Living in Costa Rica | A week in the life
okay remember it's a safe space just release anything that's been holding you back um so oh so so so hey um hi hi i'm tv welcome to my crib this is uh my sweet dorm room that i share with my amigos this is uh our space our area if you will and here we have some lockers if you want to uh look some stuff up um we've got some more beds here we've got a nice air con up up yonder and then here we have a bathroom but my favorite my absolute favorite and the only thing that really matters here is that my bed up here has a wall plug by it so i am absolutely soaked we spent 20 dollars a night we just came here we didn't even book it we just showed up how do you feel about it tori it's great it's green i like the color green verde verde i sit in my car outside restaurants and bars reading about what's inside i look up opinions about news and religion so i don't have to use my own mind i should call my friends but nobody's holding your hand like singing duets as a solo the harmony's just in your head it's almost as if i have been everywhere almost tasted the food almost breathed in the air but nobody's heart ever pounded from that feeling of being surrounded by pictures of mountains lady just went up to us and she had vegan brownie type things for a thousand costas i knew that that was wrong the second i said it why did i say people they might not be as good but i was thinking about you noodles coconut for smoothie bowls and oatmeal it can be in the oatmeal too we got uh tortillas for wraps or burritos i got a cantaloupe i'm super stoked about it we've got a uh papaya as well granola i got cacao nibs i feel like you guys probably would have vetoed that if it was a decision but it was my decision and i got them i don't think they were that expensive but i feel like it would just be really good on the oatmeal in the smoothies um we got the the liquid beans that they eat here we go oh my god we got stuff for pina coladas yeah so we got pineapple juice and we got coconut stuff for it and it's all vegan we got tofu chickpeas bacardi paprika what'd you get paprika for i don't know i feel like it's a common seasoning i see sarah coconut liquid aminos no way foundation there was only one wow i literally freaked out i made like the biggest seating when we found it and i thought of you in the store and we got you a pen oh my gosh thank you i found my pencils do i hope you can hear me all right right now i'm in the jungle i'm right by the ocean and i'm also just like in the forest really there's so many different noises ocean noises waves like bugs and i don't know i just hope that my voice is coming through good enough for you but it's also such a joy to be able to hear all of these other noises as well and the other morning i did a little meditation with senses in particular so i was paying attention to all the noises i was hearing and i was paying attention to the pitter patter of rain that was happening at the time the crashing waves of the ocean and all the different bugs and animals here which is such a blessing to be able to hear and this sense of hearing is such a pleasure and something i'm so grateful for and i feel just a lot of gratitude in my heart at the moment and in this period of time and today especially i just got out of the shower and i was like reading through some comments i got on youtube so the video i posted today was about a month ago when zeus passed away it was really hard for me to post and it was really vulnerable and because that's more than a month out has passed i've had a lot of growth in that area like i no longer feel guilty for his death i feel pain surrounding his death and i miss him but i know that i did so much and i did the best i could and i gave him a beautiful life and that i really will never know what happened as i was reading through all the comments a really predominant thought that i had in my head was holy crap i am so grateful for this community because i was just reading some of the most kind wise comments it's beautiful that all of you guys saw him and you saw like how special he was because to me it was so clear how insanely special he was and i think it's really cool that so many of you guys got to connect with him on the level that i felt like i did and tori did and like everybody who physically met him did so i just think it's really cool that video can do that and it can almost it's like time travel like you guys are time traveling to be physically with him even though you're not and it's like you're here with me and with him but i think reading through all the comments and also another experience was that i've met some of you guys who followed me and seen how similar i am and how much i enjoy like the people that i meet who in person who follow me on online i think it's just become so clear to me that in being my true self i've attracted people that i actually have a sense of belonging with which is different than fitting in because fitting in you're like not being your authentic self and you fit in with a group but that's because you're like adapting to what is this the norm within that whereas belonging is like you're accepted for who you truly are i just want to like meet all of you guys one-on-one and like hug everybody and just i don't know i just feel a lot of love today and i'm really grateful for it all i also decided to extend my my trip here kind of impulsively i switched flight tickets like i basically just realized that i wanted to stay longer the flight was more expensive and i was like so on the verge of not doing it but it just feels really wrong to leave like i feel like i still have more lessons to learn here we are going to be going to panama for about 10 days and staying at a work stay and i'm just trying to have an abundant mindset with money too right now i spent a little more than i wanted on changing the flight but i'm writing money affirmations i'm trying to feel very abundant about that aspect and not worry too much because i don't want like the stress of money to impact my time here and also i know that money affirmations have really worked for me in the past and i've been able to manifest large sums of money just by believing that it is abundant money comes but experience is um i don't know there's just they can be once in a lifetime going to panama with two of my amazing friends like of course we could maybe make this happen in a few years but we are where we are at now and it feels so right right now thing on so i just want everyone to take take a look at sarah's gnarly little leg here it rehearsed flesh is molding it's so gross sarah is now part zombie so screw the whole werewolf vampire thing we decided that just like to explain the the overall energy differences that like me and sarah are we're werewolves and she's a vampire and so is emery emery is also a vampire and then casper emery's boyfriend is a werewolf yeah but like just look at her she's a vampire and it's i'm aware of and she's dead i feel like like is it bad that i feel like it's like darker features too like no it's it's her energy hair and darker skin are you mute now what's happening she's gonna sing her teeth into you i see her eyeing you i love you shower i love you trevor i love you toy i love you i love you i love you so much i also while we were on this beach got some pictures of our rolls like our belly rolls and i'm gonna do a body positivity post i'm really excited about it let me show you we were talking about how much we love our roles today we're feeling really good about our roles i 100 percent do not love my roles can't relate i love that youtube okay why do you not love your roles tell us about it because i'm still buying into the industry standard yeah it's a it's a powerful industry tori and i are learning to love our roles and taylor is also learning you're learning to love your roles yeah it's slow it's definitely not high up on my my goal list oh you would rather just eliminate things than love them yeah you don't think you're always gonna have reals like that's just part of the human body okay i get that yeah you know like doesn't everybody have rules yeah or there's always something that's not perfect you know i don't know i understand that yeah i mean when you said like skin obviously bunches punches yeah and like i was watching this tick tock or this video and this guy or this lady was talking about how like your stomach as a woman is meant to like go out a little bit like it's literally your organs yeah today i was scrolling through photos of myself in a swimsuit narrowing down the ones i liked and didn't like i went through them favoriting the ones where my skin looked smooth my waist looked thin my boobs looked perky discarding and deleting the ones where the lighting didn't work in my favor or my belly rolls showed and then i realized how [ __ ] up it is that i have such a narrow perception on beauty one that is largely determined by the society i grew up in how silly of me to perceive things that are so natural and normal like cellulite stretch marks muscles or belly rolls to be undesirable to be not beautiful something that i wouldn't post on social media i curate my photos i find the right lighting and angles and i often justify this by saying it's art i choose an outfit to match the landscape i pose and adjust my body accordingly and frame myself with the surroundings and yes it is art i am art but i'm not only art when my skin is clear and my stomach is flat i'm also art when i'm bloated and my face is breaking out and the lighting illuminates all my cellulite and stretch marks i am so done with society's narrative that there is a wrong and right way to be beautiful that the human body and its natural state is not attractive i'm done with knowing that industries make a profit off of our insecurities and because of this they continuously feed us advertisements and subliminal messaging that we are not enough as we are i also realize that the most rebellious thing i can do in a society that profits off my insecurities is to love my body wholeheartedly in its entirety and i've always been a rebel so today i am choosing to love my belly rolls my blemishes and cellulite and stretch marks i'm choosing to love it all so so this is the new room there's no air conditioning and we weren't aware of that but there's a fan but it's very hot it's like a little hut type thing and how much was it a night 60 60 divided by three square by three twenty dollars a person but we're all sleeping in this bed and i don't know why it's so hot i thought there'd be air conditioning it's going to be like sticky it might be a rush you will yeah i will too probably great you're looking for way out but i'm not sure what you meant because you read the text my oh i hope that you take it so so that if you crash you'll still come back home to me to me to me i don't know why i don't but i don't care trying to figure out what's the best way okay i can like feel it pulsing like put your fingers there and you can like feel it feel like nerves like press there do you feel it it's weird i feel like my knee hurts what happened i was in the ocean and i didn't have a band-aid or anything on it and another layer of flesh just like ripped off of it and so it's like kind of deep now and it just really hurts so i got a band-aid that was just big enough it was the biggest one they had it's just big enough to cover it and i'm gonna go get bigger ones at the store soon hopefully it really hurts it's good though and again is foreign
2021-09-16 07:06
