How To Use Your Feminine Energy To Create Business Success
well hello and welcome to today's video in a minute you're going to get to sit in on a conversation that i had recently with a lovely coach who has got some incredible wisdom to share about the importance of intimacy and relationships especially for those of us who are women who are busy running our own businesses and who have maybe neglected those all important intimate relationships in our lives so melissa keenan is a usa today best-selling author keynote speaker and intimacy coach she's also the ceo of a multi-six-figure international intimacy coaching company supporting high-level business women to reclaim their true femininity and sensuality to create deep intimacy melissa works with high caliber soul-driven female leaders who know that living the dream is only as fulfilling as their most intimate relationship and that their impact is only as wide as they are willing to go deep within themselves so if any of that rings true for you then you are going to love watching this interview let's get into it all right today i am very excited for my conversation with today's guest melissa keenan welcome to the show melissa it is such a pleasure to have you here thank you i'm so glad to be here yeah i am really looking forward to learning from you today and hearing about everything that you've got to share you know about intimacy and personal relationships especially for business owners um but before we get into everything i would love for you to introduce yourself and just you know give our listeners some background about who you are and what you do yeah thank you i'm so glad to be here so i um i work with high level business women and i help them to use their feminine energy as their 10x growth strategy um and i i love this work i'm so passionate about about women having a whole full experience of life um which which was born from um you know me hitting my own rock bottom in so many ways and uh and feeling completely and utterly hopeless and then building back from that and looking around and recognizing like oh my gosh nothing is a fairy tale like i can have it all i can have whatever i want and then i just went after it and created it i love that i love that a lot actually that's uh that sounds like a lot of uh you know yes a lot of the philosophies that i have too so and it's just so funny though not funny but you know how often it has it requires a rock bottom right in order to have that just big shake up and perspective change so okay well tell me a little bit more though like what tell me a bit more about that journey like what what what what was the pathway that led you to doing this work that you're doing now so uh there's kind of two threads that i follow uh one is the relationship with money and the other is the relationship with my husband and family um and i i was raised uh in a really tumultuous childhood lots of abuse and drugs and addiction and um you know all kinds of stuff i ended up living with my aunt and uncle from 12 to 18 and uh and so uh you know coming from you know having experienced a ton of pain and then i jump right into a marriage very young i have a strong faith um and in in my religious practice you know there's a lot of emphasis on family so it was like regardless of the fact that everything inside of me says you can't trust people you should you know marriage is a fairy tale having a happy family you know didn't work out for you so you probably shouldn't do it again i was like i believe and i jumped right in at 20 years old my husband and i got married started having children right away had our first daughter at 21. wow um and we kept uh we were both in college we both graduated we we kept pursuing different business um endeavors um just brutal right because you already don't have a lot of money at that age and stage in your life and we're having children and we're going into debt for these business endeavors and having them just fail one after the other after the other so painful um and then about five years into our marriage um i i discovered that my husband had some really deep seated issues that he had kept hidden from me our whole marriage addiction and that meant lies and that felt like the deepest betrayal ever um and so we actually i i came to the point where i asked him to move out i had three kids ages four and under and uh the the baby was two months old i was like what the crap am i doing i'm still in my 20s i have three kids and i thought that like i was you know i'd put all my eggs into this basket and it was blowing up just the way that it had my whole childhood right um and so i came to this place where i was like i i don't care what my husband does i don't care what other people do around me i was not born to live a life of suffering i just know that there was something in me you know and so i started uh working on myself it was like regardless of what happens in my marriage or whatever you know the story with money has been up to this point i'm gonna go and i'm going to um find my happiness and uh you know that all sounds so glorious right my husband moved back in two and a half years of us trying to come back together and having it blow up and then kind of going okay get go back to your own lane he's working on him i'm working on me and we're raising these sweet children to finally come to the point uh where we both you know looked at each other one day and it was like oh my gosh i didn't know that this kind of connection existed and that's you know through that whole journey i had met a lot of women who were going through similar things to me women who had been cheated on women you know just so many different marital like heartbroken situations and i was like these women need to know that this is possible and so i find it so fascinating because we tried to do the money thing first and life taught us like you have to have you solid and your relationship solid if you want to make the money stuff successful and i don't you know i see people do it the other direction all the time but i do think at some point if your relationship stuff is out of whack it catches up to you and it can destroy businesses like it happens all the time you know so so i learned a big lesson in that journey that's amazing i mean that and thank you so much for sharing all of that because that i mean i'm sure to distill it down sounds like it was quite an epic journey but to distill it down into um just a couple of minutes of story but um yeah i mean that sounds absolutely life-changing and and certainly brought you to where you are today and and actually fast forward to today tell us you know what are you doing now like who who are you working with and i sort of got hints of it but tell me a bit more about who you help and and what are you helping them with now yeah so now i run a six-figure corporation nice amazing where i serve high-level business women and and it is that same philosophy it's um you know uh business women have they know they have to invest in themselves and they invest in a lot of business stuff right business coaching business strategy it's like whatever it's going to take um to make the business um big and expansive and visible and so that it can create the impact uh you know women um i love working with women who have big hearts about serving their community and and these are the kind of women who also tend to uh put their relationships on the back burner yeah because um because there's so much at stake it's like if i'm going to make you know an investment uh way in investment decision i know most women are going to invest into masculine strategy masculine business structure stuff before they invest in their heart their self-care their love their and and what happens is we end up with this huge imbalance and so um and and so i i had to learn that process in my own in my own journey and that's where i found kind of a passion helping those women i love that okay that's great so i mean because it obviously it came through your own journey with your husband but now you're able to bring that wisdom and everything that you learned and helping other women high achieving driven business owners who have been putting their relationships on the back burner i'm sure that many of our listeners can relate to everything that we're saying so okay let's talk about intimacy i would love to know you know what are the things that like the top things that keep uh business women and entrepreneurs from having a great you know intimate life for themselves and their partners so uh i think a couple of different things um come into play here uh one is often i think we think uh i have i have passed unresolved stuff um but actually what we say is well i already dealt with that i'm sure that's not affecting me anymore um or or on the flip side it's like i already did a bunch of therapy on that and so i'm not you know again i'm sure that's not affecting me anymore so uh especially when it comes to sexual stuff you know uh so so much can affect our ability to be open and receptive to pleasure and to physical connection and and all of that and so uh so so physical connection right can be one um one barrier another um another barrier is not ever feeling permission to be in our feminine energy so what i mean by that is like um you know the best example is like there's no time for all these feelings how inconvenient yeah and you know it's like okay i'm running a big corporation like where is there time for me to like break down and grieve what what i've lost or to you know feel the weight of the text that my partner just sent me or you know or um or even what happens is that it even prevents us from being able to fully be in our celebrations and our big moments and so and so we sort of like try to put that part of ourselves in a box and that comes from generations of living in a patriarchal society living where masculine energy has been honored and celebrated and um and kind of lifted up as the gold standard so so we don't really know what it looks like to be a full woman business owner it's like uh well there's weak women over here who aren't business owners or there's women who fit in this paradigm of the patriarchy and kind of have to compete with men and compete with the big dogs and act like them and where is that middle pendulum place right so but the thing is is we when we do that we lose touch with our true inner voice we lose touch with our power our ability to really run the business the way that we had first envisioned it when we when we got that seed of inspiration to do it in the first place right so uh so so that prevents that prevents us right all this cultural stuff that's like everywhere that maybe we don't even recognize we're just you know fed it every day right exactly yeah you typically we don't even recognize it because it's so pervasive like it's just so part of the culture and it's just so out there and i mean in terms of i was also thinking as you were talking in terms of role models like it's really hard to find um examples of women who are running their businesses and having a rewarding fulfilling beautiful family life too like that those things are it's really hard to find mentors and role models who are exhibiting those more feminine traits and i'll say the last thing that i see uh very often is um kind of tied to the other two true intimacy i define as into me see i didn't come up with that but um i love that i think it's so accurate well you know we think of intimacy we think of sex but it's so much more it's it's all these things and it's really about seeing into ourselves so that others can deeply see into us and so then we can deeply see into another you'll never be able to feel as intimately connected to someone else as uh you know deeper than what you've gone into yourself and vice versa so we feel this loneliness we want people to be in this with us we feel like i have to do everything on my own and whatever but the catch-22 is we're the ones putting up those walls yeah so so i see that a lot there's a fear of intimacy people are like terrified you know it's actually so beautiful it's always that uh that cliche right like the tiger in the closet and it just keeps getting louder and it's scratching at the door and then you open the door and it's like okay it hurts it's not great but the tiger is never as big as we say or as we think it is yeah that's so true i love that and i love that definition of intimacy that's very cool um i am curious about this and i'm sure that my listeners are curious and dying to know in fact too but i would love to know like how much do you focus on sex as an intimacy coach like what is that like for you so i would say probably all intimacy coaches approach this differently but i i come from a very conservative background and i look at sex as absolutely sacred um so like i yeah so you're not gonna you're not gonna end up coming into a container with me and we're not gonna explore your polyamorous relationship like i'm not gonna be the person to support somebody with that um i you know i just think monogamous um committed relationships are so beautiful and so typically the women who are attracted to me are women who have craved healing this part of themselves but have felt like there's not a safe space to talk about it when you talk with their girlfriends it kind of gets trashy right it's like well i didn't want to like dog on my husband or i didn't you know whatever right yes um we make light of it we make it a joke but really inside there's like deep stuff that we're like but i actually don't know maybe sometimes we don't even want to google it because we don't we don't know what we're going to find right it's just scary um but but you know we actually do end up focusing on it more more than uh you might think it ends up showing up more often because i think um even people will say to me oh we have sex all the time that's not really our issue right and then we get into it and it's like i just wish there was more depth i wish i wish it felt like we were actually seeing each other it feels robotic it's you know and it's like um i look at a marriage or a partnership and i think there's all this power and magic in a partnership and so i'm always kind of asking people are you harnessing that like do you feel that there's all this power in your partnership if you don't all that means is you haven't learned how to tap into it and sex becomes a powerful strategy for tapping into that power there which then ultimately obviously as a businesswoman is gonna like you're radiant all of a sudden you're all about your pleasure you're like you know parts are flying again and then you're of course going to go out and influence the world in a deeper way yeah well that i actually wanted to ask you about that because you had said you talked about 10xing um your success and using this as your tool i would actually love to know like you know from your experience and what you've seen like why is high level success in business dependent upon having those successful relationships and that true intimacy and like what is the correlation between those two things i'm so glad you asked um you know think and grow rich napoleon hill talks about this and everybody gets at this chapter and gets like i don't know what's happening here chapter 11 so if you have your think and grow rich what's funny is uh you may have a copy that has eliminated this chapter because no way oh my gosh i'm gonna have to go and take a look because yeah of course i've read that book like everyone right now yeah and i'm thinking i don't remember that so maybe i either glossed over it like he said everybody does or maybe mine doesn't even have that oh my gosh okay tell me all about this so fun so fun i mean there's so much i could say about this but i do love bringing in this book because everybody knows this book chapter 11 he talks about the emotion of sex um and he says that it's like he was reading a study um that had studied about this and had interviewed lots of people who were very successful and uh and asked them about their relationship to sex wow okay said that throughout time there was a correlation between people with um he called it highly developed sexual natures and being abundant and successful and you know it's right there before our noses i think i heard it for the first time and having been through all the trauma and messy stuff that i had been through i was probably just triggered and i was like i have no freaking idea what he's talking about and i'm just gonna like take whatever else i got out of the book and ignore this chapter yeah what's going on here you know but it really is it really is very uh very true and and here's how we bring this into real life right a woman comes to me um and she has focused solely on her business her whole life and she's been in and out of relationships um all all kind of failed attempts at not being lonely she keeps um dating guys who uh you know sort of fill that need they're comfortable it's like oh i need someone to be comfortable but then when the relationship gets hard or maybe he shows that he's actually pretty needy and stuff he's not super capable on his own you keep him around because he's got this comfort factor until it gets uncomfortable and then it's like look you're getting in the way of my business growth and so i'm gonna just you know just move into um my business deeper and let go and then you know this is her story over and over and over and then she starts to get older and she starts to realize the clock is ticking um you know i'm i'm mid-40s or i'm into my 50s and i'm worried now like maybe i'm not gonna be able to grow old with someone because i've had these priorities this whole time and i'm not super happy with the guy i'm with now and um and and sometimes she cannot she cannot break out of this mentality you know after living this way for this long like we know that we're not compartmentalized beings as women and i i look at i look at someone like that and i think and then she comes to me and she's got this checklist right like these are all the things that he needs to to fit and i just can't find someone who you know like hits all these things right and i'm like when was the last time you had a vulnerable conversation with somebody you dated well i don't really do that right when was the last and and so what ends up happening is she loses all her fulfillment and at the end of the day we have to ask ourselves like what's the point what's what's the point of all the business success and all the even all the people you're helping if you aren't truly happy in your in your heart in yourself it's a good question to ask and i don't think that we ask it nearly enough of ourselves right because it's just and it's so easy because it's just head down keep going keep building growing doing the things doing doing doing without ever lifting your head up and saying well what is the big purpose here like why am i even doing this if i'm not happy so i love that you help women to really connect those pieces together for themselves and and that it's not just about focusing on building your business but it's an and kind of thing it's not like either i work on my relationships or i work on my business but really by working on both you get to elevate both and what's super cool and you know so sometimes i'll get i'll get a woman will come to me and she'll be like well i know i need to work on my marriage like i've been focusing on my business so long and now our communication is super like strained and we're just not as close as we once were and so this year i will work on my marriage and i'm like ugh just feel heavy and awful and i think that sometimes again when we're so business oriented we're in that masculine energy space all the time we just start to look at everything in our life as a checklist of things and people that need us and the resentment builds and builds and builds and it doesn't it doesn't have to be that way your business can be in service of your joy your clients can even be in service of your joint your husband can be in service of your joy your kids can be in service of your joy it's just a matter of shifting the perspective so when women start working with me typically what happens is they start um you know first it's kind of this scary process it sort of can feel like i'm guiding them off of a cliff into the dark what are we doing but they just start to feel more and listen to their heart more and they start to um you know even people who have done a lot of personal development a lot of the consciousness and mindset world is also masculine oriented it's like task oriented like you need to um kind of like lasso your ego and get it to conform to your higher vibe or to your up level or whatever it still is very masculine a lot of times we still bypass this ability to be intimate with ourselves right so she comes in she starts doing this work with me she starts to feel uh feel her feelings more she starts to listen to her heart more and then she starts to see things differently and it's so fun because you know a lot of times women will will completely rearrange um how they have done things they start to see possibilities that they just weren't even able to see before because they're like they like pull their heart out and they're like okay how would you do it right so a lot a lot of my clients hire uh and delegate more in their teams um you know they come in and they're like oh and now i see that i was still holding on to this thing that i should be doing all right you know or this gap over here that i've been avoiding or whatever they start hiring more supports they start hiring more support in their home um and uh and and then a lot of times they become you know more relationship oriented so a lot of times women will make more money because they're just taking more time to like you know listen to their intuition that says hey you should reach out to so and so today um and tell them about what you're up to right and it's all of a sudden you know leading to sales so many things like this happen then you know it's fun too when she's married because she starts to shift into this uh really it's her goddess energy and i actually believe that like she's finding her true self and she starts to shift into that and a lot of times the husband will be like wow and i i had a client once her husband bought her a tesla right off the lot when he had not bought her any gifts of any kind for years um and i had another client her um husband spent around 10k on her one christmas again when he previously hadn't bought her gifts in years and she had like kind of like harped and complained and like you why don't you buy me gifts and you know you know i don't care whatever she starts doing this stuff and her goddess energy and just uh you know money just starts flowing in and opportunities start flowing in and what we find is and this is i believe what's happening in a in a bigger scheme in our society in the wor world right now is uh the masculine way of doing things served us but it's not serving us the way that it used to it's not working the way that it used to and it's harder it's actually way harder um you know when you have felt like your business is like pushing a boulder up a hill and never reaching the top it doesn't have to feel that way so they start to tap into this feminine and it's like you become a sorceress oh i love that yeah why you create what you want i love it i love it that is so good um you know i'm finding myself feeling really curious about your story melissa like just a little bit more about your own business because of course like many of my listeners are in the process of building their coaching businesses and you clearly have a very successful coaching business and i just wonder if you'd be willing to share a little bit about how you yourself built that success like was there anything that you did in particular that helped you or made a big difference in your trajectory of your business um yes let's see here uh what would i say has been um so i was born i think blessed with i'm using these words very strategically sensitivity like i am a feeling person this is why i do what i do right um i'm a feeling person i can't i actually can't compartmentalize um when i used to live in masculine energy so so much i was miserable on antidepressants and um suicidal thoughts and ideation and you know really like i cannot live and exist like that and so uh throughout my business journey um because as a as a again as a business woman we are like you know just put into this whole um patriarchal thing and we and we have to women like me who who you know yes i have a strong willpower and i'm actually really good at doing what people tell me to do and i prefer that it's easier it's way harder to sit and listen and dig into my intuition right but when i do that i'm not fulfilled when i'm not happy and so this has been the key through my whole journey is um you know learning business tools business strategies um certainly taking certifications all kinds of stuff like that for client fulfillment and how to really help people get from a to b and um but but you know learning sales calls learning um you know how to generate cold leads and all that kind of stuff right learning the how and then it's this process of uh in human design i'm a manifesting generator bringing it in feeling into what actually works and then moving forward with the strategy that actually works for me and it's been uh it's kind of a brutal process because again like everything comes from this masculine structured like achievement do it every day and you'll have success and space um you know pressure sales all this kind of stuff and uh and and so what i have done is try it like i try it i plunge myself in and i will commit and i give myself a time frame like okay um you know in fact you know at one point it was like okay i'm gonna do this for a whole year just as my coaches have said oh i don't really recommend that a year was a long time it is a long time but um you know commit and do the thing and really learn it so you can say i know how to do that and i'm very good at it and then you go back to your heart and it's like now now heart teach me out of everything that i know uh intuition you know teach me guide me what's my divine way of doing this thing how do i generate cold leads how do i nurture my warm leads how do i structure my business what programs do i want to offer because it fuels me it lights me up and i get excited about it and it's been that um kind of uh almost like a teeter-totter balancing right of like learning the things and then coming back to my heart and and it was just in 2021 when i really um you know got to this point where following all the shoulds and to do's as a coach just started to feel like um it was crushing me and so i really again had to dig deep in and i think at this point i know the strategies like i don't need to continue to hire more strategy coaches i need uh people just to remind me to go back to my own inner wisdom use the tools that i already have and create my own uh my own journey right because we're always having to pivot the markets always changing and you know thankfully my intuition knows just what to do every single time it's amazing you know i just i absolutely love that approach like that whole philosophy and as you were talking about it it reminded me and i'm hoping i don't know if i'm correct about the the particular artist i feel like it was picasso who said something like you have to learn the rules in order to then go on and break the rules something like that you know i'm probably butchering it and i might entirely have the artist wrong so if any listeners have know what quote i'm talking about and know the exact artist then let me know but um it's that kind of idea like just exactly what you described that whole process of yes you've gotta you know learn the strategies learn the tactics the masculine stuff the structures the checklists all those to do's and tasks and then not just kind of let yourself off the hook by not actually trying it like i love that you had the commitment to go in for a full year on various strategies but yeah i mean you've really got to run it through your system and then but that's not the end of the story right i think that a lot of people probably give up i think they probably are like oh well i tried that and it didn't work instead of what you described much more beautiful intuitive process after that because that's just sort of the beginning and then you kind of sink in and be like okay well what worked about that and how did that make me feel and why didn't that work for me or you know whatever it is that you have to whatever your process is of making it your own and then you can break those rules and go off script and do your own thing because you have gone through that learning process and discovery process i love that and i think what i would add to that is especially for beginner entrepreneurs um and if you're aware of masculine feminine energy like there's a lot of up-and-coming um uh entrepreneurs that i see you know um who know that they don't want to do things in the old masculine paradigm but then as a result they really struggle to create any systems or structure for their business and the the thing about um being in our feminine is we have to have masculine support it's a it's a river and a riverbed um without the without the riverbed the water just will go everywhere right like i picture like water droplets everywhere in the universe or something like it's scattered it doesn't know where to go but with the riverbed in place the water can flow it can flow abundantly it can flood and it just goes and goes and goes right and that's what we want our business to feel like and so and so we create masculine structures right we create systems and things we need all of that stuff and then we can uh the problem though is that we rely on those so so much that we forget about the flow of the river we forget to nurture that flow and add to it and and be in the flow and receive the flow um so so we need both yes i'm gonna start a business just by you know sitting under a tree and meditating and you know thinking clients are going to show up that's not going to happen but it when you create the systems and structures and then you don't go sit under the tree you're making it way harder for yourself so it's both yeah i love that analogy that's perfect the river and the riverbed that's really great um you know this has just been such a great conversation melissa and i can see that we are just about out of time um before we wrap up i do want to hear all your all of your details in terms of where listeners can go to connect with you but before we do that like any final words of wisdom like one or two you know final takeaways to give our listeners i think what i would share is we're so abundant i think that especially as women we feel like we have to reach so far to be something that we're not to be successful and to prove lots of that proving energy right our ancestors and our dna says like who are you really and so we feel this intense pressure to go out and serve and help and and and it's got its light side and it's got its shadow side and uh the truth is like all of that abundance is already right inside of us it's actually in our stillness in the spaces in between when there isn't a big success happening or there isn't a lot of noise or chaos it's right there and if we don't feel that all that means is that we haven't done whatever is needed to heal and clear away the space so we can feel that abundance in the spaces in between because it really is ours it is it is who we already are um that's the perfect note to end on that was just beautiful thank you melissa for sharing that and thank you for sharing so many just pieces of wisdom and just so many beautiful ideas to send us out into the world with so i mean like i said though before we go tell us where we can go to learn more about you and your work and connect with you yes please come to my website melissa melissakenan.com and i have a free intimacy guide there that is a beautiful way to just get started in your own process and journey certainly i love talking about this but what i love even more is is people sharing from their own heart and hearing what's inside of uh you know your heart um your intimacy and your journey and so this begins you right away um into you know kind of like here's the situation what am i feeling what am i what am i valuing what is this guiding me towards and then how do i actually create intimacy with another person about this situation um so i definitely recommend go in there get on to get a copy of the intimacy guide and that will bring you into my email list and stuff to keep you up to date with what's uh happening and then i also run a free women's community it's called women manifesting intimacy again for high level business women who uh who want a space to be their whole self not their compartmentalized business self and look that up women manifesting intimacy on facebook oh amazing and i will put all of those links in the show notes for sure so that people can easily find you because this has just been so it's been such a pleasure thank you so much melissa have an amazing day thank you so much i hope that you enjoyed watching that and i hope that you are feeling freshly inspired to pay attention to what is happening in your personal life and what's happening in your relationships i would actually love to know what your one big takeaway was from today so let me know in the comments below and let's have a conversation now this video was of course focused on your intimate and romantic relationships but there's another kind of relationship that's worth talking about and that's the relationship that you have with other women in your community your fellow health and wellness entrepreneurs and your peers and colleagues basically your tribe and this is especially important for entrepreneurs because let's face it it can be pretty lonely on this journey and having a community of like-minded women who have got your back who are supporting you and cheering you on as well as being a reliable source of information and advice it can make a huge difference there is no need to do this alone and so if you are looking for a true sisterhood of women who are also building meaningful businesses in the wellness space then you are going to love what i'm creating for you i can't reveal all the details right now but what i'm putting together is a membership for wellness coaches and entrepreneurs to give us all the community and the connection that we crave in addition to all the business expertise and know-how that we need now if that sounds interesting to you then go ahead and follow the link in the description box below to add your name to the waitlist and you will be the first to know when all the juicy details become available alright that is a wrap for today as always i hope that you enjoyed this video and that you have an amazing week and i will talk to you again very soon you
2022-02-10 03:45
