Black Grief and the Family Tree

Black Grief and the Family Tree

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welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 4k podcast we  got a special guest here with us today she goes by   the name shay we know her as siobhan she she is  a a writer a creator a multi-dimensional healing   artist and she just explores what it means to  be human so ladies and gentlemen welcome siobhan   oh my gosh thank you what a warm welcome  thank you i'm happy to be here thank you   i'm happy for having you so what we we're doing  here now for the 4k podcast we're trying to bring   we'll bring some guests on here and there just to  have a story time segment or a special category   or topic that we'll bring up and discuss with  uh someone else that's very near and dear to us   um as far as story time um siobhan  we had a story you wanted to   to bring up man i guess we'll segue into whatever  happens after that all right just jump right in um yeah i did have a story it's a it's an eerie  one um but it it's one that is close to my heart   it's one that i find myself revisiting often and  it's one i love sharing because i don't know i   think it just says so much um and it's about  my mom who who transitioned when i was 18.   and literally a couple of days after that happened  her smartass found a way to hack like hack our um   answer machine and change the voicemail greeting  somehow some way uh i know i know y'all remember   this and she left a message that said goodbye  goodbye i love you um and i remember hearing   it and being like no way like i did not hear  what i just heard and i remember like having   people call the phone like call the house and be  like listen to this message and like you tell me   what you hear i'm not going to tell you what to  to hear i'm not going to influence you in any way   and like everyone heard the same thing um i think  about that story a lot because it says so much   about like what we think of life what we think of  death what we think of like the beyond and how we   communicate with those who have transitioned those  we have lost those who just simply don't have a   physical body but clearly live on and i think  before that point i thought you know i don't   know i always believed in like the spiritual and  all that kind of stuff but you know there's a part   there's a part of it when you watch people like  um you know miss cleo is that her name was that   psychic call me now like stuff like that you  know those psychics online and all this kind of   stuff that people be scamming there's a there's a  fantastical element of that where it's like that's   not real you know what i'm saying and i even just  think of like what we think of as death god source   the beyond whatever you want to call it it's so  great it's like beyond words and so yeah that was   just a story and a moment in my life where i was  like oh like this is real like this is real this   is expansive there is something that happens  um after this temporary stay on this planet   um and that bio that cliff so beautifully read  is how i summarize myself i always get a little   nervous when people ask me who i am because i'm  like there's there's no words for it like i'm all   of it but yeah i come back to that story because  it's such a like anchoring point and i always say   that my mom's death like initiated me into life  like she continues to teach me every single day   what life is and isn't and yeah that's that's my  opening story you know just just coming in hot   um so yeah thanks y'all for the space to share it  yeah no doubt that was perfect that was perfect   and i remember that moment vividly uh listening  to that voicemail and hearing those words and i'm   just sitting there like wow damn i really heard  that yeah it was crazy it was crazy it was crazy   and it was like there was no denying it you know  it wasn't like oh maybe that's what it said or   like you know it's kind of staticky it was a  clear message and i think that speaks to like   the amount of love she had for us that her spirit  found a way to be like i'm gonna get can i curse   my hair by the way absolutely okay she found a way  to be like i'm gonna find a [ __ ] way to tell my   family that i love them and you know i know i  left abruptly i know it was a quick departure   but i'm gonna i'm gonna find a way to like  communicate and yeah i just i think that's just   speaks to like the intelligence of like the people  we love you know and that the journey doesn't   doesn't stop with the physical and so  i'm glad you remember that moment because   also when i when i think about grief and loss  and all that kind of stuff too i think about   the people that are still holding the people that  we've lost you know still holding those stories   and like the different angles like i probably  remember something different than ricky than cliff   and i think that's yeah it's really beautiful  that glue that like keeps it all together so   i'm glad you remember that speaking of something  uh i like that post you did the other a few weeks   ago oh which one wow you talked about how she uh  when she worked at american express but she had uh   stole stole the computers for the hood  reparations okay one thing about my mom reparations yeah shout out to my mom like she  man i know people when we lose people we say like   that person had an assignment and it was done and  that was my mom she lived life she came in here   she was like i want to [ __ ] [ __ ] up like i'm  about to laugh i'm about to party my way through   this [ __ ] and i'm a peace out because i did  what i had to do and she she went out with a   bang and like she was bold she was wild she was  embarrassing and it's like all these elements i   only appreciate now as an adult of course as a  teenager i'm like well i'm usually embarrassing   but like now i'm like yo that was a bomb ass woman  that was obama spirit that was a bomb [ __ ] and   i feel lucky that i had her for 18 years you  know it feels short sometimes but i'm like i i   had her you know so yeah shout out to my mom stand  laptops from from white men and redistributing it   to the hood reparations you know american  government could never i mean legend legend   um to bring a little more recollection  into the story i remember um   someone was calling the house phone your house  phone and i guess the the reason they wanted to   uh the reason you heard it i guess was because  they wanted you to change you don't delete her   name or her voice because they were uncomfortable  hearing it still and that's when you went into it   and and heard it and i remember upon playing  it only certain people seemed to hear clearly   what she was saying other people didn't hear  anything at all and we were like oh maybe the   message just wasn't for you it definitely was  not for those people yeah and i remember um   i think it was grandma's idea she wanted  to take it to maury or something like that   and once on edward yeah i remember once  we tried to save it it just disappeared   yep it was like you're not gonna fill me off  yep so my mom what a troll right like i'm gonna   do this brilliant thing y'all gonna hear it  and guess what that's it that's all y'all get people like oh the world gotta hit  us and she was like no they don't yeah i remember that moment clearly yeah  and it's like i in at that moment i was   like [ __ ] like i really wanted to keep it first  of all we could have been rich like who wouldn't   you know that could have been some  money but like i also think like   moments like that experiences like that are  meant to be short-lived you know it's meant   to be this thing where it's like we heard it we  know what we heard we don't need john edwards   we like to be like great it serve this purpose it  served this purpose and it did what it had to do   and i think there's beauty to that there's beauty  to yeah remembering that things don't last forever   and people don't last forever you know it's  sad too but i think there's a beauty tonight and the imprint that they  leave on you in your life   it's crazy because as long as as it was  there's still so many little things that   pop up and i just i just remember i think  about her or it's just the wildest weirdest   little thing sometimes yeah yeah um also for  those that don't know because we are cousins   so i don't like i don't know we like getting  right into the camari but my mom is i say is   i use present tense is an aunt to ricky and cliff  and so yeah what are some of y'all like favorite   memories or like as nephews like how did you  see my mom let me tell you let me tell you   something okay i'm listening let me lean in i  am still chasing that short very short cake high   that strawberry shortcake i i've been chasing  that high for a long time and none of them are   comparable thank you for saying that ricky no  i really appreciate you saying that because   if anyone knew my mom like on the outside you  would never think that she knew how to bake   like that was not if i really if i showed you a  picture like it was not in her demeanor seemingly   but she did and strawberry shortcake and peach  cobbler were her specialties and i'm so glad   you remember that again like we need people to  hold on to the stories and some memories yeah   i just remember her being so upfront and in  your face and no apologies about anything and   it was just something i really appreciate about  her i remember uh wanting to like go to your   house so often and spend weekends or whatever  there just just to get away and it felt like   a little mini vacation i guess from from my life  sometimes and she never did anything special   she never really like i can't even explain  it but it was just like so nice just being   in that environment with her yeah she always made  sure we all came over there at least once a year   and yeah so yeah that was dope yeah i remember  her drinking um arbor miss was it y'all yeah arbor but i remember like that that being my first  taste of uh liquor or whatever as a kid   just asking for it she's like here try  this okay why not as an auntie should yes   and it was funny because like i remember the first  time i was um she was rigged and i was like oh   what is that and she didn't even tell me what it  was here just try it and i was like okay sure and   i tasted it i was like it's okay it wasn't it  wasn't bad and i was like okay well yeah arbor   mix yeah and those 50 cent cobra beers remember  those oh dad my pop she's so loud yes oh my god   and don't forget the straw either way forget his  straw first thing don't forget that straw yeah   those beers wow so with her um her passing how  how was it dealing with the trauma in the very   beginning and do you attribute your transition the  most into just being who you are after the trauma   yeah i love this question um i'll be honest with  you they say there's five stages to grief which   to me is total [ __ ] there there are way  more stages and there's no logical order   but i will say that first stage  denial yeah they got that one right   they got that one right i think because i was  so young i was in such a state of shock and   adult me looks back and i'm like yo i don't know  how i got through that like i have no idea like   the fact that i went to school the next day  like what does that yeah i i sure did i was like   well i'm like i'm just yeah i'm i gotta  go to school but like looking back i think   i was just in a state of like denial in  shock and probably looking for something   that i knew as safety which was school i'm  just like pretending to be normal you know   and to be honest like i didn't really process my  grief until i would say at least five years later   um because my mom died when i was 18 like two  weeks before my high school graduation rate   a month after that got my first job and then a  month after that i was off to college i was like i   gotta get these grades i gotta get this financial  aid i gotta like pay for these classes i gotta go   to grad school like grief i don't have time for  that like i don't have time for that and so i just   ignored it i suppressed it um and you know i i  don't know on one end i would say well that's   unhealthy but on the other hand it's like grief  doesn't have any logical order it like whatever   way you cope whatever way it comes through  even if it's denial even if it's suppression   that was part of my journey you know and i think  once i graduated school and i came back home   whoo let me tell you that that that that [ __ ]  that i was ignoring in the back of my head it was   like finally all right like you got some space now  here we go like it it that's when it started to   like become a part of my life and i was like all  right i'm ready like i have i have the space now   um and even like before my mom transitioned i  had i had been in therapy you know so that was   something that that helped a lot but i mean even  even early on there was a lot of moments when like   i wasn't honest with my therapist because i wasn't  ready to talk about it i was young and i think i   was also looking around at you know my other peers  i didn't i didn't know anyone my age who had lost   a parent i didn't know anyone who had been through  that um i also think that there's a lot of like   um stigma in the black family in terms of how to  grieve uh no shade to religious folks but they   tend to say things like well they went home with  the lord right and like it was their time to go   and i'm like that's all you got for me like you  know like on on one end like i'm glad that that's   comforting for for some folks but on the other end  it could be like an avoidance tactic right and so   i didn't give myself permission to grieve until  years later um but once i opened that like can of   worms like man that was it it's become like a part  of my core like i even joke about like me being   like goth right like i grew up goth like you know  but like i don't know like maybe that was part of   the design of my spirit like i always use my mom's  death and refer to it as an initiation because   i wouldn't be who i am now had that not happened  as sad as it is like i would not have the   knowledge the wisdom like the emotional range like  all that stuff i wouldn't have that without her   death you know and so to me this is a big  part of my life's purpose it's a big part of   my life's work in whatever form that is whether  it's sharing a poem or just sitting down for a   chat like this like i'm meant to feel and then  to like cry i meant and this is something yeah   now i struggle with growing up like always being  the sensitive one like always crying but like   that's a beautiful thing like i'm human that's why  cliff said i'm exploring what it means to be human   and unfortunately and maybe fortunately  a big part of being human is that   we're all gonna die like we all are gonna have  that experience we're all gonna know someone   that transitions and i think it's a beautiful  thing when we can talk about it we can feel   and we can like push up against like societal  norms of like cutting your feelings off and like   not addressing the thing in the room and  i'm like i'm not down for any of that like i   that's not normal to me you know that's real  robotic and so yeah i always say that her loss   like i don't know just awaken something in  me and i'm forever change and i'm grateful yeah one thing um well to give context to those  who don't know um my mom passed recently and   leroy's father passed a couple years ago and they  were all our parents were all siblings and um   to to bring this question to you leroy uh upon  when was the the moment you realize that it's real going back to grandma house every  time i go to grandma's house i feel it   just him being there for so long and then  you go back over there and he's not there so every time i walk in that crib i'll be like all right yeah that's when i felt it i think i call i'm not too  sure yeah you're gonna fall i call one of you when   my moment hit when um oh okay backtrack to one  thing when siobhan said uh denial i remember   going up to the the funeral or her service  i still didn't believe it was her because   i still didn't see her yet and when they pulled  the casket out of the truck and we had to carry it   into the church they didn't have enough people to  help carry it so they asked if i would be able to   help so i was like sure and people were looking at  me funny like are you sure you could do them again   i was one of those people yeah like yeah if  y'all don't come get this casket for this man   right and i remember when the the the director  was going to lift the the lid of the casket   she was like are you okay are  you ready i'm like yeah and   the back of my mind i kept thinking you're gonna  lift this lid i'm gonna look and i'm saying that's   not my mom where is she you know like i was like  the guy she might be hiding somewhere or you know   it was just so many weird thoughts that went  through my head but when she lifted it up   i was just so confused because i didn't  feel anything i didn't feel i didn't   feel hurt i didn't feel relieved i didn't feel  anything i just was staring hurt i remember um   there were flowers like in her hair so i was like  trying to readjust her hair and i wasn't no she   would never do her hair like that so i'm sitting  there moving her hair out and i'm trying to like   readjust her body because it's shifted and the  director's just looking at me like are you are you   okay like and i was just like no no just i just  wanted to look good you know for everybody but   the real moment when it actually hit me was  when um her ashes came back from the crematory   and it came in the mail which feels so  impersonal right and i remember holding a box   and i took i took her box out of the  cardboard box and i was just standing there   and i was hugging it and i'm like wow like  this the box is five pounds or whatever it   is and i'm just like everything you were  is reduced to this little box of ashes and   i remember walking into grandma's room and just  staring at her and she was like what's wrong i   just started nodding and i'm like this is it this  is it this is that moment is it me and she's like   are you okay and i just i hit the floor and i  just started crying and she was like just let it   out and i'm like i can't believe everything just  turned into this it was just so weird to me um   um thank you for sharing that thank you i don't  think i knew about that moment i know there's been   times when you called me but yeah i  don't think i knew about that moment   and yeah she was real and i think i i think  you asked me after your mom passed like   you asked me when was my moment like maybe almost  in preparation or like wanting to know like   yeah what to expect and i was like it bothered  me that people were waiting for me to break down   waiting for me to cry waiting for me to like lose  my mind and i'm like i'm okay and it was like no   one wouldn't accept that oh no you lost your  mother suddenly like are you sure you're okay   and i'm like i'm handling it like if it happens  it happens if it doesn't it doesn't also to uh   reiterate on mines the receiving of the flag oh  my god yeah that was deep to me bruh rick ricky i   i think everybody broke down in that  moment i was good up until then yeah yeah the marines came in and did what they  had to do that little slow they go slow   i was like oh my god yeah and  it was super cool for the first   ninety percent of it because they  find the flag in front of ricky here you go yeah that was a lot that's deep yeah  but speaking of your father's service ricky like   did you feel any kind of way of of  there not being a body at the service   like in the traditional way that we usually  have funerals no i mean no not at all   no i think it was better off that way  yeah yeah so i didn't have to worry do you remember how you found out yeah you called  me oh shoot damn you called me i was at the crib   chillin and you called me like hysterical but not  being overly hysterical so that you could tell   me the information and get it out yeah but yeah  that's how i found out you called me and told me   yeah yeah i'm just saying i'm actually remembering  it too i remember uh going to the house   siobhan were you there before i sure was yeah  and that was just so weird because i remember um uh marvin his best friend was  the one that called me was like   i think there's something wrong  with me to get up here and   i got up there and it was i don't remember who was  there before me i believe siobhan you was there um grandma was there maybe mark was there too i  think yeah i think i don't know and yeah that   was just so weird because it's it it's weird  because of course you never really expect it   right it's like wow i can't i can't believe it  then we we saw like the photos and everything   else and it was just like how how do we do how  do we process how do we figure out and i remember shortly after um feeling guilty because  you both lost yours and i still have mine   and i was just like i felt like if i were to share  an experience i had with my mother after that   like it would be like kind of  bright not bragging but like   it would be touching the sore spot so  i was just like and that's what made me   really reassess my relationship with my  mother and try to get closer with her and yeah and that's just the craziest thing   wow yeah that's that's so real that's  something i yeah just like see a lot like these   what i call what a lot of people call like  grief wars you know like whether that's in   internal or like the comparisons that we like  put on ourselves their survivors guilt the   re-experiencing it like i think cliff i  think cliff was the one that called me   and told me about ricky too and it was like  i remember i had a moment of like not again   yeah not again it was it wasn't even my parent but  it was like it was so close that i was like what   and i don't remember i was it you  that called me about your mom cliff and i was like what like not again so  yeah there's this like re-experiencing   and i don't know if you felt this ricky  too like with sharon but lives like   the [ __ ] like and i remember like with ricky's  death specifically there was like i don't know   like there were little things that i did for  example like designing like the the funeral   programs like i was so serious about it because  there were certain things i didn't get to do for   my mom and so like i'm and i'm still proud of this  program it was really beautiful well i was like no   i'm going to design the [ __ ] out of this program  like there was just certain things i was like   you know on one end it was like damn not again i  got to go through this again but i was like all   right it's coming back around like this feeling  is coming back around and like you know what can   i change this time what can i see differently  how can i help out i'm a little older now you   know i'm not that 18 year old girl you know and  like i don't know there's just something about it   about i don't know tragedy coming back around you  know and it's like this [ __ ] sucks but also like   what can i see differently you  know what can i feel differently   and to the compound on one thing you said too um  even though he was the voice for ricky's father um   in a sense he was the closest thing  you and i both had from one to a father   i was i was getting ready to say that as well yeah  and that's that's what made it so difficult for me   as well because it was like of course i i lived  with him too he he cooked he made his jokes and   it was just so many little  things i was just like wow like that was so tough to process and then  as we said before there's this the   the stigma of um being a man and having to be  strong and and and tough it out through the pain   and it's like right why why does it have to why  do i have to be weak if i'm showing emotion um and i'm glad mental health and and vulnerability  and um sensitivity is kind of being more of a   thing that's being brought into the forefront and  uh being more normalized now so um now the people   who had the stigma of oh black people can't go to  therapy or men can't go to therapy or um you're   less than because you need help it's not like that  anymore and that's that's like one of the greatest   things that our society is actually moving in  that direction and still it is on us to figure out   even though it is going in that direction  to jump on board with it because i i still   i still walk a tight rope on both sides it's  like yeah i'm gonna be sensitive to things   sometimes but i'm still i still gotta be a  strong man in public or something like that   yeah no absolutely that is uh that's a great way  to put it because you know i'm older than you and i came along before you could even show that type  of emotion and all that kind of [ __ ] you know so   it's definitely good to see that people can open  up and men can open up and not be looked at a   different way for opening up and expressing their  feelings and being vulnerable so yeah i agree yeah i agree too and yeah the way you just put  that cliff was really beautiful and poignant   and i think more people need to hear  it like more men need to hear it   more black men specifically need  to hear and then more people   need to hear i think women need to hear  it too you know so there's not that like   pressure to put on like the men in your life like  that they have to be this like macho dude all the   time like that is not strength like going around  beating your chest like pretending like you don't   feel that's easy what's strong about that honestly  like that's easy you know like talking about it   like crying letting it out like being human like  take guts that [ __ ] is hard i don't know why   anyone would consider that weak you know how hard  it is to like feel your feelings you know like   that [ __ ] is hard that's incredible strength and  so it's harder to tell someone else and that part   that part and yeah and to mo in front of people  and like yeah let people see your weak spots   like showing vulnerability and and being in front  of someone and being like i'm gonna show you this   and i i'm gonna trust that you're not gonna use  it against me like what like like that's crazy   that's crazy strength so i'm glad y'all  brought that up and like i'm very proud to   see y'all like yeah just embrace that and move  in that direction because we don't see it often yeah just evolving on that aspect is it's tough  but it's it's needed we definitely need it it is   yeah especially as um fathers right who like have  the next generation like because i mean that's   how these cycles get continued like no because no  one in the in the bloodline and the family stops   it and be like all right this just stops at me you  know i'm gonna be the one to like create something   new um and and teach those that come after me to  do something different so absolutely yeah that's   true and and as far as the generational things go  showing like you said showing the emotion showing   uh besides um the sadness showing the happiness  we we learn to be even killed all the time   to not not get too high and not get too  low so um that's that's like our family   i'm not too sure how many other families were  i could can fit this mold but like we didn't   show much emotion towards each other so we never  really hugged we never really kids we never really   you know really engaged with each other in that  way so that in turn that despairs us against   relationships that despairs us against showing  that love to our kids like i had to learn how to   show my child i appreciate her i  love her and i'm still learning how   um being sensitive in those moments  how to get out of the awkwardness of it   i've learned how to force hug my my daughters  and kiss them and tell them how much i you know   love them and how happy i am and and it's  still awkward to me sometimes but it's like   you have to you have to jump over that hurdle  to realize this isn't awkward this is real   this is what it should be and if you don't teach  them this now they'll never learn it or they'll   learn it in a different way that would be you know  subjective to whatever it can be in a negative way   yep yep absolutely or even having  those awkward conversations like   that's very i'd be like starting this conversation  i gotta have a whole prep talk for myself before   i have a conversation sometime so i mean you you  learn and it it comes but look how long it's taken   us to figure it out right yeah it's a process it's  a process and it is awkward and i think the body   you know the body has memory the body remembers  trauma you know the body remembers certain safety   and defense mechanisms and so even when we do  something that is healthy the body's like what are   you doing like this deviates from like what i know  like what are you doing and it could be like you   said like hugging having a conversation something  that we want to do and the body's like nah   don't do that that's not safe you know like maybe  i'll get hurt i don't know that just just give it   a handshake you know like and our mind can like  yeah get the best of us but yeah i think doing it   on the level of the body like it's really powerful  and yeah like the examples we set you know i mean   one of the reasons i was so excited to like come  on here and chat with y'all and to even grow   closer to y'all is to also like heal the  relationship i have with like what i think of   masculinity as right my relationship or what  i think of as of men and like who they are   you know because i feel like the  first the first people we learn from   our families right our caretakers our siblings  our cousins our children you know and so i don't   know i think it's just really powerful to do  that like right in your tribe right right in   your family right in your community and like  what does that teach us about how we relate to   other people outside of that right the people  that we attract the people we fall in love with   the people we marry all that kind of stuff  like it all starts at home very true yeah wow and even um branch off into i guess  relationship wise too um i've had a problem with   feeling uh affection or emotion being  hugged or kissed and for the longest time   i would reject all of that and it really damaged  a lot of my relationships so like the the people   that i would date that weren't so affectionate  i would be more into it you know what i mean and   and now that i'm with someone who the opposite of  that it's like in the beginning it was just like   okay um i would get hugged and i would tense up  or i would get like a weird chill a shiver like oh   this is weird but then i'm like don't you know  but don't stop like i have to i'm gonna give you   it's gonna work you know bear with me and that's  when it's it's good to have someone who can   um be patient with you and learn with you and  try to take whatever steps it it takes to break   through whatever barriers that your your family  your brain generational things set in front of you yeah that's deep i never know that yeah that's  very deep i'm learning a lot always god damn   like y'all deep as [ __ ] like these my  cousins y'all like yeah like ricky were   you ever an emotional person like as far as like  affectionate um i think it came as i got older when i was younger no stone faced and and you you learned i guess being  younger too that sensitivity is a form of weakness   so that oh if i'm the nice sweet good guy i'm  gonna finish last nice guys always finish live   mm-hmm so it's like didn't even notice the the  bad guys or the the ones who are disrespectful   winning the girls and like whoa like is this  who i have to become in order to to you know   to get to get out there to date to be noticed  right and it's a shame that was something that's   big in society like that and then that that  creates more of a vicious circle because   you're trying to become someone who  you're really not and you're trying to   pretty much dog someone out and women become hurt  by it and in turn hurt people hurt people so now   they want to become like the people who hurt them   right and now women are becoming heartless women  are becoming emotionless so now they're like oh   you know i'm just i'm just going to call you from  when i need you and you're like i'ma call you when   i need you so then it's like you you get you get  faced with the oh you can't be too thirsty now and that all stems from just wearing that  mask of i'm gonna be who society makes me   think i should be yeah it's it's so  true and i often think about like   just the ancestral history that black people  have you know what they went through during   the times where they were enslaved like  they had to be tough they they had to like   suppress their feelings like their whole  survival was on the line you know like   especially black men like some of the stories you  read about like what was going on and what like   the masses on the plantation was doing you  know like picking out the toughest man and like   breaking him down in front of his family you know  and then like the role of the woman and the mother   like wanting to like toggle the sun protect the  sun it's like so much like just dynamics going   on there that happen that i believe we still carry  in our dna today that we still have to like heal   and like learn from like you know civil rights  movement and all that kind of stuff that wasn't   that long ago that was not that long ago and so  i feel like black folks we're making like great   progress but we have we have so much work to do  and i think a lot of it happens on the level of   like the emotion the heart and a lot of it has to  do like with the family and like yeah black women   and men peeling together black women healing  together and then black men healing together   right there's certain like things as a black  man only another black man can help you heal   or it can help expose and and can help talk  about and the same thing for black women um   yeah so yeah shout out to black folks healing  because they don't even bang yeah it's yeah we do   need it we do need it and our healing is is very  layered this is very difficult it's a lot going on   so anyone that like even begins to open  that up like is incredible incredible   because i work we did our brothers and  sisters or kings and queens definitely need to   come together and uplift each other and and  have each other's back like that and that that's   that's that's an amazing thing when  it all becomes such a cohesive thing that that's something that's definitely  needed yeah there's a big level i think of   like mistrust um between black people you know  in the black family between black men and women   and it shouldn't be like that you know i walk  down the street sometimes i'm not gonna lie   there's a group of black men i'm like ah i'm  scared like i'm not gonna lie like and that's   terrible that's terrible that i feel that way you  know like i should feel protected i should be like   oh here's my people you know but like there's so  much mistrust that that black folks have towards   each other and understandably so um but yeah that  quote about like hurt beating hurt people hurting   people i'm like well healed people gotta heal  people right i've hurt people hurt people healed   people must heal people you know the other side  of that equation people have to want to be healed it doesn't work if you don't  want to be healed that part   that part i'm triggered ricky i'm like i'm  lying no i'm triggered i'm triggered as someone   who has tried to force healing on people in a  way like or has gotten disappointed as a highly   sensitive person that like someone's not opening  up in the way that i thought they should like   it's triggering like i don't want to be healed yeah and they have to know that that healing is  something they can do themselves too right like   we can't do anyone's work for them either that's  true yeah halen does start with from within so it's a long journey but we definitely need it in the black community we do well shay thank you thank you very much for  joining us on this edition of our 4k podcast we've   about to call this like a little interlude side  story whatever you want to call these episodes   healing episode i like that thanks for having  me definitely definitely you know you could   come back at any time oh say less you're  never going to have to have another one   now we're going to implement it with this no but  thanks for having me you got an open invitation so   that all right well thank you very very very much  once again ladies and gentlemen this is the 4k   podcast that we're signing out thank y'all for  watching thanks for listening see you next time

2022-01-18 06:04

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