Navigating Year One as a Touring Musician's Spouse: Insights from Side by Side Podcast Ep. 3
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Side by Side podcast presented by Side Stage Tour. I am your co host, Laura Landers, and this is the better half, Kelly Clark. Hello. Not better half. We are in this together, whatever 100 miles a minute, and you're the one that just holds it all together.
you say. Well, today is an interesting one because I feel like I'm intro ing myself, This podcast is going to be all about my first year as a spouse of a touring musician, what it was like, what I experienced, and that kind of gives you a fresh perspective of a newbies life in this weird lifestyle that we are all living. I am so excited to talk about you this time. And hear about your side of the journey. Cause this is your, it's been a full year, right? It's been a full year, like, like, New Year's Eve, and here we are at the end of December, so yeah. Well, how do you feel right now? A little older, a little wiser, a little wounded and a little more glamorous. I don't know.
Well, you look great, Thank you. right? I mean, it's pretty, it's pretty chilly. Okay. I have a couple of questions. Let's see how I do as the host this time. This is not my forte, but we are going for it and we are doing it. So thank you. I want to hear, and we, the audience, hello audience. We want to hear a little bit about your story. Yeah. Okay. So, I'll keep it really short, because stories could be a hundred years, right? So,
Jordan and I have been married for six years. We always knew that his goal was to tour. that wasn't out of the question. It just hadn't happened yet, for at least me, on my end. He had toured before, many years in the past, before we got together. But it wasn't part of our lives when we got
married. And it wasn't part of our lives until year ago. it was a very shocking experience. Nonetheless, I say that because we knew this was coming, but it just came really fast. Um, Okay. going on tour for the entire tour date, which in country, in the country music world is like all the time there's, they're always gone, but it's never consistent. Really no schedule in regards to a normal schedule. And
Okay. Okay. Okay. this together. And then reality hit a few months later for reasons I can get into in a minute. But I would say that that's kind of the, the story that I needed you to know that perspective when we get into all of this so you know where I was coming from.
Yeah, it's like the beginning, which, which brought me to like sort of the middle, but let's kind of, let's, let's take it on a, on a, I'm going like this cause it's like a rollercoaster, right? It's really, really good. And then it's really, really not. So let's talk about some good times. Yeah, you know what's so fantastic is like, it really can be a glamorous story. fun, sexy kind of life to go to some of his tour date locations and be with everyone and, and experience those big stadium tours and get to feel like you feel a little special because your husband's a little special because the artist is a little special, you know? So it's just like you get to experience those fun, tingly moments, right? And you're like, this is my life. This is so cool. My
Right. hard but exciting and fun and thrilling and and always changing and can see those like last minute changes to your schedule that You could see those as bad things or you could see them as really fun good things You Maybe it just depends on where your mental health is at the time Yes. Yes. I would say I had just those like mini highlights throughout the year. Love it. Okay. Let's talk about some, we talked about some highs. This is a glamorous,
lovely life that we get to live where we get to travel the world, which is amazing. Right. And then we're at the high and then sometimes we hit those low, low times. Can we talk about any like conflicting emotions that you might've had with that, that contrast? I almost feel bad in saying this but I think it's real I feel like there were more low times than there were high times. And a lot of those lows weren't necessarily
low lows. They were just So like, let's say, well, at the beginning of the year, actually, when Jordan got offered to do those three day trial shows, Okay. Um, Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Um, probably around April, May, I was really busy in like January, February with my brand launch, and then after that things kind of slowed down and then I saw what my life was really like at home with my dogs alone all the time. And I realized that my mental health was so bad,
and I think I mentioned this in a couple of our other podcasts, Oh, my God. bad for me. And I didn't. I have the energy to go hang out with friends. I also don't have any really close friends here. So hanging out with friends here is almost like you have to turn on that energy bar a little bit more and like, like dating. And I did I love it.
that energy. I was truly like. When I think about the past year, I didn't consciously think about this throughout the year, but now that I can look back, I definitely was in survival mode the whole year. And I think when you're in survival mode, you have very low energy and you're needing to do the things that are really good for yourself. So I didn't know it at the time until I learned about halfway through the year that I had to travel. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
change our financial plan and that's a big financial plan to Okay. Um, and To be fair going into this next year now that I know I have to Transcript. very much. all those little things. So I'm like, I guess it's just, not going to pay off that again, which is kind of sad and kind of like, well, I'm pouring it into my mental health, so it's good.
But like part of my mental health is having good finances and that is paying off debt. So it's just like an interesting I don't know. It's just interesting. I mean, it, it, it makes, it makes all the sense in the world. It's like you have all these plans and then the plans don't happen like you want them to. But this other plan is something that you need.
It's something that you need. It's something. yeah, Yes, I would say that that's a low. Like, it's a good, I don't know,
it's maybe not even a low, like, I don't know. it just kind of is. Um, Yeah, that's a good way to put it. okay. So you want it traveling is key, which is huge, different financial decision that you had to make. And, and we talked about these, we call it a rollercoaster or like emotional waves going up and down and up and down and up and down. Is there like a key, a key thing between you and him that you learned?
That I guess kind of helped with the emotions or helped with the, with the lifestyle, which is again, a crazy, lovely, wonderful, glamorous, sexy life that we live when it's that way. Yeah mean, this sounds so fundamental, but communication is key. And there a time when my mental health got so low, dare I say the lowest it's ever been, which can be kind of scary to say and maybe disheartening for people listening, but I think that's just reality, right? So at some point it's going to get really low and it got really low for me. I didn't know how to handle. It was truly just shock, right? So the shock was so hard for me to handle that I wanted to just keep it to myself, like my dark thoughts. I just wanted to keep them to myself, which Thank you.
dangerous in isolation. And I was just like, I can't let him know that I'm struggling because he's living his dream. Like how sad for him. I don't want to put that on him. He doesn't need to know that, is absolutely a big fat lie.
Right. you definitely need to communicate. So there was a time, like a couple of days that he was back was like, well, I don't even want to tell him on a couple of days that he's back.
Cause it's going to ruin his couple of days before he goes back out again. Yes. That's another, it's, it's all, all the things, but that right there, it's like, you want to be honest about all these things that you're going through, which they're coming off of this high from doing what they love. And then we get together and sometimes it's, I don't want to call it a crash and burn. Cause that's not what it is. It's being honest. It's being honest.
Yeah. Which we have to be honest, you know, I mean, we've been married for how long, six years for you, 12 years for me, like being honest about how you're feeling and those emotions is especially in this life, Yes. especially, yes, we have to be honest. So when I told him he came home and of course I was just fighting with myself on telling him how I really was. Cause we actually don't talk a whole lot while he's gone. I'm really independent. He's really independent. Like we talk. and that was something we had to navigate
throughout this past year with finding our rhythm and how we communicate with each other. But when he came home, I was fighting with myself. I finally got the courage to be like, I really gotta tell you something. I just told him how dark my thoughts were and how I'm really not doing well, but I want you to know that I absolutely love what you're doing and it just that one time I ended up having to tell him that. It Um, Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
I have to be a good husband. I have to take care of you. And if you're like having the worst time of your life, while I'm having the best time of my life, like that's not going to work. And I kept telling him. down, I really didn't know. I was like, I think it's just me working through this for the first time. I was like, you don't need to quit. I don't want you to quit. I'm deeply, very happy that you're doing what you're doing. No, I mean, hello. We want our spouses to be super happy. If they're super happy, then it's like,
that makes us super happy. Even though I was super unhappy. It's so strange. It's beautiful to see like them element and doing what they love and it's different than what we do. Yes. And so. It was a few months of that where I just, I wasn't doing well. And he was honestly very concerned that I concerned that he would have to quit his but also concerned for my wellbeing.
And then it got better slowly, but surely I was traveling a bit more. I had something to look forward to, which we have mentioned in our past podcast and it became more normal. My emotional rollercoaster stopped having such highs and such lows every time he left. And started trusting my emotions a little bit more over time. I think that's just what it is, right? You just like have to go through it let it, uh, regulate your emotions. It started to get better. You had things to look forward to. You started to travel. I,
there's a question that's not on our, our list, but so it's been, been a year, right? So how has it been not losing yourself? Like how have you, have, have you, have you had to navigate like kind of feeling like an identity attached to them versus who you are in yourself and what you do and what's important to you? That's a great question. I think naturally you lose yourself a little bit when it's brand new and it's something that you're experiencing for the first time. it is interesting just in the genre that Jordan is in. It's very like country. So you're actually treated like some,
not everyone, and this isn't the artists. This is more just like the fans and stuff. But like, you're kind of treated like less than you're just the wife. Like you don't have a name. You're just
Jordan's wife side. Yeah. You're just Jordan's wife. or Jordan's girl Ooh. Yeah. over there. Little girlfriend. Little girlfriend. Not even girlfriend, that little girlfriend over there.
gosh. I haven't been told that to my face, but. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. You're like, Oh yeah. Like me? Okay. Okay. Mm
Yeah, I lost myself a little bit. I mean, yeah, I, I was about to talk about like Kourtney Kardashian losing herself to Travis Barker and dressing just like him. And I'm like, I mean, she's actually part of the community in a sense. So I'm like, not going to throw her under the bus because I think that's what happens at the beginning of all of this. hmm. And I definitely had to It was more towards the end of this year that I Notice that I kind of was even starting side stage tour with you.
I was like, well, this is attached to my husband. This is because of my husband. And I was like, it's not like the feminist side of me was like this. I'm not living my life for me. What am I doing? Even though I have like my own business and my own freelance business and all this kind of stuff, it just, you still kind of feel a little attached in a way So I'm still navigating it. But I'm getting out of it a little bit.
I think that's because I have realized that it's, I've just been in the house too much. I've just kind of survived throughout this year too much that now it's like, okay, I think I'm ready to thrive. I think I'm ready to switch from you. Survive to thrive. So that means you need to really take the reign and where I go on my own.
you're a vet now, it's been a year. It's true. It gets, it gets easier and easier. And then there's days where it's not easy at all, even, you know, like for us, it's not 12 years of touring, it's 12 years of marriage. maybe six years of touring. And at the beginning, I'm like, Oh my gosh, what am I supposed to do?
And then like, no, I have things that I'm doing that are, that are important to me that are just as important as what he's doing over there, which is very important. But what we do is also just as important. What do you do by the way? Wait, what? I said, what do you do? Oh well I have a clothing line. And like, what else, which actually I want to talk about that in regards to this year, because that's been really interesting, like business ownership. But I also run a freelance business for social media management, website development and design and I creative direct. So yeah, it seems like a lot, but also it's not like I I've been part time and I think I'm ready to like full time it. Yeah. Laura built our side stage tour website. It looks
amazing. www. sidestagetour. com. She killed it. right. Also, let's just plug in that in a couple of weeks, we're doing a giveaway. Yay. Which
just look out for that on Instagram because you're going to want to enter. It's going to be free to enter and you're going to whoever wins gets of merch. So size, they sure merge. That's right. she also designed the merch throwing that in there. Creative mind, such a creative woman. Thank you. But I did want to touch on so The first two months of this year,
I was launching prepping to launch my brand and I did launch it early March and it was amazing and fantastic. And my mental health got so bad, like April, May, June, July, maybe a little bit of August that I did not touch my brand. I launched it. and it was interesting because a lot of people would ask me throughout the year, like, how's engulf doing? How's your brand doing? And I didn't have the energy, the positive thinking to say, like, I'm not touching it right now. I'm not able to, I'm literally trying to stay alive. So I would just lie to them and I would just say like, Oh, it's great. Thank you so much for asking. I love being
a business owner. I love running my business. I love what I do. And in fact, I wasn't doing absolutely anything. I couldn't set up an email marketing automation to literally save my life. It was complicated for no reason, though, to be fair. Absolutely. I, and it's just the bane of my existence for some reason. I hate those. But now I feel like I'm able to say, actually, someone just texted me the other day, who's also a brand owner. And they were just kind of checking in to see where I was in the business because they wanted to work together for something. And they asked how my year was. I was like, honestly, I barely touched
the business. I was just most like, just trying to stay alive. I was just focusing on mental health Yeah. and their response was like, that's amazing. Good for you. You should. like, why can't I, why can't I have just said that to people? Like, I'm just focusing on my mental health. I just didn't have the strength to The language, the language too. Yeah.
the language. The language. Mm hmm. exactly right. So I just wanted to say that too. Not that everyone listening is a business owner and coincidentally is launching their business when their husbands start touring, but like just give yourself the grace when you're going through something and give it to yourself for as long as you need.
And don't pressure yourself into to be done emotionally with something by a date or anything like that. Like you just got to go through it and go through it for as long as you need to go through it. Absolutely. Give yourself some grace, people. Yeah, yourself grace. The grace, because we tend to give grace to everybody but ourselves. absolutely.
Give yourself some grace. Whatever and whatever that looks like. And like you said, however long that looks like or however long that takes. Yeah. And it was pretty long for me. Like, April, May, June, July, August, September, October. I would say eight months.
Yeah. It's a long time. However long it takes. Yup. And again, you were here and you look amazing.
And I feel amazing. I Yeah. Okay. Let's, let's, let's close, put a, put a pin on it and close it or button on it. I think that's what the kids say. Put a button on it or do the old people say it could be just us or me. I'm like, so theater of you, like ah, let's put a button on it.
Yes. Okay. Any more advice to those who are just starting this journey? Yeah, I would say because everyone's in a different place in life. Some people are working from home. Some people have an office that they go to and they actually have camaraderie at their job. Some people, um, Or taking care of a loved one while their spouse is on tour or some,
you know, whatever kid or parent or dog or like everyone's in a different part of life. When this starts for you, if it is just starting or hasn't started or whatever. And I would say since a word of advice is it might not hit for everyone. I would just say, make sure you're giving yourself grace, like we just said, but make sure that you are.
Still focusing on yourself. is not selfish to focus on yourself intently because I feel like I really intently focused on my wellness. And I felt at times very selfish. Like my whole day, my whole schedule daily was like, like, a morning routine, which is taking care of yourself. It was like working a little bit for my clients, right? Then it was meditate. Then
it was workout. Then it was stretching. Like those three things are taking care of yourself. Then it was eating something healthy. So then you have to focus on that or cook it or whatever, right? Like it was, it felt like cognitively I was thinking about me 24 seven and in a way, maybe society because we're married or whatever, it makes us feel selfish because usually we're Focusing on someone else, but when you're someone else is gone. It can feel selfish and it's not. At all, that at all, and I feel like a much better person now, and I do feel stronger now to get out of my hermit kind of rut and maybe start thinking about applying to jobs in an office. How dare I? You know,
like I haven't done that in like, years, you know, and I, I, maybe even two months ago, I would have never thought that I could get out of my own little bubble, my own little home bubble. And I'm now starting to want to get out of the house, which is very weird. I'm like, Oh, wait, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that means that I'm, you know, really healthy mentally so that I can have a stronger, pillar within myself to be able to handle more that comes my way, which feels really good. You can do you can do it. You can do it one year in three years in 10 years in, you can do it Yeah.
community for you. We are here for you. Side stage tour. For you. You're here for you. on Discord. We are talking on it daily,
and you need to join us because it's funny and reflective, and it's a great time. Yeah. Laura Landers, everybody! I feel like we need a StageTour. com, Instagram, everyone. we have a Discord, all the things. We're here. the giveaway.
Yes. Yes. Okay.
2024-12-27 00:22
