Hi everyone, thanks for joining me today, for, emotional, intelligence. A pathway, to peak performance. My name is tricia, grace, and i'm the career advisor, to the graduates. Of george brown college. Feel free to link with me on linkedin. I'm, happy to, to link with you. If you would like to make an appointment, with me. I've included, my. Email, address, here on the slide. I meet with grads for all kinds of stuff. Resume. Review. Interview, practice. Building out job search strategies. Uh, creating a linkedin, profile, that's powerful. Whole bunch of things so feel free to reach out to me for for an appointment. Um and don't forget to create an alumni account, on gb careers. That is our job posting, site and there are lots of great jobs that are posted daily, from, employers, who want to hire our graduates, so, please get on there and create your account. All right. So let's get started. Um. Today we're going to talk about, the agenda, today is we're, covering what, emotional, intelligence. Is. Why, why you should care about emotional, intelligence. Uh the eqi. Competency. Framework we're going to take a look at that. How to improve your relationships. Um. At work, and at home. How to build your eq, competency. So being your very best at your job and in, in relationships. In general, requires, an understanding. And, development, of emotional, intelligence. Emotional, intelligence, is what many human resource, professionals. And employers, assess you for when hiring, and it has become in recent. Recent years. The preferred, measurement, of your likelihood, to succeed, on the job. It's a very important topic, and uh, and an area that any job seeker deserves, to pay close attention, to, and build on for optimal, optimal, career outcomes. So i'm hoping, at the end of um our. Webinar, that you walk away with an awareness, on how. Your emotions, and behaviors. Affect, relationships. And performance. That you. Feel that you've learned, some strategies. And tools, that can you can use to manage complex, challenges. At work and in life. So, emotional, intelligence. Rests on the ability, to be self-aware. To effectively. Manage, emotions. And to emotionally. Connect with the people around us. This is really when great performance, occurs. Understanding. And managing, our emotions, will really determine, how we react to certain situations, when encountered. In our everyday, life. So really it's about being aware of how, our emotions. Drive our behavior, and impact people both positively. And negatively. Just a little history. In the 1950s. Uh humanistic. Psychologists. Such as abraham, maslow, you may know of him he was the uh he built out the theory of hierarchy, of needs. Uh they suggested, that people can build, emotional. Intelligence. And that was around the 50s, the, the conversation. Began. In 1985. Ruben, baron. An american. Israeli. Psychologist. And a leading theorist, and researcher, in emotional, intelligence. Intelligence, first coins the term eq. Used to describe. His approach to assessing, emotional, and social, competencies. A concept, of measuring, emotional. Quotient. As opposed to iq. Which is intellectual. Or intelligent. Quotient. In 1990, psychologist. Peter salivoy, and john mayer, published a landmark, article, on emotional, intelligence. And they, really introduced, it as a concept. Of psychological. Note. In 1995. Daniel, goldman, popularizes. The concept, in his book, emotional. Intelligence. Why it can matter, more than iq. So let's look at the difference between, iq. And eq. So eq. Or emotional, quotient, refers, to a person's, ability. To identify. Evaluate. Control. And express. Emotions. People with a high, eq. Work well with people and take on leadership, roles, easily. They can connect with people because they recognize, and understand, the emotional, states of others. And have the ability. To. Empathize. So. Um. Iq on the other hand, or intelligence. Quotient, is a score, derived, from a standardized. Test. Test, does, designed to, assess abilities, to learn. Understand. And apply. Logical, understanding. Word comprehension. Math skills. Abstract. And spatial, thinking, so, um, i know when we were in grade school, uh we had to take, iq, tests just to to get the standardized, tests that you were, given in in grade eight i believe it was, i don't know if they still do it in the schools. Anyway, so, um iq, is pretty much, set, it builds. Up until about 17, years old and then it remains, constant, throughout your adulthood. But eq. Rises, steadily, as we age, and then slightly, falls off when we go past 50, years old.
But By a really, minimal, amount. Eq, seems to be a muscle that you can definitely. Build. So why should you care. There's definitely, a move, amongst, employers. To value, eq, over iq. Career builder. Which is a global human solutions, company, helping employers, hire talent. Measured responses. From, 2600. Hr, professionals. And hiring managers. In a survey, asking about the importance. Of. Eq. So employers. State that 71, percent. Value, emotional. Intelligence. In an employee, more than iq. 59. Would not hire someone, who has a high, iq. And low, eq. 75. Are more likely. To promote an employee with a high eq. Over one. With a high. Iq. So in the workplace. Iq. Still matters, you still have to have the smarts. But it is the measurement, of how a person will perform, in the actual job. They are given that makes the biggest difference, to an employer. Because the studies show that employees. With high, eq. Are more likely to stay calm under pressure. They know how to solve, conflict. Effectively. They're empathetic. To their team members, and react, accordingly. They lead, by example. And they tend to make more thoughtful, business. Decisions. So more reasons, to care. According, to dr travis, bradbury. Who provides eq, tests and training to numerous. Large, for uh. Fortune. Fortune 500. Companies. Um, 90. Of top performers. Have i. Have high eq. 58. Is responsible. For of those with high eq, is responsible, for. Uh your job performance. And 29. You people with high eq, make 29. 000. More annually. Than their low eq, counterparts. So those are some really important things to consider. When you're wondering, well does it matter to me, yeah it might matter to you. So emotional, intelligence, is a set of skills, that enables, us to make our way in a complex, world. The personal. Social. And survival. Aspects, are essential, for effective daily functioning. There are four, key areas of emotional, intelligence. Two of those areas, are focused, on your intra. Personal, competencies. Or personal. Competence. Dealing with your understanding, of yourself. And your own emotions. Those two areas. Are self-awareness. And, self-management. And the other. Is focused, on your interpersonal. Competencies. Or social, competence. Which deals. With, yourself. In the context. Of others. And their emotions, or feelings. And those two areas, of focus, are social, awareness. And relationship. Management. Once you have a recognition. Or awareness, of your feelings. Then it's about managing. Or regulating. Your behaviors. So let's break this down, a little further. So the intra. Personal, realm, or personal, competency. Of emotional, intelligence. Concerns, what we generally, refer to as the inner self. It determines. How, in touch, with your feelings, you are, how good you feel about yourself. And about what you're doing in life. Success, in this area means that you are able to express your feelings. Live, and work independently. You feel strong. And have confidence. In expressing, your ideas. And beliefs. When you build your, emotional, self-awareness. And. You accept, who you are, including, both your strengths and weaknesses. And develop, a healthy self-regard. Your confidence, builds. As does your self-adequacy. Trust in your ability to voice your needs and ideas. You become more assertive. You can move, into. Self-actualization. Which will allow you to set goals for yourself. And actually achieve them. The more goals you achieve the more confidence. Confident, you become. So it becomes a kind of cyclical, process, of, building your emotional, intelligence. So if we look under here your personal competency. A recognition, of that under self-awareness. Is that self-confidence. Awareness, of your emotional, state. Recognizing. How your behavior, impacts, others. Paying attention, on how others influence. Your emotional, state. And, the regulation, of that, is the self-management. Part. Getting along well with others. Handling, conflict, effectively. Clearly. Clearly expressing, ideas. And information. Using, sensitivity. To, another person's, feelings. Uh to manage, interactions. Successfully. So we we tend to think of our behavior.
As A reaction, to something that happened. But actually. Our response, is based on how we feel, and think about a certain event. And that will have us react in a certain way. So some of those triggers. Reactive. Places. Deep inside of us that become activated. Through someone else's, behaviors. Or comments. Building, on. An awareness. Of our emotions, it's a first step, in building, our emotional, intelligence. Emotional, hijacking. The different functions, are performed by different parts of the brain, and one part, is called the amygdala. And this is where emotions, are given meaning, remembered. And attached, to associations. This is where your emotional. Memories, live. It's where primitive, emotional, responses, reside, that give us, rise to flight, or fight responses. Emotions, like fear. Anxiety. Aggression. And anger. And being aware of our emotions. Helps us to better understand, ourselves. And also determine, how we interact, with others, and how we see the world. And when. These triggers. Affect us and emotional, hijacking. So, think about work scenarios. Or school, scenarios. What sets you off emotionally. And hijacks, the logical, side of your brain. Is it when you aren't given enough time to complete an assignment. Or solve a problem. Or give an answer. Think about those social, scenarios. What sets you off, someone being rude, or someone not listening. Write the scenarios. Down. Now think about how you physically, respond. Where in your body do you feel the stress. Write it down it might be a, tightness in the jaw. A headache. A real stiffness, in your neck that's different in your walk. So what i'm going to do is i'm going to give you 30 seconds, i know this is, um. We don't have a lot of time for this and it's not really, live. Uh but give i'm gonna give you 30 seconds. And i want you. To follow this activity. What are your psychological. Triggers so think about that. What types of, situations. Might hijack. You. And i'm going to give you, 30 seconds i'm just going to time it out now. Just to get you started, thinking about. This. Foreign. Okay so we're just about 30 seconds so, you can always give this some more thought and complete your notes later. But it's important. To. Reflect, on what triggers. Us, and what might, hijack. Us into. Um. Taking on certain. Responses. That don't work so well for us work for us really negatively. So two areas of focus that can cause trouble when we get triggered, in some way. You know, one is stress. Tolerance. Ability. This, the definition, really is the or the. The explanation, of it it's the ability, to withstand. Adverse, events. And stressful, situations. Without, developing. Physical. Or emotional, symptoms. By actively. And positively. Coping, with stress. So when you start to feel stress. Counter, this by being resourceful. And effective. Thinking of solutions. To unexpected. Problems, that arise. Nurture, an optimistic. Disposition. Towards new experiences. And change in general. Staying, calm, and maintaining. Control, over your emotional, reactions. Those with really good stress control, tend to face crisis, and problems, rather than, surrendering, to their feelings, of hopelessness, and helpless, helplessness. They find. Solutions. Impulse, control. And that really is. Defined, as the degree to which a person can resist. Or delay, an impulse. A drive. A temptation. Or an act. So those with low, impulse, control, tend to get frustrated, easily, when things aren't the way they want them. Behaving, compulsive. And fault, thoughtless, ways. Can have real difficulty, controlling, their anger so they can become explosive. In their reactions. Often those that respond, immediately. To any idea, or thought that enters their heads. Do not consider, facts, or information. And this, can affect their relationships. At work and at home. People with a healthy, impulse control. Consider, different, aspects. Of a situation. Before leaping, forward. They kind of weigh the pros and cons, before. Responding. So engaging, the thinking, part, of your brain. The neocortex. Reduces, that emotional, state. So. One trick is to try to ask yourself, some questions. Okay so when. You know you're overcome, with stress. And you think you're going to react. Engage, the neocortex. And, ask yourself these kinds of questions. You know what am i actually, feeling. How was i feeling, just before i started to feel this way. What does this say about me. What am i afraid, might happen.
What Is the worst thing that could happen. What control, could i have, over this situation. Identify, your emotions, and responses, and what they mean to you and what you'd like to happen in the future when you start to feel this way. You're looking, for, little shifts to begin with. In establishing. Ways to be more self-aware. This reflection. That leads towards self-awareness. Is the key to becoming. Emotionally. Intelligent. It's important to eventually, look at the beliefs that drive the feelings, we have. Then you can debate, and dispute, the belief. So, this method. Called the abcde. Method. Was developed by dr, albert ellis, and he's an american, psychologist. Who developed. Rational. Emotive, behavior. Therapy. And this is one of his. Um. Kind of techniques, that he uses. And it helps you to. Rationally. Work through a reflection. Process, to decide, if you want or need to change your thinking. And subsequent, behavior. Around a certain emotional response you're having. This method, helps you to unpackage. Your belief, system. And identify. Harmful, beliefs that hinder your ability to self-actualize. And really to reach success in life. So, you know here we'll just go through the method. So something happens, there's an activating. Event, the who what when how. Um and where. I guess. And then. Your belief. Your belief about the event what was i thinking. Before i started to feel this way. And then the consequence. Is the emotional, consequence. What is my feeling. And how am i acting. Then there's the debate, and dispute. The d part the challenge, you know a challenge to the belief, where is the proof. What is the. Alternative. Explanation. And then e for effect. Effective. New beliefs, replace, old ones. How has my understanding, of the event shifted. What are my feelings, now. What are my choices. What am i prepared to do now. So let's say you don't hear from a close friend over a period of a week, you text them and leave a message, about finding time for a chat over zoom. You don't hear back for a few days. Your mind might go, to a to a few different places. They don't like me anymore, and they aren't interested in being my friend. Or. They have no respect, for me and are treating me badly by not responding. They are not responding, on purpose to make me feel bad. So the first situation. Leads to self-pity. And sadness. And the second, to possible. Anger, and indignation. Or even rage. So applying the abcd. Method might help to mitigate. Or control. The emotional. Response. The goal of rational, emotive behavior, therapy. Is to. Help people change, their, irrational. Beliefs, into rational, beliefs. So irrational. Interrational. And accept their lives, and situations. So the abc method, or sorry the abc, model. Shows that if you look at the screen, a. You fail a big exam which is your activating. Event. Does not cause, c. Emotional, behavioral, response, you feel depressed. And rip up all of your study material. It is actually, b, that is causing, c. B, your belief about the event, you believe. I'm not smart enough. That causes, c. In the first example, it's not the fact that you failed the exam that makes you feel sad and rips up your and you rip up your material. It's the belief that you're not smart enough that causes the sadness. So interpersonal, realm or social, competencies. The other. Side, of things we want to talk about. So. This realm of emotional, intelligence. Concerns. What are known as the people, skills. Those who function well in this area. Tend to be responsible. And dependable, in terms of interaction, with others. They interact, with and relate, well to others in a lot of, various, situations. People with a strong social awareness. Function, well as part of a team and are considered, trustworthy. They, can read a person's, mood, or general, group mood easily, and they're able to handle conflict, effectively. They often have a very high, sense of. Empathy. By putting themselves, in another person's, shoes. To see things from their perspective. Their sense of social responsibility. Is really strong, and they tend to put the group's well-being. Ahead of their own. So, you know under social competency. Under recognition. Is social, awareness, so picking up on the mood in the room. Caring what other people are going through. Hearing what the other person is really, trying to say. And then the regulation, of that in relationship. Management. Is getting along well with others. Handling, conflict, effectively. Clearly, expressing, ideas and information. Using sensitivity. To another person's, feelings, a kind of empathy. To manage, interactions. Successfully. So self-awareness. So what we're looking at is, two sides the self-awareness. Is about understanding, your own emotions. But equally, important, is really your social, awareness. And that speaks your ability to understand, others feelings and responding, to their needs as we were saying.
So This entails, paying attention to people. And becoming more aware of particular, facial expressions, for example, body, language. The tone of voice in certain situations. Empathy. Empathy, empathy is imagine how someone might feel about a situation. A way to see things from their perspective. Be careful not to assume you know what they feel about something, as every, person in every situation. Is different and may have a different set of responses, or feelings. About that particular, event but, ask questions. Of the person to get how they are feeling. So don't make an assumption. Ask some good questions. And then really take the time to listen. Practice, active, listening. Where you're fully focused on the speaker, with the intention to understand. And respond, thoughtfully. So at this point you could ask yourself, questions. Like, what is what is this person thinking. What is this person, feeling. What is this person, wanting. So signs of not listening, can include. Non-verbal. Where there's a lack of eye contact. Uh, body language like the slouching. Or, shifting, postures. Often. Fiddling with some object. Not nodding or smiling, to show that you're following what the speaker, is saying. Other signs, can be sudden, changes, in topic or jumping in to offer advice before the person has finished speaking. Or perceiving, the person has finished because you think you've captured, the gist. Of what the person is saying. So interesting factors, are a lack of interest. Preoccupation. With your own thoughts. Thinking about. Your response. That you'll make. Judging what we are hearing. Preconceived. Ideas, or bias. Having a clones, a closed, mind. Or making assumptions. So strategies. For you know practicing, empathetic, listening skills. Will will most likely result in you having more authentic, and collaborative. Relationships. Both professionally. And socially. So knowing that these are the the, interference. That causes, a lack of understanding. Or can. Um. You know. Affect a situation. In a really negative, way. Um, and become more inflammatory. There's strategies, to avoid that the strategies, for really, building, emphatic, listening. So clear the space around you so that you have no physical distractions. When when you're in a conversation, with someone. Clear your mind of any preoccupations. Focus in on what the person's, saying and really want to understand, them. Allow for silence, or breaks in what the person is saying. Pay attention to the tone of voice. Facial expressions. And body language. Ask open-ended. Questions, to message. The person you're really curious about them and what they have to say. So the. What. How. When, those sort of questions are open-ended, questions. They're not, you're not closing down someone with questions that just they can answer with a yes or no so open-ended. Questions, to get more detail. Acknowledge, what the person is feeling. So managing. Your relationships. With others, whether it's your team at work or family, and friends. It's crucial, for building a bond over time with others. It involves building trust, that you're interacting, with someone. Because you have good intentions. At work it's understanding, that actions are going to be taken. That will move the team goals, forward. So, relationship. Management, is really the ability, to use, your awareness. Of your own emotions. Together, with understanding, the emotions, of others. To manage, interactions. Successfully. According, to numerous, surveys, conducted, over the years with employees. Relationships. With co-workers. And the boss, rank is either the first or second satisfaction. Factor. For work happiness. So it's obviously, important to us. These are relationships. You don't get to choose, and yet you spend, on average, 90, 000 hours of your lifetime, at work. Working along, others. Yeah that's 90, 000, hours. Which works out to be about a third of our. Lives. Since our work relationships. Are so important, to our sense of well-being. In the workplace. It would help if we could identify, the challenges. And then understand, how best to manage, those challenges. That sometimes. Arise. Or rise to the surface. And causes, problems. So, some of those challenges. Is well number one is stress.
Stress Is a huge factor at work that can affect the quality of our relationships. It can be due to deadlines, for example. Or having to juggle many job and home responsibilities. Another, challenge is unshared, values, so for example, if someone feels, family takes president. Precedent, over, work meetings. And leaves the meeting early. And you think differently, there's got to be a bit of strain. Around those those different, ways of looking at our values. And those things that are important, to us. Different communication. Styles, can put a strain on relationships. Let's say you are someone who tends, more towards, an extroverted. Communication. Style. And, and you like to talk out plans, and details of a project. And the other person is introverted. And would rather spend more time thinking about the project. Before they jump in and start sharing ideas. This could be, an easily, misunderstood. Situation. Another. Challenge, is not feeling appreciated. So if your boss, or co-workers. Don't express their appreciation, for, for your work, you may feel like not putting as much effort forward, and since your boss and co-workers, may not know the issue. All they see is that you're not putting the work in and that can cause, lots of problems. Another challenge is feeling belittled. Or bossed around by someone at work, this can cause, lots of conflict. And at its very worst, mental health, issues, if not addressed. So, we need to pay attention to that. Another. Challenge is generational, gaps, so clashes, between tech savvy, and non-non-tech. Savvy, between, work values. Communication. Styles, all can be part of misunderstanding. Those within. A different generation. So how do we fix some of those issues. Well first of all i think it's really important, important to assume, good will in others don't go to the place where you assume, you know they're they're trying to hurt you, or, or make you feel bad. Or that they're not vested, in. In moving forward. As first if you come from a place of assuming goodwill and others it's a really good positive, place to come from. Respect, differences, in others you don't have to necessarily. Always, accept. Uh. You know sort of the differences, another, the way people think might be quite different we behave might be quite different, but but try to find a place where you can at least respect, that people are different and they do things differently. Talk it out, immediacy. So it's very important, to if something is bothering, you or there's an issue that you you you know to, to, kind of deal with it immediately. Don't, let it sit, and fester. Um. There's a lot to be said for just addressing, it immediately. It allows for. It to be a fresh, uh situation. That you can discuss with with the person. And then listen with respect, very important, to really show and we've, just. In the previous slides. Really demonstrating. That you do respect them by clearing your your table, you know, using body language, to show that you're really listening. Be open to feedback, so that's part of our our work environments. Uh and our our home environment. Sometimes. So. Um, listening to feedback. In the hopes that will help you to grow. Uh remember, your shared goals. For the workplace for sure remember, you're trying to, reach certain goals together, as a team and it's important to reach those goals. As a team, so from, reminding. Yourself, of the goals that you share. And then set and respect, your boundaries.
And Really that just means how do you want people to treat you how do you want people to speak to you there are boundaries, you can set for yourself. Um. And. You know help the other person to understand, what your boundaries, are, in a respectful, manner. So another, activity. I know we don't have time for this but i want you to take a few moments to think about someone. Whom you consider, excels, at working relationships. What makes them so effective. And and think about their attitude. The values, that they demonstrate. Their knowledge. And the skills. And i'm just gonna i'm, not gonna actually pause. But, if you can. Um, just, you know, after that you've watched this webinar. If you could consider. You know someone that you really admire, for the way that they work really well, in the workplace. Or. A friend of yours or a colleague that you think. Really, demonstrates. Great emotional, intelligence. Think about. Um, their attitude. They demonstrate, their values. Um the knowledge, they seem to have and their skills. And have a place to write that down. So emotional. Intelligence, is really a cyclical, process, that moves us. Smoothly, through life to achieve. Balance for a life well lived. Staying in balance, helps us to achieve, our performance. Goals, so, perceiving. Our emotions. Understanding. Them. Using, them, managing. And it's a continuum. So, being, aware. At all times, around how we, are. Using, our emotional, intelligence. To build relationships. So some final tips on growing your emotional, intelligence. You know be mindful, of non-verbal. Communication. Such as facial expressions. Eye contact. Body language. Gestures. Ways, to reduce, and manage your stress level effectively. Practice the abcde. Method, to rationally, reflect, on and work through your feelings, and evaluate, the root causes. Practice, effective, conflict, resolution, techniques. So choose your words, carefully. Keep the conversation. Centered, on the present. Situation. Be ready to apologize. Or forgive. With the intention, to move the relationship. Forward. Stay connected, to your emotions. Reflect, on event that you find difficult, by keeping a journal. I i really think journals are the best thing i have quite a few, and it's just a way, sometimes to capture. Your feelings, on paper, it's easy to forget. A situation. How we felt, but if we capture, things on paper we can review them or reflect on them later, so write down the event. How did it how did you feel about it, why did you feel that way about it what could have been done differently. How will you deal with a similar event, in the future. And you know get a healthy routine going around, eating habits. Sleep. Exercise. To really reduce, stress. So there isn't a tendency. To to jump on something too quickly without giving a thought. Uh meditate, to create a calm and focused, mind and it really you know i took up meditation. During covid19. And it really made a big difference, it takes it calms, you. Uh takes down the stress level. Less stimulants, too like coffee, perhaps, is one way to. Take the stress down a few notches. So if your emotional. Abilities, aren't in hand. If you don't have self-awareness. If you're not able to manage your distressing. Emotions. If you can't have empathy, and have effective relationships. Then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.
The Words of dr, daniel. Nolman. Uh so something, to consider. Um i hope this information, was helpful. In, learning ways to become more emotionally. Intelligent. In your life. Feel free to reach out regarding, booking an emotional, intelligence, assessment, with me. Or for, a career development, session. And again i cover everything, from, writing helping you with your resume. Helping you practice, interview, skills, building out. Some, job search strategies. Uh creating, a linkedin, profile a bunch of things, so feel free. Um here is my. Email, address. And just reach out to me i'll get back to you soon as i can, alrighty. Okay, thank you for joining me. We'll see you at another webinar. Bye for. Now.
2020-08-31