Chris Locke & Seán Cullen
hey tony keith what the heck is going on man what are we doing i know i miss you too april 4th i mean this is like three weeks of like quarantine i know 2020 is that the year we're in now i don't even know it's literally april 4th 2020 that's the date right now this pandemic is confusing and weird yeah i've i just don't know what i'm supposed to be doing or where i'm supposed to go or or i'm not supposed to go anywhere and and i'm not supposed to do anything so what am i going to do they want us to stay inside and apparently we have to wash every pizza box we get delivered to our door yeah we have to wash the pizza guy as well like i know when he comes to the door i spray him with a high pressure uh washer and just basically i flay the clothes off of him that's how hard the spray is oh it's incredible like i use it on i sometimes just scrape into my own skin with my pressure washer well order a pizza for me i'd love to come by and have you do that to my butt it needs it trust me i know you need to exfoliate your last time we went swimming you uh wore that thong and my god it was like connect the dots back there the pimples yeah people put on a thong song but the lyrics changed to wrong song wrong yeah close-up of my butt with wrong were wrong wrong wrong it was a crusty butt it was it was hurtful i thought people puked into the lake i know that was cool when they got enough puke there uh they kind of pushed it all together into a puke raft and they floated around that was fine i'm always happy to help but it doesn't seem like i hope we can go puke in the lake this summer like is it even gonna happen anymore i don't know what the heck's going on science i don't know i mean mate 2-4 weekend you know how much i love that me too i love going up to a cottage and being a real bastard i like to just go to a cottage and subtly cause a fire inside the structure yeah i know exactly i mean cause a fire um spray water on the fire pretend you're a fireman it's the whole i am canadian type dealie i love it yeah well i bring my pressure washer if there's some place to plug it in yeah and like you know well you're obsessed with pressure washing the whole surrounding woods around you you think woods are dirty well there is basically the entire outside is dirt and i know and we're supposed to keep clean and wash to keep the germs from getting on us so i went out and i cleaned the park with my pressure washer i got this 400 meter long extension cord i went out there and i just scraped the trees like there's no soil it's just bedrock and there's just trees they fell over because they had no no soil of allah do and the bark is completely gone and they're bald squirrels everywhere yeah i i love that pressure soaker it's insane um it's really it works really well and we never would have found um all of that treasure underneath the tree trunks if you hadn't tried to wash the forest anyways so there's always that who knows who knows how much treasure there is uh underneath dirt also it was cool how the bark just came off so easily and then we carved them into cool wooden bark masks to wear naked as we danced around the fire and tried to bring demons back to the planet earth that's the kind of stuff i'm going to miss doing this summer if we're stuck inside for covet 19 or whatever the hell this thing is called it's going to be a total demon free summer that's for sure yeah gosh darn it what the hell well hang in there buddy okay youtube good to see you wash your hands wash your hands eh oh yeah they keep saying that i'll give it my best got the worst memory wash your butt wash your hands wash your hair wear a hazmat suit apparently they don't know what this thing is i'm just covering myself in a melted vinyl oh you can do that yeah i can do it does it burn you yes it's very painful but that kills off any kind of germs or infections you should make some grooves on your melted vinyls health suit so i could play you like a record i wonder what kind of music would come off of you not probably um i think probably really sexy r b music like people bryson or um maybe wynton marsalis yeah you've kind of got a winted marsalis sounding shape to your body i do yeah all right well hang on there keith what the hell let's figure it out see you later bye hey tony hey keith what in the heck man this is too much literally it is september 27th 2020. i know it's literally that's the literally the date september 27th 2020 talking to each other right that's how long it's been of them telling us to mostly stay inside still for some pandemical reasons well if you go outside just you know don't go outside hard just stay sort of like peripherally outside i guess is the message you know yeah yeah and even then it's confusing don't that's nice unless you really want to go outside and then just go out it's not if you have go hard or go home yeah i know you know i like to go out at night late at night uh i put on like either a coyote um costume or a bear costume you know they're not going to ask but like go into people's backyards and look forage for snacks and stuff but the people aren't coming out and giving me snacks anymore it's hard man i know i've been going out and disguised as a raven and i've been running across the rooftops of people's houses just so i don't be judged by everybody on the sidewalk and i've seen you too i have to admit um bear costume suits you better than a coyote costume coyote costume too big big weird coyote doesn't make sense yeah i know it's like the problem is you know i'm too big to be a coyote like a coyote shouldn't weigh over 200 pounds that's a big no same here i don't think i could pull off coyote don't worry about it you know so i'm with you the thing is um uh you know the other problem with the coyote is like you know you you can walk like as a bear you can walk upright for a while you don't have to be on all fours all the time but into a coyote you have to be like on the fours because everybody like if you were coyote walking down the street upright people be like holy what is that it's a cuba libra churro is it a churro like a is that a churro with sugar encrusted all over it i have had a costume cinnamon yeah there's a cinnamon churro for uh for uh valentine's day last year i always dress up for valentine's day you know that right i know and uh you usually do pretty well with the ladies especially the hungry ladies from mexico oh the hungry mexican ladies are my bread and butter well they got the same i don't know if it's in mexico or america or london or norway but there is this saying out there that uh you know a bear pissing on two legs no problem but a coyote pissing on two legs what the hell is that thing is that sean i mean this key weirdly specific specific saying i'm sorry i called you sean i know a guy named sean from the beach last summer oh yeah yeah i know that yeah too isn't he the guy who likes to scrape his skin until it's just seeping liquid and then roll in the sand so he looks like a giant um like uh like piece of uh breaded chicken yes exactly so i'm sorry keith i called you after that guy that guy also likes guns a lot anyways um he shot me yeah oh that's how i'm getting confused this breaded chicken wing man on the beach shot you in the ass last summer it's true he did are you okay and you have to sit inside this is september 27th 2020 and you have to sit inside on that healing ass i know but the problem was right after he did it i had to poop and it was like a sprinkler you know like holes and that was shooting out everywhere and people were like what is this i know it's like that old yeah there's that vintage clown sprinkler spinning around going like that the kids were running through it and i said don't do it anyway you had yeah it's not pissing up standing up is hard at the best of times no on all fours i i don't often urinate kind of on all fours over the toilet but it's not easy well i know exactly what you mean i i had to take a piss of my raven costume on top of this beautiful mansion three stories you could tell that they had a finished basement as well with a gym inside at least and uh the family came outside and looked up at me pissing while leaning against their chimney and they go what the hell is batman doing taking a break anyways the rich take batman for granted in my opinion even if i was batman it's like can i not take a break anyways batman's busy most of the time free and and he's busy for you for your sake you know rich people anyways just kind of made me mad yeah well i don't know i'm just kind of gotten casual here you know as time's going on me too i don't even i don't think that we should wear a tie or jacket anymore it's doesn't make sense i'm wearing sweatpants too tried to start an internet business uh and i thought i needed to wear a business suit all the time it was like pool cleaning internet pool cleaning which not a lot of call for it now i know yeah how the hell did you do that i don't understand how that would work well i'd um i call people on skype and then say carry your um laptop over towards the pool and i'll assess it and then give you tips on how to get stuff out of the pool like a dead bird or um like candies or uh leaves or you know a gun if you had a gun that fell of the pool i'd tell you what oh did you clean shawn's pool i'm sure there's tons of guns in the bottom of that there oh my god it was like a like like the gun show at the bottom of his pool like you'd be afraid to jump in the pool and do a belly flop and then sink to the bottom and be shot to death by hundreds of guns yeah like you dive into the bottom and then there'd be this weird hillbilly with a oxygen tank on sitting on the bottom trying to show you and press you this rapid fire action that this new gun he has he's trying to sell does that make sense it's like a gun show you know yeah it's a gun show well i'm sorry keith this is so crazy but i'm losing my mind damn well oh maybe i'll see you as the raven you know and you will go raven bear and uh you could ride in my back like a like one of those birds that eats bugs off a rhino or something i would love that i would love that something to keep us sane in these crazy times yeah okay tony it is over for us man what the hell i don't know january 21. have you tried these before no have you tried these i've been living off of these it looks you look great oh yeah have you lost weight and like have you you've been working out you know i lost weight because your hair on your body has gotten bigger yeah it's an illusion all my weight is out of frame of this video oh so you're like a pear shape or like a pyramid oh god don't even there's some here's some weight for you here's some weight you know what keith you're totally right it's literally january 21 20. what the hell is that i feel stuck inside i'm crazy yeah i don't know but my mother has had covered six times on six different occasions she's come out to my house and said i have cloven again and i'm like you can't come in here i have a long pole with a glove on the end of it and i push her away with it like my arm is really long it's amazing that she can get it six times i'm not even sure if she did or she's just like wanting the attention you know i love your mom and i miss her so much i know you have a real love for her i'm glad she's okay but i'm concerned that she gets covered so easily especially since at the beginning of the pandemic we went over there and made sure she was sealed into her house well she nod through that uh aluminum uh sheeting we put up over all of her windows and dude her door we left a little door at the bottom so i could slide in like baked potatoes and stuff but she nod like a rat through um several of the sheets of aluminum and now she's out running through the street screaming you know just she's got a slip and slide that she takes around with her and sprays water on it and slides down the street yeah this is like a the government but they literally told us these are the things not to do don't gnaw through aluminum like a rat don't slip and slide past your neighbor's houses without a mask on you know it's [ __ ] i don't know like do you think there will ever be a vaccine yeah i hope so i mean [Music] i don't know if if there is one when it will even get to us uh i gotta tell you even though your mom has had it six times there's a huge part of me that still thinks the whole thing is a hoax you know yeah cause like what better way to control society by saying there's a deadly pandemic going on you know that guy showing people catching it and then actually filling up the hospitals and dying from it like that's the best trick the devil's ever played in my book yeah well satan is clever i mean there's no denying that but um i don't know it seems like a lot of work you know to actually pretend that there's a huge um disease outbreak yeah but everyone's been to film them pretending to walk on the moon on the actual moon they put the work into these conspiracies well i was watching antiques roadshow like the british one oh yeah and there was a guy on there who had a rock that he said was from the moon that stanley kubrick gave him now that guy has been paid by the government this is what i'm talking about you have to watch tv all the time um um objectively you do like for the longest time i thought remington steel was a documentary about um policeman you know and then i saw pierce brosnan at uh costco and i was like what are you doing here you're supposed to be solving crimes and you're really fat and old now and he said the only crime i'm solving is the the steal that this deal is on men's uh khakis and that was it and then he ran uh up a wall like a rat and climbed into the uh false ceiling and they couldn't get him out sounds to me like he worked for and lives in costco now yeah well that's well i remember watching i was watching um game of thrones a lot when it was on on hbo and i loved it but don't get me wrong there was a part of me that would watch it sideways like what are you really trying to tell us here i know like is the government um circe and are we um the boy that can't walk you know maybe yeah all right so it's like is the dragon is the dragon um the symbol for uh the internet and is um um is uh the hound a uh my mother's boyfriend i think he might be and is the little man supposed to be the little man in my neighborhood maybe and are the giant battles supposed to be wars that are coming in our world that we're supposed to look out for now yeah when i was watching game of thrones the whole time i'm shaking my head thinking this is us and china anyways i mean yeah sure i was watching um uh the home improvement like reruns on tv land yeah and uh there was i just think tim allen's character is [ __ ] like it has nothing to do with symbolism or anything it's just the whole show sucks [ __ ] out of a bag and i don't know if that's you know two on the nose for you no or people but i'm gonna be honest about it i think that's a hundred percent what i'm talking about and it brings us back full circle to how the government it was basically not telling us that coven 19 is [ __ ] it sucks they should just come out and say it you know i'm like oh you gotta learn to love it or live with it yeah just say it's [ __ ] like or like it's funny yeah it's not funny hi i'm i'm justin trudeau uh covered 19 sucks a pig's dick that's the thing i want to hear on the morning briefing me too i want i want joe biden to say kobe 19. listen folks sucks [ __ ] i'm hungry i could get behind that it's all a conspiracy keith it's all a conspiracy yep you're the hairiest guy i've ever met it's all a conspiracy yeah don't believe don't believe anything you hear that's right take it from the hairy man you
2021-02-10 00:12
