to my Paris travel vlog Oh, never mind; put it down put it down put it down B: Take Two! N: [laughs] I've gone full millennial umm, I did in fact take pictures of this pasta before I I haven't even eaten any We're at an Italian restaurant in Paris, near Trocadero, right? B: Mm-hm.
It's called Ozio This is wonderful. We had arancini first of all, which is a delicacy of life, They have lambrusco here which is my favorite wine because I'm an annoying person who studied abroad in Italy I have a favorite red wine and it's this one They have these giant cocktails B: Gigantic. This isn't even that expensive. B: Mm-mm. N: And like, you know we haven't eaten it yet but I know it's good because you've been here before B: Twice. N: Twice! B: No, more than twice.
N: And we've ordered takeout from here too. B: I've ordered takeout at least three times and I've been here--yeah. So, um, if you're in Paris please like, what are we doing here. It's Thursday and this place is half full. N: Well the plot thickens. Unsurprisingly, our desserts slap deep and hard.
What do you have? B: I have profiteroles a little sort of biscuit on the bottom, ice cream in the middle, biscuit on the top, and then the waiter poured hot chocolate over the whole thing N: YEAH N: Tiramisu fragola which is Italian for strawberry Basically-- we just talked about this; I'm recreating this interaction for the video. [both laugh] I said it was like, sexy strawberry shortcake and you said it was strawberry, uh, short-skirt cake and then we said it was 'strawberry shawty cake' I don't know what you're doing if you're not here. I mean, probably living your life but you should stop living it and come eat at this restaurant B: It'll be lived better if you come here. N: Exactly. B: We also got free limoncello.
N: We also got free limoncello! N: And...cut! N: Thank you! Wait, there's an ant in your hair. I think it's an ant... Antly...
N: Oh, he's on the move N: He's goin' places N: Merci! N: -- apology video B: Okay. N: Am I -- I'm backlit. B: You are backlit. Um, so Bestie made me go to bars tonight ...and I did actually have a nice time [B laughing] ...and my drinks were like, very tasty Uhhhm...
B: [laughs] We went to a 20s themed bar (Mobster Bar) which was really fun cause we got to like, allude to my favorite show Boardwalk Empire I had literally the most delicious whiskey cocktail of my entire life Then we went to a bar (Bisou.) where you just tell them what you like -- like you tell them an alcohol you like, and other ingredients you like, or like, flavor profiles and they make you *whatever* and all the drinks cost 14 euro and that was also really nice and my drink was delicious and now we're gonna get like, night time food and go home cause we're both tired. sooo even though I was like being kind of a brat about it earlier B: Mm-hm. and I was like, angry at Bestie, ...I'm sorry. and maybe sometimes going to bars is fun. ...Okay? B: Mmkay.
Is there anything else I should address? B: No...I think you covered all of it. Okay great. B: Thank you.
N: [gasps] that is.. such a beautiful dog B: Wolf. We're on the hunt for food...because we want to [gasps] is that a Pomeranian? B: I think so.
N: Oh my godddddd I don't know why I'm leading; I've never been here before. N: Do you know of anywhere that's like-- D'you have anything to say? B: [laughing] No I've never had anything to say in my whole life. We passed like a--[laughs] Hey brother...I wish I could relate We passed a, um, like [in unison] mac and cheese restaurant? It was literally called like, [in unison] '808 Mac and Cheese' and they had like, mac and cheese sandwiches, which is like-- as an American person it's like, aw they wanna be me but they never will but that's kind of far back at this point so we are probably gonna go somewhere else We don't know where though.
B: Oh, I do have something to say - If anyone knows of a uh, cafe-slash-restaurant between Oberkampf and uh...like, La Republique that has a-- that looks very normal, but then their bathroom is just-- has like red lights; it's just like a red-lit bathroom I went on a date there like six months ago N: Did she ever! Great date, great date Umm [laughing] But anyways, we can't--I have not been able to find this restaurant So if anyone knows what it is, I'm just curious about what it is The drink was great but the bathroom was ...memorable So we'll check back in with you guys later. Thanks so much for watching, um be sure to tip your waitress N: If there's one thing French people are gonna do, it is complain and god love 'em for it. B: and I do respect that. N: It's the one thing about them I do respect, yes. Well no, I respect um...
what else do I respect about French people? B: How much butter they put in stuff? How much butter they put in stuff, yeah. Oh, I have one other nice thing to say about Paris specifically the transit system here is actually very easy to understand. New York should take notes --what'd you say? B: I said don't go, cause it's red. I wasn't even walking She thinks I don't know what colors are Obviously... N: So you're confirming you're *not* balling out? B: No I think I'm...I think I'm just gonna get the regular Cajun fries
N: [laughing] Okay. B: Alright, are we finished? N: I think we are finished, yes. B: Eh, no I don't want any of this stuff N: You don't want a [exaggerated French accent] brownie? B: No, I don't want a [exaggerated French accent] brownie. B: ..Sure. Both: [laughing] "Start paying" N: That's great...I will. N: [laughing] N: Oh my goodness...
N: Borly! N: Is picnic still picnic in French? B: Yup. N: On fait un picnic N: a la cana-Oh! N: oh shi-i-i-it N: and why are we faire-ing a picnic? because somebody's thirty nowwww and tomorrow she's going to die as happens when you turn thirty. How do you feel about your mortality? B: It's impending. N: Oh it sure is B: Yeah [laughs] N: I can see it N: It's right behind you! B: It's right behind me! N: We're having various cheeses, various meats. I'm not having any fish because I'm a baby. We are drinking lemonade, we are drinking San Pellegrino because I had to have some Italian representation We have a baguette, we have cake, we have kir We have chips It's a wonderful Saturday here on the canal.
...I don't know what I was going for. B: [laughs] It was a bit of a deal getting here, but we got here. B: She had to go on the metro ...which she hates I'm gonna have the spicy chips I'm gonna have.. what French people consider spicy. Chips. B: Absolutely iconic chips Sweet chili and...what is it? Sweet chili and something? N: Red pepper.
B: Mm, red pepper and sweet chili. N: [singing] Nonnn...rien de riennnnn nonnnn je ne regrette riennnn [ducks quacking] B: Those ducks are fighting. N: Guys, she's gone full manic pixie dream girl... She's purchased these cakes, because today is her birthday and she only had eighteen candles at home, and the grocery store didn't have any additional ones so [stammers] we decided she's turning like, the 'eighteen' of real adulthood is thirty. So now she lighting them and I have to sing to her HOWEVER I don't *have* to sign happy birthday It's also very windy today...
B: [laughs] ...shit N: So, she's trying her best but I don't know how well it's going to work. Either way I WILL perform.
[club music pounding] N: [yelling] GIVE IT TO MEEEEEE YEEEESSSSS
2024-12-24 23:16
