Rhett & Link Are Dead
we will be hosting our first ever live stream sketch show since we did smosh live in 2016 and it is called smosh under the influence this is going to be very different from our last month live because this time we're all going to be drunk now for obvious reasons this can't happen on youtube so if you want to watch the show live you got to get your tickets at the link right here 30 at 6 00 pm pst [Music] you know i really thought i would have some kind of experience like at the end of aladdin when he'd get his like gold bracelets off when they [Laughter] it's died it's still here so what i have right here is a little thing called an nda non-disclosure agreement when smosh signed with mythical i was required to sign this nda so that i couldn't leak rhett and link's secrets now that they're dead the nda is lifted so i can say whatever i want it says here yeah all information relating to mythical entertainment products businesses and operations are to be kept confidential these items are including but not limited to the following in any formal capacity ian must refer to rhett and link as big daddy and bigger daddy there's just a little background info um that they didn't want leaked in the beginning link agreed to be the shorter of the duo they were originally the same height but they wanted more diversity [Laughter] you may use rhett link's toilet but do not discuss the poop knife [Laughter] a little more background information rhett donated his chin to charity in 2004 ian is required to stay single while under mythical which which is why i don't have a girlfriend rhett's last name is actually and link the person we've known the person we've known is link is actually rhett's bodyguard but only to protect him from not being the weirdest looking guy in the room [Applause] this last one has an mp3 link to it and it says you must not mention rhett link's unreleased country song so um let's play it [Music] one time we kissed each other's wives excuse hello everyone it's me trevor before rhett and link died they gave me the passwords to their twitter accounts so that i could continue tweeting in their honor and i read through some of their drafts and i really just think it gave us a great look into you know who they are as men um passionate loving and insightful so i'm just going to read through some of their twitter drafts for you today these ones first ones are from rhett they call me arby's the way i have the meat batman loves to barbecue jesse got me going straight nutter butters and that's a man that loves his wife those next one's really beautiful neighbors ask if i got a new dog how do i tell them it's just me horny howling at my beautiful wife jesse busy week for me and then in parentheses having diarrhea trying a new sex position with jessie tonight called wacky missionary looking forward to doing my wife's goofy style it's my dead boss i am in the middle of shooting good mythical more about to take the wackiest thumbnail and my braless wife brings me a plate of cookie flavored nachos not ask for as i answer the age-old question so how is your day going [Laughter] this one's just a pea but i would like to imagine that if he were to finish it it would have said something like please god let me get off work early so i can give jesse's sweet missionary my wife is a talented interior designer lucky for her i'm her interior destroyer oh my god this one is a classic reference to um to good mythical morning jesse mclaughlin will it missionary sex yes i have to get out of here and this last one just to tie it all up i'm the jack harlow of having [Laughter] missionary sex with my wife to move on to link he didn't tweet as much as rhett did um so he had a lot of drafts so i'm just gonna go through some of the highlights they really put their whole jamba juicy into this smoothie [Laughter] excited to bust it down sexual style on good mythical evening tonight goated with the sauce perhaps just went dicko mode on a ham sandwich with a nice ham just made a core memory of giving trevor a swirly it's my first day i did not the peanut butter okay it's weird that you have to defend that if josh tries to feed me bowl pee pee one more time i'm going to feed him his own pee pee however being the sick freak he is he's probably down okay i did the peanut butter that's a good one just watched a smosh try not to laugh video didn't have to try at all and then this last one to everyone directing hateful comments towards mythical crew on twitter we kindly ask you to refrain from attacking them on their personal accounts i berate them emotionally every day so i got it covered yeah i mean that's just a look into you know what kind of great men they were and they'll be missed by someone probably their wives maybe [Music] i was tasked with performing the autopsy of red and link i know many of you don't know me and there's no need to get to know me these are by far the two most up human bodies i've ever inspected and i typically do autopsies for beached whales red and link both have the livers of an 84 year old moonshiner and the internal intestinal tracts of a 14 year old gamer being in the same room with their dead bodies is technically a biohazard nobody should be in this room right now nonetheless i have been asked to share the findings of my autopsy with you all their stomachs are what we call a medical anomaly inside i found blood bile worms fish eyeballs bull testicles spaghetti jello pig anus and [Laughter] there were arby's many anuses in their stomach i had trouble finding their own we discovered completely new life forms living inside their stomach that had just begun developing language these organisms had begun to build tiny hovels out of french fries and cinnamon toast crunch but they are now dead and we will have no chance to examine them it's not sad it's a monstrosity based on all the artificial chemicals in their system me and the coroners actually have a bet going on about their bodies called will it decompose i have two thousand dollars on no link's hair is more akin to a lego piece than human hair we used a buzz saw to crack through the pomade alone but didn't find very much beneath it [Laughter] link is dumb [Applause] when inspecting rhett we shaved his beard and we're completely unable to find a chin fortunately we attached a new chin using the same glue that holds link's eyebrows in place a glaze has fallen over both of their eyes this is a natural human response trying really hard to look enthusiastic about things you really couldn't give a we found a tattoo on rhett's chest that says do not resuscitate i would do it better myself back to link i attempted to find a sample of link's muscle tissue but after inspecting his arms legs chest and ass i found nothing so i had to collect a sample from his forehead we did some research and they were both organ donors but everyone on the transplant list said that they would rather wait for the next one and while i'm standing in front of all of you today i would like to let you know is with a heavy heart that i will be quitting my job as a medical examiner i'm already applying to a job twice as stressful as working in the medical field being a producer for mythical thank you very much [Applause] [Music] i can't imagine my life without these guys they really saw me for me they are more than just bosses they were ready pie charlie you're my best friends your best bros you guys helped me grow not not like physically but you know you help me grow we just got each other us three you know we had something so special it's always like you just ripping each other like three best bros do you know like that time that rhett made me kiss him when i was dressed as a little prince it was so special and then got you back i gave you little nibbles on your hand when i was dressed as your little vampire i don't remember that [Laughter] and link you know we had our little repartees too you uh tried to poke me with your dart that one time and i feel like you're kind of like trying to send me a little signal and so oh my god oh sorry i'm just getting i'm getting a little warm as i'm thinking about those moments that we had so i returned the favor by giving my little beautiful dulcet tones right that's what you call them when uh you made me honk like a monkey that one time hello i just feel like no one's gonna really fill the void that the three of us had who could come up with such fun like little back and forth things like smearing peanut butter all over my face or while i was acting like the countdown like that was just that's only the kind of thing that like three best friends can do right like you and i we had something i don't think i'll ever be able to recreate i just i feel like we were just able to care for each other in a way that no one else could that's why i used to like to get naked and go in your office like when you think about it i don't think mythical started when you two became best friends i think it started when we became [Applause] established may 2014. so to honor your memory i just wanted to break one last apple for you got it right here this message it's for you guys in the great beyond okay [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] oh [Applause] [Music] so much bigger in person hello everyone uh as you know i'm here to read the will and you know that i wouldn't be here if i hadn't established myself in this format [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] two communities have been shaken today by the loss of these men the artist community will dearly miss jason momoa drawn from memory and the political world will dearly miss rachel maddow without rhett and link youtube will never be the same what will 38 year olds put on in the background while they consider going outside for the first time without rhett link what would youtube push as recommended videos to make the other videos look just a little bit better without rhett link what content can carry on the legacy of sit at table and food at table it is truly the biggest loss that the youtube community has seen since smosh turned down all of my sketch pitches unfortunately i never met rhett link and to think that they've passed me in the hallway many times i have today with me their joint will which they wrote together because they knew they'd only be successful as a duo oh hey ian on to the will keith will receive rhett and link's talent agent because we got to get you out of here man why are you still doing here are you trapped are you okay chase noted here as quote mythical spencer has been asked to continue his role on good mythical morning as their token some guy anything for you trevor noted here as mythical tommy but with a girlfriend or mythical tommy but respected by the place that they work at has been asked by rhett and link to dunk a breadstick and some cheeto dust since that's what trevor looks like will get the deed back to the smosh name ian rhett and link have some words of wisdom for you something they wish they did ages ago it's never too late to stop shane has been asked to open a wrestling match for the smosh fans and mythical fans to fight in they suggest the fight be called w-w-e a-r-e-v-i-r-g-i-n-s [Laughter] courtney has been instructed to put good mythical morning in an airtight tupperware container to ensure that the content doesn't get any more stale [Laughter] [Applause] stevie will receive a copy of the movie signs they thought she'd like it since she's also absolutely terrifying [Laughter] and tommy will be terminated immediately that makes sense please return your badge gun and the iv we used to suck the life out of you rhett and link's final requests are this that their corpses are added to the background of the gmm set so that they can live on to keep the title of oldest people on youtube may they rest and links [Applause] [Music] i'm absolutely devastated today to be speaking after tommy [Laughter] um for those of you that don't know me i'm stevie um i work closely with rhett link you may have heard of my work my ideas as either rhetts links or rotten links [Applause] before he passed link reflected on not being for everyone uh he was known for putting his foot in his mouth in fact just weeks ago he apologized to me for saying i'd look really good pregnant of course during that apology he subsequently told another mythical crew member morgan that he was real good at getting people pregnant turns out that link was keeping a running list of apologies that he asked me to read after his death he gave me the list last week which is really uh suspicious so here it is i charles lincoln neil iii want to apologize to the following people places and things to anyone who has been standing within several yards of me when i've chewed anything ever to alaska airlines flight 312 premium cabin crew members and fellow travelers i was letting out little poots the whole time two caterpillars i'm sorry i said you'd never amount to anything special and there's a lot so i'm going to kind of speed through i'm sorry to the entire latex industry wendy of wendy's traveling ensemble cast of dear evan hansen anyone who had to sit behind my hair at an event jesus christ and associates [Laughter] my shower for all the weird i did inside of you to the young girl i saw struggling to carry a large basket full of precious baby kittens so i said let me help you with that and i grabbed the basket but then i tripped and the basket flew and the kittens tumbled out across the road just as a high school marching band was headed towards us but they were a blind high school marching band and they were all wearing golf cleats to the blind high school marching band i thought it'd be funny to switch out your normal shoes with golf cleats to the kittens i was letting out little poots the whole time i'm sorry too albinos left-handed people rachel maddow right-handed people cryptozoologists all the jars of peanut butter i never got to anyone who owns a snake every busboy at every restaurant anyone trying to merge on the highway old navy customer service people who clap on roller coasters tweens gingers tween gingers and or gender tweens tourette for never confessing or acting upon my completely real homoerotic feelings for you man i always wanted to do anal with you and other gay stuff like blow jobs and kissing hard specifically us doing and kissing hard because we are two dudes [Applause] to all women i'm not sure what to apologize specifically for but i'm sure when you see me something comes to mind [Laughter] and to everyone at my funeral i've been letting out little boots well that was a lot um oddly enough rhett also gave me a note to read on his behalf and surprisingly it's also a note of apologies mclaughlin being of the absolute soundest of minds would like to issue the following apologies i'm sorry that i'm better than all of you i'd like to apologize to the younger generation who could not see me continue to prosper as the michael jordan tiger woods slash tom brady good baseball player of taste test videos i'd like to apologize for this video that you're all currently watching because it's not as funny as it could have been without me being able to speak and i'd like to apologize to link for never doing gay stuff with him too [Laughter] for the record i am not apologizing nor will i ever apologize to cats people who attended community college and the city of rochester new york goodbye i'm gonna miss talking at each and every one of you bye guys apologies accepted [Applause] that's a big man [Laughter] all right i'm merle haggard and i'm blind richie hi y'all i'm dolly parton and i'm lionel richie and i'm merle hacker [Laughter] we were asked to speak at rhett and link's funeral today because we heard they're huge fans two guys who built their entire personality around lacking a band i had no idea you both were still in middle school now written link didn't idolize me as much as they did the boys but i'm still here because this is a smosh video and i heard they just love cleavage and the thumbnail [Laughter] these jokes that we're saying they're perfect for a white person or a black person that's a that's a little reference to when rhett and link used to make comedy in fact i think i met you both at one point you both harassed me for a photograph i believe in the total pitch darkness that's right they're dead yeah so well so am i anyway so we wrote this song together so that you know people remember you because we don't somebody will yeah take it away [Music] they told us two legends have been laid to rest but we look through your channel and we're not impressed worked hard as hell and made 38 hits all your hard work just gives you weird [Music] there's no we [Music] [Music] easy and hello but if you ask me permission that's an easy hell no [Music] [Music] there's yeah [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] yet i don't know what's happening i just went with him that's just what i wear wow [Applause] my left ball almost came out last time i'm doing that hi hi i would say i'm surprised that i jumped back to life during my funeral but i've been doing keto so i have some notes i was awakened this morning by my fifth assistant donovan after he dressed me he said we were having a funeral today at smosh i asked him what's smosh he said sir you own them so thanks for having me today smosh you know i always assumed that i would have my own funeral [Laughter] but link had to be here for this too you know link has gotten himself into trouble a number of times throughout his life for speaking without thinking but i've never held that against him because if my brain moved as slowly as his i wouldn't make my mouth weight on it either [Laughter] but you know what there's a lot i'm gonna miss about link i'm gonna miss the way he complains about it being too hot i'm gonna miss the way he complains about it being too cold i'm gonna miss the way he says can you not talk so loud when i'm not talking loud you know he lived life aggressively so i'm gonna miss the way he aggressively chewed his food even pudding as if it is alive it must be subdued i'm gonna miss the way he aggressively applies lip balm every hour on the hour like he's waiting for a kiss that's never coming it's not going to happen oh my god i'm going to miss the way he aggressively slurps from his giant ass hydro flask that he carries around with him at all times like he's in one of those high school classes where you're learning how to take care of a baby and it's like the hydro flask is the baby he cares for that thing way more than he does for any of his own children [Laughter] i'm gonna miss the way he lets you talk for over a minute and then looks at you and says oh hold on i wasn't listening can you start over he hasn't heard a damn word of this speech i'm going to miss the way he meticulously picks food from something he's eating like a tomato on a burger and then offers it to you that's not how it works it's not that i like tomatoes so much that i want tomatoes that come from your burger that you pick off of your sandwich with your damn hands and they're offered to me that doesn't make any sense and if they have food in heaven he's gonna do the same damn thing in heaven so you know what if they do have food in heaven send me straight to hell i'm really gonna miss him i'm gonna miss link [Applause] oh man [Laughter] [Laughter] i did it i outlived his ass i was not prepared for this at all i can't believe he's gone i can't believe that a person could die from thinking that they knew everything you know so much of my life has been experienced with this guy you know the vast majority of it and so now that he's gone there's a gaping six foot seven pole in my life right where a six foot seven inch used to be seriously uh i don't know what i'm gonna do without him i mean think about it since first grade we've done so much together i mean how am i ever gonna eat a meal without him saying are you gonna eat that how am i gonna learn random trivia that nobody cares about like just last week he told me you know i think my dog comes from a line that was bred in ancient egypt in order to pleasure egyptian princesses what am i supposed to do with that information what was he doing with that information [Laughter] i always admired him and i'll always admire him for his drive this guy lost his virginity to a mattress and the mattress said he apologized way too much i wasn't there for that it was two mattresses that's right you know what my only regret is we went through so many ups and downs highs and lows my only regret is not being there for him when he sheds pants while driving his family to dollywood [Laughter] i would have laughed in his face just like i laughed in his face in buddy system season one when he had to shave his beard and his entire jawline came off with it do we do we have a photo let's show that photo this is how rhett mclaughlin would like to be remembered oh no he had a wife two kids and psoriasis it says a lot about him that only one of those is here today but you know he never complained about his psoriasis because he was too busy constantly complaining about his long ass back hurting meanwhile i'm the one bending over backwards in every single episode of good mythical morning to make him come across as likable talented and occasionally funny now good buddy i want you to know yeah let me i'm crying he's crying get a close-up of that there's actually a freaking tear i'm talented man you're dancing i won't be far behind you i promise just kidding i'm not going anywhere i got to find a new basic white dude who's too full of himself to be my co-host now not you trevor what about you that dude from smosh i don't know but you know what shane you got a bright future ahead of you which i think consists mostly of you just praying that they never canceled the goldberg could be ian if not it could be well who's kidding i mean yeah i know you do it again but if i ever look over at you and you're closing your eyes saying oh my god you're so funny anthony it's over [Laughter] let's do this who the hell is that guy [Applause]
2022-06-16 20:55
