The War of the Golden Stool • Puppet History
[Music] welcome one and all to puppet history today we'll be taking an ever winding look at yet another chapter in the heavy heavy book we call history while our guests ruthlessly compete for the coveted title of history master i am obviously your beloved host the professor thank you oh oh hey ryan bergara are you ready just another day in hell esteemed guest kate peterman are you ready i'm ready glad to have you back buddy ah let's crack in is this the first step of the new season no wow oh sorry sorry we've only invited you here four times oh yeah i have been here four times i know it's crazy that's my favorite thing yeah it's always good to have you it's crazy because like i don't pay attention to the story at all i half understand what's happening everyone that's a good thing to tell the professor now to begin furniture shopping love it hate it how you feel about it oh i love it i get excited yeah i i find it to be kind of a chore i'm actually in the market for a new couch what's wrong with the one you got i could put my hand in it oh isn't that every couch though no these aren't separate cushions i'm holding onto a spring totally different yeah that's not good well our story today centers around a piece of furniture that is so important no one is allowed to even sit on it not even royalty it isn't a grand throne it isn't some holy bed it isn't even a special love seat but its sanctity drove its people to bitter combat today we're talking about the war of the golden stool i knew i was a stool huh damn i thought we were talking about the iron throne i knew it i in my head i i want i didn't want to interrupt you but i was like this is gonna be a stool you know what history point for kate she was a stool well she claimed she knew it was a stool she said i knew it after you had said the answer so ryan i'm not a liar that sounds like something a liar would say the ashanti nation the proprietor of said golden stool dates back to the second half of the 17th century the first ashanti king oseatutu united several separate ashanti states into one kingdom in present-day ghana by the 19th century the ashanti empire was flourishing made wealthy thanks to rich gold resources as well as active participation in the slave trade selling prisoners of war to british and dutch traders not great but not great yeah pretty tough go for gold when you think about it gold was so overvalued back then and now we got cash for gold and like that no one really gives a about it dogecoin what the kate and i are very up on our crypto power and status among the ashanti was concentrated among a group of leaders called the aman haney known as the stool holders similar to the british concept of lordships stools were titles with power wealth land and even entire villages attached to them while the stools physically existed they were meant to be symbols not thrones in that the stool holder did not sit upon their stools you got to stop saying that was a lot of stool there was well there's going to be a lot of stools this is about the war of the golden stool you said school like 20 times yes i'm gonna say it a lot more beyond the physical benefits holding a stool also entitled you to that stool's tsum tsum roughly meaning soul the sun tsum gave the stool holder the collective wisdom of all previous stool holders creating a direct link from the present to the past you guys ever seen avatar the last airbender cultureless a couple of swine you're talking about the m night shyamalan film right that's the one you're talking about oh i've seen signs okay well i mean science is good the greatest of the stools was the golden stool which was held by the assante heine or king of the ashanti people according to legend in the 1600s the golden stool fell from heaven onto the lap of the first ashanti king osea tutu the physical stool itself is 18 inches tall 24 inches wide and 12 inches deep it's made of pure gold and in 1900 it was the cause of a war between the ashante and boom was it a the french b the british or c the spanish alright ryan what do you got yeah i guess the french kate what do you got i guess the british the british i do think it's funny that they said that it just fell from heaven this stool that's exactly what i would say if i stole something from someone i would be like yeah just fell into my lap i don't know shut that little guy up well i'm afraid that even when we tell non-european stories those little find a way to insert themselves usually via imperialism in this case points go to kate as the challenger for the golden stool was none other than queen victoria technically she probably didn't care about the stool itself but she was the monarch of england at the time which is as good a segue as any to start talking about the british just colonizing lifting right taking what's out there is am i right guys i actually don't know i just heard it and so i'm repeating it no that's what they do that's what they do yeah that's why we threw their tea into the river yeah taught him a lesson your tea i am drinking tea right now all right moving along what the hey professor it's me the horse from the season finale oh wow we've never had a guest pop in before they perform yeah well i'm just really beloved and i want to hype up my incredible sky song in the season finale oh sounds cool or this cool as a skull song could be i guess oh man it's going to slay hey i also want to make sure this theater keeps the lights on till the finale so i'm here with a word from our sponsor skillshare oh nice yeah skillshare is an online learning community for creative folks like you and me and i assume our viewers i know yeah they got thousands of inspiring classes on a whole range of topics like illustration design photography video and more oh wow me i'm trying to hone my creative energy for good so i'm taking artivism create inspiring art for change with nicholas smith hey good for you yeah i think it's really going to help me channel my creativity into a really show-stopping song for the season finale that'll really sit in people's souls the way the best ska songs do uh-huh well most of the classes are under 60 minutes so you can squeeze them in anywhere they're great for people of all skill levels whether you're just a creative dabbler or a full-on professional there's no ads and with an annual subscription it's less than ten dollars a month holy moly what a deal yeah the first 1 000 subscribers to click the link in the description will get a free trial of premium membership so you can explore your creativity did you say free that's right all right well i gotta get back to the creative process but i'll see you in a seasonal finale hey what's that episode about by the way uh tbd all right well my wife's really excited i'll see you later all right anyway where were we ah yes now an entire puppet series could be done about britain's shitty exploits in africa but for today we're concerned about a narrow chapter of that history in the late 19th century the british controlled a sizable portion of africa's gold coast and were neighbors to the ashanti nation the british were content with a udu approach to the ashanti nation so long as the ashanti were strong enough to prevent squabbling between other nations that could disrupt britain's precious trade routes how did the british ensure the ashanti nation remained strong a they gave the ashanti nation favorable deals on guns b they trained the ashanti armies in modern warfare or c they didn't in fact they went to war with them like five times don't blow this ryan it doesn't really matter in the end does it yes it does we have a very complex algorithm that chooses the winner i don't think it's that complex it's just whoever has more b no no no there's a lot there's a lot going on back here we have a big old machine that we plug a lot of facts and figures into anyways my answer is c war more that's what i picked too looks like we got some sea dogs out there or or you know like seal the sea dogs that's a seal is this episode gonna make it are you gonna make it yeah hell yeah dude i think we have an answer for this one but we're going to find out via the magic of theater yes finally kick it off with a freaking play dude [Laughter] soldier how goes our campaign wait uh english who they are soldier how goes our campaign um i'd say okay commander woolsey you know it's pretty important to the empire that the ashanti stay like a strong and independent so yes yes i know i know i hear plenty of that from my quote unquote superiors uh yes uh so then maybe we should just um you know forget about that old dutch fort that everyone's getting so worked up about what if we let them keep it they'll be stronger for it and that'll help us brits a keen suggestion soldier i propose instead we march into the asante capital and burn it to the ground wouldn't that um weaken them a lot well sometimes the best ideas are bad ideas right no not usually what can that even mean i do not know throughout the century the british went to war several times against the ashanti the scene we just watched was masterfully adapted from events of a real war between 1873 and 1874. as a result of these wars by the end of the century the ashanti were greatly weakened no longer the powerful empire they had once been and in serious financial trouble in the 1880s partially due to the instability from years of war with the imperial british the ashanti nation went through a civil war over who would hold the golden stool at the end ajamin krempe was made a santa haney but the internal conflict had further weakened the nation and the british noticed in 1891 the british formally asked the ashanti nation if they wanted to be folded up in the british protectorate meaning they were still locally autonomous but the british had final say for everything on the national level the asante heine refused telling the brits ashanti must remain independent the cause of ashanti is progressing and there is no reason for any ashantiman to feel alarm at the prospects seems fishy to me if you hired like a taskrabbit to watch over your house when you went on vacation and the last thing he said to you before you got in the car to go to the airport was you got nothing to worry about it's gonna be all good with me in there don't worry it's almost like they didn't help at all like what were they giving them in return for this power i mean the idea of a protectorate is that they would essentially protect them in case anyone tried to be aggressive toward them but they were aggressive towards them yeah that like a really toxic relationship it basically sounds like the mob yeah nevertheless some members of the ashanti men apparently did feel alarmed with several chiefs having abandoned the ashanti nation in favor of the british protectorate by 1893 despite signs the ashanti nation was slowly getting back on its feet in england's eyes they were getting weaker with each passing year something had to be done what did england do a they forgave the ashanti's wartime debts b they declared war on the losing side of the civil war so they wouldn't be able to challenge the asante heine for the golden stool or c they deposed the king deposed means you know take them out of there you're out of here folks let me see your answers ryan let me see you i think the uh b for slapped i think that slapped that whole nation ryan the language was a bit 2003 for my tastes but uh kate what do you got i also went b okay uh what year was this again 1893. wow kate history point for remembering that oh my god i'm trying so hard to play very impressive do you guys want to see another funny little sketch sure anything again okay i'll be back later bye bye sir william maxwell governor of the gold coast how are you today i noticed you've marched your army into my nation's capital and i gotta ask why well santa gini primpi there's this matter of the fifty thousand ounces of gold you owe my queen uh right that debt you claim we owe you because you tried to burn down our fort look i need that money now like this year now or soon now or no it over so we don't just like have 3 000 pounds of gold laying around i could give you like 42 pounds of gold right now and then maybe we could do a payment plan for the rest okay you're under arrest you and your entourage come with me points to neither of you yeah you idiots sounds like the teacher messed up there if you know what i mean oh cause i'm the yeah you should be learning i guess the whole class flunked it not exactly a good uh showing for the teach well but at the same time tis a shoddy student who blames his teacher huh i thought it was tis a shot he works man who blames him bench tools craftsman blames his tools yeah shoddy craftsman is a pretty cool like stage name go grab a couple brewskis at the shoddy craftsman oh yeah that's good yeah it could be kind of like a wait improvement bar are we all gonna open a bar together no if you weren't already questioning the sincerity of britain's overtures of just wanting peaceful trade now might be the time in the eyes of great britain their complex trade interests and the threat of other european nations seizing power left them no choice but to take control of the ashanti nation in 1896 under the pretext of fifty thousand ounces of unpaid gold they arrested the asante heine and thirty other high-ranking ashanti sub-chiefs and generals including the assantahini's mother the prisoners were sent to live in exile in the seychelles why jesus christ hey real quick where are the seychelles a in the indian ocean north of madagascar b in the mediterranean sea between greece and turkey or sea in the atlantic ocean west of morocco fudge i don't know anything about the geography so just try your best thanks professional so threatening you thought that was threatening that was like the thing try your best try your best just try your best it wasn't like that he didn't say anything ryan what do you got i just put c because i wanted to say morocco okay oh it would be um well congrats on not nailing it guys wow that's two questions in a row that both your students win well look i'm not a geography teacher the seychelles is an archipelago about 1 000 miles off the eastern coast of africa it's gorgeous baller beaches big ass tortoises i highly recommend it have you been there professor oh yeah it's gorgeous you should see the tortoises they're huge all right well with a vacuum at the top of the ashanti government britain installed their own snooty ass representative and to pay for this they installed a taxation system on the ashanti people and essentially drafted citizens to work on public infrastructure they also abolished domestic slavery which was still practiced in the kingdom they show up and they just start taxing people so is this all an elaborate plan to get this stool kate i like where your head's at we're getting there okay all i gotta say is that a big stool sometimes can be taxing okay now we're moving along oh my god ryan way to set it off let's freaking go let's freaking go into the second half of this now four years for years all right okay [Laughter] oh boy how did we get there i don't know okay here we go for years the ashanti tried in vain to convince the british to return their asante haney to british governor sir frederick hodgson this was frustrating why didn't the ashanti just accept his authority as their ruler to see how well you've been paying attention open-ended question why didn't the ashanti people acknowledge governor hodgson as their ruler this is my favorite episode yet brian that's because they uh they hated his country and his mustang okay so not paying a ton of attention okay uh because they didn't want him there to begin with oh okay well right sort of a yeah uh points okay so governor hodgson he's just flabbergasted because that's three questions in a row that we've all whiffed i know that's okay he's sworn he's sweating now guys consider this professor i don't consider this well you know what you're in professors [Music] [Laughter] all right they did not accept him as ruler why think about it what is one thing that their rulers have that he does not the stool the stone they'll give kate a jelly bean for that because she got there so this was kind of like almost a religious thing well yeah governor hodgson did not possess the golden stool so he did not hold the ashanti soon soon therefore he couldn't be their ruler in 1900 governor hodgson figured this out and set his focus on getting his grubby limey mitts on that golden stool in march of 1900 governor hodgson went to the capital city of kumasi and spoke to the ashanti chiefs who remained quote where is the golden stool why am i not sitting on the golden stool at this moment i am the representative of the paramount power why have you relegated me to this chat so hodgson was like you guys won't follow me until i get this stool so he's now going to get this stool he's saying give me this stool why are you making me sit in a chair i'm in charge i deserve this stool but no one sits on the stool but no yeah exactly a point for ryan a point for ryan no one sits on the stool did you see how much it hurt him to give me that point he couldn't even get through this yeah clearly the whiny baby great britain installed as governor only half understood the significance of the stool since no one not even the real king ever sat atop the throne nevertheless hodgson was dead set on finding the stool and he didn't care how he began to violently and brutally interrogate and beat locals regarding its whereabouts even including children wow this guy sucks so bad does he meet a cruel end like he deserves i mean god well and in the creek don't rise what what it's just you know it's all folksy saying like yeah i sure hope that doesn't happen god willed and the creek don't rise i hope he falls into a volcano frankly you got any more conversation stoppers in there professor in that satchel of yours [Laughter] oh here's what fun thing about this though is even though he was going around and beating up children they were basically like yeah beat me up i don't give a we're not gonna tell you where this stool is go yourself yeah tough it's metal but shouldn't have had to be if you were a little child you're out at a park and an old british man comes up to you and says where's the stool hello hello i've been installed and i want your stew i don't know what i'd do i'd kick him in the shirt and probably just go that way i'd probably rat if i knew where this stool was i would just give it up easy yeah i can't keep a secret if anyone tells me a secret and then afterwards they're like but keep that secret i'm like that's your fault well discussions began among the leaders of the ashanti nation or at least the ones who weren't now four-year residents of the seychelles should they try to negotiate or should they fight one of the leaders present was yah assanchua the queen mother of the ashanti state of edueso yasancha's grandson the chief of edueso was exiled along with the asante heine in 1896 and in so many words she was sick of great britain's she gave a spirited speech to those debating what to do quote gallant youth and men of our fatherland shall we sit down and be dehumanized all the time by these rogues we should rise and defend our heritage it is better to perish than to look on sheepishly while the white man whose soul purpose in our country is to steal kill and destroy threatens to rob us of our golden stool yeah she sounds baller i'm not going to britain anymore okay i was gonna go and now i'm not going you're holding that grudge yeah that'll show them even after that speech many ashanti men were hesitant remember not long ago the ashanti had seen a civil war and some men were glad to see the asante heine in exile to stir the men to action ya assanchua another braveheart level speech quote if you the men of asante will not go forward then we will we the women will i shall call upon my fellow women we will fight the white men we will fight till the last of us falls in the battlefields hard that's pretty metal and that's a grandma that's a grandma yeah love her did she survive or did she like get her head blown off right after she said that she has more to say oh good yeah sanchua also had some choice words for governor hodgson are you ready for this you ready for this polish white man [Laughter] who are you to demand the golden stool the golden stool is the property of the king of asante and not for people like you do you belong to the royal family where is our king go and bring him to show you where the golden stool is killed he is the sole custodian and knows where it is hidden did they hide this duel i feel like this isn't something hard to find i'm sure there's like a stool room like a stool display place if they just hit it with one of like the people in town and they're carrying the stones just a guy with a real big hat he's just walking like under crushing weight oh it's fine this is a normal day well the ashanti chiefs did the only reasonable thing they made the 59 year old grandma their commander-in-chief ya assanchua declared war against the british and the ashanti prepared for battle feels like they're walking into a losing fight here yeah i feel i'm i'm scared yeah sanchez proved to be a shrewd leader to start she greatly improved military recruitment how hey she tripled the starting military salary b she opened the military up to females or c she banned women from having sex with anyone refusing to join the army okay kate are you scandalized i am like i have to pick it yeah i love that ryan what have you put i'm going to put c no shootie no booty okay we got a couple of sea dogs ah yes c is the correct answer oh that's amazing jelly beans for both of you yeah a sancho kindly asked the gods to kill any woman who had sex with someone avoiding military duty jesus christ wait i didn't realize wait i thought they were like yeah it sounds like it's a good race but it's also that's crazy traumatic you gotta send your husband or your boyfriend or whatever to war yeah even if he stayed you wouldn't be able to sleep with him because you'd be scared of death i mean you could probably you know once he signs the papers probably give him a little send-off you know [Laughter] little something to remember me bye are they like just going door-to-door putting their ear against it hearing whether or not there's some sex going on yeah i want to know what you were honking god knows that's just what it sounds like when my people do do that sort of thing it sounds like a clown horn yes you're just all cold a little bike little bike yeah it's a little i hate where we've gone okay yeah in turn yawa sanchua saw twenty thousand men enlist beyond her recruiting success ya sancho was also a savvy strategist the ashanti used any available resources as weapons asses sticks even bottles she blockaded the roads to kumasi then created openings to lure the british which were booby-trapped with improvised explosive minds also laid siege to the fort in komasi where the governor and other british were staying the siege literally starved many of the brits to death wow effective what are the numbers they're going against though i don't know i don't even know why i ask those follow-up questions i don't know shut up i don't know just shut the up i once said to a teacher he was like why would you ask that question i was like uh cause the only dumb question is the one not asked and he said someone lied to you oh rude to be fair he was hungover and we all knew it oh god i had some issues tough to teach when you're hungover i bet are you hung over right now that would explain a lot actually i'm fine okay the ashanti also destroyed the telegraph lines out of kumasi meaning the besieged british had little hope of survival without negotiating despite initially believing they'd dispatch with the ashanti resistance within days governor hodgson reluctantly accepted the ashanti demands which included the return of their king the forgiveness of the 50 000 ounce gold debt and that the governor would drop his cringy quest for the golden stool soon after however the governor escaped the besieged fort and raced to the safety of the coast with the ashanti pursuing him the entire way governor hodgson immediately sent for reinforcements never intending to uphold his side of the truce what a piece of yeah that's a little every step of the way weaselly little guy talks like a duck that guy quacks [Laughter] over the next year the war continued steadily the british chipped away at the ashanti forces and in 1901 yah assanchua was captured the ashanti leader was sing along if you know the words sent into exile where she died on october 17 1921. uh i gotta hand it to this lady she was up against some pretty tough odds there and put up a good fight i'd say it was a good try good job good effort yeah it's just like there was no reason for the british to do any of that just stay in your lane stay in your lane they literally just heard of a golden stool it's like i want it oh we don't have that we want that it's the babies baby oh also i've been to england it's a lovely town uh country whatever it is though the british continued to rule the ashanti kingdom they permitted the exile to santa haney to return to a ceremonial role in 1926. though it wasn't until 1957 when ghana gained full independence from britain today the ashanti people make up an estimated 14 percent of ghana's population and the asante heine remains an important cultural figure at first glance it would appear the british won their final war against the ashanti nation however led by yah assanchua the ashanti people exhibited bravery against tremendous odds and a willingness to stand against imperialism at the end of the day the british never did get the golden stool which is today housed in the ashanti royal palace in kumasi nice that's pretty cool what happened to hiddens hodgson yeah he had a i think he actually died of a prolapsed rectum yeah i'm just kidding that's not true that's gonna be really funny because he's after this if he pooped himself to death yeah that'd be funny i just like that this is a woman who came in there and just laid it out for everyone she was like all right i'm sick of you guys being just a bunch of idiots and i'm going to lay down the law you gotta respect it i also think it's hilarious to be like all right no one's no one's unless you're willing to die she knows what the people want that's wild well that concludes our history lesson i'm going to go tally up the scores to see who receives the coveted cup and the title of history master while i do that please enjoy this special performance from the golden stool this will not be blasphemous at all oh shoot look at that stool oh wow hey everybody it's me the school of gold sing it if you know the words [Music] [Music] oh [Music] oh [Music] [Music] oh [Music] [Applause] ryan you watch these musical performances like a serial killer yeah you really are just like it's uh it's not an enjoyable experience for me man i feel like the professor needs to do a musical [Applause] wow what a dazzling performance uh we crunched the numbers back there big surprise here our returning champ kate peterman is our history master and kate we do not have a trophy for you this time or not the one not the one you're expecting as a three-time winner you receive the top banana award that's right go collect your prize oh my god yeah go get it go get it okay be right back be right back i just can't imagine something that i wanted enough that i would start a war what about that limited edition taco bell xbox uh no i think i'd start a war over a fair history competition something to think about how many people have gotten the tap banana award no one you're the first that's right kate thank you so much for being here again everybody else thank you for watching puppet history where the details are always a little fuzzy we'll see you next time thanks professor [Music]
2021-03-29 09:44
