The Grand Tour season 1 episode 1

According. To today's newspaper, headlines it seems that it's the end of the road and motoring, presenter, Jeremy Clarkson. And. Said, that it's with deep regrets the decision to be taken not soaring you. The. Forecast, plenty of sunshine through today with, seasonal temperatures. We should return of a live load 82, degrees by noon. Thank, You CEO. Obstacles. Gonna, die. Such. A needy. Think. I can make it now the pains. Gone. All, of the bed. Here. Is the rainbow. It's. Gonna be a breath. Satanic. Day. Hello. That was the house flowers, and, now look what we have here. He, was born. He. Was born in. 1836. And. He. Was fired by, car magazine, fired. By Autocar, magazine, fired. By Scotland on Sunday and somehow. He, managed to get fired by a Volvo, dealership. Probably. For driving too slowly ladies, and gentlemen James Bay. Thank. You thank you you're very kind and. Ladies. And gentlemen you, probably, can't see him from the back. But. I, assure. You he, is here. He. Was fired by. Radio York, fired. By, radio Leeds and fired. By Radio Lancashire. It's Richard, hammer. Thank. You. Thank. You and. Ladies. And gentlemen. Over. Here. He's. He's. Basically. A shaved, ape in a shirt and, he. Technically. Is the only one of us never to be fired by anyone, its Jeremy, Clarkson. You so much. And. The good thing is. It's. Very unlikely. I'm going to be fired now because, we're on the internet. Which. Means I could pleasure, a horse no no. No. No, no, pleasuring, of any sort there, are families, watching. Yes, anyway. We, are all car. Journalists. And we, have spent the last 20. Years being, fired yes. But. We have poured everything. We know everything, we care, about into. This show. And coming up now is, a small, montage, of what you can expect, over, the next 12 weeks. Are. We ready gentlemen. I honestly. I don't know. That, the size of the drop or what's happened to his penis. Magnificence. Oh this. Is bad. James. Says we've got to stop the fuel. Yeah. He doesn't like this. Maybe, leaking slightly. This is not a particularly, cultural, thing to learn I. Don't. Like the smell of tire smoke in the evening. Sideways. In living. So, dignity, in that is there. Thank. You so much we're gonna be roaming, the world in it we're gonna be like gypsies, only. The cars we drive are, gonna be insured stop, saying things that are gonna get us fired, it's but I'm just saying it's brilliant, yes. Boy. Who, shot our drone. Did. Someone shoot it in. Well. Look let's not get bogged down in all shot Wow okay let's. Get changed get, all of the show yes, did we get on with the show. Welcome, to. The first ever Grand. Tour. Thank, you now. We, hope you like, our tent, we think the great thing is that because it roams around the world we, get a different, view out, of the big picture windows every week so this week obviously we've got the honey desert, of California, next, week who. Knows I do, with. This James window, it's Gemma's burg well. Now they know. What. Is the view changes and so does the audience okay I mean this week you'll all Americans. Now. This is a bit of a problem for people, like us who, speak English. We. Can converse perfectly, well in a shop or a restaurant but. When it comes to cars and motoring. Every. Single word you use is, different, when I say different I mean wrong. When. You change gear with a lever what, do you call that. Stick. Do. You see this. Is a stick. Couldn't. Change gear with this wouldn't, work what, you can do with this is point to things okay let's just see if we can get, you educated what, do you call this bit of a car. What. Do you mean no you can wear a bonnet on your head as with its two things we're, capable of having those difference laws, now. What type of vehicle is this. It's. Stupid. Let's. Do another one of these, what. Type of vehicle is this. Whoo-oop, is where you keep your chickens. Okay. That's a French word I admit, yeah but, and they're mobile with that George Bush you hear what he once said about the, French said, the trouble with the French cheese they have no word for entrepreneur, I. Think. The only thing we agree, on is steering. Wheel yeah but, then they go put it on the wrong side of the car. It. Must be really annoying having to drive along like that, why. Don't you just put it in front of the driver like we did. It's. Probably a good idea if we get on with the actual show yes it is but we have to clear all that up because contrary, to what some people have been saying this. Actually, is a car, show Wow, not next week is no next week's an exception yeah I'm not gonna go to Barbados, no Barbados, is definitely, another exception, but tonight couldn't, be more khari if it, tried and I'm going to prove that point because we're kicking off with this. I agree. Thing. Is though various.

Supercar, Makers are now taken, the sort, of polar bear friendly, technology, from, a price and they're, now using it to create war, naked. Speed now, I say the best of these hybrid. Hyper cars is the mad, swivel-eyed. McLaren. P1 where, as Richard Hammond, who's wrong, I'm not, he. Is because he says the best is actually the rather boring Porsche. Nine one eight it's, not boring. Yes it, isn't. Whatever. We, decided, to meet up with, the cars and settle. This once, and for all. The, location, we chose for this titanic. Duel was Portugal. Specifically. The, International. Racetrack, of the Algarve. When. We arrived, mechanics, from Porsche and McLaren, pounced, on our cars battling. Them for what was to come and this. Meant Hammond, and I had some time to indulge in a sport of Travis. Point scoring. Which. One of these is going to be the fastest, around this track this. Yeah, apart, from this one which would be faster, it won't which, one do you think will be the fastest, there's. One this, one so Porsche think the Porsche will be fastest, McLaren, say the McLaren, how much is it if I wanted to buy one I think one was sold in an auction for 1.8, million, 1.8. Million dollars Hammond. How much is yours. 838. Euros. Thousands. Of guessing yes it is why. Does your car got a number, on the side it's, the vice a condition, this one you, also get to taenia chassis, bolts mr. beautiful stupid for just an extra 60,000 fans and a carbon-fibre. Bonnet straw. Look. At that how much does that say about 100 grams right. There hundred. Grams as the McLaren got a carbon-fibre. Bonnet strut, as a need one no. Because my bonnet doesn't go up because it'll never break down and, it's, got silly doors proper. Doors silly, doors, mine. Does 34. Miles to the gallon, it's just 95. 94. Miles to make up for mpg, just a mummy Porsches, owned by that'll, be Volkswagen. Soon the McLaren, and the Porsche, were ready for some shakedown, laps. And. For. These we decided, we drive each other's, cars. Straight. Away I can tell you that this doesn't have the brutality. Or the savagery. Of the McLaren. Because. It has rear-wheel, steering and. Four-wheel drive it feels secure. And. Safe. And that gives you the confidence. To. Play about. If I went around this corner this, fast, in the McLaren. A. Lot. Of food would come out. This. Is frightening. I, don't. Think it was possible to yourself to death. The. Grip is genuinely. Incredible. There. You go. In the savage, and unforgiving. P1 my nerves were shot to pieces but. I too was. Falling, in love. This, recalibrates. Your mind I didn't. Think anything could be as exciting, as that Porsche for this, this. Is. This. Is brilliant. Brilliant. What. A car, I, love. It. Well. This, is rubbish. I was. Just thinking exactly the, same about this way this, was boring, me to death it was like being stuck, in a Victorian. Woman's, novel. Been. Stuck in a telephone box with a panicking, gorilla rubbish. That's. Why I like it this is a missionary position car, razorblade. In the hands of a surgeon sickle. In the hands of a drunk peasant, don't, allow B Breaking Bad that's crystal, meth that's some if he we'd fine. Wine. Rate. Of new key brand. Schooner, of sherry. Absinthe. James. Bond specifying. His martini to be shaken not stirred begs. Being Trainspotting. Lobbing a pint pot over his shoulder in a nightclub and starting a bar fight wah. Hi. What. Are you doing here I am. Here because gentlemen. I have in the back of that lorry something. That will make your. McLaren, in your Porsche look like lumps. Of yesteryear. I remember. The last time a car or indeed any sort of thing gave, me Affairs like the Ferrari the Ferrari.

This. Has. 950. Horsepower. 950. More. Than either of the other two and it's lighter it weighs, 1,250. Kilograms. Which. Is less than most hatchbacks. Actually. There is a bit more to the Ferrari the Ferrari because what it has is in effect a Formula, One curse system, in. Constantly. Recovers. Energy, that would otherwise be, lost, using, its electric motor and its battery, so, as I break there. The. Car is actually saying that energy, I'll have that. Straight. This, is about 950. Horsepower feels. Like. The. Other two. James. Was obviously, talking, nonsense, but, there's no getting around the fact that these three cars tape automotive. Science to. A new level. They. Use the latest green technology to. Squeeze as much speed, as possible, from, every, molecule of, fuel. As. A result, they're all capable of blasting way, past 200. Miles an hour was producing, fewer harmful emissions than. A family saloon. What. We have here then are, three, incredible. Machines, which at a stroke. Have. Made the traditional supercar. Look wooden, and. Old-fashioned. Welcome. Everyone to, the hypercar, Holy Trinity. In. That door mirror I have a, 1 million pound, awesome, in, that door mirror I have a 1, million pound, Ferrari. What. It toy box of the day. Jetta. Don't, think so habit. As. Give me so expensive. Buddy. Cory's trying to kill me I'm not even in it. We. Could have played out there all day but, before, he ended up in a three million, pound crash, we, decided, to start the tests, to see which of the cars was. Best I came. Up with the first one mainly to annoy Gatecrasher. Mae, let's. Make the first test a drag, race using. Electrical. Power room the good idea, isn't, a good idea why not because you can't drive the Ferrari on electrical, power oh no, no. But of course you can't because it's it's, a curse system, like a Formula One car it's got a v12 engine, and an electric motor but they're all integrated, they work together all of the time you can't separate, them you should have thought about that shouldn't you, planning. With. James. Reduced, to the role of onlooker. We lined up the p1 and the 9 1 8 on the start line but. Then instead. Of revving, the petrol engines, we. Shut them down. That. Is weird. Preparing. To start a drag, race, in. Complete silence I, still. Have two, electric, motors that together produce. 285. Brake horsepower, which is a hundred and nine more than, the one electric. Motor in his McLaren. You've. Got to love that the immediate. Power from an electrical, engine, it's. 70 miles an hour already in it isn't, enough. Who. Won that it. Was me wasn't it, but. It's not important, though is it is it now no, it's just not relevant right right, in a drag race it's irrelevant which car gets there first yeah. Yours is the better milk float. Back. In the pits payment, had an idea for the next test. We've. Got to drive to the hotel you have bad air away and it gives us a chance to see what they're like on the road that's. A good point real world that is a good point I can't, do that I can't I can't. Drive the Ferrari on the road boy, it's. Not registered, it's, got numbers let's. Just pretend number, plates if they register it it becomes secondhand, and they have to pay the tax that's why I came into lorries so you can't drive it on the road either nobody can drive but it's not road legal, Oh No, Oh. Our. Of oh sorry, James that's, really a rotten bit of luck because you've come a long way from Italy, I can't. Give you a lift cuz there's like the. Sound man's headphones, on the seat and there are nature so, that doesn't literally, nothing I can do. Soon. Richard. And I were enjoying, the world's, best, ever commute. It. Made me a bit Spartan in here but it's, unbelievably. Comfortable. Because. It uses electronics. Rather. Than traditional anti-roll. Bars and that means there's no physical, connection. Between the wheels so, if one goes over a bump the. Others aren't affected, it's uncanny. By being in a rolls-royce phantom. It's. A love. Taking the roof panels out. Set. The aircon just so and. I'm enjoying and drive in the country. Meanwhile. Hoddy. House. You're. All right. You're. All right in, Italian. Oh. Build. This. But a Ferrari is useless. Yes yes yes yes later on in part 2 when, these two have stopped dreaming, of idiotic, and irrelevant tests.

But It can take part in we, shall see. Now. At, this point in the show we like to sit, down and chew, the fat about, new cars and motoring, issues like for example while, in Britain we have to drive at 50 miles an hour when they're doing roadworks to protect the workforce which is never there yes ok why. Fully, grown adults have. Taken to riding around the city on, children's. Toys yes. I've been called bicycles, I. Like. That, a segment, that we are calling, conversation. Street. Better. Than that rather brilliantly, we have made a bespoke, version, of that sting for every, single episode we're, going to make for the next three years, yes a. Slight. Problem with that is that we were so busy doing that we didn't actually think of anything to talk about in conversation, straight do it we, did yeah what, oh ho oh you'll love this, James. May the. World's, slowest. Moving, human. Has. Been caught speeding. By. The police. Honda. CBR, 600, RR sports bike. Were. Genuinely. Astonished. They couldn t carriage the obvious that have been done for speeding or like what and, so. We found out how fast he was scary. Yes. How fast was it again. 37. Miles. Catch. You I mean were they running. The. Thing is if, you've been caught because we genuinely don't, believe anyone in the world has but if you have been caught caught. Speeding at a speed less than 37, do, honestly, please write to us and let us know, it's. Possible, I'm not your envelope I'm a tortoise and. That, is all we have time for this week on conversations, oh hang, on a minute what are you saying the first step is show you just mock me for my speeding ticket let me move on. Yes. We've got to tell everyone about our track, yes, we, have won. This. Is the sort of place where you can, do, live cars at speeds that you can do on the road but, only if you want to go to prison afterwards, what like 38. Even. 40 from time to time now. We, were hoping that we could bring it around the world with us like the tent but. Unfortunately, it's too heavy to. See. T. By, T. This. Is it, it's. Not a race circuit. It's. Not an airfield. It's. Not a road. What. It is is brilliant. And fast, and. Extremely. Dangerous. It. Even looks dangerous, on a map because. As you can see it's the exact, same shape as, the Ebola virus. Right. Time, now to show, you what, a lap, looks like and to do that we've. Got a bit of a performance benchmark. A Ferrari for, a date, take, it away take. It, away. First. Up its the isn't, straight, so-called because, it. Isn't straight. There's. A super-fast, left followed, by a super, fast right and. If you make a mistake there's, no runoff area or arm comb it's, just words. Words. That are full of wildlife, which, likes to run out in front of him. After. The second, right on the isn't straights were into your name ear corner. Sponsorship. Opportunities are. Available, here however I should explain, that it's possible, nobody. Will be looking at your banner because this is a corner, that was designed so. A car can do this. Isn't. Here today that's just a friend of mine on his way back up he isn't straight. Old. Lady's, house. We've. Called this section, old lady's, house because, it's right next to a house, where. An old lady lives. She. Tells us she likes cars. So. She used to have one. She's. Gonna like them wait, so much after we've been here a few times. Next. Up there's a narrow and bumpy, sprint to substation. You need to get this 90, left right all you'll crash into a cage full of electricity. And. You'll need to get the final 90 left right as well or you'll run into a field of sheep. So. Trees. And, the malls a house electricity. And because. It's an England usually, quite a lot of moisture in the air it, really is the. Most dangerous, track, anywhere, in the world to. Post a fast time here you do need. Those. The. Car I've selected for, my first lap of the Ebola drom is.

This. The. BMW. M2. Certainly. There isn't the time in this our first ever show to do, a full road test to this car but there. Is time to say that I think, this. Is the best M car BMW, has, ever made. In. A lot of fast cars these days you, got all sorts of knobs, and buttons which, you can use to change. The classic change I mean ruin the characteristics. Of the engine and the suspension, and steering and, so on and. We always think isn't that like a chef, bringing, a fish to your table, and another, lence and butter in a bit of parsley and, same cook it yourself no you cook it what I'm paying for. This. Car happily has an all back to basics, approach. To. You got a little rocker switch down here which does. Nothing. At all as far as I can see and that seat. You're. Buying the car which, was set up at the factory but the engineers. Who know what they're doing and. All, you have to do is, enjoy it. What. I am doing. Oh. Yeah. Let's. Do that again and ceiling, to make sure make. Sure I was correct. Understand. To, pump. The back out. Again. Only. Going, the other way wrong, way around your, name here. Frick's. I am loving we were. I. Made. A mess of that yes but I'll just do this look like a different purpose and. The, tires begging. For mercy I got back onto the isn't, and unleash. 360. Following rampaging. Horse powers between the turbocharged. Three, litre straight-six. This. Isn't, as fast in, a straight line as. An m3 but, everywhere else it. Is better, it. Feels less heavy less, cumbersome. And. Due to the unique, characteristics. Of our strays I can. Tell the steering, is less, that. Is less twitching. This. Track was, designed, to trip cars up, there. Are fast cars slow. Corners. Drifty. Corners, and, bumps. It's. Hard on the tires it's, hard on the brakes it's hard on the engine, it's point, and squirt. And bark. And Yelp. It. Is vicious. Nothing. Which. Is flummoxed. The end to this. Thing is an absolute. Masterpiece. What you said is the. Best end car, BMWs. Ever made. You. May think it's mad to suggest the cheapest, end car is the best but. Look at it this way, this. Track is a lot cheaper than Silverstone. And I. Know which one I'd rather drive round. That, zigzag. That old lady's house because I wasn't there when I went no it wasn't there when you were there but after you left we discovered, there's an unexploded, Second, World War bomb seriously. Right where, the track was so we but sort, of go round it let. Me get this right at our track, yeah there's trees, and, animals, Moisture. Electricity. The house and an, unexploded. Bomb yeah. It's. The most dangerous track of the world honestly it makes him a little like a duvet. All. The cars that we test at the Ebola. Drone will, do a timed lap, and to make sure it's a completely level playing field they, will all be driven by. The same, racing. Driver. How. Clever is that now. Thing. Is Amazon. Okay insisted, that the racing driver in question should be from this side of the pond so, we went to something called NASCAR.

We. Found one and we, shipped him to England and then we introduced, him to the complicated, procedure, which, involves turning right. He's. Called, Mike Skinner but we know him simply as the American. We. Should warn you that some of his views are quite, strong yes he has very specific views, for example on, cars, that have engines with fewer than eight cylinders, communists, yeah. In the middle communist yeah. The. VA is communist, so let's see how, he gets on with the m2. Is. Looking. Uh Turley bewildered. Will. Spin. Confused. It. Now. You can open the taps three, leaders. Six. Cylinders. This. Thing wouldn't pull a greasy, string out of a dog's ass. He's. Talking, about. Where. I come from this ain't a car it's. A cry for help. Straight. On. The brakes grabbing, the stick which, is on the left-hand side of where he's sitting and, turning, in to, me no understand. That's all tracks. And arrow. Which. One of them came up with this thing. The. Taps again. No turbo, lag at, all as. He pillars down the bumpy back straight towards, substation. This, is a 90 left knee. Tarmac, but it held it well one. More 90, left to go through field of sheet and these. Days. Now. To make sure that the m2 that, wasn't on sort of the lap board all by itself, we got the American to put we, put some other benchmark, cards what we call them benchmark, cars he calls them communist. Around. The track to see what's what there they all are look McLaren Audi and so on and so we. Saw a Ferrari 488 at, the track in the film earlier on why isn't because. Ferrari wouldn't let his time it let. Him know so. The, Ferrari the Ferrari can't. Go on the road or run on electric government, though. Can't. Do a time lap Ferrari, are quite tricky to deal with from time to time let's just put it that way a move, on because, now it's time to see where the m2, goes on, that board let's have a look let's put it on. It's. The best. I. Prefer. It to all the others that are quicker than it it's, whisper, damn. If you want one that's slower than all the other end guys. It's. Quicker than Civic. If. You had a choice of em cars if you line them all up and said I'd like the fastest, it wouldn't be that one shut up better own it. I. Don't give you driven one. Fabulous. Ok you jibley it's a brilliant career really honestly it's a shame really that we can't take the track around the world with us isn't it because if we did we. Could invite some celebrities. To drive around it maybe we could keep a score she who was the fastest. I. Don't. Think it would work. Sure. That they do and anyway, we've got a better idea, okay for our celebrities, we're, calling it, celebrity. Brain crash, and we've had a sting made for that as well. Say I'm, gonna watch that new Amazon car show Henry the eighth's heading, this crap. What. Is there smoke coming out of Brad Pitt's head what are we trust no. We're. Not no we're not saying there. Not that. That is a terrible, steggzz, but the machine itself isn't, terrible at all it's it's used to measure somebody's mental.

Agility Their. Observational. Skills and their ability to multitask. It's. Actually based on a machine that's, used to test folly, to pilots who want to join the, Royal Air Force which as we all know is the finest, and greatest air force in the world. Now. Hold on you, lot can grumble, as much as you like but, we, edit, this show and we're British, so you're just. Royal air force he's. Better than the US air force. Force. Is better than all the other air forces in the world. Anyway. We're all now in agreement. It's. The best air force in the world. So. So we're all in agreement the, Royal Air Force is quite good. It's. Fine so let's get back to, celebrity. Brain crash and meet, our first ever guest yes, now normally, on other shows the guests will come through a sparkly, curtain wave a bit and then sit down but not here oh yes. Our guests. Make a proper. Arrival, and on that note let's, meet tonight's. Star, he, has been in pretty, much every. Single movie. Franchise, there is apart. From Bridget, Jones, no. He was pretty Jones was. He. No. But it doesn't matter using. The Bourne films, he's in the Mission Impossible films. He's in the Avenger films and right now he, is, 10,000. Feet above, us waiting. To make one hell, of an entrance ladies, and gentlemen Jeremy. He. Is ready to jump and there he goes. Amazing. To see when doing his own stunts, yeah I know and he is looking. Good. And. I tell you what when he gets him on do, you want to talk to him about that Bourne Legacy film, ie what it was like to punch same Jacobson, and be. Hung. On he's. Leaving this terribly, late. Right. That's. Um does. That mean he's not coming on then. No. James he's not. It's. Okay that we anticipated. This sort of thing so we got a backup, guest ready. He. Was, in he was in Man From UNCLE he, was in Lone Ranger he was both twins, in the, social network, and his. New film is called nocturnal, animals. We. Haven't had time unfortunately to organize a dramatic, entrance but I hope, you'll give him a warm welcome nevertheless. Ladies. And gentlemen. He's, been killed, by now really quiet everyone, quiet please. Right. That's there's, literally nothing we can do he's yard to wait for him anyway snakes, are like herds of the mother they hunted, pack get our pack animals does, um does. That mean he's not coming on either. He's. Finished writhing around in agony and now he's dead, so, that is a no. Well. Maybe. There's somebody famous in the audience. Rus, unlikely, no, no, seriously you don't Carol Vorderman yes, she ran with this morning she was at an air show nearby, and said can she come to the show. I. Knew he don't know who Carol Vorderman is she's a huge huge huge star in the, UK she started out in a program called countdown established, herself as being unbelievably, brilliant, a fantastic. Mathematician, and very. Beautiful yeah. She's also dead. What. She. Dead, well. How did that happen, well I don't know pathologist. But she's dead, is what she is, seriously. Yes. Problem. What. We gonna do. Looks. Like it's. Just littered with corpses and now. I. Don't think this bit is working. Let's. Drop celebrity.

Brain Crash this week you. Do begin in South Africa next week and I think people will have forgotten all this. Well we'll. Just skip over it now it's not gonna happen, and that's okay because we can get back to the cars yes moving, on. This. Week we are trying to find out which of the new breed of hybrid, hyper cars is the best yes on day one at the track in Portugal we established, that the McLaren. P1 is a Mentalist, that, the Porsche nine one eight is very. Good milk float and that the Ferrari the Ferrari could, do nothing, at all. Some. Of that is true, but now, day. To. Beat. This meant engaging, launch, control, which, in the McLaren, takes, about a fortnight, I. Have. To have the drivetrain, in track, mode the. Aero package in sport, mode said, that the rear end squats when I set off and gives me more traction I have, to have the DRS. Button, pressed with my thumb to keep the rear wing open, which, reduces, drag obviously, launch control, in the Porsche air left foot on the brake hard, right, foot on the throttle hard, light, goes green left foot off brake ping launch, button, press for 2 seconds, left foot on brake right. Foot on the throttle press, launch control, mash the throttle within, 4 seconds, release the brake three, seconds, later I have. Full boost and I have to set off then within 3 seconds, all the entire system, disengages. Honey. Mother did, you see that. Bait. Jesus. Christ. It's all over the place. Since. It was clear I'd got all my buttons wrong the chaps agreed, to another run. Sitrep. The lights. Went green before the boost was ready and I had the DRS, button still pressed when, I got to the end which meant to have no downforce which. Meant well. Poo came out. This. Time I'm going to do it with more drag. Which. Will slow me down but I will be able to stop without. Killing, myself. Curr. System, charged, right. Who's. Building. Three, two. Oh. That. Wasn't very good. Because. James had somehow, messed up that time and because this test was about the cars we, decided to go again. Okay. We have all three one this now. Determined. To find a definitive one, two three finishing, order. We. Ran again. Another. Totally. Different result there gentlemen. And. Again. At. This point we decided to call a halt to proceedings because. We. Had reached a scientific. Conclusion. It. Turns out that it. Doesn't really matter which car you buy it's all depends, on your shoes now this. Is a top loafer, slightly. Worn together a crisper. Jump. Off the brake pad it's immediate now this is a converse, I'm surprises more spongy. Added. Us they weren't thinking that through so, as you lift your foot up to millisecond I know, you've got curse I know you've got a six point three liter v12 and know that launch control system is amazing, but, it's all let down by the sponginess, of the added a shoe so they should sell you the car and the shoe now more than that have you got the correct shoes and have you worn me exactly. Fresher. With. That sorted, it was time to bring in a racing driver to, see which of our cars could, do the fastest, lap our.

Resident. American, said he wasn't interested because, all three cars are probably communists so. Instead, we went for a Belgian chap. Who's. Done Formula, One and formula. E jérôme. D'Ambrosio. Tyrone, took the cars out to get a sense of how they handle. And. When, he'd finished we were interested to hear his professional. Opinion. Hello. Mostly. Para por la. Professional hula watch, your previous, a nude buku. Buku lived, on Nov have long urban, Melissa tea on. A delectable cousin, as if we want to approximate, Hong, Kong fianc wait, Savoy, exactly, no laughs, I say that what you are many. Thick belong, so what your renewed, uncle. At work laferrari. Elmer. CSI rapid non-conference. Eden's. Reponse cavora Cemil. La. McLane what, you reported. Lapa, difficile ability, crevice, in the very narrow is, Ramon, what your dog orgasm, if of a attention, a hidden, path Isildur Farah to the. Paschal optimal, if you guess at. This point word, reached us that Jeremy. Was taking, liberties with the subtitling. Machine. So. We moved on to the big event. The. Timed laps. Once, the mechanics, had finished their preparations, the three speed traps were activated. And. The Ferrari the Ferrari took. Its place on the start line. Look. How good it looks there this. Is just wasting, time is wasting rubber, and fuel. Yeah, it is you've. Ordered the duck and the sherry trifle and. You're a melon, ball I'm. Not even listening. Gentlemen. Of light it was doing, 230. 1.4. Kilometers, an hour at the end of the straight it's. About the same speed as like a golf diesel, something like that. 94.9. Coming. Down the hill using gravity, is he stopping off for shopping is him he must be. Serious. Thank. You very much James you wanna go and get a cup of tea well. We've warmed the track. Next. It was the turn of the, Porsche 9, 1. Will. It go because of the stripes do you think much. Two. Three one point, so. He's faster, than the Ferrari. One. Eight three point. Zero way. Way, way slower, than him. Don't. Forget between here on the next measuring, point okay you've got four slow, corners, and those are the ones where the poor ship is gonna make up the time. Because. Of the four-wheel steering Oh like a Honda Prelude. I mean. 10-point. What what, so, almost to, a tenth of a kilometer an hour the same spoons you. Becomes, his, falling noises. Finally. It was the turn of a psycho-killer the trickiest, the edgiest, of the three. But. I was so confident, it a twin I was prepared, to take a massive. Gamble. If. The McLaren. Isn't. The fastest. You. Two can knock my hopes down Oh. Knock. It down, well. Yes yeah. And, I mean that's. How confident, I am that that will be the fastest. That's. A sit you know we will do that it's, a serious bet yeah, but. Fine, if. That's not the fastest, we, can knock your house down yep, you, know where it is you both be. We. Go a lot riding on this. 235. 5.9. Okay. So fastest at the end of straight. Would. You like to come to my house for dinner yes can I bring a bulldoze. 88.3. It's. Really quick there's. No it's quiet. Wrist we don't know how fast it's going around the tight turns I've, been doing two kilometers, an hour around yeah.

Crashed. With. That back. To the tent. Now. I, want. To make it absolutely plain, because I know this matters, to anoraks, all three. Cars were running on exactly. The same sort of tires, yes, same tyres same, track same driver so, the times are down to the cars yeah yep and now it is time to reveal those. Times and let me just make it absolutely clear we don't know what they are the, producers have kept them from us their top secret so. Let's, put the scoreboard, up and let's, begin with, the. Ferrari the Ferrari. I believe let's see what it did it's in please. Hmm. A 150. 4.4. We don't know it's any good but. Let's. Move on and do the Porsche next let's have a look what did the Porsche do it. I. Told you it's just a melon, ball it's, slower than, my car which was faster, than your car servicing. It looks better did, in my mirror, where it belongs get. Calm. Down, because. Now we must, bring up the time that really matters, the. One where. Are lots at stake the. McLaren, the McLaren. P1 are you nervous, no no. I'm. Not nervous - why be nervous because you could get like a shopping trolley and keep all your things in it. Make. Some new friends under, a bridge somewhere come, on I'd say sell your body don't do that, quiet. Left. Let's. Bring up the time of the p1 here we go God, where. Is it. Ladies. And gentlemen, journalist. Broadcaster. And homeless. Man. That's what it is. You're. Not really, going, to knock my house down yes we are, that. Is. A bet that's, the deal are we gonna film it no, but the thing is on the tires that the McLaren, can be bought with it was, faster. We. Agreed right at the start we'd all run, on the, same tires didn't, feel before, your car last semesters. It's. Just some this first show up shall we, I've, lost, my house. We've. Had a fight with the audience big one somebody, shot our drone down and. We've. Killed three quite major celebrities, but, on the, plus side my, Porsche was the fastest. It's time to end thank. You all very much for coming thank you for watching and we'll see you next week in Johannesburg.

2019-11-28 17:03

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