the wedding industry is out of control | Internet Analysis

the wedding industry is out of control  | Internet Analysis

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hello my dudes my name is tiffany welcome back to my series internet analysis where i like to research and discuss things relevant to social issues and media today's topic is the wedding industry nathan and i are currently planning our own wedding and throughout this process it's been very fascinating to learn more about wedding costs customs and traditions so i figured this would be a great topic to explore after we got engaged we went back and forth wondering whether we really wanted a whole wedding but to us especially because our families live so far apart and haven't met yet bringing everyone together for one big celebration sounds very special we are trying to keep costs down and the wedding will be relatively small but i still fully acknowledge that it is pretty wild to spend this much money on one day every time i remember that it hurts we're going to discuss a lot in this video but first i just want to talk about our general wedding philosophy for context basically we just want our loved ones to come together to have a good time it's really important that the guests don't experience too much pressure stress or expense i would love to rent reduce reuse as much as possible for budget and waste's sake i want it to be kind of chill not too formal or structured just easy breezy i'm sure everyone who works in the wedding industry is laughing right now i know we've also been questioning a lot of the traditions and norms because we really want our wedding to reflect us not just be what others expect it to be while weddings can be celebrations of love they can also be extremely capitalist performances of patriarchal traditions nearly all wedding traditions are nothing but pointless and expensive displays of wealth i'm not gonna get too deep into the traditions in history in this video but i actually will be chatting more about it in my bonus video on my patreon if you would like to check that out and just a note before we get started there's obviously going to be some personal cultural and religious differences in the weddings that i'm discussing in this video versus what is traditional or typical for you many cultures celebrate marriage with opulent weddings with tons of guests or have a traditional dress style that's inherently expensive and some of these traditions hold significant cultural and religious importance and sometimes deviating from these traditions can be seen as disrespectful bad luck etc basically what i'm trying to say is there is a lot of privilege in being able to say [ __ ] traditions i know others aren't in that position and have much more family or cultural pressure to conform so today i'm gonna be sharing many of my personal opinions but i don't want this to come across as like a judgmental video people have different tastes different values you can spend your money on whatever you prefer but most of all i just want us all to collectively question these traditions standards the media narratives about weddings and ultimately figure out what you and your partner really want and that might not involve marriage or a wedding at all so let's jump in first of all to state the very obvious weddings are expensive i asked my instagram followers their general thoughts about weddings and many of their responses reflected this people said things like should we even be having weddings aren't they just a waste of money love a courthouse wedding an elopement a backyard wedding if i had a backyard or someone's that we could have used i would have loved to do that so i totally understand responses like those when looking at the traditional american wedding we have the venue the flowers the cake the decor the dress or tucks the catering photography rentals rings i'm getting out of breath just listing all the details and all of these things are not cheap over the last decade we've seen the average american wedding cost around 30 thousand dollars and due to the pandemic in the last few years we have seen smaller weddings and a lower average cost closer to 22 000 but let's put our math caps on for a second something i don't do very often the average cost of a wedding is very different from the median the average gets skewed by the extremely expensive outlier weddings while the median can be a lot more accurate in showing what a typical couple spends this article makes some great points about the methodology of those wedding statistics plus the fact that sites like the knot are basically giant ads for promoting massive expensive weddings we often hear that the average cost of a wedding is about thirty thousand dollars but actually the median has ranged from fifteen to twenty thousand dollars in the last decade i wonder if promoting that higher average figure makes couples believe that that is the normal amount they should spend don't worry if 30 thousand dollars seems a little out of budget it must cost that much to have a decent wedding you can swing it the narrative of the quote unquote average cost helps to sell a more expensive experience i think we have an idea that spending less than the average means that the wedding itself will inherently be below average and you don't want your wedding to seem cheap or inadequate it's all very fascinating before we continue let's give a shout out to the sponsor of this portion of today's video friend of the channel thredup thredup is a massive online consignment and thrift store and one of my absolute favorite places to shop i always try to shop second hand first look for some pre-loved goodies so i keep things on a wish list that i'm keeping an eye out for and then i can easily search for them on thredup which i love find my exact size if i want a specific brand or specific color it is just so easy i'm excited to show you what i got and we will start with this dress which is from french connection estimated retail price was 119 i got it on thredup for 28.99 it is a wrap dress which is my absolute favorite style of dress because what fits better than a wrap dress this is just so comfy easy to throw on i might end up hemming it just a touch show a little knee and it has butterflies all over it they also kind of look like cat ears i've been told next i've got this white bodysuit from bp and i love to pair it with this sheer black top which is from elizabeth and james it's super breathable and lightweight which is obviously perfect for summer i've been wearing it casually like this and also as a little bathing suit cover-up going to the pool perfect then we've got a solid basic honestly need them love them this shirt is from babiton it just goes with everything i can wear it with shorts i can dress it up it's so soft and comfy i mean do i have to convince you of the wonders of a basic tea come on then we have this cutie little crop top this is from topshop just a cropped topshop top again it goes with everything it's got the cutie little lettuce hem and i've currently got a pair with my favorite little pair of trousers this outfit makes me feel like i should ride bikes and go have the summer of my childhood dreams except now i'm in my mid-20s even better and this magical dress i feel like a fairy princess it's new with tags this is from the brand aesum estimated retail was 48 i got it on thredup for 25.99 what can i say it's extremely maxi might need a touch of hemming from me but i love an easy breezy summer dress i've said it a million times and i'll say it again this is so cute i want to be on the beach i want to be having a picnic so next time you need to do a little clothes shopping i highly recommend checking out thread up you all can get 30 off your very first order with my code and link in the description and you'll also get free shipping thank you so much thredup now let's get back into it weddings are sold to us as the most expensive event you'll ever have we know to expect increased costs due to the so-called wedding tax basically when you pay more for the same or similar service due to the increased stress pressure and expectations for a wedding versus a more casual event plus we see flashy weddings displayed all over social media and traditional media making it seem like opulence is the only option because this is a once-in-a-lifetime fairy tale celebration of your love people are willing to spend a ton of money to make that dream a reality and even go into debt for it in the u.s 28 of couples reported going into debt when paying for their weddings that's insane well this culture of spending is now so pervasive if you don't do it your family will be pissed mert where are the floral centerpieces you can't have a wedding without floral centerpieces mom they were two grand extra you're breaking your mother's heart tell ashley to put it on the discover this reminds me of the show marriage or mortgage your wedding can be one of the first major financial decisions you make as a couple and potentially making the wrong choice could lead to debt or big problems down the line if you don't share financial values and we know financial stress can be a big factor of conflict in a long-term relationship we want a house i mean that's the smart decision to make but evan you can just say just say i want i want our wedding to be the best wedding of all the ones that we've been to the show also represents that moment of questioning wait do we even want a wedding in this economy but the real estate market is terrible too and it's only gonna get worse it is pretty wild that this is even a consideration would you rather have a mortgage and a house to call your own or spend your entire nest egg on one very expensive day as i watch i'm like mortgage pick mortgage every time yeah here i am planning a wedding i am a walking contradiction why are we all so willing to spend so much on a wedding why does it have such a hold let's try to unpack that before we dive into this next section a lot of the things i'll be mentioning here and in this video focus more on the heterosexual or heteronormative couples experience and because a lot of these traditions in the us involve traditional family values aka conservative religious values and patriarchal relationship dynamics i just want to acknowledge that lgbtq plus couples and others who fall outside these strict norms face even more judgment and pressure so by now we have established again that weddings in the us are very expensive but what about everything else that comes before or after honestly there are a lot more events than i even knew about when i first googled how do i start planning my wedding you've got to have an engagement party a bridal shower your bachelor bachelorette parties slash trips rehearsal dinner the actual wedding and then maybe an extra post wedding brunch oh wow if you are already having an expensive fairy tale perfect day why do you need an entire events calendar leading up to it first things first of course we love to celebrate the people we love it's fun to bring your friends family acquaintances all together to celebrate you in this very special moment but still isn't that what the wedding is for why do we need all of these mini celebrations on top of the big major one my co-writer sheridan and i came up with this theory hypothesis i know people get touchy about that it's all about community buy-in when we were writing this script one of the things that popped into our heads was how the calendar of social events leading up to a wedding feels very formal and performative and a little old-fashioned that tangent led us to talk about berridgerton the whole premise of the show is yes about finding a perfect pairing and getting married but it's more about the social performance and all of the events that go into convincing the taun that you're a good couple plus celebrating the sweet sweet satisfaction of a match and like in the show there is something to us about all these modern events feeling like proof of investment in the couple stay with me in going to all these extra parties and brunches and celebrations you are now a part of this couple's love story and the support system for this union the more build up the more photos the more impactful the wedding feels the community buy-in if we're all investing this much time and money there's obviously more commitment in this relationship than say a couple that had a more casual wedding right without all the pomp and circumstance of bringing your relationship into society is it even really that important to you there is a weird narrative about casual weddings feeling less legitimate or respectable than bigger showier weddings the vegas or courthouse wedding is shown in media to be a spontaneous we don't care kind of vibe that will certainly end in a swift breakup because you didn't follow the norms of a typical wedding you didn't put in enough time thought and financial investment into the event which clearly makes it easier to break up because you're not bound by money or community buy-in obviously all of this is not true and it's shitty to assume that intimate or private or more spontaneous weddings are any less loving legitimate or serious especially in the past few years i think we've all been realizing things about what is truly important to us on one hand i think people think of weddings and parties as too frivolous there are so many more important things going on but on the other hand because the world is so chaotic it feels right to finally take some time to celebrate dare i say let's [ __ ] party anyway again i'm going to chat more about those pre-wedding events in my patreon bonus video if you want to hear more about my personal opinions about which events we have opted into now let's get into all of the wedding media that encourages us to go big and spend more i want to discuss the cultural influence from advertising movies tv shows and social media like with all marketing ploys advertising for everything from engagement rings to wedding dresses sells us the same narrative if you don't buy x things and spend x amounts your wedding marriage relationship entire life is going to be a disaster because diamonds are forever and this marketing mentality extends into our own personal brands via social media because we live in a society we feel pressure to meet others expectations we seek to emulate the perfection found in wedding pictures and videos if my partner doesn't stop like that during our first look it is over it's a social performance like in many other aspects of life our social media feeds a lot of comparison of course big fancy weddings have always existed in order to encourage compliments of great taste we want to leave an impression so when writing this i've been thinking a lot about like how big of a role does social media play and how people design their weddings and i'm wondering this with myself as well as i'm making my design choices how much of modern weddings are all about catering to what will look best on camera and i want to compare this to coachella basically we all know how coachella for influencers is basically a content farm for them to curate their best outfits and take endless photos of them having the time of their lives i think that weddings serve as a content farm moment for many regular folks influencers are constantly going to cool events and taking great photos but for normies who are not influencers their wedding may be the most photogenic event that they ever attend and they get to have their best dressed moment with professional hair and makeup i get it while you look that good of course you want to ensure that you have endless top-tier photo content to post for years to come of course we all want to get some great photos i certainly will but from the research i've done and the social media content i've seen some weddings seem to exist for the sole purpose of capturing photos instead of just capturing the moments of you actually enjoying your wedding but hey if you want to spend that much money setting up what is basically an elaborate backdrop for your wonderful gorgeous pictures be my guest i'll be your guest at your wonderful beautiful wedding i'll be in the back eating the vegan food but anyway it's understandable because wedding photos are often seen as some of the most important pictures in your lifetime you might keep them on display forever or your descendants will hang them as family heirlooms so they can say wow look at how hot my great-grandma was and here i am for the second day of filming this video since you're this far in i bet you care to hear a little bit of behind the scenes so here we go when i filmed that first part i thought that this would be one whole video maybe a little long but the script was just way too much so here i am finishing up this section but this will probably end up being a two-parter and i moved some things in the script around so part two will focus on wedding reality shows because i want to use those as the lens to view again the cultural narratives about weddings so that video should be coming in the next few weeks if you have any last minute suggestions of reality tv shows regarding weddings that i should look into let me know but anyway we have spent this whole video pretty much talking about how expensive weddings are and now i want to talk about the scale of weddings in terms of size yeah we wanted a really really small ending and i like big weddings so we compromised and ended up with a number of 600 attendees just personally like i am not close enough with enough people and i don't think anyone is really capable of being close with like a hundred plus people but between you know you and your partner maybe there are that many people in your life or as i'm very well aware other cultures other religions tend to put a lot more emphasis on large weddings like you have to invite everyone in your entire family all the cousins your mom's friends it's a very strange feeling to start writing a wedding guest list because it really does feel like working on your myspace top eight again very millennial reference there but like it's not often in your life that you have to kind of rank the people that you love like most important gotta have them the next tier of friends and family and then that other tier of like people that you know and maybe love on some level but you don't really need them at your wedding you know what i mean but aside from my own opinions on the size of weddings that's ideal i hypothesize that the trend of having larger weddings is what is leading to more wedding burnout and an overall more cynical view of weddings in the culture in the culture i saw some tick tocks basically the not posted a tick tock about guests most common complaints about weddings or their least favorite parts about weddings and a lot of those were frankly the you know patriarchal traditional things that can either be a little uncomfortable or just a little outdated maybe then i saw more tick tocks of other brides responding and a lot of them said they thought those guests were being ungrateful or basically if you don't like weddings and wedding traditions don't come but the thing is um you actually invited them so then they are probably going to attend to support you and your union but they're not allowed to have opinions about the wedding the event that they're attending i do understand the bride's frustrations in these situations you obviously put a lot of time effort and money into your wedding and the last thing you'd want to hear is people being like man the food sucked i have the dj didn't like the garter toss but also i strongly believe that first of all guests are entitled to sharing their opinions if they want and also these are just responses to a survey it's not like these guests specifically went up to the couple and told them their complaints though maybe some people do but it's like they're not even allowed to anonymously complain do guests have rights and more importantly i can understand the fatigue of being a frequent wedding guest so here's my whole thing again with larger weddings being common each couple invites more people and therefore guests are probably invited to more weddings per year instead of maybe attending one to two weddings a year of people that you're quite close to someone might get invited to upwards of 10 or more weddings in a year to celebrate distinct cousins co-workers that you don't really hang out with or you go as a plus-one to a wedding for someone that you don't even know and this was my thought while i was watching those tick tocks about the complaints was like if i were at the wedding of one of my best friends i would be loving all the speeches i would love watching the first dance precious however if i imagine i am at my eighth wedding of the summer god back-to-back weddings make it stop the person getting married is my partner's brother's co-worker we don't know anyone there we just listen to an hour of speeches full of inside jokes at that point i'm gonna be tired i am going to be picky i am going to be very much judging the bar and the food are there good vegan options if there aren't i'm starving i'm angry i'm gonna be a little more picky about what that dj is playing so again being invited to a wedding is great it's an honor allegedly and i think guests do all appreciate that that couple and their family is spending a lot of money per person in order to have that wedding but still the couple should appreciate that attending a wedding is also very expensive to be a guest at a wedding you might need to take time off of work then you've got the cost of travel accommodations don't forget to buy a gift from the couple's registry on average that costs 127 dollars from family members and 99 for all other guests then as guests we feel pressure to wear something new and exciting to every wedding even if you're the type of person who has a go-to wedding dress you've still gotta fit the weather maybe the theme it may be the wedding dress code if you're getting invited to multiple weddings a year and you have to buy a new dress for every occasion that gets pricey this is why i think shopping secondhand is great maybe renting a dress for a special occasion is a great way to go or maybe create your capsule of like two to three go-to occasion outfits that work for like any dress code but then you've still got to overcome the fear of outfit repeating which we all need to work on that's a great skill be a proud outfit repeater so again couples need to appreciate that yes they are spending a lot on their own wedding but their guests are all investing a fair bit of time energy and money to be there as well and it's even more of an investment for the wedding party especially the bridesmaids in recent decades it has been the norm for all of the bridesmaids to wear the exact same dress as chosen by the bride these days it's a little more common for the bride to pick a specific color or a style but give the bridesmaids a little bit more room for personalization and it is customary for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses plus the cost of any alterations all of this time and expense for a dress they will likely never wear again cue katherine heigl in 27 dresses now i might be talking more about this in my patreon bonus video but i don't really have an official wedding party again we're still ironing out those details but to me it was really important again for my guests and my loved ones to not be completely stressed and overwhelmed in attending my wedding so when i thought about like do i want to invite my closest friends and family to be my bridesmaids i was like why but it just blows my mind because there's so much more cost and responsibility that goes into being a bridesmaid it's not just oh cute you get to stand next to the couple and look precious though that is true especially a maid of honor that's even more responsibility you'll be helping the bride plan the wedding plus the organization of other events like the bachelorette party and you're gonna need cute outfits for all those other parties and events too of course plus surprise we're actually gonna have the bachelorette party be a destination trip so add that to the tally as well according to refinery29 many bridesmaids spend over a thousand dollars on their friends weddings and i personally just think that's pretty unfair to ask of your friends some of your friends may easily be able to afford that and are happy to spend that money but others might not be in the financial position to where they can spend a thousand dollars on your wedding and ironically these conflicts especially about money and just not being considerate of your wedding party can ruin friendships so to conclude again as i mentioned this video this script has taken many forms since sheridan and i started working on it initially i actually just wanted to focus on the waist angle of the wedding industry you know single-use plastics food and flowers going to waste clothing only being worn once which i think are still very important um i'm definitely still considering a lot of those issues in planning our wedding but as i was writing it i think we found that these cultural narratives and the media angle tend to be the most interesting to me but ultimately what i've learned from researching this video is that there are so many external factors and pressures from media family and the wedding industry that encourage couples to go way outside their budgets and outside their comfort zones to fit a cultural narrative that this is the most important day of your life and bigger is always better at the end of the day what i'm trying to remind myself as nathan and i continue planning is like this is about us it's about celebrating us as a couple and bringing our loved ones together which is going to be the most precious experience and it's going to be that's going to be hopefully not a once in a lifetime thing but definitely something that's not going to happen all the time because our friends and family live in different countries i want to have a good time i want to eat good vegan food i want to listen to my favorite love songs that is that i hope this video made sense thanks that's how i end every single video hope it made sense and today we do have a small channel shout out today's shout out goes to ashley norton i found her in the algorithm a month or so ago and i immediately watched almost every video she had posted ashley makes commentary videos and they're just so relaxing and i feel like she has a very wholesome presentation style if that makes sense and she's covered some great topics such as the rise and fall the brit crew i've loved her unpacking the click franchise video she has a very kind series on demi lovato and her latest series recapping h2o these are just my go-to videos when i'm like making lunch turn on an ashley video and it's just the best typically for small channel shout outs i try to stay under 10 000 subscribers and ashley's at 13 currently so this shout out is less that she needs the algorithm boost because i think she's gonna continue to blow up she is doing very well on her own but as always i just really like to share the channels that i'm enjoying and i think that a lot of you would also enjoy ashley's content i would love to give a shout out to my patrons if you want to check out that bonus content like the video i'm going to be posting there this month we also do a monthly live stream or if you just want to support the channel that would be wonderful extra thank yous to my executive producers including ooh face abby hayden cassandra toner eric danielson freshly laundered jaden c jackie king jill hoffman joe fernandez josh woods julie leva justin landis casey luck kristen holloman kristen monge marty schmeichel matthew gray megan collins metcalf 33 nicole louise online dbt skills rebecca goodson rohana barton sarah kemi stevie may tessa thompson tom walker truffa and and once again thank you to thredup for kindly sponsoring today's video you can get 30 off your first order and free shipping with my code and link in the description stay tuned for future internet analysis videos and i will see you next time okay thanks bye

2022-05-18 04:53

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