welcome to the armani talks podcast i'm your host armani talks in this podcast i'm helping you level up your communication skills every mondays wednesdays and fridays you will learn more about public speaking social skills creative writing and plenty of other topics regarding soft skills so hit that subscribe button hit that bell notification and stay updated today we are back for unapologetic truths part 4 with harsh strongmen life math money welcome back hey armand how are you doing doing well can you believe that we're already on number four it's like do we have this little saga going on time fast time passes fast brother we are more than halfway through the year already and it was a breeze yes i want to go back and talk about one of our first interactions together where i believe this is going to open up a big lesson for you don't know until you ask so i believe one of our first interactions happened when we were both starting our twitter accounts at the same time you started on may 2018 right i started june 2018. so from the very beginning we started around the same time and i think initially you invited me to do a guest blog on your website which was how to become a better storyteller and then after the guest blog i was just like you know i'm starting a podcast it'll be pretty funny if uh harsh wrong men life math money can actually come through but initially when i asked you i thought you were just going to say a flat out no and in the initial stages i think you were you said yes down the line but i thought that was just a polite way of saying no but as a few months went on by we actually coordinated it and it happened so i thought that was a good lesson and you just don't know until you ask absolutely i think people tend to think that everyone is extremely busy or just will say no and sometimes that is the case but you lose nothing by asking and in some cases just by asking you sort of let the person whom you ask the question to know that you exist so in the future they you will be a familiar face to them rather than someone who's completely new so even if you get a new just the fact that you asked is a bit of an introduction so there is nothing to lose and everything to gain exactly did you ever have that moment where you asked and they just flat out said no and you were embarrassed or you don't really get embarrassed like that i don't think i've ever gotten embarrassed and there's probably been many times or asked something and got no but to be honest i can't really remember of the top of my head it's one of those things so you don't really remember all the rejection if you keep asking for a lot of things like if you make it a habit to try to get what you want you have so many rejections that you stop remembering them and it stops hurting like you really don't care like it's just you haven't lost anything and it's just just another day yes it's basically abundance mindset where i wrote a blog post a couple of months back where i wrote it about how to overcome rejection fast and i said it really comes down to thinking about opportunities as grapes if you're eating a bunch of grapes and one of the grapes falls are you just going to be sweating about that and being like oh no what am i gonna do this one grape fell you'll probably be thinking that if you haven't eaten in a long time and you don't have any other grapes but if you have a whole bunch of other grapes with you then just dropping one it is what it is so i think it's the same thing with opportunities where if you're in motion you're creating some different items for yourself then getting a rejection every now and then is like a dropped grape i would have to agree although i would like to add that it is something that you need practice to just become comfortable with for example if you start getting into sales let's say that you pitch your first customer and they say no it's going to hurt a little bit but as you keep going you will get some wins a lot of failures and it would just become a way of life and it would stop impacting your emotions and that's the case with rejection across anything the more practice you get is the more more you are used to taking chances the more chances you take the bolder you are you learn to accept the fact that you cannot win every single shot you take and the act of taking this shot is still worth it you have to see the failure as a win that you have gotten more experience you have taken a shot you have basically gotten ahead you give a trivial example that is let's say that there's a cute girl on the street and you go and say hi and you know try to get her number even if you get a flat out no you've still gotten more experience like you have still gone out of your comfort zone done something new and maybe the next time you do it you have learned something and you will be better and you will you might succeed the next time so you have to see it as a win right it's funny that you brought up that example because around high school for me which was almost a decade ago there was this popular show that came out that started to resonate with a lot of young men it was called the pickup artist and this is where the there's a guy named mystery he talks about different frameworks how to pick i haven't tried it yet i just bought it because someone recommended it to me is it the one with neil strauss um i'm not sure but it's i think it's a book about game i think uh yeah so that's the one i don't know the full story of this guy though i remember reading about him in the rational mail and apparently got well he fell for some girl and basically became a total weird vitamin yeah so i didn't actually ever read that book i heard about it a lot because i believe it was that mystery guy who's bringing it up in the show the pickup artist but basically the concept of the show is where you get a bunch of geeky men and you surround them with three casanovas the people that can pick up women very quickly one of them was mystery and the other two i forgot their names and basically for the next couple of weeks these pickup artists teach these dorks how to start picking up girls and what i'm telling you these guys are dorks they are flat out losers they play they just stay at home all the time they don't really interact with many people so this is going to be a challenge this is the whole concept of the show it's basically a competition for the next couple of weeks to see who from these geeks turns into a pickup artist and over time it's basically what you just recommended just to keep practicing and practicing and practicing so they're basically being put in these different situations where they have to exercise their social skills they're going to clubs they're going to approach random strangers on the street and over time you'll see two of the people who have such drastic transformations and you're just seeing their personality change in the show so over time it was funny because during high school this show sparked a little cultural movement a lot of the guys are like i want to do that as well i don't know if that was ever happening where you're from but this was a very popular show where i'm from but i would say this from what you have told me is that this is well in some cases it makes sense but i'll draw an analogy okay let's say that you have a product and you have two aspects to it one is the quality of the product and the other is the marketing and what you're talking about some guy who plays video games all day and now he's just exposing himself to social situations he's improving his marketing and that is going to give him some success like terrible products with good marketing do get sales but over the long run you are better off improving the product itself in this case this geeky guy needs to get rid of his video games go to the gym fix his body fix his finances fix his social skills and also fix his marketing like he shouldn't just focus on the social skills aspects because that's just a very superficial thing he needs to get the foundation ready and the whole marketing aspect then becomes really easy it's very easy to learn social skills if you're a heart rich guy like people will be far more forgiving of your mistakes so you're basically saying do both at the same time where you should increase your value and then it becomes much easier to share value to others i think the first clarity should be increasing your value simply because it makes learning social skills and improving your presentation much easier it makes people more receptive to give you an example let's say this really fat obese guy okay but he's a very friendly smooth and interesting person how many people would still entertain him even for a first meeting a lot of people will not like people will just write him off on the spot because they will assume this guy must be a crap head he doesn't he's fat and complete people will just make assumptions and not even want to give him a chance so this guy is better off fixing his foundation first this opens many doors and then fixing your social skills is a very trivial thing you can do it in two three four months by going out every single day and trying to talk to more and more people read the book how to win friends and influence people fixing your social skills is not that difficult but building a foundation takes some time and i would recommend at least start working on your foundation before you go out and start basically trying to meet more people because almost all the people you meet will probably reject you if you give off the y but the foundation is not there yet like if you have that have you seen that nerdy look some nerdy people have where they look like this guy has not gotten off his computer in or in an entire year and he hasn't even trimmed his beard properly yeah and no matter how cool this guy's life might be if he goes out and actually tries to talk to people people will just make the assumption this guy is a boring nerd and will not even give him a chance especially women women will women won't even give him a second look in most cases so he's he's better off like going to the gym first yes so in my book charisma king i talk about how self-improvement and social skills go hand in hand where nowadays a lot of individuals want to compare things is it what you say or how you say it and my philosophy is that you need a little bit of both and just to give you an example imagine a harsh i come up to you and i'm giving you a hamburger but the hamburger doesn't have a wrapping around it it's just my palm holding onto the burger and me being like here you go harsh eat this you'll be like man i don't want to eat that and this is weird where's the wrapper you should have put it in a nice little wrapper before you presented it to me so in a different situation i give you the burger and this time it's a wrapper on it a very polished one of that and you'll be like all right yeah i'll eat this i know you're on a diet by the way so just for the sake of example in this situation it's where the product in itself without any form of marketing may turn certain people off but let's say i just give the person the wrapper with no burger inside or the burger inside is moldy once again all these variables play a big role so for us to get the final product for it to work perfectly we should have a great burger we should polish it up correctly with a nice wrapper and then we deliver it so it's not only what versus how it's what and how how can we create that synergy and that's pretty much what the book charisma king is trying to bring home to the person where you shouldn't ever just rely on social skills and separated from self-improvement you should be combining it with one another you should be taking your fashion fitness your self-education very seriously and that by itself makes you a much more interesting person that can connect with others with more ease makes complete sense so how do you think somebody let's say is a complete and total nerd like the guy in the show you mentioned what would be a good starting point for him in your opinion so the first one i would highly recommend is build something it could either be business or body i recommend starting off with a body just because it automatically gets you feeling a different way and once you start understanding how to build a stronger body be more flexible increase strength that's when another variable just falls out of it which is fashion i came to find out that a lot of guys don't take their clothes seriously at all they're like man it's completely feminine i'm not saying that you got to be a model or anything but at least we're close at fit and if you have a great body automatically you could pretty much wear anything with high quality and it's better clothes can influence perception very well so by focusing on the body we just had another variable fall out of it and from there i recommend building some sort of business or side hustle because i think it's very difficult to have a lot of confidence in yourself especially as a man if you don't create anything and you just consume all day so those would be my three different ways to become much more interesting and then when you're interacting with other people you come from that higher value rather than asking them oh man how can i get them to like me you're starting to wonder do i like them so those would be how i start what about you agreed i had a very similar journey so i started going to the gym when i was 16 and before that i used to be a bit of a nerd and not in a negative sense but i would i was very interested in technology and software and things like that and i would spend most of my time on my computer and didn't really care about other people's perception so i wasn't hard opera i wasn't socially i wasn't too inept but i just wasn't interested in people at all and i would rather just play video games and relax and watch some tv so it happened by accident that i started going to the gym and that day kind of changed my life because i remember when i joined the gym the gym trainer asked me to do some push-ups and i could not do a single push-up and yeah i could not do a single push-up at 16 and i think i weighed like 70 kg i was like a very skinny kid at 70 kg and i couldn't do a single pull up and it it was a shocker because i used to think at that point that i'm healthy and when you think you're healthy and you can't do a push-up you realize how healthy you actually are so over time and it wasn't like a one day and then everything was different but over the next two years so when i was 16 i think i was just out of 10th grade i was in like 11th grade when i started going to the gym so over the next two years 11th and 12th grade i would focus more and more in the gym and i would actually see a lot of changes in my body what would happen is that i would spend two three hours in the gym and i would not work out for two three as i would like spend i would work out very slowly talk to everybody there basically be a teenager and but i was still making some gains and my body was changing quite a bit and i remember that every time i would meet someone after a few months people would give me a lot of compliments people would be like you look completely different you stand up straighter now you're taller and you are more muscular and you no longer look like a small wind can blow you away and that i found that to be very motivating and that led me into other things as well for example once your body starts getting better women are going to notice you more you will have more confidence to do what you want the more compliments you get generally the more confidence you will have and the more your self-esteem will be especially around that age so at that point i just it was just a big change in my life and that allowed me to pursue other things as well so i got into business later which also has been very successful and good for me and it's just been getting to the gym fixing my body has created a lot of momentum that led me into other things so i would have to agree with what you say the first place to start is your body it fixes a lot of things for you and when you were out of shape harsh were you the very fat out of shape or were you overly skinny i have been both i have been both very fat and i have been very skinny so when i was when i was until 8th or 7th grade i used to be chubby and the reasoning at least what my mother says is so when i was in second grade i got something called jaundice so it's a very annoying disease where everything becomes yellow and it got really really bad to me and somehow it healed properly thankfully but the doctors on that point basically told me and my mother that your body is gonna basically balloon up over the next few years and that tends to happen to everyone who gets jaundice really which really did happen i really did balloon up but after ninth eighth ninth grade you start getting dollars so fast that all the calories that you have around your body get consumed so at that point i became very skinny which is a little interesting because i was 70 kg and 70 kg is not what you would expect a 15 or 14 year old to be skinny at but i was still quite skinny and 70 kg i'm just translating that into pounds because just for 155 pounds and you're not a short guy either you're a pretty tall guy so you must have been really skinny then i was quite skinny yeah so for me uh so here's my story so for reference i weigh 225 now that's crazy thanks you've gained a lot of weight since then oh yeah i've done quite a bit of cotton bulk cycles and it took me a while to gain some mass although i'm trying to cut now maybe i'll cut six seven kgs and then bulk again and that's another process of the whole weightlifting thing where in the beginning stages you're just thinking it's go to the gym lift weights but later on as you progress on the journey nutrition is just a big factor as well and then there's sleep and then there's how you eat when you eat everyone's body type is different so it takes you in a different journey other than just going to the gym and ending it right there is more so a lifestyle change agreed although i i don't think newbies should worry about that i think they just need to get in the gym and do a workout come home and do that regularly i wasn't even that regular when i started because i was 16 and i would rather spend time with my friends and you know watch tvs i would just go maybe three four times a week but it did it really does make a lot of difference and you will grow very fast in your first year and it just teaches you about discipline as well so you basically got your wake-up call when you couldn't do a push-up when you were 16. yes it it was physical or such a real-world confirmation that what i thought of myself and what i actually was did not tally up i came to realize that a lot of people that go to the gym they have a lot more just accountability in general because they're not expecting someone to save them if they can't lift this much amount of weight they understand that yo it's because of me that i can't lift this weight now i got to do something about it and i think this is the perfect mindset when you're starting to run a business where you start to act like the ceo and you're like man this isn't going to happen unless i'm showing up this podcast isn't going to get recorded if armani and harsh aren't both showing up where there's accountability that's being factored in see the thing with things i go to the gym is that the main variable is yourself and you can't really blame anybody else so you can't say that i can't do xyz i can't lift this much weight or i am fat because of racism or whatever other reason because of some political party or because of some president or or whatever other reason that you people you like to give for your other failures so you will rarely find complainers feminists political people in places like sports where it is really about merit if you are good at something you're good at something and if you're bad you're bad and you can't really blame anybody else for it yes that's why dude you have me dying laughing whenever let's say one of your tweets goes viral and say certain people are being like yo man this isn't right this isn't right you'll get that you'll get their profile picture and you'll make fun of their chin see i don't i don't try to shame people like this but if you're gonna attack me on twitter prepare to be attacked back okay because this is not the place where we just take it if you are gonna start calling me a misogynist racist sexist you have to be prepared to hear an answer you can't go and attack people and then expect them to do nothing about it but that's too funny but that really goes to show the point that when people don't have their own physicality under control they have all these opinions i don't hold up in reality like if this some guy can't even manage his own weight why would anyone listen to his opinions about anything like you don't even know what to eat yeah i mean one of the skill sets nowadays is learning how not to have an opinion where if you always have an opinion on any new thing that other people are talking about what you're doing is you're overloading your information system because people are just walking information systems and when you're over here having an opinion on this matter this matter this matter now where is your attention going on for investing back in yourself probably not much so it's funny because when you're basically making fun of the chin i actually see it as a symbol for you bringing awareness to other facets of their life which i'm sure you weren't even thinking about i'm pretty sure you're just thinking and let me clown this dude real quick but it is a symbol at the end of the day well it's more of a humiliation tactic so to speak from my head because you see these people have no self-awareness in the sense that there are guys online who have ex chins that are so loose that that basically means that they have no muscle like they they have a lot of fat and they have no muscle but somehow they will start attacking you for whatever you say like how about you fix your life first brother and then start telling me what i can and can't say and there's also another aspect to it where it just goes to show that people on our side people who think like us are fit healthy rich people and people who think like them are fatsos with loose chins so there's a good subliminal messaging there that i'm trying to promote dude because our side of twitter i mean i don't like to normally just call it self-improvement twitter i like to call it just improvement twitter it's very small yeah it's very small where i try to view twitter as a universe and i consider us a very small planet where within our planet there's guys that talk about fitness my page talks about communication skills your page talks about accounting finances health certain pages talk about relationships but it's a very small part of twitter where for me personally i have the armani talks twitter page where i strictly use it to create and then i have just a personal page where i you know interact with my college buddies some co old school co-workers and when i scroll through that feed it's just weird a lot of the tweets that go viral it's just about people complaining whining i basically bringing their flaws into light and those are the tweets that are stacking up 50 000 likes 100 000 retweets and it just makes me realize just having two twitter accounts how small self improvement twitter rising twitter whatever you call it really is i would say self improvement twitter has at best maybe 1 million people at best and that is compared to a twitter's monthly active use base of 350 million people so it's like 0.3 percent do you see that changing down the future do you see rising twitter taking up more or do you think this is just how reality is people are attracted to the negative i do see it growing but i don't see it becoming the mainstream way of thought well it will become mainstream amongst certain circles but i think entertainment and whatever wastes time what is based on emotion will always be more popular because 80 percent of people on the planet lack the sensitivity or the dna to basically care about self-improvement and to have any ambition and your twitter at this point i i would actually say it's the biggest in rising twitter so you're bringing awareness to this and i have a funny story of last year my neighbor he's an indian fellow and his roommate is australian and i remember i was walking down one of these days and they had just gotten into twitter and they were like yo armani what are your other interests and i tell them about some other interests that i have and they were like yo man you should follow this account called lifemathmoney on twitter and it was just so funny to me because this is a person in tampa florida and he's being aware of your account i was like man this guy has no clue that you know me and life math money actually have a you know conversations and that sort of stuff where for this person he's like yo man i'm putting you on some game check out life matt money but i hope that guy is listening to this yeah like wait and johnny himself you knew him i think he ended up buying one of your products as well oh is it well thank you brother if you're listening see it's always so good when people support you the main motive for life math money is to basically consolidate all the lessons that i learned in my life and put it out there for younger people to read and learn from so that they can grow faster because i i happen to be in a very unique position to learn because i'm a young entrepreneur and i'm also fit and i have a lot of interests and i read a lot so i tend to get a lot of knowledge from different places and i i'm basically creating a repository of the most important most valuable pieces of knowledge that i have found in my own personal life and experience and i'm putting it up on live math money for everybody so instead of use having to spend 20 years to learn it you can get it right away see you would you give an example would you rather marry the wrong woman and get divorced or would you rather read the life math money article on how to pick a woman correctly so the chances of you getting divorced are minimal like this is something that you don't want to learn the hard way right is that a new article you wrote or one of your quotes oh so we got a preview going on do you have one of the tips that you want to include in this episode or it's still being created well it's still being created but i will tell you one of the tips and you should not marry a woman who has a bad relationship with her father because a woman's father is what sets a tone for all the masculine relationships she has in her life so if she respects her father and understands why he's protective she is far left more likely to respect you and understand you than some woman who hates her father and thinks he was a patriarch who was harassing her because then that's the image she will cast upon you and she will always view you with some suspicion and she carries a lot of emotional baggage to hate your own father is a lot of baggage and it also seems to be not so uncommon so that first relationship with the father plants the relationships that she's gonna have with other men yes see it's a lot like this is the lens she's going to view masculinity with this was her introduction to men when she was very young and if it's a very crappy one if she hates a father that crappy projection will apply to you i'll give you a ben franklin quote and it's a very good quote and has a lot of deep wisdom in it it goes something like a bad daughter will make an uncontro a bad daughter will make an unmanageable wife let me let me look it up to see the exact wording because it had a lot more power and it just gave me a minute i don't want to ruin it sure was this from his autobiography this one is from his book uh his almanac poor richards almanac who are richard let me see sure i mean benjamin franklin was a polymath so each of the insights that he bought i mean he must have put a lot of thought behind it an unbeautiful daughter will prove an unmanageable wife so it starts with her as a daughter so if how is her relationship with her father and if it's bad it's going to be bad with you as well well you guys heard it here folks this is going to be uh this is going to be a very interesting blog post once you're done with it send it over and i'll link it in the description box awesome i will do so so what is your take on this what do you think is a great woman to marry and what should men avoid well i 100 agree with the the father relationship that you just gave and what i found very peculiar is that i was reading the comments of this one video a couple of weeks back and it's basically where this one girl had a great relationship with her father growing up but within the past couple of years with like a bunch of the talk regarding the patriarchy this patriarchy that something within her her mind got polluted and she started to view her dad in a completely different lens and she started to you know be very disrespectful towards him and was like man you were a patriarch my entire childhood now that i think about it and you never let mom do this and that you never let me do this and that and for a couple of months she apparently had this very resentful attitude towards her father and those months turned into years and the reason that she was posting the comment was because the video that she was posting a comment on was basically a video of a guy that was saying you are being brainwashed hey all this propaganda regarding patriarchy this patriarchy that is ruining you and so when she wrote that comment she was like listen i fell victim to this where i used to love my father then i became jaded towards him and during his last couple of years of living i was able to luckily salvage that relationship again so that's a big point that needs to be made where even if you do have great memories with someone and you get new knowledge and you feed it to this person it can completely distort those memories and make you think of it in a different way so to add to answer your question i think yes the relationship with the father is important but another factor that i factor in is what kind of knowledge is she consuming because if she's consistently consuming garbage then i'm pretty sure she's going to switch up on me in just a matter of time if she is someone who seems like a good person but she's always reading a whole bunch of this propaganda a sensationalist news i am never taking a girl like that seriously because this is a person whose mind can be controlled and if her mind can be controlled then easily her behavior can be controlled does that make sense definitely i would have to completely agree here basically if she's consuming feminist harpy and you know modernist crap this is like good food on a bad plate it's gonna get bad eventually it's just a matter of time so you're better off not eating it yeah dude because i mean that comment i don't think people whoever's listening to this understand how deep that comment was because it ended up being pinned by the initial guy because he's basically she's showing that her past got altered strictly due to new information and then she had to basically unlearn a whole bunch of this stuff so it's important what people are consuming and to take it even a little further harsh who is she hanging out with is she consistently hanging out with losers if that's the case i don't know if i want to be with her because basically who you hang out with is eventually going to play a big role in just how you think how you act so to answer your question i would say the kind of knowledge she's consuming and the kind of people she's hanging out with i would have to agree that as well although i will say that women in relationships tend to listen to you if you are male so if you disapprove of her friends she is very likely to give them up i should write a blog post on this too well not all women and spoiled women will not do that but if it's a good woman and she's only starting to go bad then you can save her like a woman that has already gone bad can't be saved but if she's only starting to hang around in these circles then there's still time and i'll give you an example okay so here in india this is mad woman and her mother-in-law and they were out basically like it was like a meeting of family friends and everybody and we had this one woman in our group uh the family circle make a comment about that basically said that your in-laws like for a woman her in-laws are basically an annoyance and she should try to get rid of them as soon as possible and this woman's mother-in-law screamed she tells a daughter-in-law immediately right there and there you'll never be friends with this woman and she both of them just left and she basically saved this daughter-in-law's life by preventing her from getting this whole crappy ideology in her head by hanging around this other woman whoa this happened with someone you know or this happened it's a story it happened yeah man and the same thing with guys i mean for because a lot of women listen to this podcast as well if you're trying to choose a guy you gotta also be very aware a guy that's not ambitious for example is going to always go backwards there's no such thing as maintenance it's either you're going up or down but once you look at the bigger picture so if the guy is over here and not doing much work you have to convince him yo do this then for the ladies listening to this that's a sign of a loser where you have to spark this guy's ambition on his own so he should be sparking it on himself is that women already know that women don't need to be taught how to pick men they seem to have a very intuitive understanding of it since childhood they tend to know these things already it is men who need to be taught because men tend to be romantic and stupid but women are always smart in these matters in fact this might be the only topic where women are purely logical and men are purely emotional whoa never heard that before now that i think about it why do you think that is do you think it's for survival reasons yes i think it's evolutionary and have you ever heard a man say that i would not be interested in sarah because sarah lacks the income potential that i'm looking the what potential the income potential the earning potential no i never heard that before but you will often hear women say things like that like this man doesn't make enough money so i can't be with them whereas it's not a consideration for men at all women are very logical about whom they choose to fall in love with and once they fall in love then it's a different thing but whom they let themselves fall for they are very opportunistic about it they're very logical so if um if you take an incel why isn't inside unattractive to a woman because he's a loser like she already knows that he's going nowhere in life so i should not go with him but women who are complete losers just like women who would be exactly like that in cell total losers will still be able to find men because men don't think that way they're stupider in these matters and do you think it's because evolutionary this is something that was programmed i think women have definitely had this programming because historically a woman's entire life depend on this choice so if she picked a great guy her life would be great she would have a lot of comforts she would have access to a lot of resources and her children would be healthier assuming the meal was fitter and if she picked a crappy guy then she screwed so women have a very strong evolutionary knowledge in their dna that tells them which men to go for and you will always notice that women always pick a guy better than them like if a guy makes 100k and she would only make it thirty thousand forty thousand dollars because she will only go for a guy who is better than her i wrote a tweet a couple of weeks back where i said that men are very direct so whenever you're communicating with them factor in words above anything else and women communicate in a very indirect way so when you're communicating with them be very aware of body language and i came to realize that women are very capable of picking up social cues in a subconscious sort of way where i'll give you an example last year i was working with this couple where for a while i would work with the guy the husband and then right afterwards i would work with the wife one was starting to launch a tick tock account and he wanted some help on presenting his ideas and the wife was launching an instagram account where she's a chef i forgot what happened one day but i was feeling extremely sick but i didn't want to cancel the appointments so i had the appointment with the guy first and you know we're talking he's hearing the words everything is going well and then afterwards right after by the way i had the meeting with a wife and as soon as i'm speaking the first 10 seconds she's like armani what's wrong i was like what do you mean what's wrong it's like something about your facial expressions just seemed different today are you feeling okay i was like what the heck how did she notice that it's it's i was using the same words and everything but it was just second nature that she noticed something like that so i just found it very strange like since starting armani talks how i talk about communication skills i see how differently guys and girls communicate there's a very good book on this it's called the female brain and the author's name is lolin b something i don't remember her name and the book says that women have historically been the dependent sex that is they have always dependent on men for survival and they have also been the sex that is responsible for caring for children so historically women have evolved to understand body language and social signals much better because it helps them gain power and control and it also helps them take care of babies so for example if she notices her man is angry and she's able to behave in a way that calms him down her life would be much better than if she did not notice it and if she notices when her man is happy and she behaves in a way that gets him to give her gifts her life would be better if the if she her life would be better than if she was not noticing these things so they have evolved to pay a lot of attention to social cues emotions and even unconscious ones so if you take a woman she has to take care of a child so she has to be able to read the child's emotions and its tiny facial expressions to know if the child is feeling okay bad if it's hungry if we want to take a [ __ ] or whatever other things so this is something women have evolved over thousands of years for like they have a far better understanding of social cues than the average male but that is not to say that women are aware of it this is one of those unconscious things that women are good at but they are they don't have technical understanding of it in the sense that they are they have a natural talent but they are using it so innately that they have no understanding of how they are doing it it's someone that's naturally very very good at something and they don't understand how gifted that is because it's always been natural for them yes but it also opens them up to a lot of manipulation and this is why women are very easily manipulated especially by all these social media patriarchy and propaganda it plays into the fact that women since they are so emotional like they understand emotions so well they're also more in tune with their own emotions and when you change these emotions in her her whole perception of reality changes so in in the example you gave earlier there was this woman who wasn't on good terms with her father but someone didn't change the emotions associated with all of her memories and it went from happy memories to memories of somehow being oppressed by her father because of patriarchy or whatever and that essentially changed her reality which is something that would not happen in men but it would happen in women all the time yes i ended up also writing a tweet that went pretty viral and normally when a viral tweet happens people attack you for it you know there's always that sector of people that disagree with it but this was a tweet that most people just agreed with i said that men measure maturity by the ability to control emotions women measure maturity as the ability to express emotions so if we're seeing a guy over here you know throwing a hissy fit getting mad easily manipulated just as men we're going to lose a lot of respect for this person so you know that's why when a guy's just like getting brainwashed left and right this isn't a guy that's capable of being taken seriously by his peers especially in the male sex while with women they view the ability to express emotions in a very high level where i believe you know if you're trying to be a good person and a well-rounded person as a whole you should be able to do a little bit of both you should be able to control your emotions and in certain scenarios you should be able to express your emotions accordingly in a negotiation for example if you feel like you're being given the short end of the stick you don't want to just be shifting your body around trying to show that you're agitated you want to be able to articulate those feelings in a way where you're not rubbing the other guy the wrong way and not creating an enemy for no reason so i believe it's a little bit of doing both what do you think do you think maturity should be measured by controlling emotions expressing emotions or a little bit of both i would say knowing how to express emotions is a part of being able to control them because only if you can control something you can express it clearly like a guy having a hissy fit is essentially incapable of expressing his dissatisfaction in a more reasonable way so i think that it's really the same thing with women women don't so women have this ideal for men that men should have control over their emotions and men should you know be masculine but they don't hold this ideal on themselves that is they don't care that whether they are rational or not they can just do whatever they want and which is fair you know they're women but i'm not sure what you mean by women prize themselves or women think highly of being able to express emotions so let me just be clear real quick when i say that men are valuing controlling emotions and women are valuing expressing emotions i'm talking about respective to their own sex so i'm not saying that men want women to control their emotions in terms of a subconscious state and women want men to express their emotions in a subconscious state now let me explain what i mean by this so a couple of months back there was this tweet that ended up going very viral and i thought it was a comical tweet but showed a lot about psychology basically there was a woman who was saying you know i really hate it whenever i'm sharing my problems to my husband and he's over here trying to solve the problem asap like can you just let me vent and people were laughing non-stop in the tweet while a lot of guys were like what's wrong and the women were like i hate when men do that and this just showed how different that men and women view the problems where for the men on instinct they just want to solve the problem immediately but for the woman she just wants to use this as an opportunity to express her emotions so a lot of the times when women are bringing up problems they don't actually want you to solve it they just want you to let them vent and express themselves so that's pretty much yes yeah so that's what i was pretty much meaning where this is the type of standard and type of communication tactics that they have with their own sex what are your thoughts on that the book i mentioned earlier the female brain it had a pretty good explanation to why women are like this and i used to be pretty perplexed about this as well like you know if she has a problem and i'm solving it why is she getting annoyed by this getting a solution and i i would think that women are very vain in the sense that she just wants to talk about her problem just to feel heard so in the book the female brain i learned that well see there's a portion of the brain called the amygdala and that is a portion of the brain that is used to process emotions and the way things work is that when you have input they first go to the amygdala and then they go to the prefrontal cortex where they are processed for solutions the prefrontal cortex is the execution portion of your brain like it helps you think and make decisions so what happens for men is that the wiring between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex is in such a way that data moves very fast from the emotional part of the brain to the logical part of the brain so men don't tend to be as emotional and they just want to solve the problem on the other hand with women the wiring is such that things tend to stay in the amiga a little bit longer and then go to the prefrontal cortex so things are more emotional for her for a longer time and only then she wants to guarantee how she can actually solve her problem so that is the only so to speak uh biological explanation that i've seen for this phenomenon anywhere and it's a pretty good book i would recommend buying it it's a book by a female uh the female brain the female brain we should include it in the description box let me find the author's name because there's probably more books like this just she also wrote a book called the male brain but that book is not as good as this one it's good to be able to notice a lot of these concepts not only on a psychology realm but also explaining it with biology as well so the name of the author is luanne byzantine md okay i'll include that in the description box yeah it's pretty interesting so i think a lot of the personality things that men and women have differently are simply because of different biologies that have become divergent because of a long period of evolution and basically differences in how men and women are in the sense that if since women are physically vegan they it wouldn't be ideal in a society to send them to the military because they are weaker and they would die and men are physically stronger so it would be ideal to send them for war and if your purpose has been to fight and die for a long long long time you would be wired to not linger on emotions because if you start lingering on emotions in an important situation like a war or some kind of fight with some animal you will die but when you are protected from things like these you have more luxury especially when your role in society has been to care for men depend on men and care for children then you would on the other hand be biologically incentivized to develop the parts of the brain that help you understand process emotions and social cues to give you an analogy there have been some studies that show that gay men tend to have brain structures similar to women's and they tend to respond to hormones that make so as men we emit some hormones that essentially turn women on and these gay men will get turned on by those hormones as well and it kind of i'm not i'm not this is not a confirmed theory or anything but i think that is why gay people are known for having good taste in fashion and because women have good taste in fashion right interesting that's actually something that now that you bring it up i do notice a lot of the gay men that i know are always on point with their outfits and they'll let you know when you're not on point but they'll deliver it in a way where it sounds like they're joking but they're giving you a proper constructive criticism as well it's a very interesting topic to guarantee the whole biology aspect of why we are the way we are yeah i mean i'm gonna link that book female brain in the description box it is extremely important because nowadays with a lot of these social norms that are emerging it's very easy to just get away from a lot of the elements that are core to us where we can mask it for a while but there are certain differences between both genders and we're trying to just make everything the same then it may work in the beginning stages but over time i mean the mask is going to fall off and certain things which are at the root you cannot change so i say that you learn social norms through just reading a bunch of stuff but you learn human nature through pain so certain things are just nature i mean you can't change it you got to learn how to work with it agreed i think a big problem nowadays is that our lives are too comfortable in the sense that we we have no reason to go after truth and improve to draw an analogy let's say that women are gold and men are aren't and that is a very good analogy because gold is inherently valuable but iron has to become valuable like by becoming a sword or whatever okay so that's how things are right an 18 year old girl is like the most valuable thing in the world but an 18 year old guy is a scrap like no one cares about an 18 year old guy he has he doesn't have any money he knows nothing so his worth is very low so i i would say that saying men are iron and women are gold is a very relevant analogy to the real world now what happens at a time of war or in a time of crisis iron is more valuable than gold and juve in a time of peace what's happening right now is that people are saying iron gold are the same so they're making they're trying to make swords out of the gold and it's just not working because gold is not a good metal to make weapons out of and eventually when there is a crisis situation people will find out real quickly that trying to make weapons out of all the gold was a terrible idea because they're going to get slaughtered and this this is this tends to happen in militaries all the time actually so when there is a time of war initially there are a lot of deaths and a lot of military generals are fired or killed and that is because when there is a time of peace it is not the most effective general set rise the ranks but the ones who are good at bureaucracy and only in the time of conflict should you find out whether someone is actually capable of doing that job or not so we are at a time where we don't we're not actually testing things because we just don't have any incentive to yes i i released a video yesterday called negative visualization and the power of it where this type of visualization is just embracing the worst case scenario where a lot of ceos nowadays are actually encouraging negative thinking in their culture just because it helps them look around the corner if a company is always super optimistic and it's like no no nothing can go wrong then you're not aware of the small things which can go wrong which is just the nature of any complex system things will go wrong so be aware of that so a lot of yeah so a lot of ceos are working with screenwriters surprisingly to get people thinking in a different way because all a story is that the screenwriters are writing is creating a bunch of characters doing some negative visualization of the worst case scenarios and actually making those worst case scenarios happen that's all the story is so it's a very strange little partnership that ceos and screenwriters are having that's one world now in another world let's say the people listening to this are from the technical space well as engineers there's a thing called stress testing a system where at times you encourage people to try to hack into the system to see if they can do it because if they can do it what makes you think that a cyber security attack isn't impending in the near future so stress testing is extremely important but it's not happening too much because things are getting too comfortable people think that oh well nope there's no reason to stress test because everything has always been like this and everything will always be like this you do any kind of that stress testing for life math money to help you keep on evolving like do you envision huh what if this goes wrong what if this goes wrong which i think before you even answer just from observing some of your moves it always seems like you're two steps ahead where a guy a traditional guy with 200 000 followers on twitter may rest on their laurels and be like all right well this is it but for you i see you making micro moves where you got an instagram channel up a facebook uh you're growing your email list you have you're expanding your presence on youtube with doing these podcast episodes so it seems like you're always looking around the corner am i making that assumption or is there some truth behind that i haven't well used the term stress test before but i've also been acutely aware of the fact that a large part of life math money is centered around twitter and twitter is a very censorship heavy platform especially recently and unconsciously or consciously i have been trying to diversify i'm putting different tags in different baskets now with all these other social media handles just in case of a twitter ban so it isn't a more conscious stress test effort so to say like you mentioned but it's more of a simple diversification thing because there have been a lot of people who get banned from twitter for no apparent reason outside of saying something that triggered somebody and there's no there's no telling when that might happen to you like you might say something that sounds completely reasonable and innocent to you but would i might still ban you for it so it's a it's essentially a game of chance mm-hmm and would you say the email list has been the core of the live map money business nowadays or not really now it's the twitter and the blog but everything else has been growing the thing with email lists is that email lists don't grow organically in fact they tend to shrink organically in the sense that if you have no outside source to get email lists email subscriptions it won't grow no matter how good your emails are so if you have 20 000 email people on your email list and you're sending out really good emails it will not suddenly become 21 000 because email is not a platform that people people are not going to forward your email to 30 other people to see so they cannot subscribe but people will simply retweet your stuff or share your youtube video so because email is not social it is not a good primary source of growth it is something that you can take users of other platforms for well would you say email is more for growth or more for deepening pre-existing relationships i would say it's for deepening pre-existing relationships and basically monetizing a little bit right because that's what i predominantly use the emails for where these youtube videos blogs podcasts uh they're sort of like the flyers now let's go back to that example i know you got it from someone else but i really liked that example where you treat the content sort of like the flyers and the website sort of like the actual restaurant so now your content has some intent that you're trying to get them to your website i just like to finish it off with the email list because this is the traffic that i own rather than you know if someone stumbles on this youtube video great but then they could just find another video and i may never see them again while with an email list is something that for the armani talks brand at least i've placed a lot of importance on that just because of the back end work i see where you're coming from though it's important to decentralize and where you were talking about twitter i don't know if you've been noticing but i've been seeing a lot of people complaining about more restrictions on instagram i don't really use instagram like that but have you noticed something like that i don't know that much about instagram because essentially the way i use instagram is that i use a software that screenshots my tweet and automatically posts it to ig so i don't interact with the content or the people there at all it's just impossible for me because i just don't have the time to actually sit and interact with so many different platforms so i just use twitter primarily and i have software which handles instagram reddit facebook and everything else for me but i will say that one of my accounts got a hate speech strike for saying that men are superior to women or something like that i think it was like men are women are inferior to men because men are stronger and more emotionally resilient and dad got a hate sweet strike so i think women instagram has a very wide definition of hate speech and i did an article on this uh i wrote an article on what is hate speech according to instagram and even saying that i am homophobic is hate speech essentially almost anything is hate speech on instagram and facebook it's a very restrictive platform yeah and with a lot of different people's content it could be taken in different ways where i've noticed that with instagram more fitness accounts are blown up there i mean i haven't even really thought about using instagram too much with armani talks so what do you do pretty much you you get your tweets and expand it onto a different platform i just mirror them so this is what the software will do is it'll take a screenshot of the tweet and it'll post the exact screenshot to instagram and that's it gotcha and is it attracting a different audience i i don't know for sure because i haven't already monitored it right it's just something i set up once just for diversification but i really don't have the time to actively manage all the other social media profiles i have two businesses to run plus i'm studying computer science and i have to find time to lift go out and have a social life so it's impossible for me to read and interact with people on all platforms i just limit myself to twitter and i let software take care of the rest it's a very unique different way to do business where i had this public speaking coach two years ago and he found out that i at that time i believe i had ten thousand followers on twitter and he was like my goodness uh you have 10 000 followers and it just was not computing for his brain and because he was on the older side where when he was initially starting his business numbers like 10 000 for let's say just consulting was you know you could work your way up to it but a guy in his 20s having that kind of numbers was very different and this public speaking coach was amazing as we started to work more together i started to notice just a very difference in philosophies where he saw youtube but he thought of it just as an entertainment tool he never saw it as a tool in itself so he would be like yeah yeah i do youtube every now and then but i like to host in-person meetings which is great don't get me wrong but once the pandemic hit the in-person meetings were now in the back burner and now he was hitting me up and he's like hey man what is this youtube thing you got going on again you're saying that it brings in traffic after you're done recording the videos where for us harsh after we're done recording this video it's going to keep on pulling in more and more people daily over time just little pools of people that discovered this video later on once we're done recording so once this public speaking coach found out that he's basically detachin
2021-08-23