Young Barbican Nights: Women in Business

[Music] hi everybody and welcome to pepe your tours and young barbicans international women's day event today i have three incredible ladies who i have hand selected these are women that i personally follow online have followed their journeys and their careers and have personally selected each of them to be here with us today to speak to us about their careers working in the creative industries and just what it's like to be one some real talk a real account of their lives and then we're going to get into the nitty gritty and then also the solutions they have for young people who want to follow in their footsteps so if you don't know about young barbican who we are so happy to partner with um what i would say is if you are 14 to 25 years old and you are interested in film via music visual arts then definitely sign up to young barbecue to receive free tickets and discounted tickets um for exclusive artist opportunity and much much more so ladies it's over to you i could introduce you because i know so much about each of you but i'd rather you introduce yourself so persia if we kick off of you tell us your full name and what it is that you do hi guys thank you for having me today my name is visaya lunga and i am the owner and creative director of a women's wear clothing brand called kai collective which i started in 2016 before that i was i'm still um a content creator um what people call influencers these days but i don't like that word um yeah nice thank you we're going to get into why you don't like the influencer word but for now we'll stick to the intro um nicole do you want to go next tell us a bit about you sure hi everyone my name is nicole krentzel and i am the ceo of a platform called black girl festival i am also an angel investor with aida ventures and specifically really interested in making investments in black women founded businesses and on top of that i sit as an advisory member on the board for the tate and i also work as a creative consultant within the industry too so many hats busy women thank you twiggy do you want to go next and tell us a bit about you what it is that you do hi everyone my name is twiggy jello um my day job as a day job i am a journalist beauty lifestyle journalist at british vogue magazine i'm also i don't know i guess a content creator well i put things on instagram that i like anyway and i also have a podcast called take ten with twiggy and yeah yeah that's pretty much what i do yeah nice thank you ladies okay so i'm gonna kick off with a fly around i feel like it's always nice to kind of warm people up so they kind of get to know you a little bit before we get into the meat of the question so the quick fire round you literally have to answer it without thinking okay so the first question is would you rather not have your phone for a week or not have your laptop for a week not i'd rather not have my phone i'd rather have my phone yep no phone same i'm exactly the same i feel very strange without my laptop very very strange without my laptop okay interesting to know are you a music person or a podcast person music podcast okay we've got podcasts from twiggy nicole you and music nick yeah and music i love podcasts but if i had to choose yeah already so workforce actually i changed my mind i changed my brain i changed my mind music music because it's hard to listen to podcasts when you're actually working but i can study music so yeah okay so all the time basically let's see if we can keep this up are you more sensitive to sound or smell sound no i would have been smell if i i don't have a sense of smell no i haven't for like four months wow what is it about smell that irritates me like what is it no i it's because i have a cat elegy so like certain furs make me sneeze so yeah it's because of my allergies yeah i'm sorry and the last one actually we got two more would you rather respond to 50 emails back-to-back or would you rather meet 10 new people back-to-back 50 emails 10 new people and new people okay last question when you're stressed you eat your problems away or sleep your problems away eat sleep sleep i love rest i love rest you know if i'm upset i'm like okay nap time yeah what would you say i think i missed it i said eat i think i sleep actually both actually okay that was a nice little warm-up i feel like we're ready to kind of get into the questions now because we're going to start off by speaking about stress which is a heavy topic um but first i want to say to our audience that actually is a natural part of life um and from the beginning of time the indication of stress in your life actually is healthy because it helps you navigate a situation and you kind of your cortisol starts kicking off in your body and you have this like natural fight or flight stress actually helps you determine how you're going to respond to danger so if you are feeling stressed it's not a bad thing don't have a bad life it's completely normal but what do you want to maybe take it back a bit with you guys and aren't you when you were younger in your teens what did you find yourself stressing about a lot more than you stress about now like what have you completely stopped stressing about that you stressed about so much as it means i've i can go um i think it's probably just the case of the education system but i was so stressed about pcs and like apples and my teachers used to always say like these are the most important examples of your life and then we get to a level and be like these are the most and then important just be like when does it start i specifically chose a career like an industry product design i went to study at university where i just didn't take any exams or coursework and i loved it and i think that's why i was just like you know what i'm not doing any more exams i don't like exam life i'm not good at i'm not good at it i'm really good at doing coursework and so going into a career it meant that i haven't set an exam since a level and i love that i don't think i've certainly some people were like oh yeah i went to university i've got an exam at uni i'm like what's that like oh my gosh that was me oh gosh like i did i did tech in college and i did um fashion promotion at uni so i haven't had a like educational exam cut from my living test and other little things since i was like 16 not even 16 i don't even know what angel is um what i would say is i love like what you said kind of highlights that everything in your life has an expiry date and even though that was like you stress you reach a certain age or you have the choice to decide whether you want to continue having exams or not and actually the older you get the more autonomy you have and what you're dealing with currently it's not going to last forever so that's great um do you guys have any things you want to pinpoint about like what used to stress you that doesn't stress you now i used to stress a lot about what i was gonna be and whether i was going to be successful i used to think like i'm not like it just just keep me up at night like i really want to be successful how am i going to be successful what am i going to be and i don't stress about that anymore um i just work on being successful rather than stressing about it i think it's similar to us go ahead no please oh no i think it's similar to you as well i used to express so much about the future and oh my gosh what am i going to do next like after university like oh i've just finished my you know my undergrad like am i going to be able to get a job straight away am i going to do this and i'm going to do that and now in hindsight i think to myself that i should not have been stressing so much just because even when i did make mistakes everything worked in my favor if you know what i mean even all of the things that i thought like why why is this happening why did i not get this opportunity and like i now know that it's because something else was coming after that you know so so yeah definitely like stressing about the future and just worrying about it yeah that reminds me when i graduated and i i think i got my jobs i worked for further and i got my job a month after i graduated but that month felt like the longest month of my life i felt like i had bought an eyelid and it was a huge exaggeration like i shouldn't have felt that way and i put way too much pressure on myself but when you're young you feel like everything depends on you and that moment and yes when you step back i really shouldn't waste so much energy that everything actually doesn't work out i think what would be a nice question which wasn't on my list but it's a question about your life how did you all get into the things that you do now taking a picture for us and kind of tell us the journey from education to being career women anyone can start yeah yeah go ahead okay so i went to university i studied law and partially because i wanted to get out of uni super quick so i tried to do an accelerated course but i actually ended up staying in uni for much longer so i did my law degree came out of university i was so so so lost like similar to what i just said like i was very very lost didn't know what to do i didn't really want to go into law i knew that i loved media and journalism and everything but i just i just didn't really know what to do and i went back into retail literally went back into retail and was working at lush selling barge bombs and like playing with kids and just doing all that type of stuff it was super fun but i was there for two whole years after finishing union and you know i saw a lot of my friends move on to like their graduate like just doing masters and achieving all of these things and yeah i just felt really really awful about myself but i persevered i got internships i had like i said i had no idea what i wanted to do so i really did experiment um i did internships and such and such and such and then now i ended up of course spoke after all of all of that work so um so yeah my journey has been quite choppy but um like i said everything worked everything happened for a reason and everything landed me in the place i am today what internships did you do i intended refinery29 i interned at 129 and it was amazing i was mainly on the like the entire editorial team so i wasn't in a particular section but i loved beauty and i love the commercial side of things like selling ads and all that type of stuff so i had an idea from there what i wanted to do um i actually got that internship it wasn't actually advertised i emailed them hoping that they had something and they did so always always always email if you can and they're also interned at vogue international so um it's quite different to british vogue it's um how can i say and both international cover all of the markets they're covered like vogue india vogue paris and everything and i was basically working on content creation and data and social media for them um but yeah um but yeah before that i did loads of like short courses one day courses at the bbc anything that went on i was there i did all of the short courses in the world just to you know dip my toe in but um yeah i was lucky to get getting places in some really really good places that's amazing i am a firm believer that your 20s is about completely exploring every single passion that you can identify and see what spins a lot of like this kind of um messaging on social media about find your one thing and do that if you don't know what you want to do you're lost i'm just like i wish i would just got learned and like that would develop my character and have me outside of my comfort zone i think the crazy is all about exploration um so if there's anyone listening to this that feels that they do not know what they're doing that is absolute great place to start write down everything you care about and start picking them taking them off your list one by one something is going to stick yes absolutely messiah how did you get into content creation and then starting my story is so long so i'm gonna transform it but i left um secondary school when i left secondary school i thought i was going to go to university for law but then with my a levels i i was one grade off and so i didn't get into the university i wanted to go to and i didn't have an insurance because i didn't want to go to my insurance and i'm like an all-or-nothing person so i just didn't have any parents um so i took a gap year i went to work i kpmg as an auditor just for 30 months um during my gap year and then i traveled but then they offered me a full-time position so i've been an auditor i worked as an auditor for i knew for like three years um and then i went back to uni to durham because i left kpmg i didn't like audits um i went to durham studying accounting and finance i had started that degree while i was at kpmg okay got kicked out of durham but all this time actually when i started my classroom vlog during my gap year actually so that was how i started just for fun i wasn't expecting it to become a job i just wanted to document my clothes um so when i got kicked out of darwin i knew like during my last year at durham before i got kicked out that i wanted to start a woman's reclaiving brand because i would travel and people would ask me what i was wearing and i was just wearing stuff that i had made in myself what what year was that what year is it now 2021. i left kpmg in 2014 so i would have gone back to durham in 2015 i would have got kicked out 2015 2016 and then i started crying in 2016. um i worked at liberty as a merchandising assistant for a bit and then i left and just did kai um full time which is um my women's recruiting brand as i said and now and then i went back to ucl so now i'm in my final year of ucl studying anthropology it's just all crazy but i think that's why i said i wouldn't stress so much about being successful because everything has just led me to the next level every opportunity i'll find myself in has just led to the next one being kicked out of uni ended up being the best thing to ever happen because loved being in ucl and it made it it meant that i could be in london and grow my clothing bland so yeah that's it it's very long i mean that was it in a nutshell and i think that was the perfect summary because we actually get to see the full picture of okay this happened but then that happened and this happened but then that happened and then we see you here successful flourishing wearing your own brand which is fantastic i love your story for sire because it just shows that one thing does definitely lead to the next and lead to the next and even in the face of something as tragic as of being kicked out of uni you found your next step and then you found your next step and you're still going and now you're wearing your amazing brand which has blown up all the covers all the press coverage it's such a beautiful thing to see i have traveled across london to your pop-up store oh my god it was last year it was february 2020 just before our lives got like shaken but yeah i told my girlfriend i was like is we traveled from east we went all the way to brompton we went there and we got myself like a nice like one-shouldered silk dress it was so cute okay ladies let's move on and speak a bit about anxiety because i definitely feel like that's the word that is thrown around a lot and not many people understand whether they are actually having a full-on um episode of anxiety whether it's just a little bit or how to kind of move forward from it i remember a time when i was i think i was 21 in university writing my final year dissertation and i could not finish the work i like it was the worst feeling ever i was paralyzed with anxiety i couldn't write one single word and i literally just closed my laptop and i slept like a baby knowing that i had two thousand words more to write and the deadline was the next day and the next it was kind of psychotic like the next day i walked into uni and i was just like i haven't done it literally i went to my course tutor i was just like i haven't done it so if i need to repeat the year i repeat the year right now but i haven't done it and i felt so calm but the day before i was friends it was crazy luckily i had like a good reputation and they spoke to like the board and they got me like a three-day extension and my sister like talked so much sent him to me and i just got it done um but even speaking about it now i remember that feeling and i remember how paralyzing it was i was really lucky that a doctor actually um diagnosed me with situational anxiety which helps a lot actually because then i had like medical and medical reasons to actually get the extension but can you guys report a time where you have literally been frozen by anxiety and have you gotten over it oh i remember in university um i had a was it was it commercial law or i think it was commercial law or um i don't know let's just say family law or something so we had to present a case um to the to the lecturer and i felt so under prepared i think i had some relationship issues i was worrying about a relationship then oh my gosh anyway yeah i had some like issues and i just felt so emotional and i just felt so tired and drained and under prepared and i remember saying to all of my friends in the library oh my gosh i'm gonna fail i'm gonna fail and it was quite a large part of the module and i think it was in final year as well so i wanted to do my very best and the day came i was panicking like crazy but then before i went in i just took a deep breath and said i'm just gonna do whatever i'm just going to do my best went in there and i ended up getting like what did i get like like a 68 i think it's almost like a first class and when i got my grade i thought to myself hold on a second i got that when i was and i was still stressed when during the exam i was still very stressed i tried to calm myself down as much as i possibly could but i was still still very stressed during the exam and i was still able to achieve that so i don't know i was just really really proud of myself in that moment i think even now i still think back to that moment and i think to myself twiggy if you can perform like that under pressure like if you can like perform like that under pressure you can do anything so i feel like it's giving me you know a little bit of confidence over the years yeah you know it's so funny you end on that word confidence because there's a phrase that i love and it says confidence comes from past performance and actually our confidence is built from when we put ourselves in situations that we overcome regardless of what the outcome even is the fact that you performed you still did what you had to do in that moment whether you were successful or you failed your confidence would fill up a match and the fact that you managed to get a good grade even in the midst of all that's funny i'm still a little bit confused by that as well but when i think back i do feel like it was everything was so exaggerated and worse than it actually was and i think i really really worked myself up when it actually came to it i think all of the listening that i did actually i didn't let me say all the listening i did in my lessons but all of the reading and everything i think it was stored somewhere in my brain so yeah maybe all of that information came out at the right time but um yeah i just yeah i just did it anyway how about you guys any particular situations that stand out to you yeah so i was going to talk about the time when i made the decision to go freelance and how scary it was in that position i was very much just like oh my gosh like is this a good idea what am i doing quitting my club my parents don't really understand what i do am i going to be like secure enough to do this full time and um you know i remember i'm specifically speaking to my then ceo and i was kind of saying to her you know i'm thinking about going freelance and um and i thought she would have like she would say no but she was like yeah sure i think this is great for you and i was just like oh okay so i've actually got to go do it and that was probably where i had my first like panic moment actually it was at warring street station after i left my meeting with my ceo and i think it really hit me because i was just like oh my gosh i now have the green light to go and do this thing and to build this business and um the way that i handled it was actually top trick um i listened to um drill in the tube station so i was having a panic moment and i there was something about the beat and the repetition of like drill music so i was listening to it and then someone in the station actually was like helping me and then i came out and then i just basically wrote journal about the whole experience i really wanted to like be honest and open about like about what happened and i also thought it was really helpful for me to actually start speaking like to a therapist and actually start speaking to professional because i have these anxious moments quite often and i really wanted what the issue was but also how to compare it by myself so that was something i thought you know what i've had this moment but let me try and focus on ways that i can kind of turn this around um so that if it does happen again i know how to handle it so for anyone that's ever had that moment where they're just like oh my gosh frozen by anxiety there are so many ways that you can kind of seek help i think you're professional either journaling i've been speaking about it or my top tip is like listening to music that takes you out of your head um and that was drill that one thank you for sharing that that's so honest and so real um and i love that you had the thought of okay i'm going to seek a professional but i want this professional to help me create personal protein mechanisms that i can help myself in my own time whenever i need to which is so interesting yeah thank you versailles you said your your situation is decent tell us yeah so i've like running a business ever since i started kai i have suffered from severe stress and anxiety so just before this call i was speaking to my team i have burning tongue syndrome as a symptom of anxiety like my tongue burns but there's nothing on my tongue like there's nothing there it's just anxiety and um and it's something that i've dealt with and it goes like up and down and up and down depending on what is happening um so because of brexit we've had our shipments stuck and not been able to get in the country and there's just been a lot going on and there's days like yesterday where i struggled to do anything i was just like paralyzed by fear and anxiety because when you're so close to your business and when your business is so small you just really really want things to go well and when they burn to just consumes you and that that's stuff that i honestly still deal with um i think like some natural like medicines like there's something called 5 htp which um does it work for you i've got it you know i haven't been taking it for long enough but i need to give it a little bit more time but i've heard good things about it yeah it helps me sleep obviously um we're not diagnosing anyone or like recommending it yeah yeah but um yeah it helps me a bit um but i think what you said about confidence coming from past performance even when things like that happen i know it's gonna be okay i know it's not the first time that a shipment has been laid i know it's not the first time that we've had to send emails to customers saying like sorry it's not gonna make it and try and like make amends like i know it'll be fine but at the same time it's still so scary and you build something and you might lose all this money that you might not even have now i have a small team which makes it a big a little bit easier but it's still very high so i just work through it somehow yeah and well done to you because on the outside everything looks perfect and your brand is growing so steadily you constantly see girls wearing your dresses and you look beautiful in your own designs and you just see the press coverage and on the outside it all seems like it's just blowing but on the back end i can imagine it is stressful but yeah well done very graceful so yeah we're proud of you thank you i'm proud of you sorry guys okay i'm going to stop for a second just a sec sorry i hope mine will see the cost i get so many deliveries a day oh my gosh i've had three this morning already is it a lot of beautiful stuff yeah it's mainly beauty stuff and it's really nice because it's valentine's day so like i've been sent like flowers as well oh my gosh people care about me but um it's maybe like beauty products and stuff oh my gosh okay we're all good yeah yeah comey's going to get it for me okay wicked so i'm gonna piggyback off what you said nicole about therapy and then the next question i'm gonna ask was about what has been the biggest support um for your mental health as an adult okay so piggybacking off what you said nicole about seeking therapy i want to ask each of you what has been your biggest support for your mental health as an adult you spoke about university and then nicole you spoke about early days in your career going freelance and then society you spoke about current times so i feel like we've been on a little journey a little anxiety journey but i want us to speak about right now as an adult what are you doing to protect your mental health and stay balanced throughout everything that happens in life hmm i can do that no go ahead go ahead oh no i'm just gonna say um one thing that i found has just been like so rewarding are like friends who are like family um and i think just even the time that we're in like plugging into relationships and nurturing relationships that you really care about during this time however it may be virtually has just been so rewarding um i've lent on my friends in ways that i probably shouldn't have but they also lent on me and i feel like i've really strengthened a lot of relationships but more so i've been able to really grow and learn with them like i've found more appreciation for the people who i can't physically be with and that has just carried me through over the last few months so i i really want to just kind of celebrate more and more people who celebrate me and also i've seen how rewarding it can be when we all kind of look after each other when we're all like when we're all in the same boat so that's why i think um yeah friends who are family have been something i've just been really cherishing and celebrating nice thank you i did an instagram live with um i'm gonna do a little plug beyonce's publicist oh she um your humble brag she spoke about at the beginning of lockdown she wrote a list of about i think it was like a hundred people um who she knows need her and who she needs and who she's going to consciously connect with throughout this time so she says every week she makes time to either facetime or call and have a purposeful really kind of plugged in moment with someone um like this pandemic yes it's a crazy time but crazy can be good and the fact that it can create new routines and you can decide how you want to spend your time now because we have i would say we have more time but we're more stationaries about our day in new ways um yeah the fact that you're connecting with your people and you're calling your friend's family like that is just good quality yeah yeah it's like and i see that you have like a really strong tribe of friends as well have they been the ones that get you through absolutely i don't think i'd be alive without my friend like there's so many times my friends have saved me like people always say you know don't borrow money from friends but there's so many times when i've had to borrow money from my friends because my brand could not carry on without it like we got this customs bill that we weren't expecting or something in person my friends had always come through and never treated me different um because they helped me never made me feel like any lesser than them so for sure because as you said everything looks so good on the outside and everyone thinks you're doing so well you just need those people who like know the real yeah i'm a crier i love crying crying is my skin people that i can cry to it has just been so valuable so yeah for my mental health as an adult therapy is great and um i will always recommend that but a good group of friends who are real and honest and not in a mean or jealous way just like pure friendships have saved my life oh yeah i would agree to that as well just because i have a very very close unit of friends and all of them are from secondary school um i do have a lot of acquaintances but real friends i can call at like five in the morning i have about maybe three four and i really do appreciate them and there's another thing that i've i've learned to how can i say really tap into during lockdown and um and sometimes my reliance on other people i love that i have friends to speak to and like depend on but sometimes i've just tried to build a little bit more resilience over time and not be so codependent so i've learned to appreciate myself more without all of the accolades about all of the this degree without this job about this these glasses these cool glasses but yeah without everything i feel like i'm still on the journey of like learning to really really love myself for who i am um because yeah i think i feel that's just the most you know the most important thing and it makes you appreciate things more as well i like that i really do where when i would introduce myself at events i would not say what i did i would just say this i enjoy this i do this i do that because i just thought that we hide behind a lot of labels and we we also try and over how can i describe this we try and prove our worth by saying all the things we've done and i just thought for a moment i don't do that anymore i just want to say i'm me i'm a christian i'm a child of god and like all the things that i'm proud of that don't that sit outside of work and people looked at me a bit like it's a bit weird now why don't you just say you're the founder of peppa you thought that i'm like because that's not all i am but that's all i'm telling you i am and i want you to see me what would you say this pandemic and having this time distance but then also um connecting with people and just i don't know this weird this strange time what would you say is talking about yourself as a business woman as a person as a um i don't know as a lover as a friend as a family member what have you learned about you and what like a new realization something you've been trying yourself before but you're just like wow i'm this kind of person i i would say my resilience like i've been through something you know what i'm saying like i i knew that i was resilient i feel like all the women are but i didn't know that i could i could carry so much and i think i get it from my mum she's a really hard-working woman she migrated our family over from ghana to the uk to start a new life and for me seeing her make it and seeing her work so hard that we can make it has built that kind of deep rooted core of resilience then also when you go through class and you're able to come out the other side that also builds resilience as well and i think sometimes the hardships that happen either in our businesses in our lives my relationships or even like what this government is doing it builds strength in ways that you can never imagine and i think it was probably like leaving the uk at the end of the year and then coming back and then being like whoa you went through some things like and you're still you're still standing what okay this is nice and just realizing that about myself and um has made me feel so much stronger as a person um emotionally as well like there have been times where i've cried through the night but also there's been times where i kind of look back at those moments and thought you have come up stronger and that is really incredible and i think more and more people need to say that about themselves sometimes it's hard to um be like oh i've been through stuff and i've come out the other side because people don't want to seem like you're kind of boastful or like well i think people should be celebrate that more that you have come up the other side and you're still even though you're going through things and things aren't you know as easy as they could be you're still standing and that's really really impressive um so that's something i i personally yeah yeah your ableness just yeah everything getting up like i think we underestimate how powerful it is to wake up and decide to be present in your day and yeah just do it like you're able to just be that within itself is a superpower um and just sitting at your desk and breathing and getting on with your time even when it's difficult or your mind is somewhere else what would you say has been the thing you've learned about yourself during your spirit um well i've i'm someone who like knows myself pretty well so i think it would it's just building up on things that i already knew but i believe in myself so much so much more than before what you said about confidence and past performance at the beginning of the pandemic i didn't think my business would make it i messaged my best friend being like i may need to borrow money from you just to figure out my next move is is this okay are you going to be able to help me because i just didn't expect like my business to do what it did but i think just sitting down realizing okay this is what is happening and just planning like how can we continue to thrive through this period or even survive because i wasn't even thinking of driving the ideas that i got in my mind just from sitting down and thinking just by myself with silence all of that just coming up with ideas and putting myself in the next level in my life has just made my confidence hit the roof i used to have a lot of impostor syndrome which i still do sometimes so to uni study fashion and so for me i haven't always believed that i deserve to like get stuff in the fashion industry like to have a successful business but now i do like i believe in myself so much so i think that is what has happened over this period amazing sweetie are you still thinking no i would say i realize how much i underestimate my abilities i think when when you when how can i say i was speaking to like a life coach i had like one session with a life coach and we were in conversation and was speaking about things that i've done and like the things i want to do or like just the differences i want to make and and she just looked to me and she said why why why are you underestimating yourself so much and it just made me reevaluate everything and it's almost like tweety like she said write down write down everything write down everything you're good at everything you've achieved the differences you've made the this the that just so many so so many things for my personal and like professional life as well and it was only then that i really did realize that oh my gosh like tweety come on like you should be proud of yourself and and i feel like i've taken on that energy this year and it's made such a difference and it's just giving me like a new just a new vibe you know what i mean and i feel like even today like today i had a really like day you guys have really really lifted my spirits today so um i yeah i'm almost reminding myself of that moment again is that with you come on just put on nicos yeah you've got this so you guys spoke a bit about so you spoke about writing ideas down for you you spoke about writing a list and i know nicole you spoke about journaling as well so writing is a theme that has come from and spending quiet time alone do you frequently journal do you guys write down your thoughts often do you feel that that is powerful and if you do what is maybe a favorite quote or a favorite phrase or a question you constantly ask yourself if someone who's listening to this doesn't journal or doesn't even know where to start with um inquiring about themselves like spending that time just digging deep like maybe you can give them a quote which is a prompt for a question which is a prompt hello yeah i can go um i do love journaling but i'm a public speaker i love talking i talk to myself quite a lot so actually um patience with myself so i got in the act of um going for long walks and actually recording voice notes and it was just kind of like my own mini podcast and i used to record them basically whenever i wanted to get something out of my head or i have feelings i felt some kind of way and then every now and then i would send them to like close friends and just they couldn't just understand where my head is at but they were really kind of like personal podcasts i guess if you want to call it so if anyone doesn't feel confident with writing um recording voice notes a really good alternative um i have so many quotes and i guess for a google version that is like non-religious and i'll give a version that i was told once um yeah so i was told and i don't know where the quotes from but someone else said this to me and i just thought whoa um but they said to me everything that you've ever wanted in the world is already yours it's just about how you go and get it and then the kind of christian version is that god has already laid out everything that you've ever wanted already he's going to be with you um and i i've always really found that um you know as a younger person really dreaming about what kind of life i could have really wanting to be successful really wanted to make something of myself and feeling the pressure to do so but also wanting it as badly i was always constantly questioning like what could that person be and who would that person be going forward and and that quote gives me comfort because one it kind of says that my path is already set and two it also reminds me that the action of getting there is upon me it's me putting my hard work it's me really focusing on me doubling down on what i need to do and then for me being a christian it's also known that i have the grace and the guidance from god so that's why i gave both questions nice a double lead sword love that yeah because i write like a lot because i write a lot at work and and everything like that and i'm always sending emails oh my gosh countless emails anyway because i'm always because i'm always writing um i that's how i started my podcast i didn't start my podcast i have about maybe 17 episodes out and it started randomly like i was literally like lying down i had a nap in the afternoon because i was just tired and i woke up and i thought to myself i don't want to talk to myself again i have a lot of thoughts like i'm just probably going to post it on like instagram as a voice thing and i thought to myself oh no my girlfriend has a um a podcast i know how to upload and stuff i was like oh let me just do it i thought of it in that moment did it on the day and now i've got 17 episodes and it is literally just me taking 10 minutes i literally talk about like the most random things ever but um i have like these colored cards i'll show you they're like not really tarot cards but they're like emotional cards you have like some cards that say fear flow um life sun and each each emotion has like a different explanation and sometimes i pull out those cards on um on the 10-minute podcast and it just gives such good insight into like what like the questions that i have or um or you know my current you know my current thought process or my current worries and yeah i feel like it's been very cathartic and it's just been so nice just to talk for 10 minutes and leave it as that and put it out there and yeah it's helped a lot of people so far so yeah that's been my way of almost releasing but yeah oh you need a quote yeah that's a do you have a favorite quote if you have one currently living in the present that's my thing whenever i'm not or whatever it's called i just remind myself i'm like twiggy you're currently living in the present or ground yourself and um similar to nicole is um what will say oh crap forgot it everything everything is working um for your greatest good yeah everything is working in your greatest good and i feel like like like i said before when i was working at lush and and i didn't really know what direction i was going in in a few in you know in years to come i think i always just told myself that over and over and over again you know what everything's working out in my favor everything's working out in my favor that was beauty and now this is beauty it's like if i didn't have all of those years working on the shop floor talking to people with these products i wouldn't have the passion that i have for it now and the knowledge you know so yeah everything full circle yes and i keep telling people about this invisible strength i work a lot with universities and young people um so i get to see it firsthand people stressing about their careers and i'm just like yeah right and journaling prompts like questions like what did you enjoy doing when you were young what do you constantly get complimented on what used to bring you joy that you don't do anymore um you feel most like your childlike self and when you answer those questions you start detailing your passions it becomes so clear from when i was like six seven i've always loved it it's always been something i've done i can literally trace this string like through my own even the lows purpose in the lows there's purpose in the highs everything makes it all sense yeah working at lush and now working at work it makes so much it makes so much sense now that i'm in it especially because i have to like network and i have to talk to a lot of pr's and like engage with this person meet this person i've never met before decide i meet 10 people at once and i have to speak to every single person like if i if because lush anyone can walk in at any given moment and if you've ever been in lush like we're always like oh hello a every single person even introverts i need to know how to approach them and how to deal with them and it's just it working at last honestly taught me so so much and i didn't know until like you know now so i'm very grateful amazing so how about you do journal do you have prompts or do you have a quote um i struggle with journaling but i know i need to i know it's very important i can feel that i need to but when it comes to putting the pen i just really struggle but this is a work in progress i'm trying to like record voice notes and just figure out a way to get it out um but something that i a quote that i wanted to share was something that has really got to me by like my years of impostor syndrome my mom shared it with me and it's they will never find you out like every time you feel like you're not good enough nobody's to know except you like super super curious no seriously so many people have no clue like don't you sometimes see someone who's like super successful and they're talking but after when you think about it what they said like it wasn't that revolutionary in yourself you're like no i'm not good enough i have to do this just do your research be well read always strive to continue learning never get complacent but nobody is going to see you and be like no they they're not going to know that you don't feel like you're good enough and then everyone's looking it because times that like i felt like i did rubbish and like someone said oh my god your business is killing it i heard you you sounded amazing and in my head i'm like what it just makes you realize how much everyone is on and they're not going to find out i love that i love that so much so i was gonna say that um i would love for all of you guys to read the book the alchemist i really really enjoyed that with purpose my favorite quote from that was when you really want something the universe yeah when you really want something and you're working towards it no matter how difficult it is how long it takes how foolish you feel like when you when i first started blogging i felt so silly sometimes you just feel dumb doing poses but um you will get to your destination honestly i love that you brought up the alchemist that is my new year ring read and it's been my new yearbook for three years and it's so funny that every year i pick it up like i've got tons of underlines and notes but every year i need a new bit i need something else i see something else i connect with something else um so if anyone listening to this has not read the alchemist i would urge you to please go and get a copy and i guarantee you'll read it and then you'll gift it and then you'll once again it's gonna be it's gonna be a live source for you're gonna really and it's an easy read a small book easy very digestible um so much food i thought in there someone spoke about imposter syndrome that's why you did um and i want us to speak about that just for a few moments i want you to come very quickly each of you a comparison you once had in life that you've learned to let go of would you compare yourself to someone specific or do you try to standard that you've let go of now um so yeah a comparison that you no longer yeah i think i think there was a lot of pressure at university because i was the only black girl on my course and one of two only black people was studying product design and everyone in my course said that i was going to get a first everyone everyone else was telling me what i was going to get and i was just like how do you not know this like so much better and but also i realized what they were doing was comparing me and the only other black person on the course to get grades and it just put a lot of pressure on myself and i remembered that moment of you know being compared to another black person and constantly feeling like there's only the two of us that only one of us can get through was just such a negative way to like walk into the industry and i completely let that go when i realized that actually in the space that we're currently in the creative industry or the tech industry or fashion if one of us wins we all win and so if one person gets the first one person gets a 2-1 or no one gets a first we're all winners by being here and by kind of pushing through but i remember like really comparing myself like the one other guy on my course like who's going to get her first but it didn't matter it really didn't matter because we were both working through an industry where we would have certainly singular people um but there was a lot of pressure that i just thought that's actually so mad like i just want to finish this course and like everyone was telling me you're gonna get a first i'm not getting a 2-1 i was still fine with that you know what i mean do you guys thought you were gonna say something right yeah i was gonna say mine wasn't really comparison to another person it was just comparison to what i thought that i should because i know myself and i know like i have so much potential and so i just always wanted to be there just like up there so mine was just learning that it takes time it takes time and because like i'm not there it doesn't mean that i'm a failure success actually takes time like there's there's a right there's not always a right of passage and to be honest with social media i'm happy that the walls in a lot of industries have come down and anyone can wake up and put out their work but if you think of the a lot of the really successful people in life they didn't start at 10 or being a teenager or even 20 some people started at 30 okay and so yeah i stopped i've stopped holding myself to harmful standards yeah yeah i was very similar to you as well like i this is like a recent how can i say a lot okay so for the longest time i always thought that i was very different and i always wondered why like you i would always achieve good grades and this and that but then it would be very very hard for me to get there like compared to my peers like i'd had to work 10 times harder or like just very very simple tasks were very very difficult for me and i just always thought that okay maybe i'm a little bit you know maybe i'm a little bit i don't know less intelligent than other people and my mom always encouraged me and told me that i'm great and this and that but last year i haven't actually i think i've told like four people this actually i was actually diagnosed with adhd and my type of adhd is combined so it is hyperactive which is hyperactive at times it is also impulsive and um inattentive so it makes it very difficult to do the most simple things and um i found out last year and i cried when i found out and i wasn't crying out of how can i say i wasn't crying out of um sadness or anything like that it was relief just because over the years i've always compared myself to how can i say um just the neurotypical standard of doing things like oh my gosh they do things so fast or we understand this so fast and not knowing that my brain all this time has just been working like on overdrive and um and yeah that i just work very different to other people so now with this newfound knowledge almost it's as if i found like a new tribe and i'm understanding myself so much more and giving myself a pat on the back as well for doing all of this and being able to do all the things that i've i've done without any help or without even knowing what is almost different about me so i would say yeah it's just not like comparing myself to other people anymore and just like neurotypical standards of working and everything like that amazing thank you for sharing have you said four people and now you've shown that i didn't share it with anyone just because yeah i really shut up anyone just because i i was always fearful that people would treat me differently or say like oh that's because of adhd even though it probably is um but yeah i just didn't really want people to treat me any differently but um yeah i'm really happy to share it here just in case you know someone else might thank you honestly because i feel like a lot of things that people deal with aren't diagnosed until they're a lot older sometimes 30s and 40s and you go your whole life thinking i'm not good enough i'm weaker i'm this and it's just like no you're just different and not just different because your mum or your dad says scientifically you're different and that's gonna either hinder you or help you in certain areas of your life so i'm really happy you got that diagnosis and i'm really happy you're embracing it and you're still you and actually you've gotten very far like hope is that's not all you are i'm not going to just kind of hold you to that bug standing but really i'm really proud of that achievement as well like it's a really big movement i always wanted to work there when i was younger like i was obsessed with fashion magazines and and i really did hope that i got the job and i feel like i did i could have had even more experience than i feel like they just really liked me as well so yeah i'm just really proud of that achievement in general so yeah i'm i'm more than happy for you to mention that yeah thanks okay so we have a few more minutes to go and i really want us to end on time thank you guys for sticking with us for this long we are gonna i'm gonna end on a question i love asking people because i feel like it kind of takes us out of the room and it brings us into the into your world so i want you to either describe your most perfect ideal saturday what do you love to do as a woman who is working and you have your money and you have your life and if you're confident in who you are what is your ideal saturday morning or well saturday or what does success feel like for you so you can either do the saturday or you can describe the feeling that's cute these are two of my favorite questions um i actually have an answer for two for both of them but i would say um success looks like change and change can be either within the system that i navigate change can be within my life um change can also look like one thing being stagnant and then suddenly moving and i like the idea that to be successful means i have changed something and i've done something to change the way in which we live our lives um that could be as individuals as people as a community or as you know a wider society for me that's when i can kind of sleep easy and that's why it links to the comment about saturday complete stillness just being absolutely still i love it i love it i love doing nothing i'm good i'm good at doing nothing at all and i think when you're a kind of person who does loads of things whether it's different chats people rely on you for certain things you're managing various different people sometimes always being needed my saturday is not being needed did it be hard but i have kids they're going to be running around like mom no what do you mean um no but stillness is my job like i absolutely appreciate it so much that's my saturday morning yeah hi thank you so much for that who wants to go next i'll go next mine's really simple saturday similar to nicole i want to rest and sleep and just just i don't know have a nice fizzy rubicon on the side that i can sit you know while i watch i'm real housewives of potomac like really nice and simple i know you actually got me into made in chelsea i i i'm so glad i finished everything now i will watch all of the episodes and it was absolutely great yeah yeah my idea of success would be just to just to feel very like just continue feeling very self-assured and confident and and confident in my abilities just to change the world and change people's lives in whatever way i can um giving opportunities to other people um giving platforms to other people to grow um yeah just i don't know other people's smile makes me happy as well so yeah i would say as long as i continue to do that that that and make money as well i like money and they i make lots of money as well but yeah these are the things that i would say um yeah make me feel successful yeah yeah i like that you have money in them because women were taught to not really speak about money that much or not to act like we need it or that we love it and actually it's perfectly fine oh yeah i love it that's good you are gonna end us on your answer and then i'll wrap up the event oh [Laughter] pressure success to me feels like contentment i feel like for so many years i have been striving and pushing and it's just felt like climbing a ladder that never ends and every time you get somewhere where you think you know not that's it but like it's going to be easier there's another obstacle so success for me would just not being complacent but being content being okay with where i am being in a comfortable house my family my friends everyone being happy everyone being comfortable being able to buy nice presents for everyone being able to travel when i want just being content and peace and not striving so much striving and trying like when you are trying to make it um i just i just would love to just be content and at peace in my heart yeah i agree thank you girls honestly like just to wrap up all your answers into one i feel like the general theme was rest it is actually and i love that you've all ended on that because a lot of this kind of girl boss be a career woman um literature and just the imagery and the point is all about the hustle and the strife and working 24 hours and do that type of stuff and actually you've all said successes feel still and being confident because a lot of people think useless when they're not doing anything but you also actually know i am so confident in myself that when i'm doing nothing there's so much purpose in that because i need it for me yeah so thank you for judging that message i feel like a lot of young people are going to need to hear that you don't always have to be on the hamster world of movement you can be still and just gather your thoughts and taking your surroundings and enjoying your life on 0.5

um rewind mode like you don't have forward so thank you guys so much thank you everyone who's tuned in who's listening i hope this has been an inspiring thoughtful conversation i hope you've taken loads of notes if you have a quote that you're going to walk away with or when you thought about yourself that is my greatest hope maybe i am so grateful to have you here thank you for your time and your heart and your truth that is all like an outsole and you've just been so generous with all of it today so thank you so much thank you so much thank you welcome you're so welcome and thank you to the young barbeques for allowing us to make this happen to celebrate international women's day you guys are incredible women and i want you to be international i want you to be all over the globe so this is just the start so thank you again and hopefully we will see you all again very soon take care everybody [Music]

2021-03-09 17:48

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