What the Hell Happened This Week? - Week of 11/8/21 | The Daily Show
[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] when the pandemic first hit in march 2020 most international travel shut down you guys probably remember canceling summer vacation trips and pretending to be upset that you couldn't go to your cousin's destination wedding in cancun well now that the vaccines are out the world is slowly opening back up again including as of this morning america yeah that's right america is open for tourism again which means come on in everybody come on but but but before you get on that plane there are some rules the u.s today will reopen its borders to international visitors as long as they are fully vaccinated people from more than 30 countries will be allowed to travel to the u.s as long as they show proof of vaccination and a recent negative covet test coronavirus restrictions have kept the crossings closed for nearly 20 months exceptions include travelers under the age of 18 and those from countries with low vaccination availability wow that is a that's a boatload of countries what is it like a list of 50 like okay maybe it's just me but this is a little confusing they're saying the virus is so deadly so deadly you can't come to america unless you're vaccinated but also if you don't have the vaccine no biggie i mean the policy's a little all over the place no it's almost like dr fauci and nicki minaj work together on a group project i mean the only other time you see this logic is from a bouncer at a nightclub you know they'd be like hey we got no room we got no room come on guys we're totally full man yo totally full back up no room no room hey yeah come on in ladies come on in yeah come on in good to see you bro yeah you're looking good you're looking good yeah come on hey man what'd i tell you no room it's a fire hazard b and let's be honest people this travel rule seems to be more about feelings than actual public health right because clearly the biden administration is trying to balance public safety with not looking like you're banning [ __ ] countries because now you're in a conundrum do you let unvaccinated people into the us even though that's more of a risk or do you look racist either way it's a problem that could have been averted if america had shared its vaccines instead of having six vaccines for every man woman and emotional support animal i'm just saying oh and one person who definitely doesn't have the vaccine is the quarterback of the green bay packers aaron rodgers last week rogers came down with covet which is how everyone learned that he wasn't vaccinated yeah and apparently rogers tried some homeopathic treatment instead of getting the vaccine and that took a lot of people by surprise because back in the preseason he said this are you vaccinated what's your stance on vaccinations yeah i've been immunized yeah yeah i've been immunized not vaccinated immunized that's a pretty slippery answer looking back at it this is like your girl asking if you're wearing a condom and you put on a bike helmet and you're like yeah yeah i'm wearing protection and after this news broke everyone wanted to know why why did aaron rodgers refuse to get vaccinated and hide it from everyone and on friday he went on a podcast to give his side of the story i'm not uh you know some sort of anti-vaxx flat earther i am somebody who's a critical thinker uh you guys know me i marched the beat of my own drum i consulted with a now good friend of mine joe rogan after he got covered and i've been doing a lot of the stuff that he recommended in his podcasts i've been taking monoclonal antibodies ivermectin zinc vitamin c and dheq i believe strongly in bodily autonomy and the ability to make choices for your body not to have to acquiesce to some woke culture or crazed you know group of individuals who say you have to do something the great mlk said that you have a moral obligation to object to unjust rules and rules that make no sense oh that actually reminds me of another famous mlk quote i have a dream that when i'm gone you'll leave me out of your messy ass drama so rogers basically says that he's an independent thinker who doesn't want to be told what to do with his body and i don't know you ever notice how all the independent thinkers are doing the exact same thing right it's not like they're all coming up with different ideas like i'm an independent thinker what are my thoughts joe rogan tell me about my independent thoughts but you can tell how politics has just infected the entire vaccine debates right because you'll never see aaron rodgers doing this to anything else he's never applying this kind of independent thinking to the rest of his body like just once i'd love to see him out there on the field like forget pads and helmets i've decided to cover myself in manuka honey and honestly people my biggest problem with athletes like aaron rodgers or kyrie irving is that they think that this choice only affects themselves but there are real victims here and yes i'm talking about those of us who play fantasy sports because it used to be when you drafted players all you had to take into account was their injury history or their team's offseason moves now now you got to be like okay what are the chances that this player gets is news from facebook i'm gonna lose points and if you're wondering isn't there a cultural figure out there who can challenge aaron rodgers you know someone who's pro vaccination and who everyone respects well worry no more because help is on the way and now big bird is causing a stir over the covet vaccine the sesame street character who is six years old on the show posted about getting the vaccine after the pfizer shot was approved for kids as young as five texas senator ted cruz responded to big bird's tweet saying government propaganda for your five-year-old all right first of all ted cruz you need to calm down right five-year-olds aren't even going to see big birds tweet five-year-olds aren't on twitter they're on tick-tock and honestly i'm surprised ted cruz is even going hard after big bird considering how much they have in common i mean they both desperately want to fly but they can't this whole thing is such a double standard right people are upset about big bird getting the vaccine but no one no one cares about all the hormone injections that they've been giving him to make him as big and delicious as possible when they eventually eat him because that's going to happen people it's only a matter of time and it's going to be the worst thanksgiving episode of all time i mean i will say though big bird getting vaccinated is not an effective way to convince people to get the shot if they rarely they really want to convince kids they should have killed one of the sesame street characters with covid yeah kids remember that [ __ ] the couch should be there on his deathbed like the vaccine could have saved me but it's too late now how many regrets do i have one regret two [Applause] your regrets will remember that [ __ ] forever [Music] [Applause] christmas that's the reason you let the fat man from the mall break into your house every year people complain about it coming earlier and earlier but this year someone is doing something about it finally someone posted a photo of a sign from a texas bar that says in all caps mariah carey's all i want for christmas is you will be skipped if played before december 1st on the jukebox after december 1st the song is only allowed one time per night i don't hate where i carry and i don't hate christmas but the general manager of stone lee p says customers play mariah's mega hit too often and too soon before christmas one person tweeted is this the war on christmas i've heard about the star responded with a photo of herself in body armor ready for battle yeah you better believe she's ready for battle this song gets her a new mansion every year you better back the [ __ ] off and people shouldn't blame mariah carey that her song is so popular really what we should be pissed off at is all the classic christmas songs for being so trash that's why everyone has to play mariah carey all the time like deck the halls with boughs of holly what is that it's not a carol those are just instructions and what about i saw mommy kissing santa claus that kid is watching his parents marriage fall apart not supposed to put me in the holiday spirit and don't forget silent nights you know how hard it is to have sex to that song like i mean i've done it but it's work this is trash yeah you don't want to mess with uh american pop star fan bases by the way people go pretty crazy that stuff yeah at one time i forgot to put the apostrophe on beyonce's name and the beyhive came on my instagram heart they just kept coming man like they're not like your fans you know i mean your fans like [ __ ] like i can talk [ __ ] about you all day no one ever comes after me i don't know i think they get pretty angry i don't know i mean we could try right now i mean trevor enough with the book already okay we get it you're born a felon or you murdered someone as a baby okay we got it enough enough with the apartheid stuff all right it's very depressing come at me come after me trevor heads or what do you call your fan base afrikaans with a with a cave so it's not racist or maybe it makes it more racist i don't know just come after me guys they're gonna come for you ronnie they're not coming for me they're not like for you they're not like mariah carey fans i i hope my fans are they're gonna come for you no they don't care and they're gonna make you regret what you said and they're gonna ask you to apologize come at me guys i'm right here at ronnie chang all right let's move on from the war against mariah carey to the war against covet governments around the world are using every tool at their disposal to convince holdouts to get vaccinated they're offering them money they're laying down mandates they're threatening to ban them from the nfl hall of fame and now singapore has decided to hit the unvaccinated where it hurts most their wallets one country will no longer foot the bill for unvaccinated patients singapore says anyone who is unvaccinated by choice will not get free covet treatment right now the government is paying for treatment for any resident who is sick with covid 85 percent of eligible people in singapore are fully vaccinated the governor says people who don't want to be vaccinated make up the bulk of new cases and hospitalizations singapore isn't messing around in america if you say you don't want the vaccine the government is like please please take the vaccine please we'll give you money singapore's like okay okay it's gonna be like that well you best bring your checkbook to the hospital then because those ventilators are by the hour [ __ ] they really don't mess around in singapore man don't forget this is the same country that'll cane your ass just for littering they're like the parents down the block that actually do the [ __ ] that you threaten your kids with you're just like don't make me count to three then you look out the window in singapore stuffing their kid into a cannon i told you the toilet roll goes over not under and look i understand the argument here why shouldn't you have to pay for your preventable health problems i mean would it be fair for you to pay the same rates as the guys from jackass most people don't have to be treated for being rolled down a mountain in a porta party it's not fair but at the same time though it is a slippery slope because using that logic should alcoholics pay for their own liver transplants should overweight people pay for their heart medication should new york jets fans have to pay for their own antidepressants where do you draw the line it's a sticky situation yeah but in singapore trevor i don't think people realize singapore is saying that if you don't take a cold vaccine you have to pay for your covet treatment which is a huge deal in singapore because singapore essentially has universal healthcare so for them to come out and say you're gonna pay for your own stuff if you don't take the covet vaccine we're gonna treat you like an american that's huge that's that's a punishment in singapore in singapore being trained like an american in the healthcare system is the biggest punishment you could give someone so you're gonna have to worry about your co-pays you're gonna have to look at your disbursements you have to call blue cross blue shield you have to find someone in network in singapore we just the healthcare system just works like we never you know i i i can't explain this in five seconds so no one's gonna care but essentially it takes like free market principles and socialist principles and combines them together all they care about is efficiency in singapore they don't politicize solutions which is why it's so weird in america where everything i've never even heard the word socialism until i got here i mean we just care about inputs versus outputs you know what i mean i'm i mean i hear you i was in singapore and they that explains a lot of like everything there yeah it's also extremely efficient yeah what is the best thing and then they just do it yeah we don't care about labeling stuff we're not about labels just go for it but then that's weird because like you've spent a lot of time living in singapore and you you label me all the time yeah but that's well in america that's why i came here for the label things and people oh so in singapore you'd be nicer to me oh 100 yeah this wouldn't even we couldn't even do this show in singapore be arrested immediately singapore you'll live forever but you'll have way less fun okay all right well before we move to singapore let's move to washington d.c you know it's like washington marvel but not as good over the weekend after months of fighting between liberal and moderate democrats the house finally passed america's biggest infrastructure bill in decades it's going to do things like repair america's crumbling bridges fix america's crumbling roads and vacuum up the mess from america's crumbling nature valley granola bars who makes those things why do they never stick to kids like you don't have any anyway and even though this bill was mostly passed along party lines it wouldn't have gotten through if 13 republicans hadn't voted for two which a lot of their fellow republicans are now really pissed about in fact donald trump said the republicans who voted to fix america's infrastructure should be ashamed of themselves and marjorie taylor greene she called them traitors who are helping the communist takeover of america which i know sounds crazy but think about it how our soviet tanks going to invade america over the newly refurbished roads and bridges that's why you got to keep your infrastructure broken it's called homeland security people but for some republicans who helped to pass the infrastructure bill those comments from trump and green were actually the nicer ones one member of congress says he's been harassed for actually trying to deliver for folks back home congressman fred upton was one of just 13 republicans to vote for the president's infrastructure bill last week partly thanks to upton's vote more than 10 billion dollars will head to michigan to help fix those lead pipes along with bridges and roads despite that one of upton's constituents left him this voicemail traitor that's what you are you're a piece of traitor i hope you die i hope everybody your family dies you pieces trash mother voted for dominance but you're stupider than me he can't even complete a sentence he's dumb up traitor peace of trash hope you die i hope your family dies hope everybody your staff dies you piece of traitor and they say political discourse is dead you know i i know this is terrible but if you look at the bright side he's just saying things that are eventually going to happen we are all going to die all our families are going to die so on a long enough timeline he's just stating facts at the same time though i will admit this is really disturbing because what kind of person leaves voicemails anymore yo that [ __ ] is creepy just write that [ __ ] on insta comments like a normal person what's amazing to me about this situation is that this part is in anger it's happening over an infrastructure bill people infrastructure i mean i would get it if the new roads they were building all led to an abortion clinic or if they were adding special carpool lanes that were just for non-non-binary people but it's just fixing things for everybody so i don't get the anger i mean this dude was so furious by the end of it he was running out of people to threaten i hope your family dies and your staff dies and your friends from college and the guy at starbucks who knows you in order i hope he dies i hope my family dies and you feel guilty about it god damn it you know sadly this is the climate that public officials have to deal with these days congress members are receiving so many threats but now they're just gonna have to change their call menu yeah it's gonna be like to ask a question press one for office hours and address press two to tell your representative to go themselves out of their ass press three trevor i think you're misunderstanding here that guy was just speaking american he was just saying i wish you would read the details of the bill because we need we believe that the state should decide where the funding should go instead of federal government right like right i'll speak american to you right now okay you [ __ ] your family i hope you die i hope they die what was really saying american is can you come over for thanksgiving i'd really love to have you wow am i invited to thanksgiving yeah of course okay cool now while most of congress is arguing over infrastructure and social services josh hawley senator from missouri and that guy at your high school reunion who keeps telling everyone how much his watch cost has his eye on some much much bigger balls men are no longer men that is the lament of republican senator josh hawley who's really trying to make masculinity a political issue the left-wing attack on manhood says to men you're part of the problem it says that your your masculinity is inherently problematic it's inherently oppressed as conservatives we've got to call men back to responsibility we've got to say that spending your time not working and we have more and more men who are not working spending your time on video games spending your time watching porn online while doing nothing is not good for you your family or this country okay first of all working and watching porn are not mutually exclusive plenty of men have figured out how to do it it's called multitasking senator and honestly i'm surprised that josh hawley is criticizing porn because that's the last place that upholds traditional gender roles so as a pizza delivery guy or a pool boy while the women are cast in traditional feminine roles like stepmom stepsister or step cheerleader and don't get me wrong don't get me wrong there is an argument to be made about the negative effects of excessive porn and video games on society but to blame it on the left wing attack on manhood you know that [ __ ] is ridiculous you know why people are watching more porn because it's too easy now do you know how much effort it took to watch porn back in the day you couldn't just pull it up on your phone you can just type something into your laptop no you have to ask to borrow a sticky old magazine from your older brother's cousin's friend and he buried it in a secret spot out in the woods so you're out there in the woods trying to find this magazine covered in dirt fending off chipmunks and owls you get lost out there because you didn't have an iphone yet so now you're wandering around the woods you're hungry but all you brought with you was the lotion so now you're eating the lotion and finally you give up on finding the magazine you just rub one out to the hottest tree you can find is that the dignity you're talking about senator hawley i nearly died in those woods man i nearly died [Music] [Applause] money it's the world's number one favorite thing to embezzle and as of now you need a lot more of it to buy all the stuff you need the government just released brand new numbers on inflation from october they're big america's prices surging more than they have in 30 years and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight unfortunately the numbers are all moving in the wrong direction consumer prices were up by 6.2 in october from the year before now let me walk you through some of the individual items look at computers and smart home assistants up more than eight percent televisions up more than 10 percent washers and dryers up nearly 15 we're paying more for energy we're paying more to heat our homes we're paying more for our housing when we go to the grocery store paying more for beef and for eggs for food uh used cars new cars trucks as well the president taking a harder line saying in a statement quote inflation hurts americans pocketbooks and reversing this trend is a top priority for me yeah guys inflation is becoming a real problem i went to a gas station today and for a gallon of regular it just said kill yourself now some critics are saying that america's inflation problems are president biden's faults but here's the only issue with that argument almost every country in the world is dealing with this issue which means president biden is actually screwing up the entire world but whether his policies have contributed to inflation or it was always going to happen when society emerged from the pandemic this is a big danger to biden politically because inflation is one of the economic concepts that normal people actually care about like let's be honest the debt ceiling the federal reserve derivatives that's all this [ __ ] we pretend to understand oh yeah the dead stealing the dead chili but when you hear inflation is rising you know it means you're about to be a broke [ __ ] the only good part of inflation is that i was always jealous of those old guys who would be like back in my day you could buy a house with a dollar but it looks like now if inflation gets bad enough we'll get to be those old guys oh yeah back in my day a million dollars could buy a whole lot more than just a haircut but look yes material goods are increasing in price and that is why people it's important to value the things that are always free like spending time with your family or robbing people you know the important things in life rory the thing with inflation though man like honestly i think that's why like people appreciate hand-me-downs like that's that's where i came from was a hand-me-down culture so you know i ain't really worried about [ __ ] going up in price cause i always knew that i was gonna get my older brother [ __ ] that's good my older brother right now i got an older brother arthur he got a dan marino jersey chalk line throwback mitchell ness and i'm gonna get that [ __ ] sooner or later oh wow i thought you were gonna tell me that you were good for you roy no i'm still i'm still waiting on it though man i'm still waiting on it i'm gonna get that damn jersey man amen oh so the the other issue is that like honestly like 20 don't do what it used to do so i will give inflation that i'm not really panic about inflation but i will admit that 20 don't do what it used to do because i remember back in 93 your mama could drop you off at the mall with 20 you could live at the mall three days and you come back to the house with six dollars change like that was a good time to twenty dollars you get a bell build to vote ticket you can get a flintstone push-up you can get your two pairs of jordans you can get your mugsy boats t-shirt and still have money to go see boys in the hood at the midfield six cinema right there in birmingham you've got a fantastic memory oh yeah all right well let's move on to another big story rippling through washington the relationship between democrats and republicans in congress isn't in a great place right now we all know this right which i guess is what happens when one side nearly gets the other side killed by a viking but now a republican from arizona has sent out a tweet and something tells me it's not going to make things better republican congressman paul gosar of arizona under fire for posting a photoshopped anime video depicting him attacking and killing democratic congresswoman alexandria ocasio-cortez the video also depicts gosar's character attacking president biden house speaker nancy pelosi is calling for the house ethics committee and law enforcement to investigate the video gosar says in part the cartoon depicts the symbolic nature of a battle between lawful and unlawful policies and in no way intended to be a targeted attack against representative cortes or mr biden it is a symbolic cartoon it is not real life congressman gosar cannot fly out of here it's symbolic you see when i put aoc's head on the cartoon that represents aoc it's got layers just admit you posted the thing for a laugh because look i'll be honest with you guys i know we're all supposed to put on our concerned faces and wag our finger at him for threatening violence but i don't know about you it is hard to watch that cartoon and see it as a real threat i mean forget flying look at this dude does he look like he could pick up two swords at once it's clearly a fantasy on the other hand though it's harder to believe that gosar didn't intend a targeted attack when he supported a targeted attack on january 6th like here's the thing you can do memes or you can plot an insurrection you can't do both you got to pick and i know it's just a cartoon but let's not pretend that cartoons can't also influence people because the teenage mutant ninja turtles they made it sound really cool to live in a sewer but let me tell you the pizza you find down there is terrible i mean it's not as bad as papa john's but still you don't want to eat it the bigger issue with that story bro is that that dude is a dentist i want my dentist making videos go learn some teeth [ __ ] and make sure that my mouth straight that's why these politicians need to just start fighting man like i was watching a hockey match they just start fighting at the beginning like there's days in hockey where they just go you know we fighting today yeah and then they fight there will be no hockey until we fight and then they fight and then they get on with their business and that's what they need to do they need to square it man i'm gonna be with you in a second i'm trying to order these last couple of bits of groceries this price is starting to go up wait what do you mean because of inflation i guess so it wasn't as cheap as it was this morning i guess like when you think about it i guess the gas prices do have a whale like kind of trickling down a little bit because like if gas goes up yeah then the truck that delivers the goods needs more gas so the goods on the truck cost more which means that everything on the truck costs more so that's food and that's like it's no different with the shutdown when it when the toilet tissue everybody's buying all the toilet tissue so that's the same thing that's probably gonna happen matter of fact man let me go and order some paper towels too because that's gonna be next oh yeah well good luck with that i don't think it's going to be like a big deal you know i mean i hope you're right i don't i don't i hope you're right or order a few but you'll see yeah they might go up but it's not that bad now congressman gosa isn't the only person in the news who might be regretting what they posted on social media because there's another story out of instagram that people are talking about and it has to do with pet photos right we all know that people love posting photos of their pets to instagram it's a great way to tell the world you know how there are millions of identical corgis out there well i own one of them but one account on instagram recently gave people even more reasons to post their pet photos and it did not end well what started as a social media promise from a business just spins out of control yet social media campaign that was launched a little bit over a week ago an instagram appeal that basically called on people to post a picture of their pet and if they did so well a tree would supposedly be planted now many did answer the call as you say more than four million people posting a pet in the last seven or eight days the creator of the post admitted to deleting it after 10 minutes because he did not have the resources to plant that many trees ah man i actually feel bad for this guy i mean we've all been in a position where you try to do something nice and then you overextend yourself you know he was like hey everybody post pet photos i plant the trees four million people [ __ ] i've been in that situation you know like you agreed to be godparents to your friends kids but now if your friends die all of a sudden you've got to raise them i mean i thought god parents just meant like sending them toys on their birthday anyway if anyone wants some kids hit me up honestly if i was this dude i would have just lied yeah i would have just said i planted the trees who's gonna know someone calls you out on it you can just point at any tree and be like that one what are they gonna do check its birth certificate yeah i planted that tree yeah i know it looks old it's an old tree you know what old trees are it's old trees they come like that they're grown and you know what this guy's real mistake was was asking for pet pictures people are going to do that anyway people post pet pictures all the time it's too easy if you want to get people engaged but make them work you've got to ask them for a thing that only a few people would respond with like you should say we'll plant a tree for every nude pick you send of your grandparents yeah you make them earn that tree get like five people tops one grandmother sending them herself i don't have any grandkids but i want that tree planted although should we really be planting more trees i mean with the state of climate change right now all you're really doing is giving wildfires an all-you-can-eat buffet in my opinion we should be starving these fires that's why i'm launching a new campaign of my own for every brunch photo you post on instagram i will destroy one tree this one's for you mother earth no no no no no no no no well you think it's the wrong it was a joke i'm not gonna actually like no no no no no no out of stock out of stock what's going on roy it's happening dog what's happening what's happening you just it's happening what is happening bro you just read the story there's no more trees no if there's no more trees then there's no more paper towels and that means paper towels are going up and i got to order these paper towels i'm ordering them right now no that's not just because there's no you want some paper towels do you want some paper towels right i don't need that you saw people who's fighting over there of paper towels the guy just if there's a shortage of trees there is a shortage of paper which means eventually there will be a shortage of ways to wipe your ass i don't wipe my ass with paper towels first of all you will when there's no more toilet tissue you need to calm down you need to calm down we're supposed to be funny with inflation we're supposed to be having fun with the thing you're stressed about anyway let's make like teenagers and move from instagram to tick-tock there are a lot of things you can learn on tick-tock you know how to cook a gourmet meal in 10 seconds how to harmonize with yourself what features every other social media company will have in six months you can learn everything and one girl learned something that just might have saved her life investigators say a hand signal seen on many tick tock videos on social media helped lead to the rescue of a missing 16 year old girl from north carolina sheriff's deputies in kentucky say a driver called 9-1-1 reporting a girl in a nearby car made these hand gestures to warn she wasn't safe then you tuck your thumb in and all four fingers over that thumb and back and forth incredible they found the car arrested this 61 year old man he now faces charges including unlawful imprisonment man this is amazing and it's a good thing about perverts being old men because there was no chance of that 61 year old man seeing that hand signal and going yo yo yo that's the thing from tick tock hype but this is impressive man you just do this and it means you are in danger the only thing about secret signals is they only work if the right amount of people know about them like i'll be honest i hadn't heard of this signal before this story so i'm glad i wasn't the person in the car because if i was in my car and that girl had driven by me and made that sign i would have just been like right on sister black power i for one am really excited about this because i i think we we're long overdue a hand signal that means you're in danger you know we we have so many other hand signals for other things you know i'm choking i'm going to kill you can i put my leftover hot dog in your empty pringles can i get enough come on come on roy roy what's going on man i'm preparing for the inflation i'm getting the paper towels now before the prices get too crazy because everybody's going to try and buy all of the [ __ ] bro what what are you talking about man i this website is that can i get your password real quick for your amazon what this amazon is they sold out yeah but my amazon's the same as your amazon what do you mean my amazon you don't have like an african amazon or something that you use like a separate no why would they be an african amazon that's what amazon is no that's south america i'm south africa that's my bad you don't give me your password or not though no i'm not gonna get it right you don't need dude we're doing the jokes you're stressing look how much paper towels you got this is not enough bro inflation is all around us i've been thinking about this man i've been thinking everything is expanding it's not just the price of gas and milk and food everything's expanded tweets are longer movies are longer this show is 45 minutes the next spider-man has three spider-man in it multiverse we need enough paper towel to wipe our ass in three different universes this is not enough why are you wiping your ass with paper towels what happened to tissue because all the toilet tissue been sold out okay do you want some paper towel no roy i don't need do you want do you want any paper towel roy relax this is crazy just relax i'm just you just being crazy right now all right finally let's talk about working from home more and more people are working from home and it definitely has its benefits right uh there's no commuting you don't have to share a bathroom you can watch your kids grow up into losers right in front of your eyes but there are drawbacks too and one of them that a lot of people have noticed during the pandemic is that when you don't actually leave the office at the end of the day the work day never really ends which is why one country has had enough portugal is not playing around with work-life balance this morning the portuguese parliament has just passed a new labor law making it illegal for employers to contact their employees when they are off the clock under this new rule employers could be penalized for contacting employees after work hours and will be forced to pay for increased expenses as a result of working from home things like the employees gas even their electricity bill wow portugal this is so gangster making it illegal to contact employees out of work you realize that means now when your boss calls you during dinner you just pick up the phone and be like hold on hold on hold on sir uh yes let me put you on a conference call with the police [ __ ] and this law this law will have effects beyond portugal you understand that because if portugal is going to be working less that means they're going to be producing less and then that means that the rest of the world isn't going to get as much of um they're not going to what do they make in portugal they're going to not get as much water dogs what do they make in portugal by the way this this really shows you the difference between portugal and america like a labor victory in portugal and most of europe is outlawing your boss contacting you after 5 pm that's a victory meanwhile in america a major labor victory is like now amazon workers get a choice of plastic or glass bottles to pee and we did it guys [Music] [Applause] for over a year now everyone has been asking two questions about the corona pandemic one do masks make everyone's breath smell like [ __ ] or just mine and two if those thermometer guns really work then why did we take our temperature up our butts all those years oh and there's there's actually another question that everyone has been wondering when is the pandemic finally going to be over well with covet cases now stalling at a pretty high level it is looking more and more likely that covert may stay with us forever yeah like that uncle who said he was just passing through town and then 20 years later still has your room now luckily for america the pandemic will probably never be as deadly as it was thanks to vaccines so you slept covered but not the deaths because america has more than enough vaccines for every man woman and child who doesn't listen to joe rogan in fact the united states has so many vaccines that they finally decided to make it rain on the rest of the world now the u.s is aiming to send more doses of the
covet vaccine to people living in conflict zones around the world they include the democratic republic of congo south sudan and yemen reports say secretary of state anthony blinken announced a deal between johnson and johnson and the kovacs vaccine sharing program lincoln says that less than two percent of the population living in conflict zones are vaccinated america is sending the johnson and johnson vaccine into conflict zones hasn't yemen been through enough i mean it's bad enough that poor countries get t-shirts from the losing super bowl team but now now they have to get the third place vaccine by the way you you know how mega people always at the rallies with the t-shirts that say trump won do you ever wonder did they get the t-shirts that were supposed to go to africa i mean they were like no no keep them here maybe when the shipping shut down they're like we can't send them to africa and they're like i will wear them what's fine we'll wear them we got this and people in africa are like ah so no one wanted nobody lost anyway look i know there are a lot of reasons why it's better to send j j to conflict zones than moderna or pfizer right it's easier to transport and you don't need to depend on people being able to come back for a second shots but i wouldn't be surprised if there were some american officials who were like well we're not going to waste the good vaccines on someone who's just going to step on a landmine tomorrow am i right fellas and look it is a good thing don't get me wrong i mean the last thing a conflict zone needs is corona on top of that the only downside of this is that now you might get people who are incentivized to come to the conflict zone just to get a vaccine i hope that doesn't happen because next thing you know there's going to be people from nigeria interviewing to join the taliban so tell me why do you want to join our glorious cause oh predominantly for the health benefits and also debt to america of course huh if that helps my application you can put that in as well so it's good that more and more people around the world are getting vaccinated but the problem is it might not be enough because it turns out people aren't the only ones who are spreading the rona there's a study that reveals that deer are a widespread carrier of covet 19. a study researched the north american population of white-tailed deer and researchers say as much as 80 percent of the 445 000 iowa population may carry the virus potentially bigger problems loom down the road questions still remain about covid's effect on deer populations and we don't know yet if the virus could survive the deer and then mutate and infect people then too i knew it i knew that one day the deer would get their revenge for what we did to bambi's mom ed i don't know about you but i was shocked when i heard this because i didn't think that deer could get covered i mean i thought they had heard immunity my man but now scientists are worried that corona might mutate in the deer and jump back into us humans and you might be thinking trevor come on it's not like humans are hanging out with the deer we'll be fine yeah yeah that's what we said before that guy banged the bat look at us now and we all agree with batman who did that right he's probably batman i mean who else has a thing for bats he's doing things in that cave and i know we don't want to talk about this because he's our hero but think about it people think about it if you want the crime-fighting batman you got to take the bat batman it's a package deal all right and finally we've talked a lot about how the pandemic is causing labor shortages around the country i mean it's the reason why these days when you go to the drive-through you have to spit in your own food but now labor shortages are even threatening the jeff bezos of the north pole santa staff shortages are hitting the north pole department store santas are in short supply this season due to coveted concerns one report found the number of available santas is down 15 percent higher santa helps people find and hire santa's helpers around the world for parties mall appearances and more it is a dramatic shortage and we are already sold out across the country on several dates in december before the pandemic higher santa said demand was already tight but after losing some santas to covet 19 some retiring and some concerned about covet 19 it's led to a pinch on santa's this holiday season yeah people this is not surprising of course santa got covered he spends half his time around unvaccinated children and the other half around deer i mean the solution to this problem is pretty obvious if you want more sansa's then you've got to offer them more money hell if you raise the pay enough you may even get the real sansa to sign up i mean that man has spent a thousand years getting paid in cookies and milk a job at the mall that's a huge step up for more on this i want to bring in our very own ronnie chang who's looking into the story at a local mall ronnie when you look at wait why are you in a santa suit ronnie uh because i'm applying to be a mall santa there's a shortage right now don't you listen to your own show yeah i know there's a shortage and that's why i sent you to the mall i just didn't think you would want to be a mall santa yeah why not you get to sit down all day you get a free winter jacket you can buy oxy from the girl at the hot topic it's a great job ronnie ronnie like here's what i'm saying i just don't think that you would be right as a mall santa you know why not well i don't know like santa has a certain like how do i put this like when you think of santa you don't think of a guy like you uh-huh uh-huh oh oh what are you saying i can't be santa because i'm asian because i'm a handsome asian man that's racist man in 2021 but thank you for the compliment no no ronnie i'm no i didn't say that i said you can't be santa like because you're a dick ronnie all right santa needs to be nice to kids and you're not nice to people of any age what are you talking about man i'm fine with kids i'll prove it look look act like you're a kid okay let's let's just role play for a sec okay tell me what you want for christmas tell me what you want come on okay fine um oh santa i want a fire truck and a nintendo switch man you kid i don't even have a nintendo switch ask your parents the other one's getting you all the [ __ ] you see this is the [ __ ] i'm talking about okay okay okay yeah you know what uh actually good point but uh while i'm here i'm just gonna go eat free samples at the food court until they call security so all right well good luck with that but don't talk to kids and bring me some of those little cinnabons please yeah don't complain about the stuff as well it's free before we go consider supporting canines for warriors this is a really great organization that is focused on providing highly trained service dogs to veterans who are suffering from service connected traumas now with the majority of the dogs coming from high kill rescue shelters this innovative program allows both veteran and dog to heal together so if you want to support them in this work then please donate at the link below [Music] you
2021-11-15 23:44
