Mark Manson: "Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope" | Talks at Google

Mark Manson:

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Hello. Welcome. Son. So. By, show of hands who has read the first book the subtle arts who. Is not read but has heard, of it okay. So both those hands up together. Most. Of the audience everybody. Everyone um right. Yeah yeah your first book it. Would he cut through the, noise and became very zeitgeist, a yeah I'd love to hear it just about your journey to writing that book and you. Know the reaction to and how you how you thought about that so I I actually my career I started as a blogger. So. I've had a very long complicated relationship. With Google actually. You. Know I I we need to help you with you ad said yeah. So. I started. Blogging in 2008, and I and I kind of fell into the, self-development space a little, bit on accident, it wasn't really intentional and, I. Started. I started writing about it and and I just I knew, that I had an overwhelming feeling, that I. Wanted. To, improve, myself I wanted to have a better life but. Most, of the self-help stuff out there felt. A little bit bullshit. II like it was all rah rah you can do it chase your dreams blah blah blah and I was like. I. Think and I, think part part of being a millennial. Like. Millennials, are much more cynical, kind. Of pessimistic we, grew up with the internet so we see through. Things. And. So, for me it was like you know there needs to be kind of a pessimistic, self help a. Self, help is very honest, about. You. Know humans. Are awful and. Instead. Of like you. Know just believe in yourself and chase your dreams it's like let's let's actually like no, no let's just try to be less all let's start with less awful, yeah and then, we can talk about dreams later. And. And, yeah it took off and I think it really struck, a chord. Primarily. With with my generation, but then it's since kind of spread out and what, would some of it for the people who've not read it well it kind of the key takeaways that you wanted to land with, that first book oh the. Big argument, in subtle, art, by the way can everybody hear me okay. Good. The. Big takeaway like the big argument in subtle art was I wanted to, write a book you, know there's so many books out there about. How to make money and, how to make friends. And how to be successful and I, wanted to write a book that question. What your definition of success was, you. Know it's easy to find a book about how, to make money but there, not many books that ask you why you want to make money yeah or whether you should want to make money and. So I wanted, to get people to actually question how they were measuring their lives how they were measuring themselves. Because, I felt, like that was the, conversation that was kind of missing. Very. Much in the culture at the time yeah, put in one of the things that I picked, up from reading the first book was that. The. Media because. It needs to sell clicks and advertising. Tends to focus on the extremes the extremely good the only poor and so forth and I wonder, what your thoughts are on doing, talks, so forth how, we, teach young people but actually it's fine to be average like, it's fine to question do I want that dream that Instagram, fame and so forth its how do we quest how do we teach young people that being average is fine. Starting. With a big question yeah, right I think. It's it's it's hard. It's. Something that we're having to learn the hard way as a culture right now because. For most, of human, history we celebrated. The. Extremes you know the people who are the best or, the. Worst or the most notable and. The. Internet has made it such I think the joke that I make in the book is that no matter what you're good at there's an 11 year old on YouTube who's better than you.

And. So. Like. That's actually very, it's. Disconcerting, in a lot of ways it actually, it. It. Makes. Maintaining. An identity and being validated for that identity much more difficult you, know back in the day you. Know you just hung out in your neighborhood so if you were the best guitar, player in your neighborhood like you were the guitar guy and you were everybody recognized he was the guitar guy and it felt, good to be the guitar guy you, know and that in in, because. Everything's, so global, now. You. Don't really get to be the guitar guy anymore because. There's there's so many people on YouTube, who are better than you and so I think it's, are. The big challenge, today is is, a, perspectival. Shift is is being, aware of what. You're being exposed to online and then understanding. Your own relationship, with that like, you you're. Not gonna be the best at probably. Anything and you don't need to be the best at anything to be a good person or to have a valuable life yeah and, that's not we're, not told that because that's not the dream that people want to hear no in its not yeah, it's not sexy, it, doesn't sell that's not a message that sells easily. And. It, doesn't grab attention you know it's it's the 11 year old playing a guitar with his toes, like that grabs attention yeah, somebody, being like hey man it's, 14. Year olds winning million dollars on footlights, yeah over the weekend I mean and, so it's not there not many people saying like hey the. 99.99%. Of us who are never going to experience, any sort of extreme like that like your. Life is still valuable it matters even though nobody's, like clicking, like on your I know, the book was questioning, I mean you mentioned that but asking. Should do should making money be the thing that drives you and you you really drive into values a new. Book and everything. Is fucked a book about hope so, a. Positive. Sharyl sure, um you, delve more into the reasons that we as Western, society, despite. Being better off than we were healthier. Yeah we live longer. There's. A malaise. Perhaps, that we feel everything is terrible what. Do you think is driving that the, malaise I. Think. There are a few things so. The kind of catch everybody, up one of the things I start, with in the new book is there's this thing called the easterland, paradox, which is basically what they find is that, the. Wealthier, safer. And more developed, not. Just the country but even like cities.

Neighborhoods. The. Higher the incidences, of depression, anxiety suicide. And so on. And so, there's there's a little bit you, know look materially. Life is better than it's ever been in the history of the human race yet. There's, just. Huge. Amounts of pessimism, mental, health issues, despair. Despondency. That's, going on in our culture and. You. Know the book, is mainly about investigating, kind of why that why that is what is it about having. Such a comfortable, life, that, makes it hard to find meaning or hope and, there. I think there are a few answers one, is is, very. Philosophical. Which is I argue that we actually, having. A certain amount of struggle, or challenge in our lives is what. Makes our life feel meaningful it's it's that overcoming. Of some sort of obstacle that. Gives. Us that pry gives us that sense of like hey. I did something good like my life meant something and. So so. Much of our economy. And and innovation. Is based around removing, challenges. And removing, barriers and removing obstacles from. Between us and what we want and so I think kind, of an unintentional. Side effect is, that, as, we. Remove that friction, from. Our goals and desires those. Goals those desires, lose the meaning they lose the sense of importance, because we didn't, feel like we fought for them I, think that that's part of it I think too is just, on a much more kind, of I. Think. I think the human mind kind of has a bandwidth limit. You. Know it's, fun it's fun talking, about this at Google because I think the, the original kind. Of architects, of the internet and all this technology there was a very hopeful, idealistic, sense, of like if we just give people all the information, and and. The. Truth is gonna win out everybody's, gonna get smarter, we're, all gonna like figure out what's true and important, and we're all gonna agree on everything and clearly. That happened. Though. Actually, the total, opposite happened and, I think it's just at. A certain point are the, human mind, maxes. Out and, once we max out we. Start taking shortcuts, our. Brain starts taking shortcuts and those shortcuts look like you, know the it's things like prejudice. Stereotypes. Bigotry. You. Know blanket. Assumptions, about certain, groups or ideas. And and. So, in many ways. The. Wealth of information are, the infinite amount of information has in, many ways made us less, informed. And more irrational, about how we approach the world and, that's because, we, often lead, with our emotions. Rather than with our thoughtful, processes. Yes emotions, of walk yes it's. It, takes way, more energy, to, approach information. From. An analytical, you, know kind of from a conscious, rational point of view, and. We only have a certain amount of mental energy in, the day and so once we tap that out we. Just kind of. Like. Yeah fuck it burst flat you know let's go let's do it. So. In the book you talk about the foundation someone needs to build and maintain this, sense of hope we. We might be lacking and you've, got three pillars sense of control belief, in something and community yes you could talk through through, those sure. So. We. All need some sense I make. The argument in the book that the, oppenent, opposite, of happiness is in sadness. The opposite the, opposite of happiness is hopelessness. It's a sense of that you have nothing to look forward to you have nothing there's no point in getting up in the morning because none of its gonna matter we're, all gonna die anyway so who cares. When. You're stuck in that place. There. Are a few things that that well there are a few things that will put you in that place one of them is is if you feel like you don't have a control over your life if. You feel like you're not in control. Of your destiny. Then. It then it removes that sense of hope it removes that sense of meaning. And anything you do the, second thing is that it. Becomes if it's difficult to figure out what is worth pursuing. If it's not clear what is valuable or if all of what you think is valuable is called in the question, then.

You, Also fall into that despondence. You. Don't know why it's worth getting out why it's worth doing anything and then the third one is we need as humans, we're very. We're. Social creatures we, evolved, in communities, we, need to surround ourselves with like-minded people who both have the same values as we do who support, our efforts, and we get the support there's. And if we don't have that sense of community if we feel isolated in, our values or what we what we desire. Again. Those, desires and values start to feel meaningless and, and. So. In the book I talk about how all three of these things are kind of. Challenged. Or threatened, in the 21st century world you know it's it's, hard because. We're distracted all the time and bombarded, with so much stuff it feels more difficult, it's. That, sense of self control is more difficult to maintain because, we're exposed to so much contradictory, contradicting. Information so. Many different groups saying different things it's, harder to know what to value and. Ironically. Because. We're. Superficially. Connected, to so many people it's harder, to form kind of meaningful, face-to-face. Communities. Of people who share our values and. So all of these things are impediments I think, today. Whereas, you know back when the world was worse and we were like fighting wars and all living, on farms and stuff like it was actually easier, to know what the hope for it yeah that's. Pretty interesting um, so. The. Millea. You. Talk about the pursuit of happiness being a toxic, value I'm quoting the book and living, well does not mean avoiding suffering, it means suffering for the right reason, yeah how do you would you go about helping someone understand, what the right reason is what are the thought. Process they would have to go through to sort of go this, is what I believe in and. If. And people obviously people email you quite a lot of time with that question all. The time yeah I mean it did this is. It's. Hard because that it. That has to be a personal process like this is why. You. Know III I. Hit, a point in my career where, it was clear like I could kind of branch off and do the whole Tony. Robbins thing and then. Like dance, on stage and you know and. And I thought. About that like, that was a path that was open to me and I didn't, take it cuz I feel, very strongly that these questions of values like what is what makes each individual, person's life worth living like not only is that an individual, answer but, the. Process, in which you arrive at that answer it has, to be done yourself. Like I could, easily stand up here and say like well you should care about this and you should care about this and you should care about this and the, fact that I'm the one who gave you that answer robs, you, of the. Significance, of that answer and. So, what. I try to do in my work is simply. Present. Questions. That. Point. People, towards. Their own process. Their own answer, and so I I try. To challenge what they currently value, I try to ask you, know what what is the yardstick, by which you're measuring your own life and is that a good yard what are the associated, problems with that yardstick, and, then the idea is is that through. Their own personality. And their own experience, in their own relationships. That they can. Kind of figure it out for themselves because. That's just way too much responsibility, for me okay. So. I want to take lots of audience questions today so if you have one plate there's a mic in the middle what more sort of take them in between conversations. And I'm, interested what differences. You see between the. Audience's. That you have in the UK the US across the world with. Those questions you get from readers or, even your google analytics like what differences do you see across. Those audiences, on. Brand guys keeping, your oh. It's. Really good question so here's the funny thing. One. Thing that's really cool about, my. Position and, and in my website and everything is I, get hundreds, of questions every day from people all over the world from. Europe. North America South. America Asia, everywhere. And. It's really amazing to see that people's. Concerns. Like. The fundamental core, issues, and people's lives are all, the same everywhere.

Like They've, got relationship. Proud like they're upset about a relationship they're, upset about their job. Or. They. Just they're. Miserable they don't know what to do it like that's pretty much like 99%. Of the questions I get now. They're but, they're couched in different, cultural, language okay so the, way somebody in India will express, it will, have a lot of kind, of cultural. Assumptions, in. Context. That maybe somebody in the United States or here in here in the UK wouldn't, but. Ultimately it's it's the same stuff you. Know like it's I'll, get somebody from the US who's like I'm on tinder all day and I can't meet a guy like and. Then from India be my parents want me to marry this guy and I. Don't know how to tell no you know but it ultimately it's like it's, they're. Just not happy they want to they're, not happy in their relationships, that's. Good and, and how does the the. Questions the feedback you get from writers from, readers, how does that change the content, and style of your writing I. It's. The second book remarkably. Different from the first and kind of the approach utility, rates having having had that success the. Second one is more. Intellectual. You, know I kind, of, subtle. Art is like it's, a self-help, book with a little bit of philosophy snuck. Into it this. Is more like a. Philosophy. Book pretending. To be a cellphone you definitely. Showed. You don't you know there's a lot of footnotes, like. Papers, and links to research that you you've done a lot of research for yes and, and, I think part maybe some of that was a little bit of my. Bruised ego but like one of the criticisms, I got after subtle, art was oh this guy's just making shit up like you, know what does he know and I'm like I, do a lot of research you know I'm, researching all the time so, here, I show, my work but, I think with this book it was important, for me to. I, guess. Challenge myself to, to. Go. To another kind of intellectual, depth. That. I hadn't, done before because. I think the last thing I wanted to do was to just kind of rewrite another version of subtle art you, know and that would be the easiest thing that to do that probably make the. Most money but, for. Me as a writer like it was important, for me to push my limits and push my boundaries. In. Terms. Of your original question like how do readers affect my writing process I. Often. I regret, like often, I question this decision but, I have been very steadfast, about. Reading. Most of my own email. You. Know I have an assistant who screens out like trolls and spam and stuff but. Ultimately. I read, the majority of reader. Email I get and for me it just feels very important, to kind. Of keep my finger, on the pulse of what people are going through and. You start to notice trends like things certain. Life issues, kind of that. I would hear about all the time five years ago I don't hear about them now so, much and then vice-like other, things that I didn't hear about much five years ago like I mentioned, the tender thing I get so. Many dating questions the last year and it's like wow what's happened, the last year that all these single people are just like fuck, it I've had enough yeah you know. But. That's interesting to me that means that there's something going on in the culture there's. Some kind of tipping point that we're hitting in the culture, that. I should be paying attention to and. So so reader. The. Reader email. Is for me at the value is more in the aggregate. It's. It's in the it's in the large sample, size more more so than any like kind of individual, how. Much time do you have to respond to those emails, I set. Aside so. On like if I'm home and have a typical schedule I Monday. Afternoon, is like my email clean-out day. Every. Morning I do, so. My assistant sorts, them into like I guess. Urgent, or timely, emails and and then kind of stuff that can wait so. Every morning I do all the urgent stuff all, the business-related stuff and then every Monday afternoon I take, like three four hours and just bang. Through. Five. Hundred a thousand-meter, emails yeah that's. Very cool and you, you mentioned in that onset and the, you. Think the maturity, of culture, is deteriorating, and there's a piece in your book where you talk about how children. Adolescents. Adolescents. And adults approach, problems, in life yes I'd love you could just talk about that because that really landed with me is quite an interesting concept. So. One of the one of the things I talk about is, how. And. I'm. Very.

Convincing. And summarizing, a like a whole field. Of psychology. But, you. Know with what, maturity, essentially. Is is. If. You take a child, their. Understanding. Of you, know it's like the child wants water. The child's understanding uh doesn't. Go beyond that simple desire it's like I want water and, anybody, who has a kid knows this it's like I want water I don't care if I can't have it I don't care if it's not mine I don't you know it's like I want the water eventually. What starts to happen is the child like realizes, that there are consequences for these desires that. You. Know if it's not my water I maybe. I need to ask permission because, somebody will get upset or. Or. There are certain rules if like you're not supposed to, drink. Water these parts of the day or you have to ask permission from this person and. So. As we. Get into adolescents. We start understanding that there are other people in the world and that we have to kind of negotiate our way through. Much of life we have to understand that like you can't just go around doing whatever the hell you want because. People will hate you and there are consequences, and. So we developed kind of this, rule, or, role, based relationship. With life of like okay. If I'm. If. I'm like this type of person and if I fit in with this group of people and, if I make them like me a certain amount then, I'll be accepted, and I'll be able to get what I want like it's it's you kind. Of negotiate. Or use, your, relationships, with others to get to your desire so there's like the one step thing, of the child has become a 2 step process. That. Gets us through most of life like you can get far in the business world being. Very transactional, with, people that way. The. Problem is is that when your transactional, with people you can't really develop any sort of, significant. Intimate. Relationships, like. If you're always, in. Your, relationships, if you're always thinking, of like well I'm gonna do this because that's gonna get me what I want then. You're not actually. Loving. Or accepting, the, person that you're with and so at a certain point to.

Become. An adult as I call it you. Have to learn how to act unconditionally. You have to simply do do, things for no other reason that they're then they are the right thing like your personal, desire that's, like no longer, be, the fundamental, part. Of the equation and, and. That's. Hard because it means you have to like delay your own gratification. You, have to be, willing to say no to people to hurt people you, know it's like honesty, is difficult, honesty is upsetting. And, so. A lot, of like what we go through as a culture, what. School is supposed to teach us our relationships, are supposed to teach us our parents are supposed to teach us it's how did the way that gratification, how to willingly, kind, of walk, into painful situations, for no other reason than this is the right thing to do and. One. Of the things that I argue, is that. The. Easy sell, in life, like if you're a company. The. Easy sell is to say well hey you deserve what you desire you. Know you shouldn't have to ask your boss for permission you shouldn't have to ask, your wife like. You deserve this car you know like go get it like that's always the easy sell and so the more we optimized our culture, based. On. You. Know giving, people exactly, what they want when they want it the more you kind of push people back towards this childish, level of maturity of like, I, deserve. This for no other reason than I want it and I, think when you look at, our politics. I know it's similar here is the u.s. when you look at the political situation, when. You look at a lot of the the problems going on in the business world in the corporate world when. You look a lot at a lot of the, mental. Health issues that are going on and universities. And and, schools. It's. The. The common thread I see, is this it's this kind of, depressed. Level of maturity of like people are like well I wanted, this and I I, whip. And told my whole life that I deserve, it only because I want it and. So I see very much what's going on in the world isn't like a maturity, crisis, you, know it's like people. We're. Losing, track, of the ability to like to. To put, higher, principles, and values before, ourselves. And. Before, our own interests and I, guess, that's a long-winded, way of saying. Don't. Be, a shithead I. Mean. Following, that you you, you say freedom I think happiness follows, that really, comes from choosing. What you give up yes, other than choosing, than watching everything you go I'm going to choose this what. Did you give, up to kind of reach your star you. Happy mark yeah, yeah. Most. People are on most days a 7 out of 10 yeah and but. It. Took me through but you know your, journey in life what, have you given up to kind of reach your state of happiness, I uh. You. Know when I were early, in my life when I when I finished uni I I. Served. My own I start a web business I wanted to travel the world I wanted. To. Party. And do all these fun crazy, things and I, started. Accumulating, experiences. Kind of like. You. Know almost like a checklist of, like I had this kind of checklist in my mind of like all the shit I need to do in life and. And. For. Me so, much of my life and my 20s revolved around the, avoidance, of being, tied down or committed to anything because I saw that as limiting, like. I want to be able to go wherever I want you know I had a way I started, a web business because I wanted to be able to go anywhere I wanted whenever I wanted I wanted to be able to work when I wanted I. Want, to be able to meet, or hang out with anybody I wanted I started. Studying languages, because I wanted to be able to talk to anybody I wanted so everything, was an. Expansion. Of options. And. Eventually, I kind, of came to the conclusion that the. Problem with seeing freedom, in terms of like always having more options is that there's, a diminishing, return to options and and. Even. Past that I would say there's actually like there's. A certain threshold where, more options, actually generate, more anxiety because. Then you start getting FOMO, you're like well shit if I can go to 20, different places this month, that. Actually becomes a crippling decision. Because. You're so afraid of the 19 that you're gonna have to give up and. So. It took me a long time it took me until I was like well into my 30s to realize that actually what freedom really is is under is choosing. It's. Not having, more options it's it's.

Knowing. What to give up it's, knowing what you're committed to and. So. I I in the book I try to and, I think is probably, a bigger thing in the US because you know in America were like guns. And beer and freedom and, you. Know like but. I try to redefine freedom. To. Be, too, away from this kind of conventional. Idea. Of just having more options more stuff, and and, get and have. A more philosophical definition, of like what real freedom is is is choosing, what your own limitations, are because ultimately, we're. All. Limited. We're. All confined, life. Is is finite, and so. The. Way to maximize that life and that energy and that attention is to be very conscious, of what you're giving up every, step of the way. And. So again it's not a sexy, thing to sell to, people you. Know I could easily stand on stage be like you can do anything you want you know and but I think I think that's why the first book struck so well because it was telling people the truth well it was it was cutting through yeah. The. Airy-fairy, self-help. Books and going you, need to address your own more tarted this is the thing that we don't do within society, and I think again. I think so much of the excitement. Of the early internet. Was. Everything. Felt limitless, it was like oh my god we can know everything we can do everything we can go everywhere you know like so there was this this real optimism. About that, that. I lived, through and I started my business with that optimism. And and I think. A lot of what the, backlash, that were kind of experiencing, his last few years is the, realization. The kind of the cultural realization, of like oh shit we can't do everything like we've got a focus. We've, got a dick like define, who. We are and what we want, if. You uh question. Hello. Can, you hear me oh yeah, I. Wondered. I saw, that. The, subtle art of not giving a fuck was actually your second book and I wondered if you, could talk a little bit about that. The, difference, may be or what you think the difference was between, your. First book versus. The second, one which you know made the bestseller list and sure launch this new part. Of your writing, career yeah, so, for, people who don't know I self-published, a book in 2011. It's a dating advice book because. Most of my most. Of my blogging back then was like dating relationship, advice, related. It's. Funny. Because. Back then everybody. Thought. 2011/2012. Like that era. Everybody. Thought Amazon was gonna like kill, everything you know like just, steamroll. The publishing industry. Everybody. Kindle, had just come out so everybody thought everything is gonna be on eBook and we'd all be you know reading on, you. Know all these like little devices and t-shirts, and stuff. And. So, there was like I think there was kind of this panic and there in the publishing world and at the same time in the internet world which I was a part of there was like this kind of huge. Optimism. Of get. In now, because. You. Know we're gonna take control of everything and you can just publish anything you want and it's gonna be great. It's. Kind of a classic the. Whole ebook thing is kind of a classic story of like the. It's, like a microcosm for the whole internet because it's like back then everybody's like yeah we don't publish what we want and then three, years later we discover that most people published like, write. Really shitty books and. Publishers. Exist for a reason because they weed, out all the really shitty books that nobody wants to read and. So, and, so a crazy. Thing happened which is like the the publishing industry kind of made this big comeback and. So around 2015. When I wanted to do subtle, art I. Was actually very torn of whether to self publish or not I knew if I self-published on my site. You. Know you give you, make much better money, per copy sold but you don't have the distribution, channels that publishers, have and you don't have. The, the mainstream, kind of credibility like, you don't get written up in The Times and all this other stuff so. For me when I was looking at my career I was like okay what do i. Altima. The question for me was do, I feel like there are people who don't read, blogs and don't get on social media who would benefit, from my. Book and because. The answer was yes I. Sought. Out a publisher, I think. With. Like that the dating relationship, book. I had. So it was, such a niche book, that. There's. Not much, benefit, of like having it in water stones or whatever you know it's like people good anybody. Who's looking for that book is gonna find their way to my website so it's. Much more advantageous for me to keep that. Self-published. So, for me I think it's, it, really depends on what the audience you're looking for is and where that audience is. Sure. Hi. Um. So, I have a two-part question but, I'm gonna start by saying that I haven't read the books so if the answer to the question is go read the book let, me know, so.

I, Think, you mentioned something about respondents. Coming through one, of the reasons for despondence, is, lack. Of control of life or having control of life and I. Wonder, if is it even possible for anyone to have control over their lives and. If so I mean is there a very subtle sort of philosophical. Definition of having control and is, there I do you have any suggestion of how to find that definition. So. Chapter two in the new book is. It's. Called self controls and illusion and. It. Talks about that it talks about how. What. Gives us the feeling that we're in control of our own lives even though even if we're not necessarily in control, so. Enjoy. Big. Question, do you feel positive, about our future. So. I mean, a lot of the interviews I've been doing they're like like. So are we really fucked is everything fucked and I'm like guys everything's. Always been fucked like like point, to a decade, where, things weren't completely. Horrifyingly. Going. Wrong and you. Can't find a decade so and. Again. This kind of comes back to the perspectival, thing like it's, I, think. We. Very easily lose, sight of that that. It's it's because, most. Almost, with. The exception of like climate change I think pretty much every, problem, we're experiencing, today is, is, totally as. Not, only not only has it happened recently but it was much worse recently, like within a couple of generations every, technology, has the fear and panic stage yes yes. And it's it's. Uh. But. For some reason it I think it's just things, get amped because we're so exposed to each other I think. Things get amplified, and. And. And we. Emotionally. React more and the way our minds are is that you know if. Something makes us very emotional, we assume, it's important, you know like if something really upsets us we, assume that it must be really important, but that's not always the case and and. I think part, of the problem is that on social media and just, the Internet in general is like the, most upsetting stuff travels, the farthest. Do. You limit your social media or you, know how much you watch. Twitter and Instagram I do I, do, I, actually. Just wrote an article. Month. Or two ago called the attention diet. I, would encourage people to check that out. It's. Something I've been experimenting, with on and off but like I basically, make the argument, that. The. Same way in the 70s, and 80s we had to kind of develop this Fitness culture you. Know the the 20th century was the first time in human history that people sat in offices, and like push papers around and didn't. Go outside and, so as a result like our physical, health deteriorated. As a culture, and so to, respond to that we, developed a fitness. Culture of like hey go outside lift some heavy weights you know like you have to challenge your body, and, pay attention to like what you're consuming, or else, your body's gonna fall apart and I think the same thing is kind of happening with our minds right now like you have to be. Aware of the information, you're consuming, and also. Consciously. Challenge. Yourself. Mentally and emotionally, and, very controlled, and kind, of regimented, ways which, is difficult because we, are emotional, creatures who love feeding our, attention, it's it's it's just like it's hard to get up and go to the gym you know and.

It's Hard to like not eat ice cream and, eat the vegetables, I guess it's it's, the same exact. Kind of issue of self-control you, know like, not don't, click on the click bait that, everybody's getting upset about because it's it's, probably not important, I. Cannot. Precise what he said in the beginning but he mentioned it was interesting, that you were at Google to give this talk and you mentioned YouTube videos, etc I, was just wondering if there's a hidden story there or like if, you think that companies like Google Facebook have, just a bigger role to play in, all. This I think, you do have a I was actually telling you this at lunch like I I I. Think. If anybody's gonna find. Solutions, these problems it's, gonna be these companies like. You. You guys not as much as like Facebook, but. But a lot of the tech companies have become easy punching, bags and I don't think that's totally fair like I think all, these. Are problems. Emerged. Out of good intentions and. But. I also think the tech companies are in the best position, to innovate. The solutions to these problems so, I like, I. Got. No hard feelings. This. Question, would probably sound a bit shower than the previous ones but, I'm curious about the book's title like. How. Did you choose to use it yeah, and did you get any. Backwash. For it or criticism. And. Also. Is the. Smudge. On the where were you and our statistic. Choice or something the publisher, requested, that you do, what. The splat yeah I did, this flat I'm actually very proud of. I mean. Was it like required. That you don't actually spell the word when you publish the book oh well. Yeah I like. The title I just yeah yeah, in, the u.s. at least and it's probably the same here you're not allowed to spell. It out. Like. You you can't sell it if it's spelled out, it'd. Be fine if people just talk quietly to themselves. Was. For oh the title. So. Actually the the title was originally a blog post and, it. Was it went super, viral, I think it got shared over. A million times on Facebook I think it ended up with like 10 or 12 million pageviews in, like, a week. It. Was a huge, huge viral success so I had. Already written about half the book at the time but, I was, like she. Probably used this as a title like it's pretty good title and when. We did publishing, when. I did meetings with the publishers a lot of the publishers just immediately. Were like no no way not gonna do it, and. Then. And then Harper was actually, open to it and so, but we understood, it was a big risk that I wasn't, gonna get oh I wasn't gonna get media I wasn't gonna be in a lot of bookstores. So. We just trusted, that the internet, like. My platform, on the internet plus, the virality of the title would like kind, of compensate, for that. How. Has it been translated, into other languages, it's. Interesting because some languages won't, they. Remove the profanity, okay I. Got. No Russian did Arabic, did. But. What's interesting is it still performs really well in some. Of those places so. I. Think I think it's there's, like a weird English affinity. For. Vulgarity. Yeah I think III. Think, which people also very good at I think we good at swear yeah. Mark. To continue on that point are, we to expect a fucked, trilogy. Quote-unquote, and. If. So what. Are you thinking about is the next step in this let's. Say evolution I think. You need green one orange blue green I always say five, I was thinking like a blinding. Pink, that works just. The hot pink. I. Am. Thinking about it. It. Feels just kind of like appropriate. Or necessary. So, I had a very very popular article, called fuck yes or no. In. It. It. Was primarily written about dating relationships, but it also applies to everything. In life. So. That that might be a candidate, but I don't know for sure yet but. Yeah it's. Likely, gonna be another one. What. Are some of the most extreme, responses. People have had to your books one of my teammates, said that your first book had. Helped. Her quit her job yeah. What. Else have we does, before. She worked at Google. There, have been some pretty crazy stories, actually I was just in Australia before, I came here I.

Was At an event I. Think. In Brisbane, and. I. Have. Like little meet and greets before the before the event and. This. Family came in like, two, older parents and then a daughter who's probably 25, or so and. The, daughter came in she was like very happy excited to meet me and the mom started talking to me and the, father who was like kind of this you. Know old-school Ozzie. Bloke. He's. Just sobbing and. And. The wife is like oh my god he's already emotional, and he's. Just he's just bawling, his eyes out he hasn't even said anything to me yet. And. It turned out he and though telling me he said that he was a, cancer. Survivor and he. Said that when he was going through chemo, City. I hadn't read a book in 20 years and. When he's going through chemo he just he read subtle art, like. Six or seven times in a row he just kept reading it over and over and over again, and, he's just like blubbering, I in the paw genome and he's just like snotting, all over me and be like and, it's, like holy fuck man. So. There's, incredible stuff like that and it's. So, you. Know, the book sales are amazing and and the, the you know the bestseller list and everything like I'm proud of that but it's like moments like that where it's just like okay. I I did. Something, I did. Something, you. Really affected people's lives yeah they guys made them better yes, so. Yeah. That, that was a highlight, so. And to, finish us off what would you like, you've. An audience of Googlers here how. Can they make their. Lives and the world a better place what's that what's the first two or three things we should go and do, tomorrow. I. Think. The. The. One. Of the most important, things especially for this group because. You you guys live. And breathe and are creating, this part, of creating this ecosystem is is, this idea of a tension diet or attention fitness like I think this is a concept. That is it's. Become, it's become. Just the last year or two it's becoming prominent in the culture and I think it's gonna continue to become prominent and it's gonna become, a very important discussion and and. I definitely think Google will have a role to play in, that. And. Just, as, individuals, I think it it's important, for all of us individually. Choose. Your commitments, there's, freedom and commitment because it liberates you, from, all. Of, the unnecessary options. That you're always presented, and. Then I would say find. You're. Never going to rid, your life of struggles, or problems so, the. Real goal is to simply find meaningful, struggles.

And Problems. Struggles. And problems that are worth having so. Well. With that place your maintenance of an applause for mark. You.

2019-08-20 05:22

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Comments:

Excellent talk Frauds like Tony Robbins need to be called out He IS a fraud He's mentioned in one of his books that protein is not necessary for muscles WTF !

Not good.

No. I call shenanigans. This person comes across like a narcissist BSer.

Of course. He used to be one of those pick up artist bloggers lmao

Google is f*cked.. Sundar has probably left the country I am sure he has had his escape plan for some time now.. If I was in any type of management or supervisor position I would be looking to contact the DOJ before the hammer falls.

Awesome to see Mark evolve from the PUA/dating days and kicking so much ass. Enjoyed it a lot.

Huh ? What's this crap ? Ah, got it.Subjects like this are better shared in person ,not on video in my opinion. Sorry.

Great Talk!! ..my 2 cents....do something very few others do. That's how I conquered my loathing of competition. And keep the Arts important by creating Things that can't be duplicated by A.I. "The Day" is returning

A big fan of you mark

I think we should spend less time trying to convince people that it's ok to be average and more time taking advantage of their unique personality. I should not draw. I should not sing. I do have a wide array of things I can do or learn to do quite well. I should not be working in an environment with a lot of rules. I do value guidance. I enjoy learning. I am not organized.

this is a period (.).....it is used to separate sentences so the reader understands what the fuck it is you are trying to say.

elaborate please

When he talks about how the quality of life is better but people are unhappier, well I think of Maslow's hierarchy of needs . The higher up the pyramid you go the more introspective you get and most people have no clue who they are or what they stand for so they use society for clues and in a society that glorifies percieved perfection people get stuck in a rut of frustration that combined with a weak sense of self is the reason people are more negative regardless of having the best life quality in modern times.

Looking great mark!

He didn't write that book but was part of an anecdote

@Cicilia syokau I love that title Hope he suits his actions to his words

@Kevin Agee Check out capitals Period

He's a fraud but protein

@Cicilia syokau Check out his first 2 books & remember I NEVER joke about my work

Are you serious , in which book did he write that? Have you read silence.... ??

Google employees are afraid to lie and raise their hand because they know, Google knows ..

The subtle art of not giving a fuck. Loving it

50% off from Amazon

https://payhip.com/b/Nh8H

@Evan Green but he was also the one to turn it away from narcissism and misogyny.

this man is *FUCKING* genius , his books are so *FUCKING GOOD* like you don't wanna stop reading it. he knows what to say , he understands being a hopeless millennial fighting depression & anxiety in this *WORLD* yet he *CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER* read his 2 books were *FUCKING* amazing , *LOVE HIM* ❤

Google Talks - You really dropped the ball on this one.

Just read the first chapter of this book, and man am I depressed! I'm going to continue reading and Hope for the best.

He called the first part "The Uncomfortable Truth" because to understand hope, you gotta start with a place with no hope. The starting sure is depressing.

When I moved to another country I didn't base my choice on what I could gain, I based it on "with what downsides can I live?"

@Saad Zamir Yes, I see it now that I finished reading it. It was a very good read. Thank you. I'm going to get his first book he wrote, which I heard is just as good.

just wondering what else i could find in the 2nd book i like his ideas and vision about life I hope he isn't just writing the same thing to make money

These self help loons just permanently keep regurgitating the same things.

Who cares? If the things he says resonates with you then nothing else matters, he doesnt have to prove anything. And if you don’t like what he says its best to say only that, calling him something negative just to make your point more valid is unnecessary.

@Floxxoror lmao because he failed as a pick up artist

Omg it's the accent guy

@callumt87 Regardless if he was against the general PUA trends at that time, he was still part of the PUA/online dating community. (And yes, I read Models and liked how it was almost the antidote to PUA at that time).

I hope you're not suggesting that he was in any way a part of the PUA industry? His dating advice, esp his first book, actively disparages such 'methods'.

Chose your commitments, because it gives you freedom. It liberates you from all the necessary things life throws at you. - Mark Mason

What a hack

Adult was a also child,so they must be free First own trauma,problem.Bec Kids looking for good mentor .

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