How to Survive the End of the World Show w/ Chani Nicholas [English Language]
Through. The. Step, into. The. Storm. Well. I'm still a little uh. Numb at the moment. From the past six months but, i. I feel. Adventuresome. I. I don't think i'm just gonna, stop. Sit down. I don't necessarily. Mean. Singing, or. I'm not. I'm not a lecturer, i'm not a. Writer, i'm not a. I'm just, i guess i'm a performer. But i feel. Creative. I feel, i need to be around people i like it now. And. I don't know what i'm going to do. But i'm not going to stop. I'm not gonna stop. I'm not gonna. Stop. Voice. Transform. And. Change. The wind's. Breathing. I. Try. Believe, in. Us. I. I still believe. In. Us. So. Call. The. Trees. Here. They. Are. Be. Is. The. Ones. Step, into. Well. I'm still a little uh. Numb at the moment, uh. From the past six months but, i uh. I feel. Adventuresome. I, uh, i don't think i'm just gonna, stop. Sit down. I don't necessarily. Mean. Singing, or. I'm not. I'm not a lecturer, i'm not a. Writer, i'm not. A. I'm just, i guess i'm a performer. But i feel. Creative. I feel, i need to be around people i like it now. And. I don't know what i'm going to do. But i'm not going to stop. I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to. The stop. You. Breathe. Transform. And. Change. The winds. Breathing. Transform. And change. The winds. Breathing. I. Try. I. I still believe, in. Us. I. Try. Um. Bring. Them, up. Here. They. Are. This. Is. Be. I hold. My breath. Afraid. Is. Step, into. The. Storm. Well. I'm still a little uh. Numb at the moment. From the past six months but, i. I feel. Adventuresome. I, uh, i don't think i'm just gonna, stop. Sit down. I don't necessarily. Mean. Singing, or. I'm not. I'm not a lecturer, i'm not a. Writer, i'm not a. I'm just, i guess i'm a performer. But i feel. Creative. I feel, i need to be around people i like it now. I don't know what i'm going to do. But i'm not going to stop. I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to. Stop. You can say it together. All that you touch you change. All that you change, changes, you. The only, lasting, truth, is change. God, is change. It's so convenient that you have that tattooed on your body, yeah i'm going to tattoo the next quote on before we meet again. Oh my god okay. Welcome to the allied media conference. 2020.. Welcome, to, amc. 2020.. We needed it that way sorry my bad, um. We're way too, excited, and we're here, um who are you. Are. I'm autumn brown. Sagittarius. Son gemini, rising, in lieberman. I'm also a queer science fiction writer, based, in minneapolis. The epicenter, of the uprising. And i'm also. A mother of dragons. Very, very good. My name is adrian marie brown. I am a writer. Period. I'm based in detroit. And. I, um although i'm not there right now because pandemic. Won't let me go anywhere. Um, and, i. Am an auntie of dragons. And a virgo, sun. Um. Scorpio. Moon. And. Yeah, i'm gonna say it i like long walks on the beach. And we are the host, of, how to survive. The end of the world. Um, a podcast. I'm learning. About apocalypse. And surviving, it with grace, rigor, and curiosity. I noticed, that you. Avoided, saying what your rising, is is there a reason why you're doing that, it just feels like so private, like i still feel like i'm learning to work with my rising. And. I've had trouble with people of that sign and i'm just like i'm working on like embracing, it fully still so. But just trust me it's good, um. The. The themes. Of the allied media, conference, this year. Are, what is the frequency. That heals. And then what are we planting, and what are we harvesting. And so we thought we would just share a little bit of that, um. In terms of the show in terms of each other, and then we're going to dive into a very special, guest who's going to make it all, very clear. So. One thing i'll say about the frequency, that heals is that you and i both actually. Took, sabbaticals. Since the last time we were together for an allied media conference. And. I feel like we've both been moving towards healing, by stepping away from patterns of martyrdom. And, moving towards, lives, that, are centered, in yes, centered in a frequency, of yes like what is the vibration, of aliveness. Um for both of us. And. We were planning to all come back together in detroit. But here we are on the internet, in a masked, world, where, everything is coming undone. And every conversation. Is up for grabs, and. I feel like we're doing our part of like the international, group project.
Of Like stay safe, like amc, is doing that you're adapting. So those are some frequency, pieces. Yeah we are certainly, modeling. That it's possible, to be safe and connected. Um. Yeah so much has happened so much has changed in the last two years, and, i think, so many of us have also experienced. That the pace, of. Global, crisis. Feels like it's, speeding, up. Um. And. One of the things that's been beautiful. About, the last few months especially, is to witness, that our movements, for racial justice. Are not just keeping up but are also escalating. Um. And advancing. Towards, tangible, victories. Even. As we, are deep. Inside, this process, of grief and wonder. And then inside of that. Incredible. Pace that. We, are, all being forced to keep. The pandemic, also keeps requiring, that we slow down. And go inside. And pay attention, to the seeds that we're growing, into the stories that we're telling. Yeah and i feel like as. Movement. Storytellers. As like movement justice, keepers. We've been really learning like how do we. Be in all of this change. While staying rooted in our, integrity. While growing, and actually having to scale up in a lot of ways like, it's like suddenly i'm contained in my house, but i am. Connected to everything, and. Um. And i have to kind of take responsibility. For like what is unfolding, what is changing. And i want to say i feel like, we're not just spinning a tail like it doesn't feel like some pr campaign. It really is like we are making, these visionary. Prophetic. Demands. We are making policy, changes. And, there's things, i keep hearing this from elders like we didn't imagine, that we could get that like. This is different, y'all doing it and. Because i'm like no it's not like 68, but they're like no no it is, different than 68.. It shouldn't be like 68, right like we didn't have the internet we didn't have this way of connecting, and spreading our tactics, as quickly. Um. And there's also other differences, it's just as dangerous. Are we taking that seriously, so it's like. The, things that we're moving we're closing jails, we're defunding, police. We're moving federal policy like the breathe act like, massive. Tangible, things are in motion. Statues, are coming down, language is changing. On jemima. I mean. You know what it's like. This is our time yeah, and. And. This is our time. To heal. And i think one of the things that we're also. Witnessing. Is the way that uprising. In as much as it is, dangerous. And terrifying. And. Risk-taking. And breathtaking. Exciting. And isolating, and all the things that uprising, is. It also can heal us, it, breaks us open, it requires, us to take responsibility. For ourselves, and responsibility. For each other. So big shout out to minneapolis. Um. My new hometown. Uh. You know we're rising, up here, we're tearing, down. We're taking the risk. Of. Changing, the compass that actually, guides us. And, and in addition to that. You know we're, we're in the full court press, every, part of the movement. Right now. Yeah. And. I just want to shout it out because this does feel different from a couple years ago is that we're all very very actively, queer now at least. And, i. Wanted to name that like. Everybody, hearing very gay, having gay things, um. Lovers tattoos. I i feel like this is a unique thing that like not all sisters share is that, within a month of each other we, both. Fell in love and got matching tattoos, with people. And, that just feels like important. You know i'm just like. In my life did i imagine i would get a matching tattoo with someone else i actually did that. Okay so for beyonce, i was like beyonce can do that. But then now you know thank you we're gonna get a matching tattoo with beyonce. Or, well, if she asked i was like if you want me to join you too with the four, tattoo i'm in um but you know. I just felt like, that, it was like this is the kind of change that happens if you'd asked me 10 years ago five years ago, i've been like. So, things change, we're changing. Another thing that's changed. Is that, everyone. Finally respects, astrology. Because chetty nicholas, published a new york times bestselling, book about it new york times bestseller. All right. So then. What are we planting, what are we harvesting, like what are you planting autumn what are you harvesting. Um. Well. I love this as a theme i love that i love this that as a theme for the whole conference, and as a theme really really. For. Um, the way that we're going to close this conference. For me. Um. What i'm. Planting, and what i'm harvesting, is really, so deeply personal, right now you know the last. Few years of my life really required, me to go, deeply, internal. Um. And, as i'm recovering. From. The last, couple of years in particular. I'm. I'm, working, with, rest, as a practice. Gratitude, as a practice, and love as a practice.
Um. So i'm planting the seeds of practice in my own life. And. Um. And then from and more expanded, view i feel like. Our movements. Are planting. The seeds of practice, particularly. Related to justice, and safety. You know the pandemic, has really required, us to turn and face. What, it, means. Like what we lack. In community, when we don't, orient, to one another's, lives inherently, valuable. Um. And then the movement to abolish, the police. Um. I feel like is requiring, us to turn and face what we lack when we don't orient to one another as beloved. Um. Those, and so right now, we're having to plant. The seeds of new practices, related, to those. Really, deep, problems, that are rooted in and ancestral, trauma, generational, trauma. Some of those seeds are going to sprout more quickly. Than we can imagine, because the soil is ready and i think that's what we're seeing right now, and then some of those seeds are going to take longer. To sprout, because we're still remediating, the soil, that we're trying to grow, those practices, and. Um. In terms of what i'm harvesting. Yeah. I think to be honest what i'm harvesting, is just the deep lesson of being a survivor. Of violence, and abuse. And. Um. The spiritual, dignity, that comes, when you finally, learn a really hard lesson. Um. And for me that looks like. Having. Increasingly. Impeccable, boundaries. My boundaries are so good right now, you should. I wish, i wish there was like a. I wish there was something. Like, material. In the world that people could see, so they could see what it's like. They're really great. Um. I'm also harvesting, the ability to trust myself as an empath, and. Distinguish. Between myself, and other and really like, know where. I end. And where others begin. So yeah, what are you, planting. And what are you harvesting. My, sister. Um. You know the first thing that comes in my heart is just so open. Uh. I feel like, harvesting. Being your sister. You know, like i feel like you and i have planted, so many seeds, into, our relationship. And. Um and now i feel like i'm just harvesting. Such deep respect. For you, and such deep respect, for us as. As, black girl survivors, who have found, love and found. Community, and found, safety, and are creating, those things for ourselves so. Deep vows of respect to you sister. I love you um. I also feel like i'm planting, seeds of vision, and like what does it mean. To hold the, territory. Of vision like to be like okay, as everybody, is, moving like what does it mean to, to. Take a step back and try to look and be like okay what's ahead, and. On aligning, us with something, longer. Um like. To, keep looking up from this moment and being like okay. This pandemic, is not going to last forever. This moment of movement is not going to last forever. What can we do to, keep a futurist, perspective. What can we do to keep thinking about what it means to win, and, for me where winning really means, both a mass, and an intimate. Healing. Like ending these cycles of harm that right now feel. Totally, permanent, still like it's i you know, can i imagine, beyond white supremacy, can i imagine beyond, capitalism. Beyond. Borders, beyond, toxic masculinity. Like not just, can i imagine fighting them and being, angry about them can i imagine. Way beyond. And like my grandchildren. Grandbaby. Auntie babies. Not having that as their, problem, and. What does it mean to, look ahead. And then try to. Be here now. And so then the humility, of like well i'm not out there i'm right here right now we are right here right now. And like most people i'm sitting in my home. With the whole world in my heart. Crying, every day about, some grief, and about these numbers, and about this leadership. And about. How mental, illness is dealt with in the world and like just, all of that. And. I feel like i can contact the whole world and i'm limited. That is such an, it's like such a thing it's like we have to be seeding into ourselves, deeply now. While also like harvesting, all the connections, we've, built and made. I feel like i'm harvesting. Solidarity. And rest, and quiet. And tenderness. I just went on a sabbatical, and i was harvesting. What it feels like to actually step outside of the urgency, and the pace. And then to come back in, like what looks different. I'm harvesting, all the wisdom of being a black queer rich writer. I feel like i'm moving in harmony with the earth, a bqw. Eqw. Baby. Um. It's really special like i feel like i've denied, parts of it. In various, ways, and. I never move alone now i feel like one of my biggest harvests. Is. That there's no room for individual. Acts. Everything. Needs to be. Vetted, in community, and held with and shared and decentralized. And learning. And i think. We. In movement have spent the past. While, really investing, time to be emergency, and adaptive, and resilient.
And, To center joy. And you know, toshi regan writes, for the parable of the solar opera. There's a new world coming. Everything, going to be turning over, where are you going to be standing when it comes. And i feel like, we're ready for this like we're like i'm standing right here, i'm standing right here with my people, like it's just it's raining. It's gonna be turned, in over. Everything. Is gonna be turning. Over. Like we literally have all of our friends holding church, everything is, good right now, yeah. And then. There's this whole. Incredible. Clear. Astrological. Technology. That can also. Be helping us ground, and adapt, and be emergent, and resilient. And, prepare for the future. We need queer astrological. Technology. We. Need. Thank you for having me i'm like so, moved, at your sister talk. We're very in love with each other. Oh my god. With you we talking, really in love with you. And we call mutual, love he said. Can he be knowing, about my life. Oh my god, he. But really channy, um just before we even dive into, all the things we want to ask you. Thank you so much for how you have aligned, yourself, with movement, and particularly, made yourself, a channel. Between the stars, and the people. It is, like such a gift that you have and, you could have gone a million different directions, with your calling, and you, just keep giving us more and more, congratulations. On your book congratulations, on all your success. And. Like, everything you're doing right now is just. Chef's kiss there's a reason oprah's like yeah that's my astrologist. Like, welcome. Exactly. He got me in a lawsuit. You know i mean. I won't tell if she doesn't tell me oprah. Um you're gonna get mad team tattoos. We're gonna get matching. Um with an a in it oh hey. All right some people will get back to me. So, um. Thank you so much for, including, me in this love fest. And. Also, congratulations. To both of you for all of your accomplishments. And, best-selling, books. And, sabbaticals. And. All of the things that you put out, like i'm just i'm, always in awe of everything. That you both are. Involved, in and and. Gifting, us with and i get so much, um. Strength and wisdom, and. Uh. So many blessings, from everything that you both are doing so thank you. Um. Um question for you. Because, you are looking at the stars, and you have like we know we've listened to you we've talked to you. And you've seen, a lot of this coming, and i wonder, now. Midway, through. 2020, dumpster fire magic here. How does it feel to be in this moment having, seen, what was coming, in the stars. Um. Strange. Honestly. I think i think all astrologers. Would kind of answer, in that vein. Um. It's. It's a lot to see a year like this astrologically. Mapped out. And to, and to have to think of how to break the news to everyone. And. While keeping, spirits. Void. And also. Our. Selves. Steered, towards. A. Future that we all want to live in. And so. How do you unpack, something, that looks. Like you can kind of see the outline, of it like, that's. Ominous. Fun is not the word i would use, um and so and then to live through it and be like. Like i didn't, even. Think, this. Yeah and but then to see it, in its context, is also, in a way and i know you both understand, this. But it's so poetic. And. Exact. When you have. 2020, as your hindsight, so. One of the main signatures. Of the year that started at the beginning, of the year like right at the top of the first week of january. Was the pluto, saturn pluto conjunction, which a lot of people are talking about now, but it wasn't just saturn, which is structure, and bones. And pluto, which is the underworld. And exposing. All of the things that, fester, because. They've not yet been exposed, and so, it's like all of the. Underbelly. And and the workings, of it, so when the two come together, every like 30 years or so we have these, huge, kind of changes.
In Culture, and. A lot of times, um. You know health crises. Are linked to that. And and the fallout, of them and what that means. But not only did those two come together but the sun. The, mercury. The sun mercury, saturn and pluto, all, came together, in a, conjunction. In a collision, we could say. At the top of the year, and so it was like a seeding. Of something, that was going to mark us for a very long time it's a, severe. Mark. And it's something that, exposes. The bones, and the framework. Of. How we've. How we've come to be where we are. And i think. The pandemic. Was like. A first, layer. That helps, then, the movement. Expose. All these other deeper, layers and so the way they worked in tandem was. Wild, i mean it just like. In one way it's like that's. It's, there's so much tragedy, and difficulty. Surrounding, it and the human experience, is so hard. But the. Larger, framework, of what this year will eventually. Help us to. Reframe, and restructure. I think will be felt for a really long time, or we'll look back on it be like. And it's really interesting to think about. Just what you were naming about that. Saturn pluto conjunction. Is something that happens roughly every 30 years, to then. Think back to. Late 80s 80s, 90s, and like the early 80s. Early 80s, like, early mid 80s, when the aids epidemic. Was. Right exactly. Okay. And all of that unearthed, and exposed. And. Right. Well so. Speaking, of. Um. Unearthing, exposing, and dumpster, fire. Potentially, dumpster, fire astrology, magic. I'm wondering, if you can just talk a little bit about what the astrology. Is for the coming. Months, particularly. Say around. The first week of, november. Tell us what's going to happen. Okay. I think one of the most important, down everybody, at home sit. Down. So, the framework. For what's going to be, the most. Challenging. Astrological. Setup is already in play. Um. Saturn. Left capricorn, for a little bit. Then, retrograded, back into capricorn, as of july 1st. Mars. Is in aries, and will be in aries for a very very long time. This year. Basically, yeah. Yeah, it's like six months of mars and aries why because mars is gonna station retrograde. In september. So mars, is the planet, of. Aggression. Anger. War, courage. Vitality. Energy. Drive. It's our way of inserting, ourselves, into the world. Got it, we need it, it's a sword. It's got, two edges. You know we can cut, a lot of different ways you can do harm, and you can also, open up a whole, path. It is stationing, retrograde, when it stations, retrograde. It pulls, focus, on its attributes. So. Personally. And collectively. And again it's happening, now, but it won't really. Get. Kind of going until end of august.
But Personally, and collectively, we're being asked to understand. What we do, and how we work with. Anger. Rage. Um. Bitterness. Hostility. Our own hatred. Or how that, you know all those things that we don't like to, consider, that we might be embodying. Or carrying around with us. And then collectively. It's how we deal with things that are, with that kind of fire what do we do with that fire. And as it stations retrograde, it's doing so in an exact, square. Which is, a. Aspect that causes friction with saturn. And saturn, is the. Structures. The, overlap. Yeah. It's one of the hardest things that can happen in astrology. Is a square, or a conjunction, or an opposition, between saturn and mars. So the fact that they're happening, they're happening for so long, because. Mars is stationing retrograde, and saturn moves slowly. So the tent the friction. That. Starts in august. Lasts, all. Of september, and into october. And mars is retrograde. Through. To the mid, of november. In the midst of that. Mercury, stations. Retrograde. Not, to station direct until november. 3rd. Jewish. Okay. So we've got communication. Issues. We've got issues with mail, and delivery, services, and all of those things, voting, ballots. And we've got this. Hostility. And. Aggravation. And the stirring, of that to also contend, with. And the feeling of saturn. Being in a square with mars. Feels like trying to put a lid. On a pressure cooker. So. Yeah. Yeah. It's a really, tough corner of the year it's where, i think a lot of us astrologers, originally had our you know our eye on on this piece of the year not necessarily, in the beginning although the beginning. Saturn and mars traveled, together, for. February. And march. In april. And so we were in lockdown, like we wanted to go but we were stopped. Interesting. And then when they separated, them the uprising, started to happen. All of a sudden there was movement, and like everyone was on the streets and it was like. It had been so much. Inward, that it just. You know poured outward. And now we're back to this really, really, important. And defining. Friction. Okay. So i think how we and and adrian, you addressed this in a post recently and i was like this is it. That. How we deal with disagreements. With each other. And how we deal, with. With. Each other. How we respect, each other through conflict. How do we deal with conflict. With each other. Yeah let alone the larger, kind of thing is i think is so vital, and i think we have so few, examples. Of how to do that respectfully. Yeah. It's hard, and. I i do wish, often, that like every, conflict. Every. Anything, that happened we would sit down first and like do a whole chart. Situation i wish the organization. Was like here's the chart. Every relationship. You know, um, i didn't used to feel that way like i feel like i was so skeptical. In a way for you know i was like virgo is true i don't know about the rest of this, and. You know. But. I do feel like you know even that that. Piece actually. It's like i put it out but, even, in some ways fumbled, parts of the delivery. And. I'm still trying to understand, like yeah but i want to know how we be in conflict, since conflict, is. Our lives for the next period of time, and i want to be, humble. To like not adding to conflict, while. Untangling. And but it is that thing of like and there's a pressure cooker, so like every there is some explosion that's just like this is the right time for it and, yeah. So, when we have this kind of, hard astrology. Right which is basically what you're giving us is the hard, um. The diagnosis, that this is coming and it's not easy, and so it's not like the astrology, that's like. Eat your greens. Like do your workouts. And like it's gonna be like you're about to win girl you know this, is like the. You could easily be debilitated. By fear here, or you could easily be, just locked in a cycle, of. Um, the kind of rage that doesn't move things, the kind of ratio doesn't change. The kind of ratio doesn't liberate, you know, and, or. What, like how do we actually, take this astrology. And work with it in a way that allows us to be closer. Deeper with each other and and, actually moving forward. Such a good question. And i think it's so.
Individual. In terms, of how, we, where we are, with everything, and what, what we need. To feel. Like we're valued. And we're important. And we're cared for. When the two of you are talking. And there's just talking about how much you love each other and how much you've worked on your relationship, all the things, i was like. It just it was so moving because i thought if we felt like this, if we really felt that cared for. Yeah, i think. So much would kind of naturally. Work itself, out. I think, and and again this is you can't apply, what i'm about to say to everything, but i think a lot of. The. Rage, comes from not feeling valued. And not, feeling loved. Yeah. So how do we, do that for ourselves. You know it's like, under attack, like it's like oh black women were under attack, trans women are under, attack. It's like not just valued, but like violently. Just dis, undervalued. Violently. The opposite of value. Right. Right. So how do we. From whatever, position we're standing. We're in we're located, in. How do we. Make sure, that. As much as possible. We're. Demonstrating. Acts of care. And. And extending. Out. Compassion. Love however you want to say it but i think care is such a great verb. It's like how do we care, in. In, all these different ways while maintaining. Our boundaries, which i think is essential to care. And, not getting burnt out which i think is essential, to, sustainable. Care. Yeah. But how do we use every. Every, tool, available, to us to try to interrupt. All of that harm and all of that violence. And. Recreate, the world that we want to. Live in, but. But and also, it requires, us to do some, really. Uh, big. Work, in our own selves, i think. I think understanding. Where you get bitter and what that bitter, taste feels like and you know in this in the system is really important. I think that. And then of course because saturn's so involved, there's like this massive. Piece of structure. So it feels like the mars, is trying to. You know say, this structure, cannot, and the saturn, is like really. Putting a heavy hand on so. Things, like we see in in, portland. And what's happening, with, that kind of, authoritarian. Yes. Disciplinarian. System, of. Harm, is is really important to pay attention, to because it feels, like again since this is the beginning, of that mark.
That. That. Alarm, bell, is going, for a very important, reason. Yeah and, a lot of people have said you know like this is a prototype. So how do we then also, think about those. This man yeah all the all the work. Of dismantling, all that we can't, we you know like. If you're someone who's still surprised, about it. Maybe. That's not, it's not going to get us anywhere like we can't no one can be surprised, about, how these systems, work anymore, it's all been, exposed. The information, is there. So then how do we. Apply, our personal, energy, towards. This, kind of larger. Systemic, change that has to happen, for a very, very very very very long time. Yes, yeah. And i. Well can i say one thing autumn which is. I really, want to uplift and i want to say thank you for naming that care piece as that, as the response, to. Um. Terror. Like, is like oh deepening, how we're holding each other, deepening how we're holding each other, and i keep it especially, like, i just got a video, the other day that the, they're showing up in detroit, and starting to snatch people off the streets and like this, strategy, that's been deployed. In the northwest. Is spreading, and. I was just thinking of like what what would it look like if, they couldn't take any of us. Right, that they couldn't take any of us like, that. Somehow, we. We grew our mycelium, networks we oak tree together we did our thing. Such that we couldn't be taken from each other and like just, what if we, spent the next six months, in that focus, it's like who am i, i don't have to hold on to everybody but who are the two to four people or whatever, that i'm going to hold, and not let go and i'm going to know where they are and they're not we're not going to go alone. It just makes me think strategically. Like how do we, how do we systematize. Care. And there's some great resources. From our amc, community. About this, uh systematizing. Care so, i'm really grateful, like we're in a in a good moment where the resources, are also meeting that need. Sorry autumn. Yeah, i'm. I mean. It's interesting. And what you're saying channy what i'm, hearing, is that we have to be in this. Dance. With. The practice, of care, and then also, getting in right relationship. With our, own like anger and aggression. And. Um. And part of that meaning like being. Really, comfortable. Like getting to a place where we can experience. Our rage. And feel, the righteousness. Of it. And. Feel the righteousness, of channeling, it also. And that that. You know i know for myself and like my own healing work that. It's been a critical part of my healing journey to figure out how i appropriately. Righteously. And healthily. Channel my rage, and aggression. And that is what enables, me to. Care for myself, to care for my children, to care for my loved ones in ways that that feel, sustainable. And so i'm i'm thinking about, that. Related, to the astrology, coming. In. October, november. That. That as we're figuring out how we extend, and build these networks of care that we understand. That like. That our rage is a resource. And. And. A tool, for us to like hone, how we actually, use it, so that it's not only something that's being used against, us. Um. And, on that tip about. Care. And. Care as a resource, that's been you know centered. Often, inside, the amc. And that's been work you know, um. I'm wondering, if we can because we're here, because we're here. Inside, the allied media conference, opening, the allied media conference. If we can talk about. The allied media conference. As. A collective, body. Um. Like what's our chart all about how do we make meaning, of this particular, moment this like virtual. Conference, moment in the life of the allied media conference and its role inside of broader movements. Um. Particularly, wondering if there's any like asteroid, level. About. How we move. Towards healing, during this time, and use the space of the amc. To move, like, how do we keep the space. As a part of how we're moving right now especially, given the hard astrology, that's ahead, can you talk about. Us. So i pulled up the chart. That, we have for the opening. Of amc. And. We put it at nine, nine a.m. On june 11th, 1999.. Prince was, there. Um. And sochi. So cute. Okay so. The chart that i have, now it's the it's the end of cancer rising so we're we're just assuming that the conference started at nine but.
The Rising, for the chart is cancer. And. As we know. The. Rising sign is the most personal. Point. Of, a chart because it's the one that moves quickest. And so cancer, of course. Is all about, care. It's about, creating. Emotional. Connections. It's about creating, family. It's about, bonding. And. Being, emotionally. Sensitive. Emotionally. Attuned. Working towards. Some kind of emotional, intelligence. If you will. We do have the asteroid. Estrella. The goddess, of justice. Next to. The amc's. Ascendant. What. Justice. Yeah. So, that's really sweet, but. The, the main theme the main like the first impression, of the chart is connection. And, and building. Uh some kind of family, unit, and wanting to, create security. Through. Um, the emotional, bonds. And then the most, sorry what. Oh no i'm just moaning, just keep going. And then the planet that rules that ascendant. Is the planet that, is, the. The. Planet that steers, the direction, of the chart so where, does this. Moment, when we're picking a moment to begin something. We want to make sure that the moon is in a good situation. And we also want to make sure that the ruler of the ascendant. Is in, a place. Where we want. Um, is it a house. A place, that we want the event, that one that we want the to resonate with the event that we're doing. So the moon, the ruler of the ascendant. Is in the 11th, house. Of groups. And associations. And networks. And conferences. And, good fortune. Through the people that we know. Oh my god i love this. We're like living our purpose in our best. Lives. And not only that but the moon is in, one of the strongest signs it can be and it's in taurus so it's exalted. So, there's a kind of level of, fame, that the moon, can receive. From being really good at its job and what's the moon good at, the moon is good at nurturing, and nourishing. And replenishing. And caring, for. And where does that happen. In terms of groups of people. And. Gatherings. And networks. And building, community. And so, also because it's in taurus, of course, there might be a lot of. Talk about generativity. And growing. And. Um. You know plants, metaphors. And, all of the things, because. That's taurus, deal taurus, is all about. You know our relationship. To. We could say agriculture. That's our relationship, to the cow and the bull. But fertility. And resourcefulness. And productivity. And also just incredibly. Stable. So it feels like. This chart is like amc, is like i will be here, for. The group. Year after year. Hard times and good. We will just keep showing, up we're building, something. Taurus, little by little, it's just like here. Here here's a snack, here's a nap. A farming technique. Hi, so. Yeah. Yeah, that's really sweet. It also just makes me think of like oh we're like the little blanket. Soft. Yeah, yeah definitely. Cuddles massages. Naps, consensual. But still. Um. The, so the. The moon's in the place of network, community. It is a planet of care and connection. It's sitting with saturn. Which is, as we know a planet, of structure. It's a structure, queen. Um, but it's also a planet of holding, space, for the collective, within the 11th, house. So it's so it's like what and because it's with the moon, and because, this is a day chart saturn's, actually. In pretty good shape here. And so moon saturn can sometimes, be challenging. But the moon is past the conjunction, with saturn. And because the moon is exalted, it actually helps saturn, and so saturn's like.
Okay, What how can i help you. Hold space for care, and like, what are the ways in which we build structures. And build. Uh boundaries. And have. Like a compartment. For us to gather within. So that the moon, can do its job, and. Give, give forth of what it's got. And so that whole thing about, how do we. Demonstrate. And build, care. Into. Our, connections. And into our practices. And into our institutions. And into our all of those things our laws or however we want to think about that. This feels like a space. To do that. And then. The moon is also sitting with. Palace, athena. So palace athena is the wisdom, goddess. Hell yeah. You know she she springs forth, and in the greco-roman. Myth she springs forth from the, head of zeus but that's the whole, patriarchal. Kind of, thing of. The fact that, the patriarchy, swallowed the matriarchy, and then palace athena jumped out, but. Excuse me. We're like, bad. Exactly. Yeah. And then. Inside the head of a man. Yeah. Judgment. Pal supina, is the warrior, goddess she's the protectress. Of. The city, she's. She's, also. The weaver. She's the goddess. Of arts, and culture. And, she's all about, the intelligence. About using, our. Uh, creative. Life force. For, mental, progeny. For, our ideas. So would you say. That amc. Life purpose. Or its purpose. Is, at least in part, to create community. Nourish community. Build, space. Hold boundaries. Hold. The structure, for community. So that, community, can come to its collective. Wisdom. Yes. Oh my gosh there's a reason why i love being here. Designed, by the stores. Thank you for that that does feel it's a really, beautiful. Way to also understand, a little bit of like what the work you know one of the things i always move by with the amc, is that, there's what happens when we all come together. And then the amc, is like a way of being out in the, world, you know it's like we begin by listening like we're thinking about boundaries, we're thinking about how we grow. And. It just feels. Lovely, to have that affirmation. Of the stars, of the picture of the sky at our birth. I was like yeah that's. What was destined, and we're living into our destiny, when we, do set good boundaries, or do figure out the good structures, that, can help us feel home with each other so. Thank you. I want to ask a question now that's a little bit more just about you channy, you know one of the things that you do well in the amc. Is, think about playing our positions. Right like what are you great at what is the unique thing that you can bring to the world. And then how do you. Shape that into what movement, needs so it's never just like me shining, being great but like. How do i and i just, i'm sitting over here with my little tarot deck and like pulling cards every so often i was like channing who's channing was like the star, of course. Oh. Like, you know just. I hope you have some water somewhere, but, basically, it's just the idea, of like, how do you in the star card you know my artist tarot was like it's all about, how do i really let shine from me what is only mine to shine. And so i'm curious, i feel like i've watched, you. Move more and more into position. Of like here's how i'm going to shine. And really align myself with movement in the way that i shine, so i'd love to know like.
Do You feel yourself shifting. Is that like my perception, or is that actually intentional, and strategic, or, you know is that part of your process. And. How do you feel yourself. Moving, in relationship, to all the changes, of the world. In terms of bringing your your particular, gifts. Yeah. Um. I mean i, always. Feel. That. The work changes, me. And that, i'm, trying, to be. Adapt. That i'm trying to listen. To what is happening, and i feel like. You know before, the uprising. Before the pandemic. Like last year there were times where i was like. Where is it. Like we were. Kind of decentralized. And that's fine that's part of the whole thing. And. I kind of, i remember, having those moments, like. How do i keep speaking, to. You know liberation, and liberation practices. If. But without, being disingenuous. To the like without, trying to like insert, my you know. With, by holding it respectfully. And. Also there's a timing, to things, obviously, i'm in astrology, but, there's this, way that it's like. When's, when are people the most, open. To, possibly. Like feeding a little bit of extra, vitamins. And so. You know when something, like the pandemic. Happens. And then. Yeah. And then the uprising. It's, i'm. I'm in that place of like complete. Uh. Uh i'm trying to listen to say to think of and and, be aware, of how i can. Utilize, what i've got in the best way. And it's a, it's a. It's a it's its own pressure cooker, i don't want to do it wrong, but i'm going to do things wrong and i don't want to. I want to serve the moment, as best i can, and, i'm always thinking about like who am i speaking, to, how can i speak to as many. People. How can i, how can we collectively. How do other people do it, like create. A place where people, want to be. In the conversation. Yeah and. I you know i went to. Uh. A. Black lives, matter rally, here, in los angeles, and. I just was. You know one of them that i went to, was so particularly. Moved, by, and it happens, always. But. So particularly, moved by, the way. The space was, structured. In such a way that i was like anybody. Here would want to come back, like this is so. Inviting. There's so much. Love here. You know there was so much intentional, care, put into the space it was just. Yeah, it's always thinking like how do we, how do we do that i have so much anger, and i have so much rage and i have so much hostility. And. It has done so much damage in my own life, and. I'm trying to always hold that, and, and, also. Create, more space, where, more people. Might wanna. Join. Yeah and patrice, often says like we need you at the end. We need you and people need to know that they're needed. Also. So. I'm holding all those things. And. Also trying to pay homage, to. Everyone, that's. Part of this work now and that has been. Before. Uh because i think that. You know. At this moment like, angela davis's, work is so. Like pr it's so like. You know like everyone's been saying this for so long and practicing this for so long and, it has to be a collective, effort, and it's always been a collective, effort it's always been groups, of people. So. I guess that's just been where really i've been meditating, on a lot and listening, and learning, and. Um. Wanting to deconstruct, that in myself, that white supremacist. You know patriarchal, belief.
That It's. An individual, thing. Yeah. And i think when people feel lonely. Yeah and isolated. That gets exacerbated. The most dangerous, time, i think that's, i think so much of what we're in right now. Is. The, unhealed, vibrational, technologies. Of loneliness. Isolation. Being unseen. Um. Thinking that you were supposed to have some power that you don't have, like, that we're, you know, i think that breeds for toxic, imagination. And i think right now we're in like. Toxic, imaginal, space. Of. White men mostly, but like. Right, and i i'm like oh like. The reason none of this makes sense is because it truly doesn't make sense it's rooted, in. Um, that. Isolation. Which is not, our nature, you know i just finished reading braiding sweetgrass. And. Like, so much of. That book is like. We are. Meant. We are, organized, we are, processed, we are. Programmed. To belong, to the earth. Like to have a deep belonging, to the planet to. Land. And. All the different ways that we have been displaced, from that. Has resulted, in. We really cannot. A lot of us really cannot feel our belonging. And we can't even feel. How important it is to listen to those who still have that connection, to land, right like, oh there's a reason we're meant to orient towards indigenous, leadership, because. There's an original instruction, that many of us have been so displaced, we can't even. Hear it and so that lack of belonging. Processes. Into a lot of different things but i think. I think in. Yeah, in the country i got this i feel like oh like. You're so far from belonging to earth. That you act against the earth you're so far from belonging to humans that you act against other humans, and. And, yeah. Thank you for that. And the fragmentation. Just it's splintering, off you can't follow it it doesn't make sense because it's not it's no, longer. Woven, in. Yeah, i have a follow-up question to what you were sharing, channie. About. Just about, you know i hear you like. Um. Interrogating. Yourself. Any sort of. Um. Wherever the instinct, comes, towards, individualism. You know interrogating, that and figuring out how to push the energy back towards, the collective. Um. And. I wonder, how you hold. How you hold that in your. Practice as an astrologer. Given that astrology, is so deeply. Personal, and individual.
Um. And. Because i i know, i know for any one of us who's like working with our chart. Um. There can be a. There can be a little bit of a like, no i'm just you know it's sort of amazing. Like. My future, my past. And. So. You know, and. And increasingly, i'm having more and more you know friends and folks in my life. Who. Who were sort of turning to each other and being like really get our parts read together shouldn't we like. You know. Um, and. Yes i'm just i'm wondering how in your practice, you balance. Especially, because i know like having taken your courses, that you often orient, to. You know the charts of individuals, like we understand the charts, of, individuals. Who, have made impact. In the world. As a way to help us understand, our own charts. Um. I'm wondering how you balance. That in your process, as a astrologer, working with individuals. Working with individual, charts. Helping people still hold that. Orientation, to the collective. Yeah and not getting, trapped in their own. History. Or future. Virgo nation. How do you help them not get trapped in their virgo nature. Yeah. Um. I think that the technology, of astrology. Is. Works, in it i. Trust it, so. I've learned, how to trust it. And it actually helps to heal. My relationship. To, dischar, like my, the things that i've distrusted. And so. The work. That, like the way in which i've. Experienced. Betrayal. Or what have you and, then it like setting me up for like not trusting and feeling i need to control everything. Learning how to trust the technology, of a reading. And the structure, of a chart. Has allowed, me. To. Relax, into knowing, that. That when i think when people get. A, reading, that feels. Like they've been seen and witnessed. It is. It is a profound, act of care. Not from me, but from. The. Thing that contains, us all. And i think that when we, feel, like. I'm made on purpose. And these things that i'm good at are. Good, for the world. And, more, easily. Kind of relax. Into. The ways in which we are, built, to serve. Because, i think we're built to serve all in really unique. And very specific, ways. And i think that i hope my hope is that, when we. Accept, that when we can radically, accept that about ourselves. Then we can just kind of like get to the thing. Get to the joy get to the good work. Get to the, as generous would say good trouble. Like how what, what part of, trouble am i supposed to be you know like, how do i. How can i. You know be part of an uprising, what's how does it actually, how is it actually best suited for me. Um. We can be. Part of a revolution. From our bed and we can be and i think all of that. Shows up in our chart. Or, at least. Invitations. To it does. And so if we can see that we're made on purpose. And perfectly. I think we can better accept, our, our. Work. Are you calling. And our work. Like there's, work and then there's my work. Our email. Yeah, i have a question in there, actually following, up on that follow-up, right because that people i'm like. I don't want to follow in your follow-up. You can follow on my follow-up. All right so. Also, the whole pandemic, is a musical. In my house i don't know what's happening. For others but um there's songs. Um, but, i noticed that you do, at least the new moon horoscopes, always come in the form of affirmations. And i feel like a lot of your. Astrology. Is. In the, the mode of affirmation. Or in the style of affirmation. And i just wanted to ask you. Like how did you come to that being like, the way, right, because i think that. You know, when it comes to the hard astrology, or whatever like i don't feel a sense like this is gonna be harder this is gonna be this i just feel like, here's the affirmation, i need. To move through this next, period, but, like how did you figure out that that technology. And, is there something in it that we should be. Using, you know like. Should we bring that, style into everything we do. I think it comes from being like, an 80s, baby. Where. You know like all, of the like. Power. Like, capitalist. Ladies. Were like in their big shoulder, pads, and they were like i am going to be successful. And, you know there was like all this like, affirmation. Technology. Linked to like wild success, and lamborghinis. And like i really kind of grew up in a lot of that.
And Then there was like. All of the like spiritual. Ladies, and all of the like, you know. We. Um. Feel goody self-care. Yeah. Things, that were also like, you know the affirmation. Of the and then all the meditation. Stuff and, like i was just, swimming, and all of that. And i also had a really. Grounded. Teacher. Uh, as a, grandparent. Uh kind of person. Who was a reiki master and was very very. Uh. Not into spiritual, bypassing. And so i had this kind of confluence. Of. Um. Like do not. Do do not think that this is like just a joyride, you can't just think your way out of pain and suffering, and the stuff you have to heal. Right and also being so inundated. With. You know, all of the. Openness. Of. The 80s and, 90s yes, um. That i think it was just like i had had so much of it, and then. I one day i was like. I, don't know i was, probably listening to a lot of it or something i was just like i'm just gonna write the horoscopes. Like this. And, loved it and i was like weird. So. So i kept doing it. And i try to i. It's always that fine line of like how do we. Stay open, to. Thinking outside. Of. The paradigms, that cause harm, and only want to control, us. Without. Being, uh. You know. Disconnected. From. The very real. Challenges, we face and, and. Yeah all of the things that are really, that we need to hold with a lot of care and a lot of thorough. Thoughtful. Mindfulness. I love it because we always think in terms of octavia butler. Who. On one hand was like not into tarot, like, manifesty. Wu, but on the other hand, in her journal. Wrote her affirmations. And manifested, her life. And i feel that everything, read by millions, of people. He's like you know how many people read me or but, that's how it was going to happen and also i'm going to fund like scholarships, at clarion like she was very precise. And. Every time i get my new. Horoscope, i'm like okay i need to actually write it down i need to say it out loud. And sometimes i fake it till i make it like i'll just keep i'll do it, and then i'll just be like oh that seems to be working. With this i'm like this really works like if i affirm the things and i check back in the next, month i'm like that, changed that worked so. Anyway, just good on me yeah we're very suggestible.
I Think thank you. And uh. I do it too it's actually like the reason why i started doing it is because i so desperately, needed it. And it really, helped to dig me out of a lot of self-pity. And despair. Yep. Or it helped to keep at least like, pull my mind out for long enough for something else to open up. So. I'm always, i don't know about you, all but i'm always only writing to myself. Yeah i mean i'm writing for everybody, but i'm really like you know, right it comes from, that yeah i think most writers, are like uh. Even if you're not writing your own story so much of it is like, i'm writing. What, can only come through, me like i'm the channel, for it and, so it needs to make sense to me right, right. Your hair looks incredible, right now by the way, i just needed to. My. Big. Thanks. I'm a divorcee. It's an identity. Um. So. On, this, team, of. Technologies. Um. And. Because, what i'm i'm hearing. And what you're describing, channy, is this. Is like. You know thinking. And you know the whole frame of this plenary, right is like astrology. As a technology. Um. And, that. You know affirmations, are a technology. The charts are a technology. You know all these all these different, component, pieces are, parts of how we use the technology. And, so there's this, question. That. We were curious, to ask you about, like. Healthy, and unhealthy, uses, of our. Technology. There's a question to think about. About. You know reading the charts, of others. And. Um particularly. You know. Yeah how healthy, is it to read the charts of. Potential, political, leaders, how healthy is it to read the charts, of. Major political, moments, current or coming, you know i mean we just spent time looking at the astrology, of. The election, i mean. Um. So maybe the question maybe the right question is not. How healthy or unhealthy, is that that's not a good binary. Um, no binary is a good one, um. But it's maybe not helpful, maybe the better framing would be. What what are the risks. And benefits. Of engaging. With the technology. In this way. You know. Well. I think it's really. If you want to know the answer. If you're prepared, to accept. The information.
That Is given, if you're prepared to actually, ask the question. Um, then it can be it can be really helpful. Yeah. You know like astrologers. Have looked at, the charts of president. Presidential, candidates. Um and predicted, who is going to win for a long time, i know. Some colleagues, that, did it, and got so much. You know negative. Feedback, back that they were like i'm not going to do that anymore because it's just too charged. Um. But there is you can make it accurately, and then people were mad at them. Anyway. I don't think anybody, you know touched. I don't know. Yeah, yeah exactly. Um. And there's ways that you can look at people's peak periods, like people will have these periods, where they will come to prominence. And so that's, a pretty good indication, that if they're also running, for something like the presidency. That they might. Be more successful, than somebody that isn't moving into a peak period, ish. Um so there's things that you can look at like that to see like who's. Coming up who's not. I, haven't spent a lot of time on it, uh with, with, with these two. These two characters. Um, i mean i know. By now biden's, chart a little. A lot of scorpio. Um. Yeah, and. I certainly know the other ones chart. Um. And yeah it's a whole, thing i mean i think that knowing. 45's. Chart. Definitely. Helps to put a lot into context. But it doesn't. It doesn't change. The election. So. But. You know electing, somebody with that kind of a chart, is like you're in for a lot of change, and a lot of. Destabilizing. And a lot of. Chaos. Which can be, good if you use it in a certain way or it could be. Disastrous. If you use it in other ways. So, there's definitely. I think about that like understanding, charts, i think of like looking at charts and understanding, listening. You know like i'm like is this person, more open to listening, because that's all i really care about in the present, because i'm like yeah, you are hired, by these people can you listen to them and. Yeah. How widely, can you listen, you know like can you actually your ideas that are not your own and help move them and that kind of stuff. Um. So, yeah, yeah. Thank you for that. Um. I have a question. Which. Has been kind of, um. I've been trying to sit with i'm like is this a connection or am i just trying to make it a connection, so you know, my whole thing is emergent strategy, emergence. Like, i'm looking at it, and looking at like what is our relationship, to change. And i'm a mutable sign, right. And, so, i've been having this aha. Like. Is it important. That i'm a mutable science moment. And. Is it important that like, what, matters, about the mute. Mutable, cardinal, fixed. Component, of astrology. In moments, like this, like. Do we have roles, you know roles to play. You'd be like oh the mutable signs all need to be doing this and the cardinal, signs, and that or something like that, so i just wanted to hear like, as much as you're willing to teach i almost want like a whole yeah. Break down what those are maybe for folks who are not. At that level in their astrological, journey yet. And then. Yeah what does it mean for how we how we organize, ourselves, and play our positions. Yeah. So. Sub. There's the sun and then there's of course the ascendant, and the moon and then you've got, all the other planets, and so suncharts, will be heavily. One, modality. We call it and it really is a mode of being, the, cardinal. Are, initiators. Fixed, are stabilizers. And mutable. Are the ones that are in, the process. Of change. From one, season, to another. They know. That one thing is closing. And another thing is emerging. But it's not quite here yet. And their, role, is to be, in that in between, space. So flexibility. Versatility. Adaptability. Are the main, themes. Of mutable, signs which are. Gemini. Virgo. Sagittarius. And pisces. Okay well i guess i got the right sign for my lifestyle, then, we have the mutables. But, our tail is, because our podcast, then. Also, started, in right season so that's great. Yeah and so, the car the folks at the water, is a pisces, so all three of us are immutables. You're like hurting. Hurting, kittens. I like kids. And, so so the people with a lot of cardinal, are really good at initiating.
The Thing. Beginning, the thing, they're like, you know they're good at like going, and off in different directions. Not necessarily, for the long term but really good at that starter, energy it's the beginning of a new season, so aries. Cancer. Libra. And. Capricorn. Great. And then the fixed signs, the fixed part of your chart. Is really good for. Fixing, something, it's like, stabilizing. It. It's the part that's like i am, here. And it comes it leads with confidence. Because it's coming from, the, central. Place, like everything else moves and changes, and stirs, and starts, and stops, and does all the stuff. But i'll be here. And so that's the fixed part of us are good for the like. Hey, movements. Happen, over. Centuries. We're not going, anywhere. That like we're, like things can happen quickly, but we have to always come back, to. The things, so. Um. Someone with a lot of aquarius. Like a tony morrison. Or an angela davis. Is like they're like fixed. In terms of their. Ability, to. Problem-solve. And think strategically. And be. Able to use their. Intelligence. And their. Mind. To, envision, something, and have it be like very thoroughly, thought out. Fixed signs are also leo, so it's like, i'm going to shine, concern. Yeah. And then scorpio. Yeah. Is that fixed, emotional. Hub so it's like these deep breaths and bottoms, laughing. Very deep. We're deep, i don't know where you're laughing at the depths. We're going to talk about i'm not saying anything. You don't have to say something if you're laughing. This is what i'm always trying to tell you, i have a lot of friends for scorpios. Yeah me we all my best. Friends. Moon. All right. And then. Uh. Also taurus, taurus is fixture, so the the moon of the amc, chart is like that i am the rock i'm, the mountain, the. The enduring. Force of sustenance. And so fixed yeah fixed signs. We can keep coming back. And unpacking, what they teach and keep them back to the place that they hold, and, keep coming back. When we get tired of being. Flexible, and starting a million things and like, you know, rest somewhere, because it's there. So people, do get tired, of. Change. I'm just like really i could take a break we could all take a break from change for about 51, years but.
Yeah. Thank you for that, that really helps me. Yeah, because the mutable, signs are able, to blend. And merge. And. A lot also allow them to move. They're okay, with. The in-between. And so. We need that. To help us. Bridge, the moments, of uncertainty. From one change to the next because there's always going to be change. And so. The immutable, signs are like oh you know what we can use this from that and that from there and over here and, of course virgo, is always. Synthesizing. And, and digesting, and chewing, on like okay, that goes really well there and that goes there like there's a stitch from that, and it's. Doing all of that cleansing. Uh kind of witchcraft. And gemini, is always like, you know in the. Breeze, of information, and gathering the ideas, and being able to articulate. Them and, disperse. You know knowledge, and build. Community and friendships, and, sag, is just. Flying through space on the quest. Yes. And your life will be interesting, so, one follow-up, i have on the mutable, cardinal, fixed one more piece. Is, and this is kind of a sharp pivot maybe but. Satch, is in the house so. Um. But. One of the things i keep thinking about is in this moment. We're being asked to hold. For most of us it feels like a much wider, range, of actual, emotions, at the same time. And in a given day. Um. And be able to pivot inside of that and what, i've been saying with is like how do i actually hold. The, the range from the grief that i feel, so it's like i feel rage, and grief. On one hand. And then i feel. Like, massive, love, massive, opening, massive, celebration. Massive. Leaping forward. I look at my comrades. In the movement for black lives i look at my comrades. That are. Uplifting, brianna taylor's, life. I look at my comments i'm like. We are grieving, so hard, and i am so, moved by us. And. Every day, it feels like that, i'm i'm supposed to, hold the whole spectrum. Like, in any given moment. And. Um. And it's exhausting. And i've spent like years, learning how to feel, as much as i can, and i'm like, tapped out so i'm like i think there's a lot of people who are like. Was tapped out you know earlier. But i'm like how can. Is there are there aspects of this. Technology, that can help with. Holding that full range. And. Attending. To. Because i think we need to not back down, but you know it's like we need to knock, away. From being with this and what is this very, wide emotionally, right now. Yeah. I mean i don't i i. Maybe it'll come to me astrologically. But. For me. Like i know i need nature. To help. Bring me back, to, and restore. This. Something that shows me about, a balance. Or. A. Way of. Being, it's like. Nature. Is that. Place, i think that, it's like, it can also help, tune, out the stuff and just, re-organize. Me. Um. But i think we just, i mean. We have to stay so, human. We're not. Machines. That are able to metabolize. Grief, and then, you know create, a. Itinerary. Of what to do with it. And. I literally have tried to do that. And. It's, uh, you know we're living in a moment. That is. The amount of information, that we digest, all the time is just. Literally. Unheard, of for our systems, to be able to organize, and, where, there's just, there's like emergencies. All the time it's like, i get you know. I used to go on my phone because i was kind of like. You know always. In it and i was like oh my god okay. I'm gonna go in. Yeah i don't know what i'm gonna find. And i don't know, what. Would i nee