Erin Weed: "Authenticity: Leading and Speaking with Your Head, Heart and Core" | Talks at Google
The. Great pleasure of is meeting Aaron but, Aaron Venus the founder of girls fight back a women's safety education, company, after. Teaching live self defense seminars, to over 1 million people worldwide. She sold girls by back in 2013 and, since then she's been working as a speaker, and author in a communications, strategist, who, helps people seek, their purpose and story, this. All past fall she spoke at TEDx Boulder is actually how our women hack committee found Aaron we were scouring, the TEDx folder, sites. And all the different videos and, we. Were all blowing away by hearings were really really excited about you learn today. She's. Going to talk to us today and one she talked at TEDx Boulder about, how, to connect with one another by communicating, authentically, and, that is one, of the primary things we brought her here today she's about to do that but can kind of help us speak, more authentically, with. That please help me welcome Jeremy. Hello. Everyone I'm so happy to be here, are we projecting. Is this good, okay. All, right you can magically, make it happen, we're Google right no. It doesn't what do you do here you magically make things happen but, my name is Aaron weed I'm really excited to be here at International, Women's Day this is a big day a big deal for all of us, I've spent a good amount of my career working in, the women's an industry, realm if you want to call it and it's. A place that I feel very at home at but I also feel like really. Inspired, that I saw a few men in the room I think, that's really important, we got to be super inclusive, and this is so much bigger than women we're only half the world there's another half and we got to bring the whole thing in and one, of the things we're going to talk about today is how to seek, our purpose and speak our truths and one, of the reasons that I feel so passionately, about this, topic is it's, because of women's issues if, we don't know what's real inside, of us and if we don't know how to show up and communicate in a strong powerful, and clear way that doesn't alienate and, terrify people then.
We Help we ever expect, to make progress so. That's one of the reasons that I am here today is to share with you a tool because, I don't want to stand up here and talk and keynote the whole time I want to just give you a look a bit of background and, explains. Some concepts but then we're, gonna do an exercise where. You all are gonna learn how to show up more authentically, in your conversations. This. Is beneficial when it comes to your personal life obviously, but, even in business as well, so, I'm gonna show that to you today but first I wanted to give. You a little background on, things I actually. Wanted, to kick off by sharing with you this really weird dream I had recently. We. All have weird dreams I don't. Know if mine are weirder but I had, this weird dream was just a few weeks ago I feel. The need to share it with you because it, felt. Like one, of those dreams it's so simple and so clear yet. You wake up in the morning you're like what was that and. Then later on you're like duh it was like almost so spelled out that I couldn't get my head around it so here's the dream, so. I'm, in this room it's like a full white room and I am a glowing. Egg like, a little ball like that's all I am right and I look around in this up in the rest, of this white room and there's a bunch of glowing eggs and that's all we are and but. I can tell even by looking at all these like little glowing marble, looking things we're, all different, now. The only exit, point from, this weird, white room is this, amazing. Slide. That, you would find like a McDonaldland, sort, of deal it's, like crazy colors, Wow you know he's like there's like a real party, feel to it and, so one, by one each. Of these glowing little orbs, would, go up to the entry of the slide and they. A word would be thrown at them like, freedom, or abundance, or, love and they'd, be like okay, got, it and they'd go. They. Go down down down down and this, went. On forever, like and. Finally. It was my turn and I got the word authentic, and, I was like. Another. Way to I remember thinking wow, this is gonna be intense because. This show up authentically. Can, be a challenge, and what, I later learned about this dream was that all of us these little glowing orbs like maybe this is some weird explanation, of what life is is that, we come into these bodies and we get this one shot to. Show up in a particular way to learn something to teach something to be a certain way and maybe it's as simple as just one, word. So, mine, being authentic, I'm here today to talk to you just about that and I, wanted to kick it off with a quote and forgive. Me in advance if I trip it's probably, 100 percent likelihood I'm, no. Ballerina. But. I wanted to kick off with a quote, from, Carl Jung famous psychologist he said the privilege, of a lifetime is, to, become who you truly are the, privilege, of a lifetime is to become who you truly are. It. Really is a privilege and on. This International, Women's Day I just want to take a quick moment to, honor the fact that we have the privilege to do the kind of introspection, to, show up authentically, because when, you're in a war zone when, you're wondering how you're gonna feed your kids when. You're living in extreme poverty or terror, or even. If you're in our world our paradigm, and you're, afraid to go to work or you're afraid to come home from work if there's something, in your life that's. Not. Giving you the privilege to show up authentically, then. How, can you possibly expect to so. We do have great privilege, living in this time and in this place one. Of the things that I've noticed about Western, women is, that sometimes that comes, a little shame with that or guilts of like oh how. Could I even be upset about that meeting that just went horribly when I know that someone's getting bombed halfway across the world right. I think. It's our responsibility though, it's, our responsibility. To, own, that. Privilege and to rock it because. What I've learned about authenticity and, when, we show up it's, like a ripple that. Creates this energetic, force field around the world to help other people show up for real as well so. Today let's do the work for the women who can't do the work themselves and let's.
Really. Affect the world by creating that ripples so that other people can show up that way too. So. The privilege of a lifetime is to become who we truly are and we'll. Come back to that. But. I want to. Give. You a little background about me and how I got, to this point. I. Believe. In connection I believe. In connection. Of ourselves, and, ideas, to other people and we when we can make those connections, that's, when we truly change, the world a woman, named Susan Pinker, de the TEDx talk and her. Talk she's a psychologist her. Talk was all about how connection. Is one. Of the number one things that can lengthen, our life like. If you want to know how to live to over a hundred it. Comes down to the connections now you might think oh it's about diet it's about exercise, it's actually not those are pretty low on the list the, top two are social. Integration and close, relationships. And. She did a whole TED talk on this and it was amazing, but, I believe, that it's even more than that it's not just having a close relationship it's having an authentic close. Relationship, so, how do we show up in that way, so. I learned how to do this back in 2001. I had just graduated from college I grew, up in Chicago went. To Eastern Illinois University, and all I could think about being in that little farm town was getting. The heck out of there and moving to the Big Apple so. I moved to New York City no money in my pocket no, job the whole deal the, that, makes it coms about this all the time right the. Girl from the farm town who goes to the big city that was me so. I moved to New York and all I wanted to do was get a job in television production I've, always been a storyteller, I was, a speech communications. Major no. One actually gives, speeches for a living that do that majors. Funny. Irony but, but. I really wanted to tell stories and Hawaiian tell real stories so. I wanted, to work in documentary, productions so I moved out there and for. A year I was working on all sorts of documentaries, for History Channel. MSNBC. Really. Riveting stuff now. Also the. Other side of anybody's ever worked in production, it's not a very well paid field and so, a lot of people have side hustles so. One of my side hustles, was, working, as an extra in reality. Television. Just let, that sink in for a minute. Working. As an extra reality. Television, being, paid to, make reality TV see more real and. That. Was an interesting, petri. Dish of of, what, is real and what is now real what I learned is that there was a lot of inauthenticity, in our world I was kind of shocked at the time it just how much there was but. I remember through, that experience ticketed myself we've got to show up more real and it's a choice how, real do you want to be and we. Have that choice every single, day so. I bought back and forth between making documentaries. During the daytime and working, as like. Okay. Let me just tell you exactly what I do so. I worked for the show called a lemonade, it. Is, as classy as it sounds if, you haven't seen the late-night reruns on Bravo so. A lemonade, it's one person they go on a date was four people of the opposite sex and throughout, the night you get all these four people get eliminated, until there's one person left and then you like ride off into the sunset together and. Usually in the midst of it there's fighting there's drunkenness, there's belligerents it's, it's insane. Anyway. It. Taught me a lot about that, question like how real do you want to be by simply, observing people, who were showing up is so in authentic.
But. The thing is about New York I had such a great time weather was making making movies or making crappy TV I was just having a blast in this, experience. So. I was doing that for about a year when. I got a phone call that, one. Of my best friends from, back road went to college at Eastern Illinois University named, Shannon McNamara, had. Been murdered while fighting off an attacker in her apartment. This. Was one of those game-changing. Moments where. Kind. Of reminds me almost of the matrix, you know when, Neos. Given the choice between the two pills and. He. Has the choice to like go to the real world which is kind of darker. And gritty, and intense and scary, and uncertain, or live, in the program which. Is light, and orderly. And very sensible, and predictable. In safe. And. In that moment of getting the news that Shannon had been killed I was, like wow like, there's this whole underbelly. Of the, world and I mean I'm almost embarrassed inside like to that point in my life I really hadn't gone through anything bad I really was one of those people that, it had kind of a sheltered existence, and. So. I remember. Getting that news and just the whole world shifting, in seeing, it in a different perspective and it went home for. The wake in the funeral well. That first night I decided, to have a campfire in my parents backyard and pull. Together all of our friends because, when something really bad happens, I feel, one of the most healing. Things we can do is share our perspective, on what, did happen to, speak up to speak archer's and so. I have this bonfire and most, of the people in attendance that night were me, and Shannon's sorority sisters, and. So. We're sitting around we're all you, know in the ages of let's say like 19, to 22 for, the most part and. For the first few hours we're talking about Shannon, we're talking about who, could have done this because at that point the, guy who murdered her had not been caught so, it was just a super, intense time around, that but. I noticed as the evening progressed we, stopped talking specifically. About Shannon, and we started talking about our own, experiences.
As Women, in regards. To safety in fear, and I. Started hearing some, of my best, friend's in the world educated, strong, smart. Bold. Beautiful. Women say. Things like you, know what after after, what happened to Shannon I don't. Want to take that internship at, the hospital downtown Chicago, because it just probably isn't safe to be walking to my car at night. Or. After, what has happened to Shannon I've learned it you know this. Guy I'm dating we've been talking about moving in together and I. Was thinking about breaking up with him I don't think he's my guy but, I might as well just move in with him because, it's probably safer, to not sleep alone at night. Let. Another friend saying, I had this whole trip planned to, backpack Europe Solo and. All, of a sudden after this has occurred, it. Just feels like a really radically, unsafe thing to do. This. Went on for hours hours of. Us, strong. Empowered, bold, educated, women talking about all the things we weren't going to do because fundamentally we, were afraid and. I. Remember just listening, that whole night and really, taking it all in and realizing. The injustice not just the violence but. Of the, fact that we weren't able to be who we truly are because fundamentally we were afraid to be and. That. Seems like the bigger and the bigger injustice, and the two things in that, moment because. I thought to myself what would Shannon be upset about she'd be pissed about that she'd. Be upset that we weren't taking the trips and we weren't being, with the right people and we weren't taking, the jobs we're gonna fill us up that's. What she'd be upset about and so. That was the first time that I started to realize the power of speaking truth especially. In a healing situation, like that well the next day. Was. The wake and it's, one of these wakes when someone, young dies I mean, there's. Just huge right just hundreds of people she, was a very loved person and at all-american, athlete very, popular, woman and, so. We're waiting for hours to, get to the front of the wake and in to pay our respects and to meet her family and so. In these hours I had a lot of time to think about what. It occurred and by, the time we got to the front I've. Been, thinking about what are you gonna say and those situations like how do you speak your truth when. It it's almost like the unspeakable has happened how. Does that work and so I had to kind of surrender at that moment when we got up to the front to. Just be like alright well whatever is gonna come out is gonna come out I'm just gonna have to be a piece of that but I'm just gonna have to be real and the, awfulness of this well, before I met her family I kneel. In front of her casket and I just remember. Thinking this. Feels so unsolvable, this. Feels so permanent and unfixable, but. That I also had a moment where I was like I don't, think people who have passed in the way that she did would. Want us to stay paralyzed in that I think that, we, don't have to put a period at the end of those kinds of stories when those injustice does happen but we need to put a comma and we need to keep speaking for them because they can't speak for themselves, and. So I get up and I meet her family now. You know when you go to college and you have these like super tight friends that are there like your family but you never know, where they came from because, you're not hanging out with their family they're far away so. I never met her her, mom Cindy, but I had always heard so much about her and she apparently had heard so much about me because. I introduced her I'm like hi I'm Aaron weed I'm so sorry about what's. Happened and she, just like cuts me off she's like oh you're, a weed. He's, like hey man when you got a last name like weed you gotta have like just own that you know so, in college I was weed by. The way I'm totally running for governor someday. Governor. Colorado I'm come I. Get. All the trustafarians. I'm Pearl Street to be my campaign managers, awesome. So. Uh so, soon he's like oh my gosh your weed I was like oh yeah this is kind of weird okay, weird Sam at this moment and. We're laughing and. And. She, goes she squeezed my hand we had this instant connection she. Said to me you know what we. It's. So crazy but. Even after the worst thing that has happened the, losing, a child I don't I don't know that there's too many more worse things that can happen in a human existence, she.
Said You know what there's something worse and I, was like what could possibly, be worse than what, has occurred like this moment what could possibly be worse, she's. Like what's, worse is that I'm so afraid that, the, world is gonna forget about her I'm. So, afraid that everyone's, gonna forget her name. And. I remember in that moment just, being like wow just, the. Moment of that sinking, in of that how. We can have levels of fear and how, her bigger fear in that moment was. Just the. Forgetting of people. Not hearing about her anymore and I think a lot of us have had that fear, maybe for ourselves if you've ever been faced with your own mortality or, the mortality of a loved one, what. If people forget and, remember that moment is a 22 year old woman just being like you know what that is one thing I know how to do because I have a big mouth and I can make sure I can't stall violence, I can't end murder but. I know how to talk and I can get other people to talk and speak, their truth and, so I kind, of walked away from that realizing. The, power of speaking, truth, transcends. Death it transcends, tragedy, and all of those different things. What. I ended up doing with the help of many many people a great community, is starting a company called girls fight back, what. We did was women's safety and self defense seminars, we, mostly went into high schools and colleges all across the world in addition. To the United States we also expanded, into India in Pakistan. And we, localized, the content, so that it was specific, to their culture to the safety risks that they faced and, in. Addition to all that we were doing the the, radio shows and the TV shows and I read a book and a magazine column for Cosmo girl and it was amazing, it, was just such. An incredible program but, at some point, there. Came this this point about 12 years in in that, period of time I'd had two children a lot of things had shifted and, their, cameras point where I realized, it.
Was No longer my story to tell, it. Felt like it was almost this bold story not. Like it wasn't significant. But almost like I had crossed the bridge from pain to peace and, I. Noticed that a lot of times in the, victim world what. Doesn't, matter what one, is a victim of sometimes. People can get stuck in the story and that prevents us from being in our truth and I. Started to give myself permission to let that story, not. Need to be the center of my being anymore. And to just let it go and, to, let it dissipate and. So as I started doing that it was very kind of painful because sometimes we can be identified. By our stories it's, almost like this this egoic. Attachment. That we have well I'm I'm the woman that NBC, calls when something, bad happens and I'm there to be able to show up and offer her safety strategies, and that's who I am. Or. Is it and so, it, started to kind of slip away and the identity started to slip away and so. I ended up selling the company because. I knew that it was time for someone else to tell that story and their version of it and I had a bit of a identity. Crisis because at that moment like well Who am I now you know if I'm not the ass-kicking girl. Because. By the way I'm like one of the most highly trained women in, the world and ass-kicking. I'm really fun at parties like just. A. Really handy skill you can do nothing with right. So. So. I found myself in a little bit of a. Crisis. Of sorts I wasn't midlife but definitely. A crisis but I started thinking about what I'd learned about seeking. Purpose and speaking truth and how can I show up in a new way and do both of those things I started. Working for Ted and TEDx, and, TEDx. Boulder started, coaching for them developed, their speaker coaching program also TEDx mile high and, I was just so excited about this idea of really distilling, down our truth into, like the 10 to 18 minutes turning. It into a story that can really captivate, and then affecting, audiences. By it I cert. Liked doing the speaker coaching thing but I realized, that, there's so much more to it when. You get somebody let's like a TED speaker and, they're. Brilliant. And they've got these amazing ideas and they've done these epic things and they, come in I was, thinking to myself I don't want to just make them shiny I want. Them to seek, their truth and share that with the masses, because, that's gonna be so much more powerful so. I came up with this thing called the dig which, I'm going to share with you today at. Least a little snippet, of it because. These people needed to understand, their purpose and their why and their drive behind if they were going to really be able to show up and communicate. Authentically. But. I feel, like speaking, truths not only. Affects us in the personal but also in the business world. Shortly. After, I sold girls. Fight back and started working for Ted there was also kind of a personal. Churning, that was happening I was. Starting to realize that, the marriage I was in was. Not a good marriage it, was he's not a bad person but it was really, built on some pretty inauthentic. Foundations. And this. Was rough because not only had I lost my girls fight back identity, at that point my, other identity was being a married mom of two kids and I.
Started Getting really shaken, at the. Idea of like I don't think I'm supposed to be here anymore I don't. Come from a family of divorce I actually used to hold a lot of judgment around it and. I remember being in that moment of be like oh man this is gonna be so bad like but this is what I have to do to be real is to leave this, marriage that was not healthy probably for either one of us so. It was very painful but I, started, to go through the process of moving, now. When. I put my my house on the market at the time we had been living in Broomfield and, put. My house in the market and like how do you find a realtor well apparently I find it by like the grocery carts you know this Realtors like, what a bizarre place, till I put an ad like we were your babies butts it's like okay I whatever. It worked for me apparently so this, guy looked friendly so I was like hey I'll call him so, I called him I think his name was John I forget but. He, comes over and it's like him and his wife they're like this dynamic duo and, they got their whole system down and they're like okay what, do you want to sell the house for and how many bedrooms has a head and doesn't have a basement is it finished and what's the garage like and so they, were they were like had locked down it was tight like from a business perspective how, they showed up was like completely, solid. But. Never once did. They ask why, I was selling my house, they. Had no idea what. Was going on personally they, were so in their heads about the facts of what, was occurring and how, they could help me in that sense that. They weren't really looking at the bigger experience, of what does it mean to let go of your home. And. That was okay because their job is still my house right, well. They did a good job within. One day my house was sold and, it was sold to someone with a cash offer, now. A few weeks after that happened, everything. Was like done I'm moving to Boulder I'm, moving forward somebody, asked me hey um what's, the name of your Realtor cuz I want to sell my house and you. Sold quick and everything for, the life of me you guys I could not remember I could. Not remember these people's names and I still I still don't know I mean I called you John because that's like statistically. A good likelihood but. I mean, I didn't, know and I think the reason is. Because there, was no connection. Beyond. Just the facts and what was coming going on in the head, now. On the flip side, as. I was starting to move I was looking for movers there. Were no ads on grocery carts for that so. I had to do a little more digging, a little more yelping I found. This random company, and. I hired him and this. Duo of dudes were. Amazing, and one specifically, his name was Frederick and, he. Was this super, charismatic guy. Who. Loved his job you used to work in tech and I. Remember asking him like hey, Frederick you know kind of doing the whole business professional. Meeting some one thing and, you, know how do you do what you do and how did you get here he used to work in tech but I wanted to be a mover I wanted to haul stuff, he's. Like not only wanna haul stuff I want to move people, and, I'm like oh. This. Is exciting you know. And. He probably read the look on my face of being like why and he's like yeah, we're gonna move you but, I'm gonna move you. I'm. Like, okay. Like, I said like feel the need to know. Well, I talk so. He's like do you feel in me you know what I'm talking about I'm gonna move you, and I was like not, really he's like he's. Like why you selling your house. And. I was like I'm selling my house cuz I'm getting divorced why. I get divorced Wow, go in there yeah. And. In that moment though I was like wow that's so appropriate, that is so appropriate because he was being real and curious there was no judgment in that question he was just legitimately, curious, like, oh you're. Moving cuz they're getting divorced why what. Happened so. You know I actually told him a few you know things whatever and. He's.
Like Alright alright it's time to move you forward this. Is not a house this is your life we're moving, you know like he was giving me like this sermon in my kitchen. And, and. I started realizing oh, my, gosh this is a mover his only job is to move. My stuff and. Yet. His why his. Authentic, meaning, from what he does is that he was to move people. He wants to like take them from this phase and get him into the next phase of their life he, was able to see that this wasn't about a moving truck and strong muscles this was about helping, people make hard transitions, and because. He did that two weeks later when somebody asked me for a recommendation on a move I'm like oh my god you know how to call Frederick here's a cell phone number you, just texted the other time. So. I feel like we can learn a lot in business, in. Addition to our personal lives if. We're willing to show up more than just in our head and our thoughts and just the transactions. We're, actually able to get with each other and connect, on the heart level and the, core level of like what do you want how can we get you where you want to go we. Can feel that and, so that's what I want to share with you guys say and actually give you the experience of how, to do that and, the. Way we're gonna do that is this. Exercise, as part of the dig I call it head heart core and the. Difference between. Mysterious. John the realtor and awesome. Frederick the mover was, that Frederick. Showed up from all three places he, was willing to connect with me on the facts he. Was willing to connect with me on the feelings and he was willing to connect with me and the desires and. He. Was willing to hold all of it and I think we can all show up in this way, this. Is how we be authentic, is communicating. The facts yes and the, feelings yes and the, desires yes but, we do it not just from a place of transparency. But. From authenticity. Now. I gave a TEDx Boulder talk just this past fall and it was on that topic what's. The difference between being transparent, and being, authentic, my. Opinion is that it's showing up in all three of these from. The head the heart and the core have, you ever met somebody who, is just one of these people that just spouts off anything in a moment and they're like super proud of how antek they are even. When they're hurting people and like making people cry I, actually. Don't think that's authentic that's that's wounded, transparency. And those. Are totally different things just because you have no filter doesn't make you a real person it. Makes you a winded. Person who's, not doing the work to find out what's really true because, the reality about authenticity, is that if we, go and communicate about, what we feel about something from the head the heart and the core it. Usually, ends in a very soft place it, doesn't usually end in, light. Poisonous. Vitriol, okay, our, truth, I believe for most people is a kind truth it. Is a peaceful truth it is, one who wants best for self but best for others. So. Today what I want to do is take you through the head heart core exercise this is something that I developed, as I started working with these tech people from all over the world who, were trying to show up like the realtor, but. Really they had to show up like the mover they. Were trying to show up and just talk about their new scientific innovation, and, they, just wanted to stay here but. They needed to drop down here about what they felt about it and what they believe for it what they desired for it and that, is what, really started, my new company. Because that was the thing that was working so, people fly over all over the world to work with me on their TED Talks but what they're really getting is a better self understanding about what their truth is and permission, to actually share that with people and guess what on the other side of that people are so excited because. Now you, have given them permission to show up in that way too and, that's. The ripple I'm talking about, so. Let's talk about the head the heart in the court. The. Head is feeling. I'm sorry the head is thoughts it is things that we think it is things that are undisputably. True things, like your age if you, have a dog where. You're from where. You went to college these. Are our, head facts they are things, that are indisputable. The. Next part is, the heart, these. Are feelings this, is what's true for you emotionally in that moment the, thing about being in the heart is that it's changing constantly. What's. True for you emotionally ten minutes ago could be true for could, be totally different than what's true for you ten minutes from now so. Part. The trick about being in the heart and why so much where culture doesn't stay here or go here even is because.
It Requires presence, it. Requires us to actually stop. And. Breathe and feel, for a second to. Even, know what's happening there so we have a lot of unconsciousness. Happening, in our culture because we're just not dialed into that and then finally the core is I desire. It's. What we want, now. Especially women we're kind of trained to to keep that under wraps a bit like no once the hair a woman walking around tell him I want you to talk, about what she desires what she wants in the world she sounds demanding, well. Guess what when we do this part of the exercise what you're probably gonna notice in the room is when you get a room full of people who, are showing up and talking about what they want there's, this energy of like yeah. You. Know like because what you want is probably very similar to what other people want and like can we all please just give each other permission, to say what we want it's. It's. So freeing for everyone, and, even if in relationships. Even have. You ever been in relationship with somebody where, they're like mad at you you can't figure out why and, they won't tell you what they want but you're trying to figure it out I mean like that is a losing, battle for everyone but. If they just say it even. If it means the relationship is over it's such a thief, because. You're. Finally in the truth of it. So. What I've looked at you is just. Not just explain, this but actually give, you guys an experience, of what, does it mean to, be in the head heart and core and like. I said I develop this for Ted speakers because this is this is the ingredient, for any of any of you who do public speaking this. Is how you speak you find, the balance of I, think I feel, and I, want if you. Can find the balance of those three things and for, every speech is different depending on the intention of the outcome but. If you can find that balance, that's how people are going to get the most full authentic, expression of you and on. The other side of that is where the connection occurs so. It happens in one-to-one situations. One, to some settings if you're leading a team or one too many like giving a talk or even giving a webinar so. Head heart core it's, like a recipe. So. I was wondering if I could get maybe. Three brave. Volunteers to, come up and. Help. Me out with an exercise. It's. Going to require speaking, from the head heart and core. All. Right okay. Applause. Okay. So. First of all thank you guys so, much for for, showing up for this it, can't be kind of a brave and scary thing to. Intentionally. Speak your truth and what I want to do before we begin is almost put a little bubble around this room you. Know for all of you up there for, all of you down here for all of us on stage just. Kind of imagine we have a bubble of safety for a moment I know, even, before I came on stage your first session was some, people were sharing some really up amazing, powerful stories and so let's kind of like reclaim that energy of safety.
Because We got to have safety to show up and speak our truth. So. This. Exercise what, we're going to do is, we're. Going to simply introduce ourselves, so. I'm going to model it then. Our three, friends up here are each going to do their. Custom. Piece of what I've modeled and introduce themselves and. Then we're going to have you guys pair up and you guys are going to do this with a partner. So. I, want, you to experience it as well as learn it so what we're going to do basically is introduce, ourselves three. Times. First. From that. Then. From the heart then. From the core now. You might be thinking well that's a bit repetitive. It's. Actually not, because. Introducing, ourselves from these three places is a totally different experience and, what, I'd like for you to notice as we're doing this exercise, is how. It, is in your body and what comes out of your mouth, there's. Only one rule in all this outside, of just confidentiality. And safety, can, we all agree to that okay. So. It's out of that the only rule is that, you can't rehearse, while. Other people are talking. Some. People always laugh at it because it strip his work that's what we're all doing. Even. The most present. Amazing. Person we're. All rehearsing, some of us are better at it than others so. It's just less obvious, but we're. All doing it all the time now let's think about it for a moment what are you repercussions of. The. Whole world where. Everyone, is rehearsing, while other people are talking. We're. Not listening but. Even worse on the other side of that we're, not connecting, that. Thing that's, like a survival, deal that, can actually increase our lifespan, we're, not getting that and we, have a very lonely separate. World right now despite being how connected we are so. We. Need to start with, being present and in. Order to do that we need to trust that if we show up presently, from the head harder core whatever's. Going to come out is perfect. And. It's. Probably me ten times better than what you were Hurst, and. I've seen this firsthand okay. So. Well. We're all not rehearsing. I'm. Going to kick this off now. Can, I have a timer someone, good with a phone and okay so. Sometimes. I try to do it I screw up the whole thing all right I get, like so into it and okay you do like 60 seconds, so. There is a time component. The. Reason is I'm, a hyper distiller, I don't, think we need a ton, of time and space to do some of the things we think that we need things. Like getting to your truth people like whoa that sounds, heavy and long not, really, you. Want to know how I know this cuz I have a five-year-old she. Could stir truth really fast right. Now she's in a phase where she's not wearing shoes, everybody. Knows about it it's very clear I'm not gonna wear shoe today mom okay. All. Right she's, very clear that's speaking from the core I will. Not wear shoes but it doesn't take a long time to get to your truth well it does take a long time is to filter out all the stuff, that we have that stopped us from having permission for, ourselves to speak our truth that's a totally different thing that we all have as adults but this.
Process, Will help us take us through so with. One minute on the clock I'm going, to introduce myself from my head facts only complete. Unrehearsed, what. You're probably gonna notice within yourself and maybe watching other people is that some of us are really good in the head some, of us are really good in the heart some of us are really good in the core most. Of us are not good at all 3 or I, shouldn't say not good it's just not, comfortable it's not like your go-to and that's, okay I'm, not here to teach you how to be better at it I'm just here to teach you how to bring consciousness to. When you're in which space, okay. For, better for so one minute all. Right Jess let's, do this thing okay. Fact only if I say a feeling you can all go. Totally. Non-abrasive, all. Right so facts, only my. Name is Erin weed, my. Doughnut middle name is Underwood I was, made fun of a lot for my weird name. Through. Growing. Up graduation. Ceremonies, we're kind, of the biggest. Part Erin, Underwood weed and everyone would laugh I. Don't. Think it's that funny but whatever I. Am. From Chicago lived, in New York after that have. Started a few companies I. Have. Two children ages. Eight and five. We. Live in Boulder. Just. Moved last. Week, thought. I would make, it more interesting and adopt, a puppy this weekend. So. Far that's proving to be intellectually, factually, true. It's. More interesting. I. Am, learning. To play the ukulele. Okay. Thank you, so. There are my facts so, no. Oh you. Also notice I cut my head on my my hand I'm at a little time you probably wondering why I was doing that here's. Why this, exercise is about teaching conscious, awareness about when you're in your head you're harder in your core the reason. I'm doing that is so that you, can have the power to shift out, of your head harder core and into a different place in your. In your communications, so, for, this exercise we're all going to put our hands where, we're speaking from so, that we can start learning, where we are make. Sense click tennis electric okay cool so hand on your head one minute facts, only about, who you are, hi, I'm Lisa Cooper I. Moved. To, Denver. Recently. From New York and, from. Move. To New York from Seattle, so. That's where I originally come from and, I. Got. Engaged. October. And. We. Have a small dog his. Name is Connor. My. Fiancee, Connor just got a job. Hi. My, name is Leslie I, am, a. Colorado. Native cover, I won Oklahoma with chairman of sticks. And. Then I graduated. From, there and which, luxuries. Power University, in Washington DC, where. I studied, computer information systems the minor information, assurance and, I. Also learned, how to do them I'm in very well. Left. DC, and, came, back home I was managing, restaurants in, DC, and my. Dad you. Pay you, don't men's, restaurant. And. I, came home and I. Started working at a startup. And. They. Do. All. Right. My. Name is Pete Jessica, my Edinburg. Started. I just. Recently in August's moved, her. In California to, Colorado and. Aside, from a one-year stint in Germany it's the only time I looked outside of California but.
I'm Really excited. I. Got. My degree in German, and international relations. I live. With, my boyfriend Noah, and our. Two dogs budget, and Booker I. Love. To can't. Love it but you, can. Okay. So, now it's your turn I'd, love for you to find a partner and one. Minute for each of you I'll tell you when the minutes up so, remember hand. On the head facts. Only ready. And break. 30. Seconds my partner. Okay. So. What, did you all notice about speaking from the head, hard. Out it's boring, it's. Hard to not say things you like yeah. What, else do you learn. You. Ran out of facts. Ran. Out of time just like. I gotta get going, we got a head person right here. Okay. Great. Like. I'm a totally lame person. What. A tough discovery, at a workshop you know. Well. The. Great thing about head like this this is by no means that the punchline is not like, don't stay in your head don't like go to your head like that's not the punch line the punch line is don't live in your head okay. And that's what a lot of our culture dies is we live in our head like networking events great example you. Go to a networking event what, are the two questions people ask you, where. You from and what do you do right. Over. And over and over again and, it's. What, it leads to is just this culture of disconnection, because, that's like where we're starting now I don't have a problem with starting there if, you use it as a jumping-off point, to go somewhere else because, it can be socially awkward just to walk up to someone be like what, are you passionate about. You. Know like sometimes we gotta like ease, into. It a little bit but if. We just let it go there one, of the things I notice about like the where you from what do you do thing especially. The where are you from like could be like I'll be like oh I'm from Chicago and, then the person I just met - like oh I, have a cousin who is from, Wilmette which is outside of Chicago oh really, where she go to school and, oh, oh really she what's a loyal oh I have a friend come with soil and I'm like where, is this going like we're. Now talking about two people that neither one of us really know at this point like. Anyway. Not. Authentic, very very transparent okay, so we want to go for the authenticity the head the heart in the core is a blend but, now that one of the reasons head is important, is because it, gives context. Oh we. Weird, that where's that person from now we can place them there's, something about having context. That allows you to trust someone like if, I would have just stepped up here started talking about stuff and Allison hadn't introduced me you had no context, of like what my deal was or what my background was you'd. Be thinking what the heck is this woman here right now and like why am i listening to her like I don't understand. So. Headus is powerful, important as long as we don't stay there forever okay. So. Now let's move on to the second part the heart now. For this part of the exercise I'm going to give you two minutes. The. Reason is. No. It's good a great day two, minutes of feelings everybody. So. The, reason I make this a little bit longer is, because I like to create some. Time and space, for, you to even figure, this stuff out before, you start talking so. Many times in our culture we just, talk way. Too soon. We. Just start saying all this crazy stuff that is not true not authentic, maybe not even transparent, just, because we are conditioned, to fill the space, so. In your personal relationships in business doesn't, matter I encourage, you all to take a minute take a day take, a week take, what you need to. Figure out what, is the authentic emotion, so. Within this exercise. I'd love for you all to start out we're all have our hand on our heart and. Start. Off and just. Taking. A breath close. Your. Eyes we need to just, drop, in with yourself. What. If we did this like eight times a day, would.
That Be an interesting life we wouldn't be so lame anymore because you'd actually kind of see what like a complex, individual. I've. Got range. And. It's true. So, we, need to like drop down and sink in to even figure figure out what that is, okay, so. I'll model it for you. Give. It two minutes all right. Okay. What am I feeling so. I. I'm, in this space right now where I'm feeling. Total. Joy in connection, because. Of this puppy that I adapted I have. Not had a dog for like years. Because my pug died a few years ago, and. I will always want this french bulldog like I want a French Bulldog but I didn't want to do, a breeder because like I had this like ethical, thing around it I was. Like I want to adopt a french bulldog like and, they just it doesn't happen very often and then she came through pet finder which, I would get obsessively. She. Showed up and she was. Given up and discarded, by a breeder because she has this epic underbite. Like. Control, like, teeth hanging out of mouth like she's 11 pounds and, I just remember feeling in that moment like oh my god that's my dog like it I just moved a week ago and this is terrible timing and awful but like something in my heart just like was exploding, for this little creature and so we rescued her on Sunday, and. Ever since that I'm not like even total puppy, craziness. But it's just like something, about her it's like reawakened. What, it means to connect what. It means to care for people what, it means to. To. Be straightforward about what you need like, like. Don't eat my couch. Do. Not crap there. You. Know but just a but in a loving sort, of way just to. Show up in that way and so I'm really been basking that and, yesterday. My kids met her for the first time it, was just like I'm still kind of like riding it and. It's for me kind of a welcome respite just, with so much that's going on in the world right now I actually. Kind of came out of like a month of just just. Not. Dumps, per se but just, feeling like just. The world was disconnected from each other you. Know and it. Just kind of felt dark and a, little, hopeless after the school shooting me, some school she didn't like really kind of rocked me to my core cuz I I used to get the calls when, that sort of thing would happen and. Now I have two kids that are in elementary school and it's just real, in a whole different way and so. Back time so. When the time ends like you finish your thought because otherwise it's just abrupt, and feels weird for everybody so. Really. In, closing what I've been feeling, into is just like the paradox of what it is to be alive of. Like holding, the light and the dark in. The very same moment and the joy and the pain in the very same moment and.
Just Trying, to become more. More. Skillful, with, just allowing it all to be true. Thank. You. Good. Breath the, whole room can take a breath too because when, you're hearing other people share it can be heavy I'm on, you as well. Hey. Therapists once told me that. City. So, it actually. So, I visited Boulder Bongo, contentment vertical. Their. May. Of last year so I technically, started, and. Pretty. Much from day one I was in a situation that. Wasn't. Good for me. And. In, the Oilers it's, a complex thing and there's many reasons but ultimately. Only a good team fit. But. I'm not, not. The amount of quitter because there's plenty of things I've given up on but I want, to succeed and. So. I I spent, so. Much of my energy. And my time talking. About people. Who. Were, breaking me down it's. So much of that. At, home and. Vanpool. Just. Anyone, that would listen and to, the point that I just got tired of having. Having. That be my story every day. And. So. Put. In a good amount of work and. A, little courage to say this isn't my place anymore and. I, want, to succeed and I think I can't succeed but it can't be on this team and I don't know James and. Since. That, that. It. All got a proven everything, settled down and I go a few things left on my team and it is amazing. How in. I, know. That, the. Consequences. Of the day-to-day interactions, aren't going to affect me more how, much freer I am how. Empowered. Am to actually do my job done, more job in the past month. Effectively. It well then I think I did in the three months prior, just, because, I'm finally, free. And so it just then the excitement of like wow that when I'm in the space where I feel really safe and really awesome and. Oh and, oka minute how, much more could I be there. I. Just. Moved out of my parents house, I feel. Really free. And. I. Definitely, just backed into my neighbor's, car. I. Feel. Very. Optimistic. My, brother is graduating, from high school soon, he's. About to go to college, one day architecture. I'm. Scared, he has epilepsy. I was triggered by sleep. Deprivation and, you. Know you're, in college how are you doing this day that all night and. I, like. You. Know drinking, alcohol, you can't be out here today, at Lake. Thing that you do like, everybody else he's. Gonna be my, way. Just. When we say something nice I get teary. And. Its really annoying treat. To embrace it, I'm, 31 years old and I feel like your. 30s, are about and embracing, who you are and. And. Acknowledging. And loving yourself and who you are. Christ. That I was actually able to watch even freely. But. I feel it like I spent a lot of, the. Last couple of years. Kind. Of working. Through this. Part, of who I am and. That being okay and. It. Also codes, this thing with other person, who I am and like. Smart, parts and the professional, part some of the hard-hearted, parts and. And. Also just growing up I feel, like growing. Up kind of phase I recently. Kind. Of separated, from my dad and, that, was a really don't, know why I'm sharing but really, hard. Here. But. Also. Really about me. And it. Being okay to be you me and, that. You know you. Don't need everyone else's approval or not you to be you and. Yeah. Before. We hop, to you guys I just want to just, make a note because like I can feel yourself consciousness, in it like how easy is it to hear her like. It's so easy to, to. Just be with you in the authenticity of it it's like what if we're as women we could let go of any judgment if we show up know that emotion away like. It's just so easy to hear you so thank you so at. This point we can go back to our partners two minutes for each. Did. You notice about the. Difference between the head and the heart outside, of the visual. Difference. Of the room. Okay. What else. Yeah. They. Just are typically things that would came out in a first meeting. Fencers. And like feeling sort of that polite those polite social, boundaries you. Wouldn't put. Those things on somebody told, her I feel. Like yeah. My. Therapist, is uber just. Go, take a 20-minute guy you need to jump something. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Interesting. Did, anyone who tends to be more of a head person because just because we're mostly, women here doesn't mean we're all heart people you know there's there's women who are just Moorhead people too so it, was there anybody who's more of a head person you've almost noticed, yourself like analyzing. The feeling. Like. I think that I feel this and you could almost like and. You can usually tell when you're doing the exercise when, someone's like a head person thinking about their feelings when. It's just like there's, no body match up you, know so it can come off as being a little incongruent so. So, head people have to be careful of that so. That people that people don't distrust, them because. It's not matching up if you know what I mean so. So heart. Is really important, like there's a lot of connection because, at the end of the day we're all human beings and that's the thing we have in common and and this is where we can really connect but, on the flip side just.
As If we if we show up at our head all the time and there's a lack of connection if we just showed up and we're just like bleeding, all over the floor. With. Our feelings. 98%. Of the time after, a while people are gonna start avoiding you that's. Exhausting. I work, with a lot of activists. That are trying to make big change in the world a lot of these activists, are trying to make this change cuz something bad happened and it, woke us up to something, a better. Way and it's. Just kind of this natural thing to just go into the and this happen and this happened to me and this was awful this person died and playing you know like it's all bad like so when we talked about rape and murder for 12 years it's bad and. We. Need to be able to talk about from the head and we need to be able to talk about from the core to and, balance it out otherwise people get emotionally exhausted, and you. Don't you don't connect, done either so everything is about balance so that's, the heart the final, this and then we're gonna tie up is the. Court we're. Gonna shift back to one minute for this you, might not even need all that time and you don't have to use it all speaking. From the core tends to be very short very to the point my daughter I don't want to wear shoes very. Clear doesn't. Necessarily need to make sense so. Let's just you know release, ourselves from having to for, that to happen it, can just be what you want in that moment I want. This I want that and so I find. That a good prompts, when we do the core and you might want to do this with your partner's just start off with what do you want. In. Some, ways it can sound abrasive but in other ways it can sound totally free really, like really I can answer that question like anyway I want to okay here's what I want you know so have some fun with this notice, what comes up I also noticed when we speak from the core sometimes, it can seem really random like I want, world peace and I want to sleep later you know like it. Seemingly. Unrelated but maybe if everyone's left later I don't know. So. Just whatever remember. We're not rehearsing still so, just what everyone's coming out come down so this time we're just gonna hold our belly this is kind of the place where we manifest, things so. Again, take a good deep breath. What. Do you want and, especially by the way as leaders we need to tell people what we want if we want to lead people somewhere Martin. Luther King jr. like if he gave speeches and he didn't tell people that he had a dream, like. Do you think it would have been as effective we. Wanted. To get on board with that dream he took us somewhere so we need to do that as leaders in our relationships. And our teams and in the world okay. I want. I. Want, to. Potty train my dog. So. I think I'll make my life better I want. In. This sense and more work sense I want people to show up more authentically I have. The luxury, of doing this for a living of getting. People to the most authentic selves and helping them communicate and I see what's on the other side of that and it's, that thing that like you know that maybe not everybody knows and it's so frustrating because you want everyone to know it because life is so much better when they do that and so that's kind of how I feel and so opportunities, like this are so, exciting to me so that hopefully you can take this tool and run with it, I, want. To figure, out the, violence. Problem in our world the and maybe even more than the violence like the anger. And the disconnection. That's behind all of that I want. To get to the root of things and, I. Think back. Up here but I think, one of the reasons we feel so disconnected is because we're all conditioned, to be inauthentic so, I want, us to show up in a different way than, we maybe have been because. There's really a spectrum time there's. Really a spectrum and I. Think, we can choose, in every moment to show it more authentically, and that in the world would be better for it all. Right that's my minute. What. Do you want. I want. To. Utilize. My, body, to, its. Greatest capacity. Mostly. I mean physically because, I just, think. That each of us are given the gift of the mobility that we have and, I want. To be as fit and a strong as possible and I want to share that gift.
Of Bodily mobility, with other people because, I think that a lot of time it's should. Work out work out and not like. Get to, go move. My body until it's what's and what's still like collapse in the floor like that's, how. I feel about it and I want to share that and I. Think, it you know simple up from I've had four knee surgeries so I know what it's like to, not have, ability, not. Be able use your body. It's. Not a vanity thing it's a feeling. I think that I feel better about every, other part of my life when I feel strong everybody. Should feel strong because everybody can feel strong. I. Want. To. Travel. The world and, speak. To the masses. I. Want. To. I. Want. To feel, fulfilled, in, my career I want. To be, strong, I want. To be able to control, the. Emotional, part. While. Still feeling it I, want. To. Have. More time to read I want. To write a book someday I, want. To go on vacation I. Want. To. Hike. More I want, to. Have. Time I want. Spend. More time with my mom, I, want. To. Spend. More time with people. I. Want. To. Have. A sense of purpose I. Want. The. Final thing we're doing in this session so throw your gussto into this partner, up you got one minute what, do you want. So. What did you notice about speaking from the core. Now. Powerful, yeah. It's. What. Energizing. Yeah never. Feel in the room right now right okay. Yeah. Speaking. From the court really allowed it allows people to follow us a lot of people to connect with us so as you can see from this exercise when we show up and speak from those three different places they're so distinctly, different yet. They're all distinctly, you and when. You show up and you'll bring all of those things people, can get the most, authentic. Experience. Of you and you can feel the most authentically, expressed, so. The final thing I'm going to leave you with is just a quick little story something that I do with these big Ted speakers right that, after we go through this process and we write their talk they're. Always like okay well I'm gonna go give this talk like any other final, pieces of advice I'm like yes my. Piece of advice is for you to break a coconut, they're, like that, is like like what am I paying you for like what's happening and. Like yeah okay so here's the deal so in. The Hindu religion they. Have the ceremony called breaking a coconut and it's something that you do when there is something in your space that's preventing, you from like being the human that the gods intended you to be so it's like you're you go interfering.
Like Either you're playing yourself down you're playing yourself up doesn't matter but, like something's blocking it in the way and the, question becomes what do you need to let go of and so. In the Hindu religion they, like, approach the community whoever in the community is being blocked by this thing that's preventing them from being the awesome person that they are and they say you need to break a coconut and imagine. What is that. Thing that you can infuse spiritually. Into that coconut that you need to let go of to. Get out of the way and become the person that you were supposed to be for the sake of the gods and so. They smashed, a coconut this, person does and releases, the thing that they need to get out of the way maybe it's fear of money fear. Of success fear, of being seen fear of failing it's, usually a fear of some kind but. Smashing. That coconut and in that process smashing. That thing that's preventing us from showing up as our authentic, self and then. The milk splatters, everywhere and. It's the most freeing thing I actually do this with clients like we actually go to Boulder Creek and smash Cove, it's in front of the police station so I'm just waiting for the day that they're like. Just. Don't even really know how to start this but are you breaking coconuts and meat you're letting up but, there, when the milk splatters, it's amazing, and then you pick up the pieces though with the coconut and you. Gently throw them into water, in. Our case we use the Boulder Creek and the reason that you throw them into water is it's supposed to be a grateful letting go because. That thing that came into your space to prevent you from being who you truly were it, was a gift it, protected, you at some, point in your life that kept you safe and now, it's. Not needed and so. You smashed a coconut to let it go but you thanked it on its way out and so, my final thing I wanted to leave you today with is just a question what. Do you need to let go of to. Be that woman or to be that man that, you were meant to be let. It go break a coconut you need to Whole Foods carries, them and. The brown ones, shatter. It throw the pieces away and thank it for protecting you but be ready for a new layer of self to emerge I want. To thank you all so much for having me here on International, Women's Day it's been an absolute honor. I. Hope, you have an amazing day and if anybody wanted to stay in touch I am local, here my office is right downtown Boulder my handle. Is at Aaron we'd pretty, much across the board for your on social media I would love to stay in touch so thank you all so much. You.